Jump to content

Feeling anxious about the arrival of #2
After having a sick newborn


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Chalky85

Posted 28 December 2012 - 09:37 AM

Hi everyone,


I am hoping that its okay that I posted this in here. I was just looking for some people who may understand how I am feeling.

My DS was born at 36+3 2 years ago on Sunday and he was born with a lot of health issues related to a genetic disorder. I had a quick vaginal birth and he was born with no obvious signs that anything was wrong. It was not until day 3 that the paed on call came and was obviously very worried. We ended up being transfered from the private hopsital I was at to our local public that same day and then NETS transferred to Sydney the following day. DS had surgery that afternoon and we spent 3 months in NICU/PICU/HDU before coming home.

I am currently 35+4 with baby number two and I am feeling an overwhelming number of emotions. As I am getting closer to 36 weeks I am feeling very anxious about delivering early again. We know that this baby will not have the same genetic issues that my DS does and this is comforting to know as his condition is largely the reason why he was early.  I just want to carry this baby to term and give them the best start possible. I just don't know how I will cope emotionally if I go early again. I was very relaxed during my last labour and it went really well but I don't know if I will be the same again this time if in fact I go early.


I am also worried about those early days in hospital. Although I know from genetic testing that things will be fine, I can't help but feel sick about something being wrong again and going through that whole journey again but having DS to worry about too. We were fortunate last time that we could just drop everything and live in Sydney at RMH Randwick and various hotels but we couldn't do it this time (financially or otherwise).


Am I being silly or are my feelings justified? I don't really have anyone to speak to about it IRL- DH is an optimist and just keeps telling me that everything will be fine and other people just simply don't know what to say sad.gif

#2 Coffeemagic

Posted 28 December 2012 - 10:05 AM

It is totally normal to be feeling anxious op, so don't beat yourself up about that.

I had pre-eclampsia so dd was born at 33 wks and was in NICU for 5 weeks. I was told by doctors that it could happen again if I tried for #2, so I'm absolutely terrified of having another baby. I think anybody who's had a prem baby is terrified of it happening again and what the outcome will be. Plus having a toddler to care for aswell does not make it easier.

Try to find comfort in the fact that all the tests show that this baby is ok so far and fingers crossed you make it to full term.

Otherwise, have you made arrangements for your ds to be with family/friends if you need to be in hospital longer than planned? Maybe having a back up plan might put your mind to rest. All the best, hugs  bbighug.gif



#3 Chalky85

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:19 PM

Thanks for your reply and kind words I do appreciate it. NICU is tough, I hope your DD had as smooth a journey as possible.

I keep telling myself that everything will be fine but I think with the Christmas rush I've become more emotional and tired and its slowly wearing me down. We have great family who will take care of ds should we need it, its just stressful as he has a lot of medications to take each day to keep him healthy.

My ultimate goal is 37 weeks so that I'd be technically term but at the moment I'm hanging out for Monday so that I'll be 36 weeks allowing me to birth at the hospital of my choice!

#4 MuddyPuddles

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:34 PM

I understand how you are feeling. DS was born at 35 weeks due to preeclampsia and I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and also stressed about what might happen. I have a cs booked for 39 weeks but don't know if I'll even make it that far! I think it's normal when you've had a prem bub and spent time in SCN or NICU to be anxious about it all, I often wonder what we will do if it happens again. This time we have arranged to be closer to family so that we will have help looking after DS. I wish you all the best OP for a stress free term birth this time!

#5 MuminMtEliza

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:37 PM

Good luck OP. I know how you are feeling - my DS was born suddenly at 34 weeks and we endured the NICU/SCN journey. When I was expecting our DD I was just hoping to make 36 weeks so there was less chance of needing NICU/SCN. Unortunately I suffered pneumonia and pre-eclampsia at 33 weeks and was finally induced at 35 weeks. My DD although only 100gms heavier than her brother, was able to skip NICU and was only in SCN for a week. She was discharged from hospital at 36 week date. Although I would have loved to have had one of my babies in my hospital room with me rather than in NICU/SCN, I am eternally grateful to have taken healthy babies home.  If you are nearly at 36 weeks, there is a good chance that your little one might not need much if any assistance. Fingers crossed your little one stays put for a few more weeks.

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:43 PM

I think it's understandable that you are nervous after what happened for you last time. Even if nothing happened I know my nerves get to me at around 33 weeks plus which is now.
I think you have to keep reminding yourself that this baby doesn't have that condition so its unlikely to be the same. 37 weeks is considered full term and even 36 weeks the baby would be fine. My waters broke at 37 weeks and the baby was fine. Second baby ended up induced so who knows.
I try to practice relaxation for half an hour every day and keep reminding yourself that all will turn out well. It's my mantra now.

Best wishes.

#7 FiFiLicious

Posted 28 December 2012 - 09:39 PM

I understand where you are coming from, sort of. My dd was born 6 yrs ago ( today!!) at 36+3 with IUGR (34) she, however was not born with any medical condition. She was slow to grow and still is, but otherwise perfectly healthy. My placenta gave up - I had a massive bleed at 12 weeks which lost me a placental lobe and therefore unable to provide nutrician for DD to term. Dd was in SCU for 1 week and I was in hospital that whole time.

It took me ages to have # 2

Given DD was born early ( defo not Premmie!!) due to placenta issues, I did not expect problems with # 2. New placenta = no issues?? WRONG!  My baby was born@ 32 weeks. He had cleft lip but this was unrelated to the Premmie birth.  Once again, my placenta failed us,   I would never consider # 3, I clearly don't do placentas!

Don't fixate on term, 34 weeks is " considered" out of severe danger assuming no medical issues. 36 weeks is good as term as far as I understand so unless you have issues, you will have a very compact baby for a short time!   I am assuming you are considered "high risk" this time so rest assured, should anything happen, the drs/nurses will be by your side the whole time.  Well done! 34+5 with your history is awesome! And whatever happens, your baby will be another light for you. My clefty was soooooo gorgeous, I fixated for too long on his issues per birth, I wish I had enjoyed my pregnancy more. He has had his repair now and despite the amazing repair job, I miss his wide smile .
Update when you know!
F

#8 seepi

Posted 28 December 2012 - 09:46 PM

You poor thing you sound stressed already.

My first was ok at birth, then got sick the first night, and was very sick for a week or so with an undiagnosed problem with lots of possible very bad reasons for illness.


anyway - with the next two, I did not fully relax until they got through their first night and were still healthy the next morning.

It seems like your mind knows your second will not have the genetic issues, but your emotions can't believe it til they are actually here and healthy.

#9 libbylu

Posted 28 December 2012 - 09:55 PM

I don't belong in this section but my bestie had her little girl at 34+3 a year ago.  She also had an easy delivery and her little girl was healthy, so was able to go home after just a week.  She is a gorgeous 1 year old now and has been totally healthy despite her early start.
I think most babies born past the 36 week mark are pretty fine and don't need much extra help - maybe only a few extra days in hospital than a normal full termer.  Your first little one's issues were likely related to his condition, which you know your next bub doesn't have.
I wish you the best of luck with your new bub.

#10 B.3

Posted 28 December 2012 - 11:12 PM

I hope everything goes well for you OP.

My second baby was born by emergency C/S no labour after I had been in hospital for 4 weeks then had an eclamptic fit. We didn't know before birth there was anything wrong with bub but it turned out he didn't cope with life outside the uterus and within 6 minutes, sirens were ringing, people were running and he was ventilated. Before I met him, he was flown 700km's to Brisbane and was diagnosed with a complex condition incompatible with life unless he had a series of urgent heart surgeries. His first was at 15 hours, second at 7 days and 2 more afterwards. It was awful. He was critically unwell and had many ups and downs before we brought him home.

I knew my second baby had a good heart but the pre-eclampsia was back earlier and much more aggressive. I anticipated DS3 would come early and he did unexpectedly at 32 +2. He didn't have a bad NICU journey, but it could have been better. He had chromic lung disease, a partial collapsed lung and ROP with the usual apneas etc but at no point was his life EVER in question. To be honest, after what we went though with our second, having him at 32 weeks was easy and now 12 months later, it really was just a blip on the radar. He's absolutely fine.

The moral of that story is that no one can say whether you will deliver early or not. If you do though, after everything you've been though with your first child, you may find some relief in that it will be absolutely nothing like the first time, even if the things don't go exactly to plan.

I found that the panic/stress/worry/intensity bar was raised so high by DS2 that our premmie journey with DS3 was really in fact quite stress free.

Good luck OP. I'll be thinking of you. I hope your first little one is as well as can be. xx

Edited by Bek+3, 28 December 2012 - 11:22 PM.


#11 Chalky85

Posted 29 December 2012 - 10:40 AM

Thanks everyone for your replies and for sharing your  stories. I know that a lot of what I am feeling is irrational and that  everything will be fine, I guess its just part of the pregnancy hormones and  the impending birth (as well as being a busy time of year!)

    I definitely understand that even if I was to give birth  today that the baby would most likely have no long term issues and would just  spend a few extra days establishing feeding etc.  I know I am so close to being considered ‘term’  that I would just love to make it those few more days.  The fact that I am one of those  small percentage of women whose waters broke (like a floodgate might I add- 3 bath towels before I got in the car sick.gif )  before I had any other signs makes me feel like I should be carrying around a  brolly sheet and a jar of pickles! tongue.gif

    

QUOTE (seepi @ 28/12/2012, 10:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You poor thing you sound stressed already.

My first was ok at birth, then got sick the first night, and was very sick for a week or so with an undiagnosed problem with lots of possible very bad reasons for illness.


anyway - with the next two, I did not fully relax until they got through their first night and were still healthy the next morning.

It seems like your mind knows your second will not have the genetic issues, but your emotions can't believe it til they are actually here and healthy.


    I think this sums it up a lot for me. Its the unknown  of the first few days. My DS was a very healthy 36 weeker, 50 centile for  weight and fed well straight after birth. But the next few days was when he  went downhill. I think once I get through the first night or two and have the  paed check I will relax a lot more.  Again, I know that this baby does not have the  same issues but its just that irrational fear I guess.

        
QUOTE
[The moral of that story is that no one can say whether you will deliver early or not. If you do though, after everything you've been though with your first child, you may find some relief in that it will be absolutely nothing like the first time, even if the things don't go exactly to plan.


    I really needed to hear (read?) this. Thank you

    

    Thanks again everyone for sharing all of your stories- I hope all  of your children are healthy and happy bbighug.gif






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Britain's youngest parents: mother 12, father 13

A 12-year-old schoolgirl and her 13-year-old boyfriend are believed to have become Britain?s youngest parents, after the birth of their baby girl earlier this week.

When Prince George met Bilby George

Prince George has met an Aussie marsupial named after him in his first official engagement in Australia.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Pregnant woman dies after doctor removes ovary instead of appendix

When a UK woman went to hospital suffering appendicitis, doctors mistakenly removed her healthy ovary - with tragic consequences.

The milestones I can't wait to celebrate

Nothing can beat the feeling of witnessing that first smile, first step and first word - but here's a list of 'firsts' I'm really looking forward to now.

How you develop in your baby's first year

Just as babies undergo rapid growth as they learn and change in their first year, we?re learning and changing quickly as parents, too. Don?t underestimate the developmental stages you go through when you have a baby.

Can you make your baby smarter even before birth?

A product new to Australia claims to help babies be born "as intelligent as possible", but not all experts agree on the benefits of educating babies while still in the womb.

How a mother's love helped unearth the skills of an autistic savant

Autistic savant Ping Lian Yeak, a prodigious artist who has had his work shown all over the world, couldn't have done it without the support and love of his proud mum.

Rescue dog Zoey and BFF Jasper star in adorable pics

Photographer, self-professed "crazy dog lady" and mum Grace Chon takes photos of rescue dog Zoey and her 10-month-old son Jasper together. The results are just too cute. See more on Instagram @thegracechon.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

A tiny heart: a baby?s death gives life to another

Simon Alexander Garcia lived only one brief hour. But somewhere, a little girl?s heart is beating today because of him.

Ear piercing: what age is best?

What is it that shapes our opinions on what?s an 'appropriate' age for our children to get their ears pierced? Parents share their views on how young is too young when it comes to piercing.

Why is childbirth still such a pain?

The options given to women to help them cope in labour have barely changed in years.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Ideas for recording baby milestones

Get the props, lights and camera ready to record the milestone moments in your baby's first months and years. Tip: set a reminder in your phone (or jot it in a calendar) to make sure you remember it every month.

From penis amputation to fatherhood

After a botched circumcision as a child, Mike Moore was left without a penis. Years later, and after meeting the right surgeon, he was able to become a dad - naturally.

Asphyxia link another piece of the SIDS puzzle

An Australian study has uncovered information which could lead to a better understanding of why babies die from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Your baby's first shoes, made with your own hands

Imagine someone saying to you, "Your baby?s shoes are magnificent, where?d you get them?" And you reply, "Oh, these? I made them."

Mother bites off pit bull's ear to save toddler

What would you do if your child was being attacked by a vicious dog? One mother recently had to learn the hard way.

Couple dies 15 hours apart after 70 years of marriage

A couple who held hands at breakfast every morning even after 70 years of marriage have died 15 hours apart.

Behind the scenes of Kate and George's cuddly photo

Every face is partially obscured, but there's no denying the happiness and love in the faces of the royal mum and bub.

7 tips for a kid-free trip, not a guilt trip

Although I?m jumping out of my skin to take my child-free holiday, I?m dreading the goodbye. But I?m determined to make the most of it without tarnishing it with guilt or sadness about leaving the kids.

Your baby?s developmental roadmap

Caring for your new baby can feel like driving along a dark highway without a GPS: you know your destination ? a happy, healthy human being ? but you?re not sure whether you?re heading in the right direction.

Breaking out of the isolation of motherhood

There can be many reasons for mummy isolation ? and you don?t have to be a new mother to feel like you're often doing it all alone. Here, mums share their stories of feeling isolated, and what they do to try to break out of it.

The billionaire baby with $10,000 worth of prams

When money is no object you can go all out when it comes to baby transportation, as this billionaire socialite has shown.

Medication helps depressed mums to breastfeed

Breastfeeding mums are often told their medication may pass into their milk, but a new study suggests the benefits of taking antidepressants are greater than any risks to baby.

 

Free Printable Activities

Keeping little hands busy

Free printable acitivity pages like colouring in, cutting, word finders, mazes, maths activities and puzzles.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.