Jump to content

What Happens If I Refuse A VE?


37 replies to this topic

#1 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:56 AM

Today I'm 41 weeks pregnant with my first child and I've already been induced twice and sent home twice. First induction was on the 18th of December and the second was on the 24th. I'm booked in for a 3rd induction on the 2nd of January.

I know that S&Ss aren't meant to be comfortable and generally are quite painful, but the 3rd S&S I had on the 24th of December was absolutely brutal. It's been 5 days and I'm still tender. I'm not sure why I've been induced, twice, as my cervix is high, posterior and unfavourable for induction AND S&Ss, but he still continues to put prostin in. I haven't dilated a single cm.

My 3rd S&S was quite traumatic. I was crying out and swearing, and I said "stop" and "no" more than once. Yesterday was the first time I've been able to talk about it to anyone. I feel really violated and assaulted by the whole experience, and I've been having panic attacks when I think about it happening again. I know that on the 2nd of January he's going to want to do a VE and possibly another S&S and I'm absolutely terrified. What's the next step if I refuse a VE? Will they just do a c-section? I've been begging for a c-section since 38 weeks but no one will listen to me.

People in my DIG think that I should change hospitals, but it's so late in the game. I don't know what to do. I just want my c-section. I don't care anymore.

#2 Soontobegran

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:13 PM

I have no idea what is going on OP?
It seems crazy to me that you'd have had a stretch and sweep if you had a long and posterior cervix and you weren't post term.
Do you have normal BP, is your baby moving well?

I am going to PM you.

#3 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:14 PM

My partner is with me 100% of the time with anything to do with the baby, and he saw how I was treated at the 3rd S&S, and he could hear me begging the doctor to stop. He was just frozen with fear because of how much pain I was in.

I don't trust the doctor that if I have a VE he wouldn't just try an S&S. I didn't ask for an S&S the 2nd or the 3rd time. I honestly don't understand a lot of what he's doing and why. My dates put me at 42+1 but hospital dates have me only at 41. He was happy to go with my dates (which is why I was induced) until they didn't fit his schedule (couldn't do a caesar on the 24th, so changed my dates back to hospital dates).

I don't know how to change hospitals now.

ETA- I'm 100% healthy, baby is healthy. Been told (by him) that she's in a great position for birthing and fully engaged. Told my numerous midwives that she's not engaged at all and that she's sitting posterior.

Edited by Luna-baby, 29 December 2012 - 12:16 PM.


#4 BabyHopeful

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

Absolutely you can refuse a VE! I had to ask my Dr to do a S&S, he is very hands off.
Are you going public or private? Can you see a different Dr next time?

Honestly I would not be going back to him.

Edited by BabyHopeful, 29 December 2012 - 12:18 PM.


#5 ScarfaceClaw

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

Are you public or private OP? You are well within your rights to refuse a VE and also refuse to have this person be your care provider.
I just want to express my sadness that your experience has been traumatic, and hope that when you are ready you can seek some care for yourself to allow you to move through this experience.

I must admit I'm also a little confused by the process of inducing someone who wasn't at due date (according to sig) and you were obviously medically well, as you went home again. Twice.

Good luck x

#6 ubermum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:17 PM

You are totally within your rights to refuse any and all intervention if you want. You were assaulted. If someone does not stop touching you when you say no, it's assault. Is there any reason that you can't wait until 42 weeks? I had an induction at 42 weeks, I wouldn't consent to one earlier and had no indication for it.

What sort of care model are you using? Private ob?

#7 mum2jp

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

I am sure you can refuse one, not sure what the next step would be. With DS i had a S&S at my 41 week appointment in the hope to get things moving (it didn't), then again with gel the night before my induction. I was then induced at almost 42 weeks with the drip the following day. I don't know why your OB has been doing them from week 38, no need to hurry things when your not even overdue yet. As PP said can you take a support person to your next appointment.

If you have requested a C sec why have they said no? Hope you can sort things out. At the end of the day as long as baby arrives safely and you and bub are well thats all that matters. An induction was NOT my ideal birth but after he was born it didn't matter. Although i would request/insist on different things next time round.

#8 BabyHopeful

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:21 PM

Honestly there is no need for him to be doing VE. And I agree with the PP, boardering on abuse when he didn't stop when you asked him to.

#9 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:22 PM

Remember, YOUR BODY YOUR BABY YOUR CHOICE!

#10 Camizebra

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

I've got nothing helpful to add, except to say I am so sorry OP.  This is no way for you to be treated my goodness.  I hope everything works out.

#11 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

OB is public and asked me at 38 weeks if I'd like to have my baby early, where he did the first S&S. I said yes due to severe ligament pains and generally being over pregnancy. I'm healthy, baby is healthy. I didn't know that he wasn't willing to follow through on the inductions if a S&S didn't work. I didn't know I would be sent home when they didn't work, even though I was still contracting.

I feel like it's not my body at all. My request for a c-section has gone unheard since the first induction. I feel abused by the S&S and I feel like I have no right to refuse on the 2nd of Jan.

#12 Eirinn

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:47 PM

I am so sorry this happened to you OP. There is no way I would be returning to an abusive doctor. He is not showing you good care at all, and I can think of no good reason to induce you at 38 weeks if you and your baby are healthy.

If you really want a caesarean, now that you are 41 weeks the public hospital should be more accommodating of your request. It does sound like you only started wanting a caesar after your first failed induction though?

You are so close to the end, you only have days left. If I were you, I would spend these days looking after yourself. Go and have a massage or something, get your body and mind into the best place it can be for birth. Don't be disheartened by an 'unfavourable' cervix. Some women can be slightly dilated for weeks before labour; others have a high and closed cervix, and go into labour within hours. It doesn't mean anything!

It is your body and your baby, you have the right to refuse anything.

#13 raven74

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

I found sweeps agonising and refused a few. Also refused a couple of VE's prior to labour.  Totally your choice. Have your DH advocate for you if you don't have the strength to do so yourself (totally understandable, too given what you've gone through).
I am really surprised they've tried to induce twice given your dates and your cervix.  It seems the doctor is trying to force you to accomodate to his timetable and not that of your body or your baby.
Stay strong and I hope your baby is here for you soon, on your terms.

#14 axiomae

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:48 PM

Do not go back to that OB - he is abusive. Refuse him and ask for another one, or change hospitals. It doesn't matter this late in the game - you need to feel comfortable for your baby to have a good labour.

#15 Soontobegran

Posted 29 December 2012 - 01:57 PM

It is difficult to change hospitals and Obstetricians when you live regionally as there is often no choice.
Refuse point blank to have another VE unless you have had symptoms of effacement and dilation like a show or increased vaginal loss. I think you would get your C/S if you get to the 2nd without coming into labour OP.

Lots of luck .

#16 OneProudMum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:06 PM

OP I am so sorry you have gone through this.
I completely agree that you have been assaulted.
I know you think it's too late to change hospitals but please give another a call. At least just have a chat to a midwife and get their opinion on the transition.


Remember to trust your instinct always. X

#17 Corella

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

I find it surprising and a little archaic that VEs are done to healthy, normally gestating women in pregnancy at all. There aren't many reasons to do them and they're painful and invasive and it makes me sad to hear how traumatic they were for the OP! As someone said above how dilated you are today doesn't predict what happens tonight or tomorrow but does increase your stress and disconnect, and risk of infection and complications.

#18 Lim Lam

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:22 PM

OP Im sorry you feel this way, it sounds like assualt to my. I hope u get the delivery you hope for.

ps whats VE?

#19 back*again

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

I've refused a s'n's before, it wasn't treated as a big deal-it was just my choice.

#20 aryastark

Posted 29 December 2012 - 03:49 PM

Thanks for the advice everyone. I've decided to point-blank refuse any sort of intervention unless it's a c-section. There really isn't a lot more they can do, and I really can't see them forcing me down or anything like that. Even if that's a fear, I have my partner with me, and I know he won't let anything happen to me.

Some people aren't made for VB, and I've come to terms with that. Caesarian was always a high possibility given my family history, so I never had my heart set on any sort of birth.

The OB isn't a surgeon, so he won't be the one doing the c-section. I won't have to see him again after I refuse on Wednesday original.gif

#21 kwiggle

Posted 29 December 2012 - 04:33 PM

I know you are really upset by your experience OP, but keep your mind open to whatever comes in terms of birthing. You may go into natural labour any minute now & have a good experience from here. Family history is only part of your story. You can certainly refuse any further interventions, but may I recommend allowing checks on fetal well being if they are recommended. And if part of working out how to help you make decisions about your birth is another VE, do NOT allow anyone you are uncomfortable with perform it - request a different doctor (like the person who would be doing a CS if required) and tell them your story - there are ways to improve the comfort level for you. Honesty is the best policy, screw being polite.Good luck with your birth & I hope you are cuddling a wonderful newborn soon.

#22 Neph

Posted 29 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

OP that is just awful - I really hope you stick to your guns and take control of what happens to YOUR baby and body.  Definitely change doctor there - that's just abuse plain and simple.


With my previous experience I have learned that a lot of midwives/doctors instill unnecessary fear into labouring women and their partners in order to get them to do what THEY want and within THEIR timelines .... if you have your wits about you (not totally off the planet with pain or drugs in those moments) ... say NO to the mass of VEs and other procedures that get pushed on you.

I understand hospital staff have good intentions in most cases but honestly ... going back over my own hospital records there were so many interventions that just did not need to happen.  Baby and I were both not in any distress, other than the constant torture the MWs felt they needed to inflict all the time.


Rediculous *shakes head*

#23 back*again

Posted 29 December 2012 - 05:09 PM

QUOTE (Luna-baby @ 29/12/2012, 03:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks for the advice everyone. I've decided to point-blank refuse any sort of intervention unless it's a c-section. There really isn't a lot more they can do, and I really can't see them forcing me down or anything like that. Even if that's a fear, I have my partner with me, and I know he won't let anything happen to me.

Some people aren't made for VB, and I've come to terms with that. Caesarian was always a high possibility given my family history, so I never had my heart set on any sort of birth.

The OB isn't a surgeon, so he won't be the one doing the c-section. I won't have to see him again after I refuse on Wednesday original.gif


Good for you, just stick to your guns....I've had 6 babies (all in public hospitals) and I've never had a VE.  As other PP said, I can't see the reason for it?


#24 Loz07

Posted 29 December 2012 - 05:17 PM

Hi OP

Yes, you have the right to refuse any sort of care / intervention you wish at any point - including mid procedure (ok, there may be some common sense here like you caan't back out once they have started a caaesar, but mid VE/S&S? Yes). . Any health professional cannot provide care without 'informed consent' - it is a legal and local policy requirement. Providing (or continuing to provide) care without consent is illegal.

The hospital should have a patient/consumer liaison or complaints officer (or similar). You can discuss (in confidence) any aspect of your care with them. If you do not wish to see the same OB again (I wouldn't!) then I would ring them first thing Monday to explain the situation and request an alternative OB be assigned. Alternatively, you may consider contacting them later (when you are comfortable) to inform them of what has happened etc.

Your state health department should also have a consumer charter/rights and responsibilities statement. It may be in the plethora of booklets you have been given, or on their website (if you are in SA pm me and I can give more info...)

Also you may want to check - by definition I believe all OBs are surgeons (although some may choose not to do some procedures etc), so make sure this OB won't be doing your CS (if you have one). Again, contact the liaison officer...

In the meantime, take care of yourself and hope you enter spontaneous labour (oh, and if you do - aagain I would refuse that OB if he happens to be working. Ask for an alternative OB and don't take no for an answer. Escalate to head of department or further if needed)

Good luck

ETA - agree with PP about foetal checks. But maybe scalp monitoring only if indicated (ctg or doppler not enough) and only if you're comfortable

Edited by Loz07, 29 December 2012 - 05:46 PM.


#25 OneProudMum

Posted 29 December 2012 - 06:41 PM

The only VE I have had were:
DS: In labour to check progress once at 6 cms
DD: Twice (with my approval) due to what I thought was PROM and once in labour at 7 cms



Reply to this topic



  


1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How I learnt to relax about routines

After many routine-led, tough years, we've realised that being parenting isn't about being perfect. It isn't about following a schedule to a T.

Should you have a third child or not?

I thought our family had been complete with our two boys. I had no idea how much I needed my daughter until she was here.

Helping a toddler embrace an adopted sibling

A single parent by choice, I am preparing to adopt a second baby from Morocco. And I face a special challenge.

When pregnancy messes with your self-esteem

Pregnancy doesn't make all women feel beautiful. It certainly doesn't raise every woman's self-esteem.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Robbie Williams live tweets wife's labour

And the award for most patient woman in labour goes to ... Robbie Williams' wife, Ayda Field.

Vaccine ignorance is deadly and contagious

In the absence of credible, strong political leadership, paranoia about disease can go viral.

Parenting differently based on birth order

All children have unique personalities, but keeping birth order in mind could help when parenting.

How to get rid of the mum guilt

Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand, but there are ways to focus

Paid parental leave scheme grinds to a halt

The future of Prime Minister Tony Abbott's paid parental leave scheme appears to be up in the air, despite the fact it is due to begin in less than nine months.

The devastation of foetal alcohol spectrum disorders

No one's sure how many Australians are affected by foetal alcohol spectrum disorders, but the consequences for those who are can be devastating.

The pros and cons of finding out the sex of your unborn baby

It’s often one of the biggest choices parents make during the course of their pregnancy; to find out, or not to find out, the sex of their baby before it’s born.

Toddler's awesome dress up month

Two-year-old Willow and her photographer mum, Gina Lee, made October "Dress Up Willow Month". She posted photos of Willow's costumes on her Instagram account, and her creative takes on popular culture are simply adorable.

Childhood around the world

It can be easy to assume our ideas around childhood are universal, but they are particular to where we live, as these practices show.

Best picks for baby and toddler shoes

Here's a great selection of footwear from pre-walker to walker ensuring comfort and style for growing feet.

I lost my wife and daughters to Ebola - then it came for my son

Sunday, September 21, is a day I will never forget.

The 'yucky' illness that took over my life

I have a chronic illness nobody likes to discuss. It involves toilet talk, and probably caused my miscarriage. But it needs to be talked about.

Prenatal testing: the facts

Prenatal testing is done to check if a baby has certain medical conditions before birth. Here is some important information about what the tests are for and the risks involved.

5 things to do with your baby?s old clothes

Did you think your only option for your baby?s old clothes was to pack them away or give them to the Salvos? Think again.

Why it's possible to not realise you're pregnant until the baby arrives

After hearing about 'surprise babies' born to mums who didn't know they were pregnant, it's common to ask "how did she not realise?" But experts say it's entirely possible for it to happen.

'My miracle is finally here'

How has the world continued on its pace when mine has been altered so drastically?

Dairy can help older women fall pregnant: study

Ice cream may be the ultimate comfort food, but a study suggests it could also help older women to have children.

Megan Gale goes topless for 'sexiest people' cover

Six months after a heavily pregnant Megan Gale posed nude for Marie Claire, the glowing new mum has gone topless for the cover of another magazine.

A new perspective on life from living with two diseases

A mother shares her personal story about the difficulty of living with two conditions, one of which stops her from being able to see her daughter's face.

Warning about Children's Panadol dosage

The Therapeutic Goods Administration has issued a safety advisory warning parents about confusion when using the dosing syringe supplied with Children's Panadol.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Take 'The Coles Big Nappy Change' Challenge

You could become part of our Test Drive team and win one of 200 packs of Coles Little Explorer Nappies as part of our 5-day challenge.

Win 1 of 5 Canon Powershot D30 cameras

Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!

16 parenting truths you won't find in the baby books

I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.

Best and worst potty party cakes

It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.

7 tips for a financially festive Christmas

Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.

'Go the F*** to Sleep' author's new book for frustrated parents

A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.

Great birthday party buys from Etsy

Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.

Join us in The BIG nappy change

Introducing the new Coles Little Explorer Nappies! You can confidently rely on Coles Little Explorer nappies at each stage of your child's growth, so take the Big Nappy Change and try new Coles Little Explorer nappies for yourself!

Creative storage ideas for the kids' rooms

Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.

Weird trend

Couple has five babies in 14 months

Julie and David Grygla weren't sure they'd ever have kids - but their dreams have now well and truly come true.

To the mum in the doctor's waiting room

Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.

10 space-saving nursery ideas

Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.

 

What's in a name?

Baby Names

Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.