Jump to content

Being judged by others own standards for themselves.
Does it irk you too?


  • Please log in to reply
14 replies to this topic

#1 TopsyTurvy

Posted 31 December 2012 - 12:58 PM

A am sitting on the couch having a quiet giggle to myself but also feeling mildly PO'ed with DH at the moment.

He is busy doing a super detailed clean of my car at the moment (which is a good thing) but his attitude really needs some cleaning up itself.

He keeps coming in and out of the house all huffy and annoyed that my car is in the state it's in.

It's mostly clean, but yes there are crumbs and sand and bits of fluff trapped between the seats and the console.  Yes there are some very small scuff marks on the door flour trim and in the boot.
To hear him carry on though (I had a comment about I should just have a dump truck so I can trash it any way I like and it won't matter) you would honestly think there was 5 years of Maccas rubbish ground into the carpet and gouge marks throughout it and worse!

I do occasionally clean it.  More often than not he does, as he finds it relaxing (strange man Tounge1.gif ) but I certainly don't treat it like a dump truck!

I do see it more as a convenience than a prized possession however, but he sees it the other way abs gets all shirty and grumpy whenever he does a clean.  Me I would take it and get it detailed occasionally by a third party, but he insists in doing it himself.  Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!

Clearly he is expecting me to treat it according to his standards rather than my own.  This really annoys me, as I for instance place a much higher value on a well cooked, nutritious meal than he does, and will spend a fair amount of time preparing nice meals for us, but yet if I were to whinge and moan when he serves me beans on toast for dinner (on the rare occasion he does make dinner) it would be WWIII for sure!

So do you think it's fair to judge others based on the standards we set for ourselves?

#2 jayskette

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:15 PM

I am like your DP... in regards to the entire house  blush.gif Surely mopping a dust and grime encrusted floor once a month is a reasonable request? But NO, DH said in all seriousness - "once a year"

#3 -*meh*-

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:18 PM

isn't that what judging is...

holding someone to a standard that they don't see important.

#4 gabbigirl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

I laughed at your OP.  my husband is identical, an absolute perfectionist on certain things.  God knows, why he married me, the anti perfectionist.  Doesn't bother me, means I have the cleanest car around, and I also get a lecture after he cleans.  Luckily I am good  at ignoring.  And god love him, he keeps on cleaning it, every second weekend.

In Terms of judginG others on our standards, is it fair? Probably not, but we do it.  Thankfully my standards are low, so I am generally impressed by others rather than making negative judgments.

#5 Waiting4No.2

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:26 PM

The family car I use now used to be my partners pride and joy before he got his work car, so he complains a bit. But to be honest if I can get my son into to his seat without him screaming and making a fuss thats my work done for the day car wise. I try to remove bit of rubbish when it builds up but crumbs and sand always get left. I can't clean them anyway because my son runs away any chance he gets and we have no front gate.

My man just as to deal with it.

He looses it over the kitchen mainly. Crumbs on the counter and such. Call me pregnant and psychopathic but in such cases I deliberately do less. Makes my day to see his reaction original.gif

Oh SAHM boredom!

#6 FiveAus

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:36 PM

The car my husband drives is owned by me and used by me for certain trips, so yes.....I expect it to be kept clean to my standards, not his.
If he wants to drive a car that's cleaned to his standards he can resurrect the thousand-year-old tradies van that's parked outside his shed. It probably suffocated to death through lack of cleaning anyway.

#7 SophieBear

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 31/12/2012, 01:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!


Haha! My DH says the same thing. If I'm not using an auto car wash then I'm not doing it! So it gets dirtier and dirtier until he cleans it for me.

#8 unicorn

Posted 31 December 2012 - 02:55 PM

QUOTE
QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 31/12/2012, 01:28 PM)
Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!

Haha! My DH says the same thing. If I'm not using an auto car wash then I'm not doing it! So it gets dirtier and dirtier until he cleans it for me.


DH says the same thing, they damage the paint.
Unfortunately for me DH is a bigger grot than I am when it comes to cars. I pay one of the boys to clean it out each week and occasionally whinge about the paint looking funny and DH has a rant and buffs it for me.

#9 casime

Posted 31 December 2012 - 02:58 PM

He'd hate my car.  It only gets a wash when it rains.   That being said, even if I did wash it, it would be filthy by the end of the driveway.  I might be different if I lived in suburbia.  I do (try) and keep the interior wiped out, and occasionally stop at one of those car wash places to use the big vacuums.  It's weird that I care so little about my car, when I'm pretty over the top about keeping my house clean.

Edited by casime, 31 December 2012 - 02:58 PM.


#10 jo-v

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:01 PM

My car is a health hazard, pretty sure it would equal instant divorce for your DH!  biggrin.gif

I did clean it in September when MIL came over....

#11 Unatheowl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

Dont we all really, deep down judge others according to our own standards....?  Can we help it?

I know my DH judges me for not being fussy about things and researching new purchases as much as his ideal would be.  Thats his standard.  I think his standard sucks and I have a different one original.gif  Why cant his be like mine?  

I think it is hard for anyone to hold some kind of agreed upon objectie standard.

#12 anna111

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:03 PM

My DH is 100% the same.

I'd love to see the state of his car if he had to drive with two kids everywhere. My sanity saver in peak hour traffic is giving the kids food to keep them quite. If that causes a mess then so be it.

#13 Feral_Pooks

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:14 PM

See, if your DH doesn't use the car I don't get it. If he does, then I think you would need to negotiate standards.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:43 PM

My family call me "the car nazi"........fondly, of course. I hate dirty cars, I hate getting into them, it makes my skin crawl. No one is ever allowed to eat or drink in my car, and my kids grew up with that rule. My friends used to laugh....I'd buy the kids a snack at the shops and they'd all sit with it on their laps until we got home and then they'd get out of the car and eat it.
We drove a few times from Vic to other states with my rule in place, and never once did they ask to break it. If anyone needed to eat or drink, we stopped for a break.
Food was not entertainment on long or short drives, not ever.

It might be weird, but my cars stay nice for a very long time, and when I trade them in, they bring a good price because they are immaculate.

#15 Futhermore

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:54 AM

Argh yes, drives me flippin'mad!!  My dp is terrible for it, and can't see how two different standards can be fine - just different.  Some things I do to a higher standard and he gets annoyed with me for being fussy.  Others I do to a lower standard and he gets annoyed I'm a slob.  His standards are the only reasonable and right ones.  

I'm more a live and let live kind of person when it comes to sh*t that doesn't affect me.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Model's bath photo 'inappropriate'

It was a seemingly innocent photo of a family in the bath - but Facebook wasn't happy.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.