Jump to content

Computer gaming and parenting - reasonable, or not?


  • Please log in to reply
97 replies to this topic

#1 Angelot

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:06 PM

There have been...discussions....at my house this morning, and I'd like a reality check.

Scenario:  Parent 1 has something planned which requires parent 2 to look after the 1 year old.  Parent 2 proposes inviting over a friend to play Civilisation (a turn-based computer game).  There are lots of factors which make catching up with this friend important at this time.

Parent 1 says, ok, but I will cancel my plans and baby-wrangle while you play computer games.  Parent 2 gets really grumpy at parent 1's lack of trust, says that computer gaming of this sort does not entail ignoring the baby, parent 1 should do what was originally planned, all will be fine.

Parent 1 refuses to budge, says that computer gaming does not make for attentive parenting, and it's either one or the other but we can't both do what we want.  Parent 2 makes plans for another day to save parent 1's plans, but is not happy about it.

What do you think?  Gaming and parenting - compatible activities?  Is parent 1 being precious and not trusting parent 2?  



#2 mumofsky

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:12 PM

Im with parent 1 on this.

#3 Escapin

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:13 PM

DH, who is a keen but not currently active gamer, says you are right.

#4 katbalou

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:13 PM

I'm not a gamer, so I don't fully understand how involved this would be for Parent 2.  But on the face of it, if I was Parent 1 and had plans I wouldn't change them.  I would have to trust Parent 2 that they if they stuffed up with their expectations on the doability of it, they would have to deal with the fallout.  I would stick to my plans.

#5 Angelot

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:15 PM

QUOTE (Escapin @ 01/01/2013, 01:13 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DH, who is a keen but not currently active gamer, says you are right.


Ahh, does he assume I'm parent 1 or parent 2?

#6 mumto4boys

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:16 PM

I think it would depend on the parent themselves and the set up of the area the baby and computer gaming would be in.

Our kids are older now but it would have been doable in our house and as the baby/toddler would be in the same room without an escape route then they couldn't have gotten into too much trouble.

DH isn't really into computer games either so it's not like the house would burn down around him without him noticing.


#7 Rhoxie

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:18 PM

If it's night time and the baby will mostly be asleep I wouldn't have a problem with it. If it's day time then I'm with you.

My hubby likes his games and although it doesn't stop him looking after our children our children would prevent him from enjoying quality time with his friend and would interrupt the game.

#8 mum201

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:20 PM

There is no way you can game with a one year old to look after. If you blocked off all other rooms so toddler was confined to the living room he would skwark at being bored. If you gave him free range he would run around the house, climb onto th dining table and jump off (or something like that). Either way I would have an upset / hurt baby upon my hands when I got home .......

#9 ~faerydust~

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:21 PM

DHis a gamer. The attention required to play is not compatible with baby wrangling. Regardless of that, most of his games are not suitable for children to view, so he plays only when they are asleep.

#10 bluecardigans

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:21 PM

I am with parent 2. Civilization can be paused without issue. I wouldn't be happy if my partner insinuated that I would neglect to care for my child.

#11 mumofsky

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:22 PM

I dont see why the friend cant just come over for a drink and a chat or whatever without the games.

#12 scoutster

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:22 PM

In my situation I would be parent 1 but I would leave child with parent 2.  There is no way either of mine would have left parent 2 in peace and max 5 minutes of game would have been played.

If the gaming isn't an everyday thing I think it's okay.


#13 blackbird

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:24 PM

I am with parent 2, civ is the kind of game you can leave and come back to, it doesn't need your full attention and a one year old shouldn't need constant entertain and can saftley be in the room during game playing, I played games and still do with both kids around, so long as he doesn't get shirty when he has to stop then I don't see a problem.

#14 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:28 PM

DH was a stay at home dad for our toddler. One week, he turned his back on her for about 20 seconds - to get and drink a glass of water. Child is covered in black texta.

Following week, he was actively watching her every move (paranoia had set in, toddlers are little imps in cute baby disguise) and she managed to cover herself in green texta, while he watched and before he could prevent the destruction of the texta. "I was looking right at her!" was the complaint I got.

So, in my view, any diversion is likely to end in a toddler created disaster of some sort (hopefully only colourful rather than serious), so I'm with Parent 1. Gaming requires concentration - during that instant of concentration, the imp will have its way..... dev (6).gif

Parent 1 is right.

#15 CountryFeral

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:29 PM

QUOTE (Display anemone @ 01/01/2013, 01:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I am with parent 2. Civilization can be paused without issue. I wouldn't be happy if my partner insinuated that I would neglect to care for my child.


Yep.. it's Civilization. You can do heaps of other things while playing Civilization.  (I believe my DP managed a Masters!)

If it was a shoot 'em up type game then a different kettle of fish but playing that particular one is no different than sitting and chatting with your friend while you also look after the kidlet.

#16 Angelot

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:30 PM

Part of the issue for parent 1 (yeah, ok, that's me - I was trying not to just get people who agreed with me in initial responses - but what was I thinking, this is EB  wink.gif ) is that it sets a precedent that gaming while baby-wrangling is ok.  Not all games are like Civ, but once the precedent is set it's harder to argue, as I would, that gaming should be reserved for when the baby is out or sleeping, because it's not fair on the child to basically be ignored and left to her own devices.  It would be very easy to slip into a pattern where it is an everyday thing...



#17 Lyra

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:30 PM

I can never keep track of these scenarios unless a person's name is used LOL

Anyway, both my husband and I are very active gamers and we both agree that child minding and playing a computer game are mutually exclusive. Now that my eldest is older my husband will play computer games while she is around and they chat about what he is doing. Obviously this works if he wants to play Mario Galaxy or something. Gears of War, not so much wink.gif

#18 Cat People

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:32 PM

I wouldn't be happy if I was parent 1 but would have to trust parent 2 knew what he was doing.  The whole concept of inviting someone over to play a computer game seems really weird to me, something perhaps a teenager would do.  However he is the parent too, so his choice how he looks after baby.

#19 tait

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:33 PM

My DH is a gamer and is quite capable of looking after his children while gaming.

#20 BadCat

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:34 PM

Parent 1 is being precious.  If parent 2 says they will look after the child then parent 1 should trust them to do so.  Frankly I've be peeved if DH insinuated that I would not look after our kids properly after agreeing to be responsible for them for a period of time.

Edited due to slight misread of OP.

Edited by BadCat, 01 January 2013 - 12:48 PM.


#21 SplashingRainbows

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:35 PM

I think I would have gone out an what will be will be.

Having said that my DH learns primarily from experience - so even when I don't always agree or can forsee problems he can't - the best way for him to see that is to let it happen. Of course provided its not a safety risk but I don't think it is in your situation.

I also think your DH is probably capable of enough critical thinking to distinguish between civ and other types of gaming.



#22 rosiebird

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:41 PM

I'm with parent 1. Sitting in front of a computer game does not constitute responsive parenting.

#23 Cherish

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:41 PM

Parent 2 wins in my book.

If I had plans first that DH had agreed to and he invited a mate over to play games I wouldn't bat an eyelid (to him) on the inside I would me smarmy cos I know he wouldn't get much game time but I figure that would be his problem not mine! But we tend to let our kids free range of our relatively safe house and haven't managed to lose one or harm one yet.....!
On the other hand DH would be p*ssed that I'd undermined his parenting skills.... He likes to occasionally remind me that he has been a parent as long as I have....!

#24 janie1105

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:42 PM

I would definitely trust my hubby to care for the baby and play civilisation.  Easy game and he's a grown up.  If he says he can do it, then he can.



#25 elizabethany

Posted 01 January 2013 - 12:43 PM

Civ is the most parenting friendly game of them all, as it is not time based.  So long as the child is in sight, I see no reason why they are not compatible.  The friend would be a bigger distraction than the game.

Then again, I have a toddler who generally plays with their own toys and the dog, and does not need constant intervention.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

An open letter to Tony Abbott: please salvage our super

We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.

'I'm happy to know I'm changing lives': surrogate mum of two

I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.

Birth trauma and the issue of informed consent

There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.

Tips for managing pollen allergies and hayfever

They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.

Ada Nicodemou shares tribute to her stillborn baby

Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.

Mum causes stir breastfeeding on train

?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Dying mum saves baby with last breath

Dying from a gunshot wound, Jessica Arrendale used the last of her energy to hide her baby from her killer.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.