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Being judged by others own standards for themselves.
Does it irk you too?

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14 replies to this topic

#1 TopsyTurvy

Posted 31 December 2012 - 12:58 PM

A am sitting on the couch having a quiet giggle to myself but also feeling mildly PO'ed with DH at the moment.

He is busy doing a super detailed clean of my car at the moment (which is a good thing) but his attitude really needs some cleaning up itself.

He keeps coming in and out of the house all huffy and annoyed that my car is in the state it's in.

It's mostly clean, but yes there are crumbs and sand and bits of fluff trapped between the seats and the console.  Yes there are some very small scuff marks on the door flour trim and in the boot.
To hear him carry on though (I had a comment about I should just have a dump truck so I can trash it any way I like and it won't matter) you would honestly think there was 5 years of Maccas rubbish ground into the carpet and gouge marks throughout it and worse!

I do occasionally clean it.  More often than not he does, as he finds it relaxing (strange man Tounge1.gif ) but I certainly don't treat it like a dump truck!

I do see it more as a convenience than a prized possession however, but he sees it the other way abs gets all shirty and grumpy whenever he does a clean.  Me I would take it and get it detailed occasionally by a third party, but he insists in doing it himself.  Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!

Clearly he is expecting me to treat it according to his standards rather than my own.  This really annoys me, as I for instance place a much higher value on a well cooked, nutritious meal than he does, and will spend a fair amount of time preparing nice meals for us, but yet if I were to whinge and moan when he serves me beans on toast for dinner (on the rare occasion he does make dinner) it would be WWIII for sure!

So do you think it's fair to judge others based on the standards we set for ourselves?

#2 jayskette

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:15 PM

I am like your DP... in regards to the entire house  blush.gif Surely mopping a dust and grime encrusted floor once a month is a reasonable request? But NO, DH said in all seriousness - "once a year"

#3 Bob-the-skull

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:18 PM

isn't that what judging is...

holding someone to a standard that they don't see important.

#4 gabbigirl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

I laughed at your OP.  my husband is identical, an absolute perfectionist on certain things.  God knows, why he married me, the anti perfectionist.  Doesn't bother me, means I have the cleanest car around, and I also get a lecture after he cleans.  Luckily I am good  at ignoring.  And god love him, he keeps on cleaning it, every second weekend.

In Terms of judginG others on our standards, is it fair? Probably not, but we do it.  Thankfully my standards are low, so I am generally impressed by others rather than making negative judgments.

#5 Waiting4No.2

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:26 PM

The family car I use now used to be my partners pride and joy before he got his work car, so he complains a bit. But to be honest if I can get my son into to his seat without him screaming and making a fuss thats my work done for the day car wise. I try to remove bit of rubbish when it builds up but crumbs and sand always get left. I can't clean them anyway because my son runs away any chance he gets and we have no front gate.

My man just as to deal with it.

He looses it over the kitchen mainly. Crumbs on the counter and such. Call me pregnant and psychopathic but in such cases I deliberately do less. Makes my day to see his reaction original.gif

Oh SAHM boredom!

#6 FiveAus

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:36 PM

The car my husband drives is owned by me and used by me for certain trips, so yes.....I expect it to be kept clean to my standards, not his.
If he wants to drive a car that's cleaned to his standards he can resurrect the thousand-year-old tradies van that's parked outside his shed. It probably suffocated to death through lack of cleaning anyway.

#7 SophieBear

Posted 31 December 2012 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 31/12/2012, 01:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!

Haha! My DH says the same thing. If I'm not using an auto car wash then I'm not doing it! So it gets dirtier and dirtier until he cleans it for me.

#8 unicorn

Posted 31 December 2012 - 02:55 PM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 31/12/2012, 01:28 PM)
Oh and the automatic car wash is the devils tool according to him!

Haha! My DH says the same thing. If I'm not using an auto car wash then I'm not doing it! So it gets dirtier and dirtier until he cleans it for me.

DH says the same thing, they damage the paint.
Unfortunately for me DH is a bigger grot than I am when it comes to cars. I pay one of the boys to clean it out each week and occasionally whinge about the paint looking funny and DH has a rant and buffs it for me.

#9 casime

Posted 31 December 2012 - 02:58 PM

He'd hate my car.  It only gets a wash when it rains.   That being said, even if I did wash it, it would be filthy by the end of the driveway.  I might be different if I lived in suburbia.  I do (try) and keep the interior wiped out, and occasionally stop at one of those car wash places to use the big vacuums.  It's weird that I care so little about my car, when I'm pretty over the top about keeping my house clean.

Edited by casime, 31 December 2012 - 02:58 PM.

#10 jo-v

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:01 PM

My car is a health hazard, pretty sure it would equal instant divorce for your DH!  biggrin.gif

I did clean it in September when MIL came over....

#11 Unatheowl

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

Dont we all really, deep down judge others according to our own standards....?  Can we help it?

I know my DH judges me for not being fussy about things and researching new purchases as much as his ideal would be.  Thats his standard.  I think his standard sucks and I have a different one original.gif  Why cant his be like mine?  

I think it is hard for anyone to hold some kind of agreed upon objectie standard.

#12 anna111

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:03 PM

My DH is 100% the same.

I'd love to see the state of his car if he had to drive with two kids everywhere. My sanity saver in peak hour traffic is giving the kids food to keep them quite. If that causes a mess then so be it.

#13 SuboptimallyPooks

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:14 PM

See, if your DH doesn't use the car I don't get it. If he does, then I think you would need to negotiate standards.

#14 FiveAus

Posted 31 December 2012 - 03:43 PM

My family call me "the car nazi"........fondly, of course. I hate dirty cars, I hate getting into them, it makes my skin crawl. No one is ever allowed to eat or drink in my car, and my kids grew up with that rule. My friends used to laugh....I'd buy the kids a snack at the shops and they'd all sit with it on their laps until we got home and then they'd get out of the car and eat it.
We drove a few times from Vic to other states with my rule in place, and never once did they ask to break it. If anyone needed to eat or drink, we stopped for a break.
Food was not entertainment on long or short drives, not ever.

It might be weird, but my cars stay nice for a very long time, and when I trade them in, they bring a good price because they are immaculate.

#15 Crinkle cut

Posted 01 January 2013 - 06:54 AM

Argh yes, drives me flippin'mad!!  My dp is terrible for it, and can't see how two different standards can be fine - just different.  Some things I do to a higher standard and he gets annoyed with me for being fussy.  Others I do to a lower standard and he gets annoyed I'm a slob.  His standards are the only reasonable and right ones.  

I'm more a live and let live kind of person when it comes to sh*t that doesn't affect me.

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