Jump to content

DD seems very vain, how to reduce her focus on looks?
She is not even 8 yet!

  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

As the topic says, DD will be 8 in a few months and has this focus (obsession?) with how she looks. Now I know many girls love fluffing in front of the mirror and are keen on trying out make up etc.
But in this case, I find it becomes a bit obsessive and to be frank, it irritates me a little. The constant talk about how this or that would look and about if people will like her hair/dress/face etc.

I'm not overly girly when it comes to these things and certainly don't talk about them much.

How can we discourage this focus on looks? Can we?

Have you DDs gone through phases like these? Or is it likely to remain a focus for her?

#2 raone

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

If you aren't that way are her friends?

#3 fruitbat72

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:03 AM

With my girls, I try to reinforce that a person's worth is not HOW they look but what they are like as a person.  We also try and make sure they realise that being pretty is not the be all and end all, that being a decent person (kind, considerate, thoughtful, ethical) will make you a lot more friends.

Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves

#4 Cranky Kitten

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

My DD went through a stage at about that age where she loved trying on clothes and fluffing in front of the mirror etc.

These days I'm lucky if I can get her to brush her hair and pick a clean t-shirt before we go out without umpteen reminders.

Relax, reassure her that she's pretty but also compliment other things (she's clever, kind, helpful etc) and hopefully one day we'll both have a DD that falls somewhere in between.

#5 snuffles

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

DD is nine and has gone through stages of thinking a lot about her appearance.  I just try to make sure that I don't put a lot of emphasis on appearances myself (besides I am a real tomboy as well).

So if DD asks if I like how she looks, I just say yes, do you like it?  If she says yes then I tell her, that's all that matters, as long as you like it, it doesn't really matter what I think.  If she asks, will other people like it?  I say, I don't know, do you like it?  And so on.  I keep deflecting the conversation back to her own opinion of her appearance, emphasising that her opinion is the one that matters.

I am also careful not to focus too much on people's appearances myself, when talking to the kids.  Or mine.  Appearances are secondary to me anyway so it doesn't take much effort on my behalf.

Don't know if that helps but that's all I got!

#6 Mitis angelam

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Is she old enough to read Little Women?  As I recall some of the characters have to deal with the same issues in that.

#7 lucky 2

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:13 AM

My dd does the same at times and I do have twinges of concern about vanity.
I do what pp's have said, just talk about it openly.
It comes and goes, I also restrict movies/tv etc away from ones that focus on these things, she doesn't have fashion toys or games (not that interested anyway), I avoid music videos and the magazines as pp mentioned.
But even if a child is exposed to all things teenage it still doesn't mean they will grow up hyperfocused on appearance, it depends on the child.

#8 Iliketoflounce

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:39 AM


Edited by Minnieme4me, 29 December 2012 - 11:40 AM.

#9 wombat

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:47 AM

DD is 11 and has never been through this stage.  The only rason I can think, apart from personality is that we have been very strict about what she is allowed to watch/listen to. No music videos unless viewed by us first (eg most Tayloe Swift we are fine with, absolutely no Beyonce), definately no australias top model, mean girls, beauty pageant shows etc. She still likes to look nice when she goes out but is by no means obsesive about it.  I have always tried to be really laid back about how I look when she is around, if I'm getting ready to go somewhere I try to play down the whole 'how do I look" thing.

#10 AMPSyd

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I was reading a book called something like - raising girls.

The authors said it is really important to focus on daughter's strengths - like their trustworthiness, cleanliness, kindness, ability to draw lovely pictures, dancing, musical ability, how well she reads or does her school work, swims, etc. It takes away from their need to focus upon their own looks for self approval. It moves her from the - I am a great person because I look beautiful - to - I am a very talented/ kind .....

Girls do need approval and sometimes look to their own looks for that.

I have a 7 yr old DD who loves makeup but get her to brush her hair - arghhhhh.

#11 Kafkaesque

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:25 PM

My DD is nearly nine but for the last six months has been fixated on her looks. I'm not at all into appearance so not really sure where she gets it from.

QUOTE (fruitbat72 @ 29/12/2012, 07:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves

But how do you deal with it swiftly? We don't have tween magazines here either but the vanity is out of control.

#12 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

Some great points here, thank you so much.

Magazines certainly don't help. They even have them at the library so are not easy to ban. Tween shows on ABC3 also seem to be along those lines... Will have to be a little firmer on them I think.

Good to read other girls have similar phases, as it gives hope that it may be just that: a phase.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Newborn baby found in a nativity scene

Police are trying to trace a woman who abandoned a baby boy in the manger of a church nativity scene.

Life would be harder without my kids

The Humans of New York Facebook page is well known for sharing touching, real stories from one of the world's biggest cities – and it's just hit the heart of parents everywhere.

Mum dresses as Wonder Woman for last day of chemo

A Brisbane mum dressed up as a superhero to celebrate the end of her chemotherapy and created a moment her family will remember forever.

How a raisin can predict a toddler's IQ

All you need to assess a child's future intelligence is a plastic cup and a raisin, according to new research.

Former Hi-5 member's cannabis hope

Former Hi-5 star Tim Harding hopes a cannabis-derived drug will help control his daughter's epilepsy, which sees the four-year-old suffering between 50 and 100 seizures a day.

The top 5 reasons your toddler throws a tantrum

Whilst to the outside world little people may appear to have it easy, it's actually not always the case – just ask any toddler who's had their toast cut up the wrong way.

Glenn McGrath thought he'd lost his wife and baby

Australian cricket ledged Glen McGrath has spoken about the moment he thought he might lose his wife, Sara and their baby daughter, Madison.


Inside my Centrelink nightmare

Mother Bec Smith has been trying for months to access Centrelink payments. A "serious error" is preventing her.

Warnings over push for hourly childcare billing

Australia's peak childcare body has called for caution around the Turnbull government's push for childcare centres to charge parents by the hour, not by the day.

Cate Blanchett thought about adopting for years

Cate Blanchett says her recent adoption of a baby girl had nothing to do with wanting a daughter after having three sons.

Kate Walsh: 'I can't have kids'

Grey's Anatomy star Kate Walsh has revealed she is unable to have children because she has experienced early menopause.

The parasite that could boost fertility

The Tsimane women of Bolivia are often revered as among the most fertile in the world - on average having 10 children in their lifetimes -- but some are even more fertile than others.

Family may sue cousin over genetics

A Melbourne couple is suing the Royal Children's Hospital for failing to diagnose a genetic disorder in their first child - an error they allege caused them to have another child with severe disabilities.

Strange things mums have done in labour

While most women in labour focus on the upcoming birth of their baby, some women do more interesting things.

Michael Clarke reveals baby's name

When Michael Clarke said he was wrapped around the finger of his little princess, he wasn't joking.

The logistics of breastfeeding twins

Our life is more or less divided into neat four hour parcels of time and it's hard to get much of anything done in the time between feeds.

How to stop people ruining Christmas

We can make a conscious effort about how we react to those curly Christmas day scenarios that can send us up the wall, or should we say chimney.

Lots of formula offers for desperate mum

The mum who was down to her last three tins of baby formula said she had received hundreds of calls and offers to send her formula.

Surviving breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Cot sheet brands for the nursery

With so many awesome cot sheet options these days, we thought we'd put together a list of go-to brands for you to seek out for your baby's bed.


What's hot on EB

How I survived breast cancer while pregnant

It was last thing Rebecca O'Donnell expected at 30 weeks' pregnant. One morning, while putting on her bra, she felt a pea-sized lump in her right breast.

Grieving father's letter to Bataclan terrorists: "...this little boy will threaten you by being happy and free"

A grieving father whose wife was killed in the attacks on the Bataclan Theatre last weekend has written an open letter to her killers.

5 challenges of motherhood - and how to see them differently

Despite the smiles, the sloppy kisses and the pure magic children bring to our lives, it's hard to deny that motherhood can be tough.

4 challenges of being a new dad - and how to face them

Becoming a parent is challenging – and that applies to both mums and dads.

My battle against antenatal and postnatal depression

I was five months pregnant when I realised I needed help.

Children swapped at birth will not be returned to biological parents

A boy and girl accidentally swapped on the day they were born will stay with the families who have raised them, a South African court has ruled.

A quarter of men believe they get 'man periods'

A British study has revealed one in four men believe they have a monthly cycle.

Baby deposit

How much do you need to save for a 'baby deposit'?

It's fairly straightforward to calculate a house deposit, but how much money do you need to save up for a baby?

Dad's beautiful note to his wife, a nurse

To anyone else it might just look like a picture of a mum having a nap with her toddler.

'I was a complete schmuck': Mike Baird opens up about his wife's postnatal depression

When his wife Kerryn was not well following the birth of their daughter, NSW Premier Mike Baird buried himself in his work.

Mum's desperate plea as whooping cough alert issued

A desperate mother has shared a heart-breaking video of her baby struggling to cope with a coughing fit caused by pertussis.

Coffee could help you live longer

New US research found people who report drinking three to five cups of coffee a day are less likely to die prematurely from heart disease, suicide, diabetes or Parkinson's disease.

The joy and dread of playdates

To live vicariously through your child is to rediscover anxieties you thought dead and buried.

Sick baby could die without scarce special formula, mum says

Lizzie Cann is down to her last three tins of a special formula in short supply.

Adorable toddler's strop foiled by squeaky shoes

We're probably all familiar with the pouty bottom lip and tightly crossed arms of a tot mid-strop.

More sex during World Cup created more baby boys

More sex during South Africa's World Cup meant a disproportionately high number of boys were born nine months later, a new study has found.

Win one of two ABC Shop prize packs in time for Christmas

What a boon it would be to have your toddler's Christmas gifts covered this year. We have two awesome ABC Shop prize packs to give away to two lucky winners.

Do fitness challenges really work?

Fitness challenges aren't new. There's Michelle Bridges 12WBT and a bunch of other programs if you really want to lose weight.

What are pregnant women Googling?

Pregnancy is a huge change for any woman, so it's natural we'll have questions - and turn to Google to ask them.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.