Jump to content

Things you are glad you did before you started a family


  • Please log in to reply
63 replies to this topic

#1 Cirrus

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:41 PM


Hi Everyone,
Hoping you're willing to share some reflections to shape my new years resolutions for what might be the last year before we start a family.
When you look back at the few years before you started a family, maybe you're glad now that you took the time to travel or save money or just party, instead of doing other things. With the perspective you have now, what are you glad about having done in those child-free years (or wish you had done!) and why?
Happy NY!

#2 IsolaBella

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:45 PM

Travel, go to the movies.
Save Money.

#3 wizzbef

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:46 PM

Pay off debt

#4 Lucrezia Borgia

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:47 PM

Travelled with my DH....America, England, France, Italy, Ireland, Skiing in Switzerland, Tahiti.....we could eat out, visit museums, galleries, walk around and take in the sights without having to worry about whether the kids are getting bored/tired/hungry/whingey for no reason....we travel now with kids, but we tend to go to beaches, resort with pools and amusement parks, so a different vibe all together ...

I'm glad I got my law degree pre kids and worked for ten years or so so I could establish my career....I can't study with young children and getting my foot in the door meant I could negotiate good maternity leave arrangements and good return to work arrangements

I'm glad we bought our house pre kids.

Edited by Lucretia Borgia, 02 January 2013 - 02:54 PM.


#5 SplashingRainbows

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:49 PM

Complete all my professional qualifications
Purchase our home
Build up our savings


Whilst I am glad I have done some travel I feel more secure with day to day housing and savings. If all goes to plan we will travel with children when they are older, and after they leave home. We are holidaying at the moment and there are so many wonderful things we have at home that I miss. I am so grateful for the things we do have to make our lives at home easier.

#6 IVL

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:53 PM

Travel and work/study hard. Also pay as much of our house as possible. I would hate to be juggling new parent hood with study comittments or financial stress. We are thankfully in position where we have been able to negotiate fleixable and favourable working conditions because of our ealrier loyality and aquired knowledge in our professions.

#7 (feral)epg

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:54 PM

I should absolutely NOT be reading a thread like this when due in 5 weeks!
I'm glad I
- held out long enough to meet the right partner!
- found an interesting and financially rewarding career - and proved that I am more than capable of supporting myself financially (makes me a little more comfortable about choosing to be a SAHM for at least the next 6 months)
- did the crazy youth stuff - all night raves, backpacking with little to no money, drinking far too much - I've done it and I'm over it and won't regret not being able to do it again.
- was in really good shape physically before getting pregnant - means I trust my body to be able to get rid of the baby weight and get back to something approaching normal again.
- developed good relationships with family and friends because I know I'll need their support in the coming years.



#8 noi'mnot

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:56 PM

Running away on holidays, overseas and local, at the drop of a hat (doing anything at the drop of a hat, really...).

Finishing the gazillion years of uni study that I did (can you tell from my grammar how qualified I am?).

Spending lots of lovely time with my partner - lazy days in bed, evenings walking on the beach, weekends away, snuggling on the couch, etc.

We bought a house before having kids but that's not such a big issue for me. The others are much more important.

#9 elle-M

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:56 PM

Definitely glad my DH and I owned our own home (with a mortgage of course) before we had kids. We stretched ourselves financially to sell our two and upgrade to a bigger house and if we hadn't done it then, we could never have done it. We find ways to make it work on only one income, and it's really important to me that I teach our children financial responsiblity and independence.

Also I'm glad my DH and I had a good education and went to uni, however you can still study with kids (we're both doing our Masters at the moment so it's possible... but challenging!).

The rest pales in comparison to how wonderful it is to have children wub.gif Good luck, it's such an exciting time you have ahead!

Edited by elle-M, 02 January 2013 - 02:57 PM.


#10 Banana Pancakes

Posted 02 January 2013 - 02:59 PM

But I am grateful that I owned a car outright, had some qualifications, a steady job and I had no debt.

Edited by Banana Pancakes, 15 June 2014 - 02:27 PM.


#11 IsolaBella

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:02 PM

Should add had finished studying, firmly in our careers, purchased our house too.

We have also gone travelling os since kids, but it is different.... 90 mins at the louvre rather then 8 hrs wink.gif

#12 amabanana

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:05 PM

I'm glad we bought a house, got married and traveled the world.   We are starting to travel more again but it's so different doing it with kids.  And more expensive!  2-4 times the airfares/accommodation/food/entry fees etc and no staying in dodgy backpackers in the red light district.  wink.gif


#13 SophieBear

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

I'm glad I found the right guy to have children with.

I'm glad I travelled, bought a house and I'm glad I enjoyed childless married life for a while. I'm also glad I trained my dog well enough for children and established her house rules before little feet arrive.

I wish I had studied/established a career but I wish I had done that before buying a house and having to commit to a mortgage anyway.

#14 Elizabethandfriend

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:06 PM

I'm glad we managed to travel a little (including Europe which is hard to do with kids) and had bought our own home.   I'm also glad we had a fair few years to cement our relationship before kids came along.

#15 Cirrus

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:10 PM

QUOTE (lsolaBella @ 02/01/2013, 04:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
We have also gone travelling os since kids, but it is different.... 90 mins at the louvre rather then 8 hrs wink.gif



Arg! OK that's the scariest notion so far besides the prospect of juggling financial stress with new motherhood mentioned in a few replies. Which are sort of contradictory in terms of do I blow savings on travel or tuck as much as possible away...

All these replies are really interesting and much more useful that the nebulous advice from older generation not to rush into having babies. Thank you



#16 Natttmumm

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:12 PM

Spent 8 weeks in Europe, bought a house, established my career.

#17 bambiigrrl

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:13 PM

if i were you i would enjoy alone time with your husband, as its hard to come by once you have kids! Thats something my dh and i miss, being able to do stuff together on the spur of the moment, like fishing, camping, parties etc, plus just laying in bed all day making love on a sunday...thats something we often fantasise about which will probaly never happen again lol!

I am glad i didnt have kids too young and got all my partying out of my system and was ready to settle down.

#18 ms flib

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:27 PM

I wish I'd done more before I had kids but I'm also glad I had them when I did!

Whenever you do it there will not be time to do the things you used to do!!

I would - go to the movies, sleep in, read the paper, go out to dinner, have friends over. Enjoy for now walking out of the house without a baby sitter, a nappy bag, a sipper cup, a school bag, a swimming bag etc etc. Talk to each other!!!!



#19 Jekaho

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:32 PM

So glad we travelled (even if some of it was because of work - we worked together). Although we've still been able to travel a fair bit with bub, it's different. Not as leisurely.

We weren't in a position to (and still aren't) but if we could have, I'd like to have bought a house, so that we have a decent yard.

#20 livvie7586

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:36 PM

QUOTE (ms flib @ 02/01/2013, 04:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wish I'd done more before I had kids but I'm also glad I had them when I did!

Whenever you do it there will not be time to do the things you used to do!!

I would - go to the movies, sleep in, read the paper, go out to dinner, have friends over. Enjoy for now walking out of the house without a baby sitter, a nappy bag, a sipper cup, a school bag, a swimming bag etc etc. Talk to each other!!!!


All this OP.  I was 19 when i fell pregnant with DS1, so the only thing i really got to do before having him was finish high school (DH and i had been together 2.5 years when i fell pregnant, so i was very happy it hadn't happened a year or so earlier), but the things i missed (or miss, i've had a bit of freedom the last year or so, but with DS2 due in 12 weeks things will be changing again) were the basic enjoying life things (not that you don't enjoy life with kids, it just changes)

#21 liveworkplay

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:37 PM

Lived overseas and also backpacked around the world. I know a lot of people say they will travel after kids but it's not the same. I am looking forward to traveling extensively again when the kids move out but I will never travel the same, do the same things and take the same risks now. Also this was pre sept 11, so travel is just not the same nowdays.

#22 Beancat

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:37 PM

Found the right partner (got divorved from the man I thought I would have kids with and met the love of my life)

Ran my own business

Went to uni

Got a good job/career and achieved within it

Bought and sold several houses

Partying

Good expensive holidays in Australia

Biggest regret - not travelling OS

#23 baddmammajamma

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:38 PM

I met my husband at 35 and had my first baby at 37 -- would have loved to have done both earlier -- but looking back, there were some benefits.

I'm actually glad that I had time to:

* Date a bunch of unworthy guys before settling down with one who was a keeper -- I think the experiences helped me realize what qualities were truly "must haves" and which were not

* Finish my education and establish my career (and build enduring professional network and skills). It's a lot easier to do both when you only have yourself to focus on!

* Establish good financial habits (though these came later in the game for me -- I credit my husband with helping me in this department) and have good savings

* Travel, travel, travel -- both when I was single and when I was first married

* Run my first, last & only marathon -- my body is shot now, and I doubt I could do it again. In the same vein, I'm glad I did a lot of scuba diving and daring stuff -- I am much more risk averse now that I am a mother!

* Build a diverse friendship network, including people who don't have kids themselves. Once I started having kids, I found it more challenging to bust out of the mommy circles (as nice as my fellow moms/mums are)

#24 gemgirl

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:45 PM

Was with the right partner. Two previous partners wanted kids and I am so pleased i said no.

Studied and completed every degree I ever wanted

Became financially secure and in a point in my career where I am well respected, so time off hasn't been an issue

Own our own home (well, mortgaged)

Travelled alone in my 20s and together as a couple

Lots of movies and parties sitting chatting til 4am

Read lots of books

I am thrilled I did all these things and feel very set up now. But I am in my late 30s and had fertility issues. Pregnancy hasn't been easy. In contrast I know people in Givernment housing, pregnant and happy in their 20s. Handling pregnancy much easier than me and had no need for IVF. You do what you do. I was happy to not have kids, til I was in a really happy relationship. Others desperately want kids, regardless

Edited by gemgirl, 02 January 2013 - 03:46 PM.


#25 IsolaBella

Posted 02 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

QUOTE (Cirrus @ 02/01/2013, 04:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Arg! OK that's the scariest notion so far besides the prospect of juggling financial stress with new motherhood mentioned in a few replies. Which are sort of contradictory in terms of do I blow savings on travel or tuck as much as possible away...

All these replies are really interesting and much more useful that the nebulous advice from older generation not to rush into having babies. Thank you



90 mins was with nearly 2yo, 4 yo and 6 yo plus MIL who had painful gout in her feet. DH and I had done Paris previously, so I had already spent days in the Louvre pre kids. It is just a different type if travel.

DH and I did 10 days in Paris in 1999, very different to 10 days with the troupe outlines above.... But enjoyable still. I love how my kids a year on can see the Eiffel Tower or Monarch Lisa and connect it to their Paris trip..




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.