Jump to content

DD seems very vain, how to reduce her focus on looks?
She is not even 8 yet!


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:53 AM

As the topic says, DD will be 8 in a few months and has this focus (obsession?) with how she looks. Now I know many girls love fluffing in front of the mirror and are keen on trying out make up etc.
But in this case, I find it becomes a bit obsessive and to be frank, it irritates me a little. The constant talk about how this or that would look and about if people will like her hair/dress/face etc.

I'm not overly girly when it comes to these things and certainly don't talk about them much.

How can we discourage this focus on looks? Can we?

Have you DDs gone through phases like these? Or is it likely to remain a focus for her?

#2 raone

Posted 29 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

If you aren't that way are her friends?

#3 fruitbat72

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:03 AM

With my girls, I try to reinforce that a person's worth is not HOW they look but what they are like as a person.  We also try and make sure they realise that being pretty is not the be all and end all, that being a decent person (kind, considerate, thoughtful, ethical) will make you a lot more friends.

Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves

#4 Cranky Kitten

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

My DD went through a stage at about that age where she loved trying on clothes and fluffing in front of the mirror etc.

These days I'm lucky if I can get her to brush her hair and pick a clean t-shirt before we go out without umpteen reminders.

Relax, reassure her that she's pretty but also compliment other things (she's clever, kind, helpful etc) and hopefully one day we'll both have a DD that falls somewhere in between.



#5 snuffles

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

DD is nine and has gone through stages of thinking a lot about her appearance.  I just try to make sure that I don't put a lot of emphasis on appearances myself (besides I am a real tomboy as well).

So if DD asks if I like how she looks, I just say yes, do you like it?  If she says yes then I tell her, that's all that matters, as long as you like it, it doesn't really matter what I think.  If she asks, will other people like it?  I say, I don't know, do you like it?  And so on.  I keep deflecting the conversation back to her own opinion of her appearance, emphasising that her opinion is the one that matters.

I am also careful not to focus too much on people's appearances myself, when talking to the kids.  Or mine.  Appearances are secondary to me anyway so it doesn't take much effort on my behalf.

Don't know if that helps but that's all I got!


#6 statua angelam

Posted 29 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Is she old enough to read Little Women?  As I recall some of the characters have to deal with the same issues in that.

#7 lucky 2

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:13 AM

My dd does the same at times and I do have twinges of concern about vanity.
I do what pp's have said, just talk about it openly.
It comes and goes, I also restrict movies/tv etc away from ones that focus on these things, she doesn't have fashion toys or games (not that interested anyway), I avoid music videos and the magazines as pp mentioned.
But even if a child is exposed to all things teenage it still doesn't mean they will grow up hyperfocused on appearance, it depends on the child.


#8 fluttershy

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:18 AM


Maybe get her into a sport or some hobby, then her focus will be less on looks and more on ability.

I've noticed when my girls are super focused on art, surfing, even birdwatching, interest in their looks is almost non-existent to the point that I have to beg them sometimes to look in the mirror, lol.



#9 Iliketoflounce

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:39 AM

.

Edited by Minnieme4me, 29 December 2012 - 11:40 AM.


#10 wombat

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:47 AM

DD is 11 and has never been through this stage.  The only rason I can think, apart from personality is that we have been very strict about what she is allowed to watch/listen to. No music videos unless viewed by us first (eg most Tayloe Swift we are fine with, absolutely no Beyonce), definately no australias top model, mean girls, beauty pageant shows etc. She still likes to look nice when she goes out but is by no means obsesive about it.  I have always tried to be really laid back about how I look when she is around, if I'm getting ready to go somewhere I try to play down the whole 'how do I look" thing.

#11 AMPSyd

Posted 29 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I was reading a book called something like - raising girls.

The authors said it is really important to focus on daughter's strengths - like their trustworthiness, cleanliness, kindness, ability to draw lovely pictures, dancing, musical ability, how well she reads or does her school work, swims, etc. It takes away from their need to focus upon their own looks for self approval. It moves her from the - I am a great person because I look beautiful - to - I am a very talented/ kind .....

Girls do need approval and sometimes look to their own looks for that.

I have a 7 yr old DD who loves makeup but get her to brush her hair - arghhhhh.

#12 Kafkaesque

Posted 29 December 2012 - 12:25 PM

My DD is nearly nine but for the last six months has been fixated on her looks. I'm not at all into appearance so not really sure where she gets it from.

QUOTE (fruitbat72 @ 29/12/2012, 07:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Any hint of excessive vanity is dealt with swiftly. I personally blame those ridiculous tween magazines - I have banned them from the house, unless they pay for them themselves


But how do you deal with it swiftly? We don't have tween magazines here either but the vanity is out of control.

#13 Still-here!

Posted 29 December 2012 - 02:32 PM

Some great points here, thank you so much.

Magazines certainly don't help. They even have them at the library so are not easy to ban. Tween shows on ABC3 also seem to be along those lines... Will have to be a little firmer on them I think.

Good to read other girls have similar phases, as it gives hope that it may be just that: a phase.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Life with anxiety

At times, I feel pretty worthless. In those moments, all I want to do is curl up into a ball and hide in the dark. I can try to quiet my mind, but it won?t shut up.

IVF leaves woman pregnant with another couple's twins

An Italian woman has been told the twins she is three months pregnant with are not hers.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

What you need for the 'fourth trimester'

In my opinion, the first three months after the birth are the most intense. Here's what got me through that time after welcoming my baby.

Weaning a toddler off a dummy: a 15-day plan

Weaning your child off the dummy can be a traumatic experience for both of you. Here are some tips to help you through.

Choosing to be a solo parent

Two women share their stories of longing for a baby so much that they each decided not to wait for a partner before becoming a mum.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

The ultimate travel stroller: the Mountain Buggy nano

We tried the Mountain Buggy nano and give it an enthusiastic thumbs up. As the ultimate travel stroller, it's practical, has great features, and looks fab, too.

Mum's heartbreak as son dies in road accident

Daly Thomas and her two young sons were walking home from church on Tuesday afternoon. Her youngest son never made it.

New Kate Spade baby bag designs

Don?t adjust your screen: this bright beauty is coming to you in full colour.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win the brand new phil&teds vibe

Check out the good looking new release of the Vibe 3 and the Verve 4-wheeler inline strollers. To celebrate their release, we have a Vibe with double kit to give away.

Baby sleep

From birth to one year and beyond, read about baby sleep, soothing techniques, routines, and sleep school experiences.

Easter gifts for babies, no chocolate in sight!

If this is your little one?s first Easter you might want to mark the occasion with something a little extra special. Here are 10 Easter gift ideas, which won't harm little teeth.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Itchibubs: clothes for babies and toddlers with eczema

Parents of children who suffer from eczema will know only too well the scratching that occurs around the clock. A new clothing range aims to help make everyone more comfortable.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Caring for kids helps grandmothers stay mentally alert

Looking after grandchildren can help grandmothers ward off brain disease - but it's also possible to get too much of a good thing, researchers say.

Why I loved my third home water birth

After two water births at home, I was determined to give birth to my son the same way. I just hoped this birth would be quicker than my last two.

Revealed: 7 ways food marketers try to trick consumers

If you?re confused by food labels, you?re not alone. Next time you?re shopping for food, look out for these seven common labelling tricks.

'My mother-in-law found out our baby's gender behind our backs'

My husband and I mutually decided that we didn?t want to know our baby's sex before the birth, but his mother couldn't handle that.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.