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2nd attempt at TT
should I wait till he's showing real signs?

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17 replies to this topic

#1 Akeyo

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:57 PM

DS2 is 2.4yrs and showing absolutely no signs of being ready for or remotely interested in TT. We have had one attempt already at 2.2yrs - he was showing lots of signs then, interest in the toilet and the potty, telling me when he'd soiled his nappy, wanting to take his nappy off etc. We did it for 5 days but it was just constant accidents and he was refusing to go near the potty. I was also suffering horrid MS (I know, what was I thinking!) so we figured it wasn't the right time and put him back in nappies.

Now I'm wondering when will be the right time to try again.

We TT DS1 at 26 mths (daytrained) with great success, using the 3-day potty training method. By day 2, he was beginning to tell me (in his own way) he needed to go even though he still had lots of accidents. I could see that he got it and from that point on it was just practice. Every kid is different of course but there was no such moment with DS2 in those 5 days. He seemed to have no idea he was about to wee, it would just take him by surprise. There were no cues to read at all.

Now most would say at this point that he's just not ready and fair enough but I suspect that he is going to be a much trickier customer than his brother. DS2 is very clingy and attached to me and to be honest I think he is perfectly happy with me changing him and cleaning him up, attending to him so to speak. I can't see him giving that up without a fight, regardless of how old he is!

I am also 23 weeks pregnant and would really love to have him TT by the time the baby comes (due end of April). Plus I don't really want to be TT in winter. I know it's quite common for kids not to TT until at least 3 (which will be Sept for him) but he will start preschool in Jan 2014 and has to be TT by then. I don't really like the idea of leaving it till the last minute.

So should I just bite the bullet and have another crack while the weather is warm and I don't have baby#3 in the mix? Even though he is showing NO signs of interest or readiness anymore? Or should I just wait until he is? Has anyone had success TT without any signs, and just gone by age? I must admit, the thought of repeating those looong 5+ days watching him like a hawk and cleaning up mess after mess is not exactly garnering much enthusiasm (or maybe I'm just feeling fat, pregnant and very lazy!).

Any advice most welcome!

#2 lizzzard

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:12 PM

I might not be the best person to respond but my view is that you simply can't dictate when a child will TT. We had many TT attempts with DS from the age of 2.5yr and he finally trained completely at just over 4 - it happened in one day, with no dramas, very few accidents and no fuss. He is small and very attached to me too...but I think at the end of the day he just needed to be ready and no amount of pleading, wrangling, rewards etc from us, daycare, his GPs etc would help until that time original.gif

Edited by lizzzard, 01 January 2013 - 06:14 PM.

#3 Marchioness Flea

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:18 PM

I've not even attempted TT with my 2yr old(3 in April) but I do know that he might regress when the baby comes and you'll be back at square one again anyway.

Not much help sorry, but be aware that even if it DOES work this time, once the baby comes it might go backwards.

#4 MsFeralPerthFembo

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:32 PM

QUOTE (Akeyo @ 01/01/2013, 04:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am also 23 weeks pregnant and would really love to have him TT by the time the baby comes (due end of April). Plus I don't really want to be TT in winter. I know it's quite common for kids not to TT until at least 3 (which will be Sept for him) but he will start preschool in Jan 2014 and has to be TT by then. I don't really like the idea of leaving it till the last minute.

I've heard that it's very common for a recently TT child to regress with the introduction of a new sibling, so I personally would probably wait until September. This still gives you 4 months to TT before starting preschool and with him being older it will likely be easier and quicker than trying it now since you're not having much success.

Also at 23 weeks pg I expect you'll start getting bigger, slower and more uncomfortable soon! Will be difficult to respond fast enough to the "I have to pee right this second" type urgency.

A friend of mine was recently in a similar situation, her child was close but not quite TT when second bub came along. Unfortunately she just wasnt able to finish off the training while dealing with a newborn too, so her DS was put back in nappies for few months till she had more time/patience to focus on him. She said she wished she had just waited and done it all in one go after bub came along....

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Edited by JBaby, 01 January 2013 - 06:33 PM.

#5 nen-c

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:51 PM

If it were me I'd have him outside in no nappies for a couple of days with no 'potty pressure' and see if he starts to get it at all. If he is still showing no signs or awareness I'd not bother, but keep the outside nappy off time up & perhaps he will make some progress over the next few weeks.
FWIW I trained my almost 2 yr old 3-4 months before his baby sister arrived and he did not regress when she was born.
Good luck

#6 whale-woman

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:00 PM

If you have the energy why not give it a go.

My DD was TT just past 2 and was accident free for months then regressed (went on strike and would wet herself in front of you after telling you she needed to pee but she refused to go near the toilet.) when I had bad MS. This lasted afew weeks - but felt like a lot longer.... Now she's accident free but we'll see how she goes when bub is born in 6 weeks. She's also night trained which I'm loving.

The point is maybe last time was not a great time to do it and maybe your DS will regress later, maybe not, but so be it. It is lovely to not have to deal with nappies and it's likely you have more energy now than you will fôr quite a while. I'd also hate to TT in Winter.Why not let him run bare bottomed in the yard and see if you can get him using the potty. If it doesn't work you've had a bit of extra hosing to do and a few loads of washing. DD responded well to bribery with smarties or stickers so maybe get some rewards going.

ETA Even if a kid regresses I don't see it as them losing the skill and needing you to start over with the TT. More like they're dealing with other issues and when they've sorted that issue out they will then readily be able to recommence with the prior skill they had.

Edited by whale-woman, 01 January 2013 - 07:14 PM.

#7 honeyjoy2

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:05 PM

My DS was a tricky customer also. He was eventually trained (day time only) at 3. I knew he was ready, it was more a case of him being stubborn! So we told him that big boys wear underpants and use the toilet when they turn 3 and just took the nappies away.

We'd tried to train him around the 20 month mark as I was expecting baby #2 and I didn't want two in nappies, but it was such a traumatic day for us all (yes, we only lasted one day!) that we decided to wait until after the baby was born. Lots of people told us he'd probably regress anyway so all in all I'm glad we waited. And having two in nappies wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Good luck  original.gif

#8 nicknick

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:15 PM

I guess no harm trying him again, but I wouldn't force it too much - I also had that pressure on myself at a similar age/pregnancy and it was driving me mad. My DS just wasn't ready, hadn't made that connection so no amount of me trying was going to change that. He is now 3.3 and is doing really well with the TT, but I think had I really tried to force the point with him last year we would be having a very different battle now. I think you have to be positive, take the stress of yourself and say they will tell you when ready.

#9 Isolabella

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:25 PM

Wait until Sept.

I TT my Sept bubs in 5days at the beginning if Dec (starting kinder in Feb needing to be TT). He was day and night trained in those 5days. We did Melb to Sydney drive 2 wks later and he had the same three pee stops as DH and I.

DS2TT for wees in 5days too, but was resistant for poos. Those took another 6m. Thankfully there was only one kinder accident at that time. He was 3.25 yrs too when he TT.

DD showed signs at24m ( doing poos on toilet for 6wks), then became resistant. At 2.75 yrs she TT when we had a week at home as her brothers were sick. She is still haphazard though at just turned 3. Some weeks 100%, others only 80-90%. She is Dec birthday so old not leave her to 3.25 yrs like her siblings.

#10 deejie

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:35 PM

I'd give it a go now.

DS1 was toilet trained at 2.6 when he showed no signs of interest or readiness. DS2 was 2-3 months old when I did it and I wish I had done it before he was born. We too did the "3 day" straight in to undies, they need to tells us/or we see their non-verbal cues routine. Watching them like a hawk with a small baby is a nightmare. Cue lots of interrupted breastfeeding, up and down off the couch.... argh.

For the record, after three days he was still going through about 10 changes of undies and shorts a DAY. He didn't get his first "hit" in the potty until day 6, and even then that was just the end of a wee as most of it went down his leg biggrin.gif Day 7 we managed to get an entire wee in the potty, but he was still hit and miss for wee for a couple of weeks and poo took even longer.

It would have been a LOT easier doing this method without a baby in the mix. Not only the difficulty in watching them, but staying home for that length of time for DS1 to "get" it with a baby drove me insane.

#11 cinnabubble

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:39 PM

But why do it at all they're not interested or ready and it takes weeks? Wouldn't it be more sensible to wait until they're ready and you don't have weeks of what you described?

#12 emelsy

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

My DS is a Sept 2010 baby too and we're currently on day 2 of TT. He has been doing the odd poop in the loo for a few months but no wees. We had a little poo touching which made me decide TT was starting the next day.
I told DS that afternoon that tomorrow would be an undies day-no more nappies cos he's a big boy. He went through 7 pairs of undies before 11am. After his nap we had great success and today's he's been pretty amazing too. I hope it continues!
My point in posting was that he wasn't showing any real signs showing readiness. I just spoke with him a lot and told him what we were going to do.
Good luck!

#13 deejie

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:50 PM

QUOTE (cinnabubble @ 01/01/2013, 08:39 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
But why do it at all they're not interested or ready and it takes weeks? Wouldn't it be more sensible to wait until they're ready and you don't have weeks of what you described?

I was home for 8-9 days from memory. He still had accidents for a couple of weeks after that, but not so terrible that I felt house bound. Once he had a couple of wee-hits in a row, he seemed to "get it". Poo did take a bit longer, but he always held that in so it was never a problem out and about wink.gif But I tell you, 8-9 days at home in a row with two small children is enough to send me to the mad house.

I toilet trained even though he was not showing any signs of readiness because the poo of a 2+ year old in a nappy is beyond disgusting and I was sick of dry retching every day when changing him  sick.gif

#14 cinnabubble

Posted 01 January 2013 - 07:51 PM

I must have a less sensitive stomach. Once they're established on solids, a poo is a poo is a poo -- aged one or three.

#15 FizzlingFireboxes

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:01 PM

DS is a sept 2010 baby and we will not be toilet training until he is probably 3 or next summer.  

We are probably in a different situation though,with DS's development delays, he doesn't even know what a wee is, so i think no point in trying when he doesn't understand at all.

I would wait for signs of readiness, especially if you have tried before.

#16 SeaPrincess

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:10 PM

If you are ready to give it a shot, do it, even if you just start working the potty into some of your normal daily routines, like bathtime. I had the potty in our bathtime routine from around 1; one of mine went from never doing anything in the potty to going every night, so we started TT, the next one just demanded the potty for poo at just the wrong moment - not quite warm enough for getting around in just undies plus I had a 3-m-o baby.  With DD, I started training in the summer just before she reached the age that the other 2 trained because I didn't want to be dealing with TT in winter.

DD was younger than your DS when we started training, and I think it took 3 weeks before she seemed to make much progress, but at the 3-wk point, it all clicked and she was great at home (daycare weren't on board at all).

#17 Akeyo

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:17 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies. A few different perspectives which is interesting.

I do agree that you can't 'make' a child TT, it is definitely up to them but how do you really know when they're ready? Is it just trial and error? DS2 gave every indication he was ready 2 months ago, was excited and eager but it didn't work and we didn't want to put him off trying again so we just gave it up. With DS1 we decided to just give it a go. It was late summer and I figured it was our last chance before winter. I don't recall him being 'ready' as such, we just gave it a crack. DS2 was about 5 months old at the time.

Yes there is a definite possibility of him regressing once the new baby comes - even without the TT it's going to be interesting to see how DS2 copes with the interloper, he gets very jealous of other people monopolising my time as it is. The flip side is that if I wait till after the baby comes and he is jealous then he may be even more resistant to losing the nappy seeing as the baby will be getting the attention at nappy time. But then of course by then the baby will be 4-5 months old and things may have settled down a bit by then.

Knowing how stubborn he is now, my main fear is that if I leave it till he is 3 he will be even more stubborn and pig headed about it. He is a smart cookie and once he gets something in his head, it is very difficult to get him to change his mind. That said, he is also very independent and he likes to work things out himself. He doesn't have a sweet tooth either (unlike his brother) and doesn't like milk or juice and sweet treats don't excite him so finding a reward that really entices him will be a challenge. Stickers did not cut the mustard last time!

#18 Akeyo

Posted 01 January 2013 - 08:47 PM

CherryAmes, we used that 3-day method for DS1 with great success and I am still a fan of it even though it didn't work so well with DS2 the first time. I will still try the same method again when we commit to a 2nd attempt. It gives the child a lot of ownership and control over the whole process which I like, as they need to tell you (non-verbally to start with) that they need to go rather than you constantly asking (and getting a constant NO!) or just toilet-timing.

And yes the needing to be TT for preschool does concern me. I just get the feeling that it's not going to be a quick process regardless of when I do it - though of course I could be wrong.

DS1 always does a wee in the toilet before hopping in the bath. Maybe as a bit of pre-training, I should start bringing the potty out as SeaPrincess suggested and see if DS2 will follow suit (he loves copying his big brother).

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