Jump to content


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:05 PM


Edited by ~vic~, 23 February 2014 - 06:42 PM.

#2 Unatheowl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:09 PM

Im not sure I understand why you feel so guilty.  How does your sister feel?  Does she care?  Have you hurt her somehow?

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:11 PM

Why do you feel guilty? For ending up in a relationship with him?

Are you insecure about the fact they've been together? Are you happy with him now or are you having other issues presently and have realised that you wouldn't have gotten together with him, had you had the hindsight you have now?

#4 rainycat

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:13 PM

Everybody has a past.
Why would anyone have to know something that happened 16 years ago.  It is ancient history.
Perhaps it is a lot bigger in your mind that it should be because of your depression.  Do you have anyone (professional) that you can talk with to help you deal with it?

Good luck.

#5 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:22 PM

Thanks for your nice comments ladies xxxx. My sister said it did bother her back then but got over it and is very happy we found each other but still I feel bad for ever doing it.  I think it is affecting me more than it should because of the depression.  I know 16 years on I should move on but can't help but dwell on my past which is not getting me anywhere I know.

#6 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:28 PM

Thanks for that EHB.  Nice to hear from someone in a similar situation x.

#7 OneDayDreamer

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:48 PM

I dated my fiance's best best friend before we got together not long afterwards.

I'm not proud of it, but it happened. We don't regret the fact we're together, not for a second. Every second of me thinking about 'what everyone must think' has been worth it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how it started, what matters is you're together now. Don't let the doubts overrun your mind- it could drive you crazy. 6 years later, the only one who remembers how we started dating is me, and frankly, with how happy I am now, I can live with it Tounge1.gif

#8 JustBeige

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE (~vic~ @ 31/12/2012, 04:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for your nice comments ladies xxxx. My sister said it did bother her back then but got over it and is very happy we found each other but still I feel bad for ever doing it. I think it is affecting me more than it should because of the depression. I know 16 years on I should move on but can't help but dwell on my past which is not getting me anywhere I know.

Yeah I think it is too (bit in bold)

Are you getting counselling as part of your treatment for your depression OP?  If not, then I think it would really help as you can talk about everything involved in what happened back then and they can give you tools to help you move past your guilt.

As PP said, everyone has a past.  everyone has a OMG *cringe* moment when they look back at their life and its perfectly normal.   Learning from this experience is what life is truly about.

#9 BadCat

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:34 PM

These sorts of things are more common than you imagine.  My second brother is married to a woman our oldest brother slept with before him.  I slept with my DH's best friend before I got together with DH.  The guy was best man at our wedding.

Perhaps a counsellor can help you move on..

#10 lucky 2

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

I shouldn't have let myself fall for him out of respect for my sister
You were 16 yo, 16 yo's don't have that much control over who they fall for, do they?
As for respect, there are a lot of things I shouldn't have done (but did) when I was young but I don't see it as being disrespectful as such, just impulsive and some questionable decision making on my part, which is pretty normal for that age.
Respect is a pretty heavy word, what does it mean to you? I think it can mean different things in different situations.
I hope you can lend an ear to your 16 yo self and give her a big hug.
There isn't one proper way to start a long term relationship, if there was then none of my previous or my current relationships should have happened.

#11 Lishyfips

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:56 PM

Dear Vic, I had PND after my second baby. I would lie awake at night dredging up memories from years earlier - nothing happy, just things that made me feel bad about myself. Old, irrelevant things that in retrospect are just absurd. I would mentally draft letters of apology to the mothers of boyfriends from fifteen years earlier; I'd feel extreme shame and embarrassment over long ago situations with boys that were just part of growing up. I felt like such a rotten person, and I'd torment myself by ruminating over the past to find more evidence of my crapness.
Look, the thing is - it's not you, it's the depression making you think this situation from the past is so terrible. Please get some help with it. I found mindfulness to be extremely helpful - learning to switch off unhelpful ruminating thoughts at times.
Good luck to you. I really sympathise with how you're feeling and hope soon you can look back and see you have nothing at all to be ashamed of.
(By the way, my sister married a guy who was with my other sister first. All ancient history for everyone. None of them did anything wrong in anyone's eyes.)

#12 Maple Leaf

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:36 PM

Dh's brother dated M for awhile, it didn't work out and then ended up marrying M's sister. No one mentions it or cares.

#13 luke's mummu

Posted 02 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

DH's uncles first wife died. Her sister moved in 6 weeks after her death. They have never gotten married, but have been partners for about 15 years now. Everyone in the family just seems to accept it as "oh well he could have done worse, at least we know her, and know her family background."

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.