Jump to content

deleted


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:05 PM

deleted

Edited by ~vic~, 23 February 2014 - 06:42 PM.


#2 Unatheowl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:09 PM

Im not sure I understand why you feel so guilty.  How does your sister feel?  Does she care?  Have you hurt her somehow?

#3 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:11 PM

Why do you feel guilty? For ending up in a relationship with him?

Are you insecure about the fact they've been together? Are you happy with him now or are you having other issues presently and have realised that you wouldn't have gotten together with him, had you had the hindsight you have now?

#4 rainycat

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:13 PM

Everybody has a past.
Why would anyone have to know something that happened 16 years ago.  It is ancient history.
Perhaps it is a lot bigger in your mind that it should be because of your depression.  Do you have anyone (professional) that you can talk with to help you deal with it?

Good luck.

#5 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:22 PM

Thanks for your nice comments ladies xxxx. My sister said it did bother her back then but got over it and is very happy we found each other but still I feel bad for ever doing it.  I think it is affecting me more than it should because of the depression.  I know 16 years on I should move on but can't help but dwell on my past which is not getting me anywhere I know.

#6 copham

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:23 PM

My FIL was with my MIL's sister in a relationship for a year, they ended up ending it and he started seeing MIL a year later. They have now been married for 30+ years and have 4 children and no one cares or brings it up even though the whole family knows about it. It's in the past and they are both happily married to other people. Don't feel guilty about it OP even if people knew they wouldn't care.

#7 ~vic~

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:28 PM

Thanks for that EHB.  Nice to hear from someone in a similar situation x.

#8 cattivo lupo

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:34 PM

There are a few relationships like that in our extended family too.  My mum has 4 brothers and 4 sisters, and one brother went out with the woman his brother ended up marrying, and one of the sisters married her sisters boyfriend.  All good, and they all laugh over the ancient history of their giddy youth  original.gif .

#9 affectiion

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:48 PM

I dated my fiance's best best friend before we got together not long afterwards.

I'm not proud of it, but it happened. We don't regret the fact we're together, not for a second. Every second of me thinking about 'what everyone must think' has been worth it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how it started, what matters is you're together now. Don't let the doubts overrun your mind- it could drive you crazy. 6 years later, the only one who remembers how we started dating is me, and frankly, with how happy I am now, I can live with it Tounge1.gif

#10 JustBeige

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:56 PM

QUOTE (~vic~ @ 31/12/2012, 04:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for your nice comments ladies xxxx. My sister said it did bother her back then but got over it and is very happy we found each other but still I feel bad for ever doing it. I think it is affecting me more than it should because of the depression. I know 16 years on I should move on but can't help but dwell on my past which is not getting me anywhere I know.

Yeah I think it is too (bit in bold)

Are you getting counselling as part of your treatment for your depression OP?  If not, then I think it would really help as you can talk about everything involved in what happened back then and they can give you tools to help you move past your guilt.


As PP said, everyone has a past.  everyone has a OMG *cringe* moment when they look back at their life and its perfectly normal.   Learning from this experience is what life is truly about.

#11 BadCat

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:34 PM

These sorts of things are more common than you imagine.  My second brother is married to a woman our oldest brother slept with before him.  I slept with my DH's best friend before I got together with DH.  The guy was best man at our wedding.

Perhaps a counsellor can help you move on..

#12 lucky 2

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

QUOTE
I shouldn't have let myself fall for him out of respect for my sister
.
You were 16 yo, 16 yo's don't have that much control over who they fall for, do they?
As for respect, there are a lot of things I shouldn't have done (but did) when I was young but I don't see it as being disrespectful as such, just impulsive and some questionable decision making on my part, which is pretty normal for that age.
Respect is a pretty heavy word, what does it mean to you? I think it can mean different things in different situations.
I hope you can lend an ear to your 16 yo self and give her a big hug.
There isn't one proper way to start a long term relationship, if there was then none of my previous or my current relationships should have happened.

#13 Lishyfips

Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:56 PM

Dear Vic, I had PND after my second baby. I would lie awake at night dredging up memories from years earlier - nothing happy, just things that made me feel bad about myself. Old, irrelevant things that in retrospect are just absurd. I would mentally draft letters of apology to the mothers of boyfriends from fifteen years earlier; I'd feel extreme shame and embarrassment over long ago situations with boys that were just part of growing up. I felt like such a rotten person, and I'd torment myself by ruminating over the past to find more evidence of my crapness.
Look, the thing is - it's not you, it's the depression making you think this situation from the past is so terrible. Please get some help with it. I found mindfulness to be extremely helpful - learning to switch off unhelpful ruminating thoughts at times.
Good luck to you. I really sympathise with how you're feeling and hope soon you can look back and see you have nothing at all to be ashamed of.
(By the way, my sister married a guy who was with my other sister first. All ancient history for everyone. None of them did anything wrong in anyone's eyes.)

#14 Maple Leaf

Posted 31 December 2012 - 06:36 PM

Dh's brother dated M for awhile, it didn't work out and then ended up marrying M's sister. No one mentions it or cares.

#15 luke's mummu

Posted 02 January 2013 - 07:18 PM

DH's uncles first wife died. Her sister moved in 6 weeks after her death. They have never gotten married, but have been partners for about 15 years now. Everyone in the family just seems to accept it as "oh well he could have done worse, at least we know her, and know her family background."




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Itching for a solution to eczema

Around 30 per cent of children live with eczema every day. A dad shares his son's story and gets advice from an expert.

Video: The challenges and joys of making new mum friends

This hilarious video shows how making new mum friends can be awkward - but reassures that it is possible.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

Bring the outdoors in with a play camper tent

Don't let rainy days stop your kids from enjoying the outdoors - let their imagination run wild inside with this pretend camper tent.

No, we are not using our babies as an excuse to be 'fat and lazy'

A Sydney personal trainer has made a series of abusive and shaming comments directed at new mums. This is what I'd like him to know.

Conjoined twins' memorials destroyed

The grieving parents of conjoined twins Hope and Faith have been left devastated by the actions of heartless thieves.

Baby Gammy's mum won't get a cent of donated funds

The charity overseeing the donations made to baby Gammy has confirmed that the donated funds will go wholly towards the baby's medical expenses, not to his mother.

Keep your iPad safe with a kid friendly case

The Clever Case for Clumsy Hands is practical and easy to use, protecting your iPad from the bumps and drops it experiences in the hands of small children.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Fun nursery and playroom wall art

This Etsy store offers a large range of of vintage and retro-inspired pieces in a variety of sizes.

The question no mum of a singleton needs to hear

Most people ask out of curiosity and not animosity, but it doesn?t stop me feeling irritated by its tone. And it doesn't help me make up my mind either way.

8 things my dad taught me about parenting

He taught me to question, to see the world beyond my own bubble and to stand up for those who are unable to defend themselves.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

When newborn baby shoots go wrong

As the classic book says, everyone poops. But not everyone has such exquisite timing as Al Ferguson's newborn son, Ted.

When a friend's baby joy is a painful reminder

It can be difficult to celebrate other people's pregnancies when you are struggling to conceive.

Dad's amazing videos with his action hero son

What do you get when you combine a dad with awesome animation/CGI skills, his enthusiastic son, a bit of spare time and a camera?

Claire Danes admits to sometimes feeling 'trapped' by motherhood

Claire Danes has admitted that sometimes she has felt trapped by motherhood and the responsibility that it brings.

What financial abuse looks like

It leaves no physical signs, except maybe the signs of a woman who can?t eat because she has to choose between feeding herself and feeding her children. It?s financial abuse.

Man who created ice bucket challenge a new dad

The 29-year-old man who inspired the world to raise millions of dollars for ALS now faces a different kind of challenge: parenthood.

Baby girl for Scarlett Johansson

Actress welcomes her first child with fiance Romain Dauriac.

5 sleep school myths busted

There are few things that polarise a group of mothers like the two little words ?sleep school?.

Bop Along Buddies bouncing into business success

An Australian entrepreneur and mum of two is taking the children's toy market by storm with this fun bouncer.

Remembering Logan: the dangerous world of unregulated daycare

In parts of America, daycare workers are not required to have a state license to care for children. One couple wasn't aware of the right questions to ask potential carers and government officials - and have paid a tragic price.

Home alone with a newborn

It?s my husband?s first day back at work after paternity leave and my first full day alone with our baby. I have nowhere to be and everything to do.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Win a House of Magic prize pack

To celebrate the release of the new movie House of Magic, we have 10 double passes and magic sets to give away just in time for these school holidays. Enter Now for a chance to win!

Win a Dress Up Attack Family Pass

Sydney's music festival for kids and grown ups this weekend, and we have a family pass to giveaway. Enter Now - entries close Thursday 11th September!

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

Mum blasted for breastfeeding on train

Breastfeeding may be legal everywhere in Australia - yes, even on public transport - but that doesn't stop the complaints, as a mum learnt.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.