Jump to content

DD seems very vain, how to reduce her focus on looks?
She is not even 8 yet!


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

As the topic says, DD will be 8 in a few months and has this focus (obsession?) with how she looks. Now I know many girls love fluffing in front of the mirror and are keen on trying out make up etc.
But in this case, I find it becomes a bit obsessive and to be frank, it irritates me a little. The constant talk about how this or that would look and about if people will like her hair/dress/face etc.

I'm not overly girly when it comes to these things and certainly don't talk about them much.

How can we discourage this focus on looks? Can we?

Have you DDs gone through phases like these? Or is it likely to remain a focus for her?

#2 raone

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

If you aren't that way are her friends?

#3 fruitbat72

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:03 AM

With my girls, I try to reinforce that a person's worth is not HOW they look but what they are like as a person.  We also try and make sure they realise that being pretty is not the be all and end all, that being a decent person (kind, considerate, thoughtful, ethical) will make you a lot more friends.

Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves

#4 Cranky Kitten

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

My DD went through a stage at about that age where she loved trying on clothes and fluffing in front of the mirror etc.

These days I'm lucky if I can get her to brush her hair and pick a clean t-shirt before we go out without umpteen reminders.

Relax, reassure her that she's pretty but also compliment other things (she's clever, kind, helpful etc) and hopefully one day we'll both have a DD that falls somewhere in between.



#5 snuffles

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

DD is nine and has gone through stages of thinking a lot about her appearance.  I just try to make sure that I don't put a lot of emphasis on appearances myself (besides I am a real tomboy as well).

So if DD asks if I like how she looks, I just say yes, do you like it?  If she says yes then I tell her, that's all that matters, as long as you like it, it doesn't really matter what I think.  If she asks, will other people like it?  I say, I don't know, do you like it?  And so on.  I keep deflecting the conversation back to her own opinion of her appearance, emphasising that her opinion is the one that matters.

I am also careful not to focus too much on people's appearances myself, when talking to the kids.  Or mine.  Appearances are secondary to me anyway so it doesn't take much effort on my behalf.

Don't know if that helps but that's all I got!


#6 Angelot

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Is she old enough to read Little Women?  As I recall some of the characters have to deal with the same issues in that.

#7 lucky 2

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:13 AM

My dd does the same at times and I do have twinges of concern about vanity.
I do what pp's have said, just talk about it openly.
It comes and goes, I also restrict movies/tv etc away from ones that focus on these things, she doesn't have fashion toys or games (not that interested anyway), I avoid music videos and the magazines as pp mentioned.
But even if a child is exposed to all things teenage it still doesn't mean they will grow up hyperfocused on appearance, it depends on the child.


#8 Iliketoflounce

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:39 AM

.

Edited by Minnieme4me, 29 December 2012 - 11:40 AM.


#9 wombat

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:47 AM

DD is 11 and has never been through this stage.  The only rason I can think, apart from personality is that we have been very strict about what she is allowed to watch/listen to. No music videos unless viewed by us first (eg most Tayloe Swift we are fine with, absolutely no Beyonce), definately no australias top model, mean girls, beauty pageant shows etc. She still likes to look nice when she goes out but is by no means obsesive about it.  I have always tried to be really laid back about how I look when she is around, if I'm getting ready to go somewhere I try to play down the whole 'how do I look" thing.

#10 AMPSyd

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I was reading a book called something like - raising girls.

The authors said it is really important to focus on daughter's strengths - like their trustworthiness, cleanliness, kindness, ability to draw lovely pictures, dancing, musical ability, how well she reads or does her school work, swims, etc. It takes away from their need to focus upon their own looks for self approval. It moves her from the - I am a great person because I look beautiful - to - I am a very talented/ kind .....

Girls do need approval and sometimes look to their own looks for that.

I have a 7 yr old DD who loves makeup but get her to brush her hair - arghhhhh.

#11 Kafkaesque

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:25 PM

My DD is nearly nine but for the last six months has been fixated on her looks. I'm not at all into appearance so not really sure where she gets it from.

QUOTE (fruitbat72 @ 29/12/2012, 07:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves


But how do you deal with it swiftly? We don't have tween magazines here either but the vanity is out of control.

#12 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

Some great points here, thank you so much.

Magazines certainly don't help. They even have them at the library so are not easy to ban. Tween shows on ABC3 also seem to be along those lines... Will have to be a little firmer on them I think.

Good to read other girls have similar phases, as it gives hope that it may be just that: a phase.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

An open letter to Tony Abbott: please salvage our super

We face financial ruin, but most of us don?t realise it. If we don?t act together to salvage our superannuation, I have no doubt the new GFC will be the Girls? Financial Crisis.

'I'm happy to know I'm changing lives': surrogate mum of two

I know that once the baby is born, I will focus on the gift I have given, and watch the parents with their new child. I can't wait for that day.

Birth trauma and the issue of informed consent

There is a perception that women should just be happy they have a healthy baby in their arms. But for women who experienced birth trauma, there's a lot more to it.

Tips for managing pollen allergies and hayfever

They're simple tips, but they can have a big impact on those who suffer from hayfever and pollen allergies.

Ada Nicodemou shares tribute to her stillborn baby

Just over one month since Ada Nicodemou and her husband lost their second son, the Home and Away star has shared a touching poem for her baby.

Mum causes stir breastfeeding on train

?To the woman breastfeeding her kid on the train. Seriously! On the train?" began the letter of complaint.

10 things they don?t tell you about being pregnant

As I slowly waddle my ever-changing pregnant body towards the finishing line of my due date, it?s becoming increasingly clear there are a lot of things they just don?t tell you about pregnancy.

Overcoming a fear of the dark

A toddler's fear of the dark is very normal, but there are ways parents can help children through this stage in their development.

Kids, TV and movies: how young is too young?

It seems you don't have to throw the TV and iPad out the window - it all boils down to moderation, supervision and interaction.

Video: Baby's first birthday is a special day for mum, too

?A baby?s first birthday is also mum?s first birthday.?

The day Supernanny came to tea

Prince William's favourite celebrity child trainer Jo Frost puts Bryony Gordon and her toddler through their paces.

Tales from the homefront

When you're at work you sort of assume that your house is basically just sitting there quietly doing nothing until you return. However, since spending my days at home, I've learned this couldn't be further from the truth.

The words I hated hearing as new mum

It was less than a week after my son was born that I first heard it - from my mother.

To the pharmacist who sold me baby formula

On the rare occasion I catch sight of you at school, or around town, I think back to our earliest exchange. I?m sure you have no recollection of it at all.

Babies may benefit from autism therapy

Children showing signs of autism don't usually receive early intervention until well into toddlerhood or later, but a new study suggests infants with symptoms of the developmental disorder might benefit from therapy from as early as six months.

Knatalye and Adeline born with an everlasting bond

Knatalye Hope and Adeline Faith are a lot like any other identical twin girls, but there is one dramatic difference: they're joined at the chest and shares several internal organs.

The question this dad wishes he'd asked his wife

I should have seen that my wife wasn't the same person I'd fallen in love with, but we were both too focused on simply trying to get by.

Why we should talk about the deaths of the Hunt children

The deaths are too horrible even to think about. Yet we owe it to the children - Fletcher, Mia and Phoebe Hunt - to think long and hard about it all.

Baby dies of meningococcal weeks after vaccine application denied

A six-month-old girl has died from meningococcal disease just weeks after an application for government funding of a vaccine for the most deadly strain of the virus was rejected.

Finding the right balance when playing with your kids

Being too involved in our children?s play and not allowing our kids enough free time for unstructured activities can mean our kids miss out on the value that play offers.

Creative DIY light shades

The Pop Light light shade comes in a flat pack already made - it's up to you to design it as you'd like.

The battle of iParenting versus imagination

Have we forgotten how to be imaginative, resourceful parents?

Why movement is so important for your baby's growth

Letting your child move as much as possible in the early years ? using all senses, engaging in the real world, preferably outside ? will help them grow up healthier, smarter, calmer and stronger.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Special offer: The Baby & Toddler Show 2014

At The Baby & Toddler Show, you?ll find everything you need to get ready for your new arrival and guide you through the early weeks and years of parenting.

Losing yourself to motherhood

While watching your baby grow into a unique little person is exciting and wondrous, the intensity of meeting everyone else?s needs can ever so sneakily overtake your own needs for self-care.

Tearing during delivery: the facts

Almost all women will experience bruising, grazing or tearing after a vaginal birth. Depending on the degree of tearing, there are various treatments available.

6 tips for a day out with a baby and toddler

Outings can be lots of fun with the kids, but there are inevitable challenges. Here's some information about days out to help you be a little more prepared.

Why I invited a dozen people to watch my son's birth

I sent invitations on burgundy scrapbooking paper stamped with a field of poppies, and told each person why I wanted him or her there. I warned that there would be nudity.

Getting labour started: tips for a natural induction

When your baby?s due date comes and goes without so much as a pop - let alone a bang - it can be disheartening. Mums and a doula share their stories of natural inductions.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

That's my boy: a dad's diary of the first 4 months

Unbearable anxiety, unspeakable joy, constant exhaustion and bouts of frustration ... The many shocks of first-time fatherhood resound in a dad's diary of his son's early months.

One of the most important things a new mum can do

Finances may not be as cute as a newborn, but with many women?s working arrangements changing post-baby, monetary matters need attention too.

6 things I didn't expect as a parent

From weird smells to dangerous opinions, painful body parts to numbness, here are a few things new mums and dads can expect.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Reader offer

2 FOR 1 TICKET OFFER

For Shopping, For Advice, For Baby & You. Enjoy a special day out with fabulous shopping from over 200 brands, leading parenting experts offering advice on a range of topics, and amazing children?s entertainment

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.