Jump to content

DD seems very vain, how to reduce her focus on looks?
She is not even 8 yet!


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

As the topic says, DD will be 8 in a few months and has this focus (obsession?) with how she looks. Now I know many girls love fluffing in front of the mirror and are keen on trying out make up etc.
But in this case, I find it becomes a bit obsessive and to be frank, it irritates me a little. The constant talk about how this or that would look and about if people will like her hair/dress/face etc.

I'm not overly girly when it comes to these things and certainly don't talk about them much.

How can we discourage this focus on looks? Can we?

Have you DDs gone through phases like these? Or is it likely to remain a focus for her?

#2 raone

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

If you aren't that way are her friends?

#3 fruitbat72

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:03 AM

With my girls, I try to reinforce that a person's worth is not HOW they look but what they are like as a person.  We also try and make sure they realise that being pretty is not the be all and end all, that being a decent person (kind, considerate, thoughtful, ethical) will make you a lot more friends.

Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves

#4 Cranky Kitten

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

My DD went through a stage at about that age where she loved trying on clothes and fluffing in front of the mirror etc.

These days I'm lucky if I can get her to brush her hair and pick a clean t-shirt before we go out without umpteen reminders.

Relax, reassure her that she's pretty but also compliment other things (she's clever, kind, helpful etc) and hopefully one day we'll both have a DD that falls somewhere in between.



#5 snuffles

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

DD is nine and has gone through stages of thinking a lot about her appearance.  I just try to make sure that I don't put a lot of emphasis on appearances myself (besides I am a real tomboy as well).

So if DD asks if I like how she looks, I just say yes, do you like it?  If she says yes then I tell her, that's all that matters, as long as you like it, it doesn't really matter what I think.  If she asks, will other people like it?  I say, I don't know, do you like it?  And so on.  I keep deflecting the conversation back to her own opinion of her appearance, emphasising that her opinion is the one that matters.

I am also careful not to focus too much on people's appearances myself, when talking to the kids.  Or mine.  Appearances are secondary to me anyway so it doesn't take much effort on my behalf.

Don't know if that helps but that's all I got!


#6 Harlekijn engel

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Is she old enough to read Little Women?  As I recall some of the characters have to deal with the same issues in that.

#7 lucky 2

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:13 AM

My dd does the same at times and I do have twinges of concern about vanity.
I do what pp's have said, just talk about it openly.
It comes and goes, I also restrict movies/tv etc away from ones that focus on these things, she doesn't have fashion toys or games (not that interested anyway), I avoid music videos and the magazines as pp mentioned.
But even if a child is exposed to all things teenage it still doesn't mean they will grow up hyperfocused on appearance, it depends on the child.


#8 Iliketoflounce

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:39 AM

.

Edited by Minnieme4me, 29 December 2012 - 11:40 AM.


#9 wombat

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:47 AM

DD is 11 and has never been through this stage.  The only rason I can think, apart from personality is that we have been very strict about what she is allowed to watch/listen to. No music videos unless viewed by us first (eg most Tayloe Swift we are fine with, absolutely no Beyonce), definately no australias top model, mean girls, beauty pageant shows etc. She still likes to look nice when she goes out but is by no means obsesive about it.  I have always tried to be really laid back about how I look when she is around, if I'm getting ready to go somewhere I try to play down the whole 'how do I look" thing.

#10 AMPSyd

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I was reading a book called something like - raising girls.

The authors said it is really important to focus on daughter's strengths - like their trustworthiness, cleanliness, kindness, ability to draw lovely pictures, dancing, musical ability, how well she reads or does her school work, swims, etc. It takes away from their need to focus upon their own looks for self approval. It moves her from the - I am a great person because I look beautiful - to - I am a very talented/ kind .....

Girls do need approval and sometimes look to their own looks for that.

I have a 7 yr old DD who loves makeup but get her to brush her hair - arghhhhh.

#11 Kafkaesque

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:25 PM

My DD is nearly nine but for the last six months has been fixated on her looks. I'm not at all into appearance so not really sure where she gets it from.

QUOTE (fruitbat72 @ 29/12/2012, 07:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves


But how do you deal with it swiftly? We don't have tween magazines here either but the vanity is out of control.

#12 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

Some great points here, thank you so much.

Magazines certainly don't help. They even have them at the library so are not easy to ban. Tween shows on ABC3 also seem to be along those lines... Will have to be a little firmer on them I think.

Good to read other girls have similar phases, as it gives hope that it may be just that: a phase.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.