Jump to content

My DD keeps taking things that aren't hers!


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Excited One

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:00 PM

My DD is 6 going on for 7 and we have had a recent spate of her taking things that aren't hers.

She has taken lollies and chocolates from the pantry when she knows she shouldn't, she has taken her younger bothers money. She has taken lipstick and lollies from my bag, she has taken my makeup and lipsticks without asking. She has snuck money in her pocket and bought stuff from the school canteen and she also took a schoolmates biscuits! She also took lollies from the teachers lolly jar and got caught.

Today I was helping her clean up her room and in her new handbag (which she got for christmas) I find $70 which she took from DHs wallet this morning!!!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!!

We have been down this path a lot lately and had discussions about trust, ie her actions make it hard for us to trust you, it's very wrong to take things that don't belong to you, when you do this it hurts the person you have taken from and also shows you dont have respect for their belongings and feelings.

When she has taken the lollies etc we have said she is not able to have treats for x number of days as a consequence.  She was made to replace the teachers lollies and her school mates biscuits with a purchase from her own money.

I know she gets it, she is a very clever girl.

I asked her why she took the money and she said she wanted money for her new bag and said if she Asked us we would say no!!!!  I said that is not always the case there are times when we may be able to and times when we can't and as her parents we are allowed to make those judgments. She needs to understand and respect our no! This is the same for a lolly etc, sometimes we say yes other times no ad she needs to respect our decisions.

It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries  to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc.

I love her very dearly and I am at my wits end with this dishonesty.  She really does not miss out and we are very fair all round.

I am floored that she she has taken this money and I am stuck as to what type of consequence I should give. I feel this is getting much more serious now and want to really get through to her.

So, what would you do with a child at this age? Does anyone have any advice or experience with this???

Would appreciate your help. Thank you.

Edited by Excited One, 27 December 2012 - 07:35 PM.


#2 CCLady

Posted 27 December 2012 - 11:03 PM

QUOTE
It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc.


The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you.  When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted.

Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted.

That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy.

#3 ~ky~

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:38 AM

My 9yo aspie DS is very similar. He only ever takes from us thankfully, but he seems to have absolutely no sense that he is doing anything wrong.

He has absolutely no impulse control hence everything in our house either being locked or passworded otherwise he would eat everything treat like and be on the computer at all hours of the night.

He was allowed the computer with no password yesterday as he had been very helpful and basically earned a "treat". I caught him downstairs on the computer at 3am - he just couldn't resist the knowledge that he had computer he could access and it meant he was unable to stay in bed. I reinstated the password in front of him (I type fast enough that he can't see it) and he went upstairs and immediately fell asleep as if it was a relief to not have the temptation hanging over his head.

So, in summary, I'm sorry but I have no advice for you at all, just empathy.

#4 miinii

Posted 28 December 2012 - 06:46 AM

My DD is 7 and we has been having trouble with her lying and taking things. It feels like she is constantly lying. An example would be Yesterday her and her sister were made to clean their bedroom. They got into an argument and DD yelled Dont punch me in the eye, Younger DD (5) Yelled "I didn't". Now i know she didnt because i was hiding near the door watching them. Even when i said to her that she was lying she said "Im not" or
if one of her siblings has something of hers or something she wants she will run to me and say "sibling snatched that out of my hand" its all little lies but the feeling as a parent is horrible.
She has also taken money when she was about 4. I had $400 for rent in my Purse and it disappeared. Never to be seen again. Or so i thought when DD wanted to use her money from her money box to buy something and guess what i found.....$450 Which meant she had taken $50 another time.

We have had the trust talk too and explained to her that the consequences are quite often worse for lying than they are for telling the truth. She no longer takes money but still those constant little lies. Also when stripping her bed yesterday i found chewing gum wrappers at the end of her bed under the sheet. She knows she isn't allowed to have it so she sneaks it from the car or my bag.

I will be watching this thread in the hopes for some ideas also.

Sorry i was no help but wanted to let you know that your not alone on this one.

#5 Holidayromp

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:02 AM

I would watch your DD like a hawke and keep her with you at all times and don't turn your back on her.  I would do this for a period of time because it will become very boring to have to be glued to mum's side all of the time.  Explain that you cannot trust her anymore and she has to stay there until you can trust again and even then she has to earn that back.
There should be consequences for all of her actions - exclusions from family fun.  Do family activities like picnics, movies, meals out, day trips and if she steals she gets excluded and cared for during the activity.  Doing this means that her anti-social behaviour is not being rewarded and exclusion means her anti-social behaviour has caused her to be excluded from the family.
Remember it is a phase - I did exactly this as a child and my DD1 did it too.  DD1 was attention seeking due to the impending birth and birth of DS and DH handled it by taking her to the police station only because she shoplifted several times from shops - this is a bit extreme for your daughter also because she is younger than my daughter was.

#6 Leee

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:07 AM

My DD7 has done similar this year. First she took a girls lunch on several occasions (there bags were next to each other on the hooks) and replaced it with hers. Took Textas from my friends house, taken chips from her friend, always takes my things, there is more but I think I have blocked it. She has calmed down a bit. What I did was say that I could no longer trust her, mainly because it took long conversations and threatening to take big things away (like gymnastics training) for her to stop lying and admit she had done it. So I said if something went missing, something was ruined etc and no one owned up (h or her broth) then she would get the blame because she keeps lying and can't be trusted.

I think it has worked a bit and the threat of no gymnastics comps if the stealing continued. It really must be an age thing. I know for her she just wants what she wants, thinks we will say no , so is really deceptive how she gets things.

#7 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:23 AM

We took DS to the police station and got a police officer to explain why it was wrong.  Never did it again.

Some kids just don't get that it is serious until they see the very serious consequences.

#8 lovingmother

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:44 AM

QUOTE (CCLady @ 28/12/2012, 12:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you.  When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted.

Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted.

That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy.


Yep that is what I was thinking as well. if she has lost the trust you had for her she has to earn it back and this is a great way.


#9 Excited One

Posted 28 December 2012 - 04:33 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies. My DH and I had a big talking to her this morning and we have agreed on keeping herr with us at all times.
I've explained she needs to earn our trust back. She has had to follow me around like a puppy all day and she is hating it.
I have contemplated a trip to the police station as well however thought I would save that as a last resort..
Here's hoping this has an effect, I am finding this the most difficult age by far!  

Thanks again for your replies and time, appreciate it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.