Jump to content

What Happens If I Refuse A VE?

37 replies to this topic

#1 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:56 AM

Today I'm 41 weeks pregnant with my first child and I've already been induced twice and sent home twice. First induction was on the 18th of December and the second was on the 24th. I'm booked in for a 3rd induction on the 2nd of January.

I know that S&Ss aren't meant to be comfortable and generally are quite painful, but the 3rd S&S I had on the 24th of December was absolutely brutal. It's been 5 days and I'm still tender. I'm not sure why I've been induced, twice, as my cervix is high, posterior and unfavourable for induction AND S&Ss, but he still continues to put prostin in. I haven't dilated a single cm.

My 3rd S&S was quite traumatic. I was crying out and swearing, and I said "stop" and "no" more than once. Yesterday was the first time I've been able to talk about it to anyone. I feel really violated and assaulted by the whole experience, and I've been having panic attacks when I think about it happening again. I know that on the 2nd of January he's going to want to do a VE and possibly another S&S and I'm absolutely terrified. What's the next step if I refuse a VE? Will they just do a c-section? I've been begging for a c-section since 38 weeks but no one will listen to me.

People in my DIG think that I should change hospitals, but it's so late in the game. I don't know what to do. I just want my c-section. I don't care anymore.

#2 Soontobegran

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

I have no idea what is going on OP?
It seems crazy to me that you'd have had a stretch and sweep if you had a long and posterior cervix and you weren't post term.
Do you have normal BP, is your baby moving well?

I am going to PM you.

#3 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:14 PM

My partner is with me 100% of the time with anything to do with the baby, and he saw how I was treated at the 3rd S&S, and he could hear me begging the doctor to stop. He was just frozen with fear because of how much pain I was in.

I don't trust the doctor that if I have a VE he wouldn't just try an S&S. I didn't ask for an S&S the 2nd or the 3rd time. I honestly don't understand a lot of what he's doing and why. My dates put me at 42+1 but hospital dates have me only at 41. He was happy to go with my dates (which is why I was induced) until they didn't fit his schedule (couldn't do a caesar on the 24th, so changed my dates back to hospital dates).

I don't know how to change hospitals now.

ETA- I'm 100% healthy, baby is healthy. Been told (by him) that she's in a great position for birthing and fully engaged. Told my numerous midwives that she's not engaged at all and that she's sitting posterior.

Edited by Luna-baby, 29 December 2012 - 12:16 PM.

#4 BabyHopeful

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

Absolutely you can refuse a VE! I had to ask my Dr to do a S&S, he is very hands off.
Are you going public or private? Can you see a different Dr next time?

Honestly I would not be going back to him.

Edited by BabyHopeful, 29 December 2012 - 12:18 PM.

#5 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

Are you public or private OP? You are well within your rights to refuse a VE and also refuse to have this person be your care provider.
I just want to express my sadness that your experience has been traumatic, and hope that when you are ready you can seek some care for yourself to allow you to move through this experience.

I must admit I'm also a little confused by the process of inducing someone who wasn't at due date (according to sig) and you were obviously medically well, as you went home again. Twice.

Good luck x

#6 ubermum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

You are totally within your rights to refuse any and all intervention if you want. You were assaulted. If someone does not stop touching you when you say no, it's assault. Is there any reason that you can't wait until 42 weeks? I had an induction at 42 weeks, I wouldn't consent to one earlier and had no indication for it.

What sort of care model are you using? Private ob?

#7 mum2jp

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

I am sure you can refuse one, not sure what the next step would be. With DS i had a S&S at my 41 week appointment in the hope to get things moving (it didn't), then again with gel the night before my induction. I was then induced at almost 42 weeks with the drip the following day. I don't know why your OB has been doing them from week 38, no need to hurry things when your not even overdue yet. As PP said can you take a support person to your next appointment.

If you have requested a C sec why have they said no? Hope you can sort things out. At the end of the day as long as baby arrives safely and you and bub are well thats all that matters. An induction was NOT my ideal birth but after he was born it didn't matter. Although i would request/insist on different things next time round.

#8 BabyHopeful

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

Honestly there is no need for him to be doing VE. And I agree with the PP, boardering on abuse when he didn't stop when you asked him to.

#9 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:22 PM


#10 Camizebra

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

I've got nothing helpful to add, except to say I am so sorry OP.  This is no way for you to be treated my goodness.  I hope everything works out.

#11 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

OB is public and asked me at 38 weeks if I'd like to have my baby early, where he did the first S&S. I said yes due to severe ligament pains and generally being over pregnancy. I'm healthy, baby is healthy. I didn't know that he wasn't willing to follow through on the inductions if a S&S didn't work. I didn't know I would be sent home when they didn't work, even though I was still contracting.

I feel like it's not my body at all. My request for a c-section has gone unheard since the first induction. I feel abused by the S&S and I feel like I have no right to refuse on the 2nd of Jan.

#12 Eirinn

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:47 PM

I am so sorry this happened to you OP. There is no way I would be returning to an abusive doctor. He is not showing you good care at all, and I can think of no good reason to induce you at 38 weeks if you and your baby are healthy.

If you really want a caesarean, now that you are 41 weeks the public hospital should be more accommodating of your request. It does sound like you only started wanting a caesar after your first failed induction though?

You are so close to the end, you only have days left. If I were you, I would spend these days looking after yourself. Go and have a massage or something, get your body and mind into the best place it can be for birth. Don't be disheartened by an 'unfavourable' cervix. Some women can be slightly dilated for weeks before labour; others have a high and closed cervix, and go into labour within hours. It doesn't mean anything!

It is your body and your baby, you have the right to refuse anything.

#13 raven74

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

I found sweeps agonising and refused a few. Also refused a couple of VE's prior to labour.  Totally your choice. Have your DH advocate for you if you don't have the strength to do so yourself (totally understandable, too given what you've gone through).
I am really surprised they've tried to induce twice given your dates and your cervix.  It seems the doctor is trying to force you to accomodate to his timetable and not that of your body or your baby.
Stay strong and I hope your baby is here for you soon, on your terms.

#14 axiomae

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:48 PM

Do not go back to that OB - he is abusive. Refuse him and ask for another one, or change hospitals. It doesn't matter this late in the game - you need to feel comfortable for your baby to have a good labour.

#15 Soontobegran

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:57 PM

It is difficult to change hospitals and Obstetricians when you live regionally as there is often no choice.
Refuse point blank to have another VE unless you have had symptoms of effacement and dilation like a show or increased vaginal loss. I think you would get your C/S if you get to the 2nd without coming into labour OP.

Lots of luck .

#16 OneProudMum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:06 PM

OP I am so sorry you have gone through this.
I completely agree that you have been assaulted.
I know you think it's too late to change hospitals but please give another a call. At least just have a chat to a midwife and get their opinion on the transition.

Remember to trust your instinct always. X

#17 Corella

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

I find it surprising and a little archaic that VEs are done to healthy, normally gestating women in pregnancy at all. There aren't many reasons to do them and they're painful and invasive and it makes me sad to hear how traumatic they were for the OP! As someone said above how dilated you are today doesn't predict what happens tonight or tomorrow but does increase your stress and disconnect, and risk of infection and complications.

#18 Lim Lam

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:22 PM

OP Im sorry you feel this way, it sounds like assualt to my. I hope u get the delivery you hope for.

ps whats VE?

#19 back*again

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

I've refused a s'n's before, it wasn't treated as a big deal-it was just my choice.

#20 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 03:49 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. I've decided to point-blank refuse any sort of intervention unless it's a c-section. There really isn't a lot more they can do, and I really can't see them forcing me down or anything like that. Even if that's a fear, I have my partner with me, and I know he won't let anything happen to me.

Some people aren't made for VB, and I've come to terms with that. Caesarian was always a high possibility given my family history, so I never had my heart set on any sort of birth.

The OB isn't a surgeon, so he won't be the one doing the c-section. I won't have to see him again after I refuse on Wednesday original.gif

#21 kwiggle

Posted 29 December 2012 - 04:33 PM

I know you are really upset by your experience OP, but keep your mind open to whatever comes in terms of birthing. You may go into natural labour any minute now & have a good experience from here. Family history is only part of your story. You can certainly refuse any further interventions, but may I recommend allowing checks on fetal well being if they are recommended. And if part of working out how to help you make decisions about your birth is another VE, do NOT allow anyone you are uncomfortable with perform it - request a different doctor (like the person who would be doing a CS if required) and tell them your story - there are ways to improve the comfort level for you. Honesty is the best policy, screw being polite.Good luck with your birth & I hope you are cuddling a wonderful newborn soon.

#22 Neph

Posted 29 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

OP that is just awful - I really hope you stick to your guns and take control of what happens to YOUR baby and body.  Definitely change doctor there - that's just abuse plain and simple.

With my previous experience I have learned that a lot of midwives/doctors instill unnecessary fear into labouring women and their partners in order to get them to do what THEY want and within THEIR timelines .... if you have your wits about you (not totally off the planet with pain or drugs in those moments) ... say NO to the mass of VEs and other procedures that get pushed on you.

I understand hospital staff have good intentions in most cases but honestly ... going back over my own hospital records there were so many interventions that just did not need to happen.  Baby and I were both not in any distress, other than the constant torture the MWs felt they needed to inflict all the time.

Rediculous *shakes head*

#23 back*again

Posted 29 December 2012 - 05:09 PM

QUOTE (Luna-baby @ 29/12/2012, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the advice everyone. I've decided to point-blank refuse any sort of intervention unless it's a c-section. There really isn't a lot more they can do, and I really can't see them forcing me down or anything like that. Even if that's a fear, I have my partner with me, and I know he won't let anything happen to me.

Some people aren't made for VB, and I've come to terms with that. Caesarian was always a high possibility given my family history, so I never had my heart set on any sort of birth.

The OB isn't a surgeon, so he won't be the one doing the c-section. I won't have to see him again after I refuse on Wednesday original.gif

Good for you, just stick to your guns....I've had 6 babies (all in public hospitals) and I've never had a VE.  As other PP said, I can't see the reason for it?

#24 Loz07

Posted 29 December 2012 - 05:17 PM


Yes, you have the right to refuse any sort of care / intervention you wish at any point - including mid procedure (ok, there may be some common sense here like you caan't back out once they have started a caaesar, but mid VE/S&S? Yes). . Any health professional cannot provide care without 'informed consent' - it is a legal and local policy requirement. Providing (or continuing to provide) care without consent is illegal.

The hospital should have a patient/consumer liaison or complaints officer (or similar). You can discuss (in confidence) any aspect of your care with them. If you do not wish to see the same OB again (I wouldn't!) then I would ring them first thing Monday to explain the situation and request an alternative OB be assigned. Alternatively, you may consider contacting them later (when you are comfortable) to inform them of what has happened etc.

Your state health department should also have a consumer charter/rights and responsibilities statement. It may be in the plethora of booklets you have been given, or on their website (if you are in SA pm me and I can give more info...)

Also you may want to check - by definition I believe all OBs are surgeons (although some may choose not to do some procedures etc), so make sure this OB won't be doing your CS (if you have one). Again, contact the liaison officer...

In the meantime, take care of yourself and hope you enter spontaneous labour (oh, and if you do - aagain I would refuse that OB if he happens to be working. Ask for an alternative OB and don't take no for an answer. Escalate to head of department or further if needed)

Good luck

ETA - agree with PP about foetal checks. But maybe scalp monitoring only if indicated (ctg or doppler not enough) and only if you're comfortable

Edited by Loz07, 29 December 2012 - 05:46 PM.

#25 OneProudMum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 06:41 PM

The only VE I have had were:
DS: In labour to check progress once at 6 cms
DD: Twice (with my approval) due to what I thought was PROM and once in labour at 7 cms

Reply to this topic


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Kourtney Kardashian goes nude for art

We've all done some pretty radical things after a big break-up, but Kourtney Kardashian has gone one better.

Video shows babies 'singing' to music in the womb

A new study has shown that babies may actually be able to hear from as early as 16 weeks – 10 weeks earlier than was commonly thought.

Prevent pelvic pain with pre-pregnancy exercise: study

Women who want to stave off aches and pains in pregnancy should exercise regularly before they conceive, experts say.

Dad's hilarious blog about life with twins

A stand-up comedian in the UK has plenty of new material since becoming a dad to twin boys.

Dinosaur products for babies and toddlers

Dinosaurs are one of those classic childhood crazes. We've put together a host of products for dinosaur-mad parents, babies and toddlers.

Restaurant manager sticks up for noisy baby

A mum was left upset by a note from neighbouring diners saying her screaming baby had ruined their dinner.

His name is Cayden: Mum and social media hit back after racist Facebook attack

When a man posted a selfie with a co-worker's son to Facebook, it became a magnet for racist comments.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five new mums will join the Essential Baby Test Drive Team and discover great new baby toys from Fisher-Price & write a review to be published on Essential Baby.

The Chinese tradition for new mums that can now cost $37,000 a month

Opulent rest time is becoming the gold standard in postpartum recovery, inspired by a Chinese confinement custom known as "sitting the month".

How the media can shape our decisions when it comes to labour

We all like to think that we make our choices in fair, reasoned and well-thought out ways. Not many of us would admit that we allowed the media to influence us in our life choices.

Mum told to express in pet relief area at airport

A woman who flew from Boston to Washington says staff with United Airlines at Washington's Dulles Airport suggested she pump her breast milk in the pet-relief area.

Heartbreak as mum dies and her baby chokes to death

An Australian woman living in the US collapsed and died while feeding her baby, who then choked to death on his food. 

The hidden mental health illness of anxiety

Anxiety took over Robyn Read's life to such an extent she could not even buy the groceries and felt suicidal.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Mum gives birth to India's heaviest baby

An Indian woman has given birth to a baby boy weighing a whopping 5.97kg, setting a new record for the country's heaviest baby.

Grandma surprised with brand new granddaughter

Finding out you’re going to be a grandmother can be a very emotional moment. Finding out that you’re a grandmother and the baby is already here is just out of this world.

Saltwater Sandals for babies and toddlers

Many mamas are wearing Saltwater Sandals - why not buy them for your babies and toddlers too?

How to spring clean your body and mind

Whether you're pregnant, already a mum, or are just trying to be a bit more healthy, there are ways to use the rejuvenating season to give yourself a boost.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.