Jump to content

Reasonable or being precious?


  • Please log in to reply
91 replies to this topic

#1 Faradaye

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

My DH and I used to host a weekly family dinner.

Attendees were DH and I, our two girls, my mum (who would travel up once a week from 1.5 hours away) and my brother and his wife (who live locally).

Some of the time my SIL was doing a special program at the gym and so was following a special diet.  When she was on the program she would bring her own meal, a microwave bag of vegetables and a tin of tuna.

My DH does most of the cooking and as this was a weekly casual family dinner it wasn't like he was cooking a three course gourmet meal each week.  Regular meals included stuff like lasagna or spaghetti bolognaise or a curry.  Things our kids like and as my mum was undergoing chemo DH used to send leftovers home with her.

My brother and his wife stopped coming to the meals and I found out it was because he completely cracked it with us for not serving more healthy meals.  He never mentioned it, or offered to bring a salad or anything (he used to bring a bottle of wine each week but no other contribution).

He felt our meals were excluding his wife and we weren't making enough effort to cater for her.

He has now stated he wants a commitment from DH and I that if we invite him to our house for a meal we must provide either vegetables or a salad, suitably healthy, as part of the meal, or he will again be dreadfully offended by our selfishness.

I personally feel if you are a guest at someone's house you eat what you are given without complaining as the menu is secondary to actually spending time with friends / family.

My brother's quote about it was 'there has to be more effort made than you just get what you get.'

Is my brother being precious?  Or am I being selfish and unreasonable in thinking my standard family meals should be fine?

#2 cinnabubble

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:49 PM

I think he's being ridiculous. He can host dinner if he feels that strongly about it.

#3 JRA

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:51 PM

I think there is a bit of both. I would find it odd to have every meal without vegies or a salad. So yes, I think it is odd what you were feeding every week,=.

On the other side, I suppose why didn't the others suggest - can we bring a salad, or something like that.

#4 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:51 PM

I think your brother is being extremely rude! If they aren't interested in eating what you cook and spending time with your family, they can bugger off and eat at home mad.gif

#5 Still-here!

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:52 PM

Rude!

I don't think I'd want to be the one to cook each week, why not take turns?

#6 mocha444

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

Ask them to bring along a salad each week instead of wine.

#7 Mamabug

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

I think you are both being a bit stubborn.

You knew your SIL was eating healthy, yet couldn't even throw together a salad or serve of veg for her? Sure, it is her lifestyle choice, but you are family, you take that into consideration.

He however is a pillock for being offended, but also being too much of a git to speak up about it.

#8 Mamacass2

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:53 PM

He is being unreasonable. Whenever I have been on a strict diet or lite n easy or whatever I have either taken my own to people's houses or eaten what I am given. You are being generous providing the food they have no right to complain.

#9 kiwi-girl

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

It really annoys me when  people throw a tantrum when they could have raised an issue in a reasonable manner. Why not make future dinners pot luck so everyone contributes or take turns to host? It sounds like you have been really generous with a weekly family dinner.

#10 Acidulous Osprey

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

I think he could have brought something healthier than a bottle of wine.  Like a huge salad or a huge vege dish that his wife could eat.

#11 kadoodle

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:54 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 02/01/2013, 09:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think he's being ridiculous. He can host dinner if he feels that strongly about it.


This.

What's so unhealthy about what you were cooking?  Spag bol and lasagne are meat, veg and pasta with some cheese on top.  What's wrong with that?  

Salad and a tin of tuna is unsustainable IME.  Your SIL needs to pull her head out her a*se.

#12 mum201

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

Your brother is being rude. When you go to someone's house you eat what is served, don't go or byo if family and they understand your strict regime. But on the other hand surely you would make some sort of veggies to go with dinner?

#13 Mootmoot

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

I'd have a problem with people coming to my house and making demands - and giving me an ultimatum about it.

However, a couple of years ago I did a weightloss program and really appreciated my friends and family who helped me out with it.

Perhaps you could compromise that every second week they could bring a salad or bowl of steamed veg for everyone?  And you could look at making sure your meals are fairly healthy and low-fat - that would benefit everyone.

#14 credence

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:55 PM

It wouldn't kill you to do some veggies or a nice salad.

YES - he's being a bit of a brat, but looking at the big picture, it would just be easier to say, "OK brother, I didn't realise I was being rude, of course I'll include a healthy option."

#15 casime

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:56 PM

I generally say eat what you get, but if I regularly had someone coming who was on a very stright diet, then I'd probably make an effort to provide a salad or somethingbthey (and everyone else) can eat, just like I would with allergies, or even food prefernces.  Even if I were serving lasagne or spaghetti, it's not hard to throw a salad on the table, even if it's a prepackaged woolies version.

Have you asked him and sil to provide a salad for the table each week? That would seem like the most logical solution.

#16 laridae

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

So you guys were footing the bill for the dinners every week & doing the cooking?  And he's complaining about what you serve?

Well, easy answer is, everyone (who can), provides a dish to share, that will split the costs, and everyone has something they like to eat.  Otherwise, alternate who hosts.
Sounds like its their turn for quite a few weeks...

#17 Ange

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:57 PM

I think tone and the right choice of words could have made this situation a hell of a lot better.

I can understand where the brother is coming from, I get that he wants to have the opportunity to eat a salad/vegies with his meal but he could have gone about it in a polite way.

He could bring a salad to share as you stated.

I know if I was trying to stay off carbs and every week was served lasagne, spaghetti and other carb heavy meals I would prob offer to bring something too.

For the sake of the family, I wouldn't cause a rift between you and your brother over a salad.

Yes he is being a little rude, but if it were me, I'd keep the peace and try to accomodate and make a salad original.gif

#18 i-candi

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

Just tell him that one week will be at his house where he can serve all the vegetables and salad he wants and one week at your house where you can serve what you want.

Although every week without a vegetable or salad??? I find that unusual and my kids would love it if I didn't serve it but I do and they eat it.

#19 Funwith3

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

A bit of both....he could have offered to bring a salad if it was going to be a deal breaker to the weekly dinners.

However, I think you need to make allowances for your guests if you really want them to come (and I assume you want them to enjoy their meal). If you know they're trying to be very healthy, and if you know they specifically want veggies or salad with their meal, is it that hard for you to accommodate their wishes?

Don't make a big deal of it. Just put together a salad.



#20 Faradaye

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:58 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 02/01/2013, 09:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think there is a bit of both. I would find it odd to have every meal without vegies or a salad. So yes, I think it is odd what you were feeding every week,=.

On the other side, I suppose why didn't the others suggest - can we bring a salad, or something like that.


Fair point but perhaps I wasn't clear.  We eat plenty of vegetables.  Bolognaise will have grated carrot and zucchini in it, our curries are full of vegies, and sometimes we absolutely served the old meat and three veg meals.

I guess for my DH cooking for a larger group he found it easier to make a big pot of something so it did tend to be that sort of thing.

#21 Ruf~Feral~es

Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:59 PM

QUOTE (JRA @ 02/01/2013, 06:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think there is a bit of both. I would find it odd to have every meal without vegies or a salad. So yes, I think it is odd what you were feeding every week,=.

On the other side, I suppose why didn't the others suggest - can we bring a salad, or something like that.

Yep, this..

I've been doing a low-carb thing for a while, and have lost a fair bit of weight, so I'm motivated and trying to stick to it.  A good friend has lost a lot with weight watchers.  When she comes over, I always put together a plate of veges,dips etc that she and I both like.  And the kids love it too.  When I go there, she will accommodate me to.

We both find we are able feed our families together, and have choices for both of us.  

If your standard family means no regular vegetables/salads etc, then you are doing them a disservice, not to mention your brother/sil.  

But they need to chill out a bit too, an offer to bring something to share/contribute.

Really not worth a family war, though.

#22 Mootmoot

Posted 02 January 2013 - 09:02 PM

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 02/01/2013, 09:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
This.

What's so unhealthy about what you were cooking?  Spag bol and lasagne are meat, veg and pasta with some cheese on top.  What's wrong with that?  

Salad and a tin of tuna is unsustainable IME.  Your SIL needs to pull her head out her a*se.

Depends how you make it, really.  We now make a pretty healty lasagne with loads of vegies and low-fat mince and low-fat ricotta instead of white sauce and very little cheese, and have it with a green salad.  But we used to make one chock full of meat and cheese and white sauce and have it with garlic bread.  There's a reason I used to be over 30kg heavier!  It doesn't hurt anyone to have healthier options available.

#23 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 02 January 2013 - 09:02 PM

.

Edited by lifehacker, 13 January 2013 - 11:34 AM.


#24 AnnBB

Posted 02 January 2013 - 09:02 PM

Your brother carrying on and making demands is rude. I have no  problems with him wanting more healthy options though and I have no problems if he were to raise it politely with you. Shame he didn't do this though and instead made a 'thing' out of it.
Why don't you try to mix up the dinners a little bit and let them know in advance what you are having and they can bring a suitable side dish to share?

#25 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 02 January 2013 - 09:05 PM

Your brother is being a gronk.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.