Jump to content

My DD keeps taking things that aren't hers!


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 Excited One

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:00 PM

My DD is 6 going on for 7 and we have had a recent spate of her taking things that aren't hers.

She has taken lollies and chocolates from the pantry when she knows she shouldn't, she has taken her younger bothers money. She has taken lipstick and lollies from my bag, she has taken my makeup and lipsticks without asking. She has snuck money in her pocket and bought stuff from the school canteen and she also took a schoolmates biscuits! She also took lollies from the teachers lolly jar and got caught.

Today I was helping her clean up her room and in her new handbag (which she got for christmas) I find $70 which she took from DHs wallet this morning!!!!!!! I can't believe it!!!!!

We have been down this path a lot lately and had discussions about trust, ie her actions make it hard for us to trust you, it's very wrong to take things that don't belong to you, when you do this it hurts the person you have taken from and also shows you dont have respect for their belongings and feelings.

When she has taken the lollies etc we have said she is not able to have treats for x number of days as a consequence.  She was made to replace the teachers lollies and her school mates biscuits with a purchase from her own money.

I know she gets it, she is a very clever girl.

I asked her why she took the money and she said she wanted money for her new bag and said if she Asked us we would say no!!!!  I said that is not always the case there are times when we may be able to and times when we can't and as her parents we are allowed to make those judgments. She needs to understand and respect our no! This is the same for a lolly etc, sometimes we say yes other times no ad she needs to respect our decisions.

It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries  to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc.

I love her very dearly and I am at my wits end with this dishonesty.  She really does not miss out and we are very fair all round.

I am floored that she she has taken this money and I am stuck as to what type of consequence I should give. I feel this is getting much more serious now and want to really get through to her.

So, what would you do with a child at this age? Does anyone have any advice or experience with this???

Would appreciate your help. Thank you.

Edited by Excited One, 27 December 2012 - 07:35 PM.


#2 CCLady

Posted 27 December 2012 - 11:03 PM

QUOTE
It's getting to the point where we cant trust her at all. For example we cannot both be outside working in the yard and have her inside as she is sneaky and tries to get into things. If I am upstairs I cannot trust what she is dong downstairs etc.


The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you.  When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted.

Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted.

That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy.

#3 ~ky~

Posted 28 December 2012 - 01:38 AM

My 9yo aspie DS is very similar. He only ever takes from us thankfully, but he seems to have absolutely no sense that he is doing anything wrong.

He has absolutely no impulse control hence everything in our house either being locked or passworded otherwise he would eat everything treat like and be on the computer at all hours of the night.

He was allowed the computer with no password yesterday as he had been very helpful and basically earned a "treat". I caught him downstairs on the computer at 3am - he just couldn't resist the knowledge that he had computer he could access and it meant he was unable to stay in bed. I reinstated the password in front of him (I type fast enough that he can't see it) and he went upstairs and immediately fell asleep as if it was a relief to not have the temptation hanging over his head.

So, in summary, I'm sorry but I have no advice for you at all, just empathy.

#4 miinii

Posted 28 December 2012 - 06:46 AM

My DD is 7 and we has been having trouble with her lying and taking things. It feels like she is constantly lying. An example would be Yesterday her and her sister were made to clean their bedroom. They got into an argument and DD yelled Dont punch me in the eye, Younger DD (5) Yelled "I didn't". Now i know she didnt because i was hiding near the door watching them. Even when i said to her that she was lying she said "Im not" or
if one of her siblings has something of hers or something she wants she will run to me and say "sibling snatched that out of my hand" its all little lies but the feeling as a parent is horrible.
She has also taken money when she was about 4. I had $400 for rent in my Purse and it disappeared. Never to be seen again. Or so i thought when DD wanted to use her money from her money box to buy something and guess what i found.....$450 Which meant she had taken $50 another time.

We have had the trust talk too and explained to her that the consequences are quite often worse for lying than they are for telling the truth. She no longer takes money but still those constant little lies. Also when stripping her bed yesterday i found chewing gum wrappers at the end of her bed under the sheet. She knows she isn't allowed to have it so she sneaks it from the car or my bag.

I will be watching this thread in the hopes for some ideas also.

Sorry i was no help but wanted to let you know that your not alone on this one.

#5 Holidayromp

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:02 AM

I would watch your DD like a hawke and keep her with you at all times and don't turn your back on her.  I would do this for a period of time because it will become very boring to have to be glued to mum's side all of the time.  Explain that you cannot trust her anymore and she has to stay there until you can trust again and even then she has to earn that back.
There should be consequences for all of her actions - exclusions from family fun.  Do family activities like picnics, movies, meals out, day trips and if she steals she gets excluded and cared for during the activity.  Doing this means that her anti-social behaviour is not being rewarded and exclusion means her anti-social behaviour has caused her to be excluded from the family.
Remember it is a phase - I did exactly this as a child and my DD1 did it too.  DD1 was attention seeking due to the impending birth and birth of DS and DH handled it by taking her to the police station only because she shoplifted several times from shops - this is a bit extreme for your daughter also because she is younger than my daughter was.

#6 Leee

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:07 AM

My DD7 has done similar this year. First she took a girls lunch on several occasions (there bags were next to each other on the hooks) and replaced it with hers. Took Textas from my friends house, taken chips from her friend, always takes my things, there is more but I think I have blocked it. She has calmed down a bit. What I did was say that I could no longer trust her, mainly because it took long conversations and threatening to take big things away (like gymnastics training) for her to stop lying and admit she had done it. So I said if something went missing, something was ruined etc and no one owned up (h or her broth) then she would get the blame because she keeps lying and can't be trusted.

I think it has worked a bit and the threat of no gymnastics comps if the stealing continued. It really must be an age thing. I know for her she just wants what she wants, thinks we will say no , so is really deceptive how she gets things.

#7 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:23 AM

We took DS to the police station and got a police officer to explain why it was wrong.  Never did it again.

Some kids just don't get that it is serious until they see the very serious consequences.

#8 lovingmother

Posted 28 December 2012 - 07:44 AM

QUOTE (CCLady @ 28/12/2012, 12:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The only thing I can think of is to not leave her alone for a second, make he stay by your side for a few days and when she wants to go do her own thing, say she can't. And remind her that THIS is what it feels like to not be trusted. Take her outside to do yard work (or to watch you do yard work), make her sit outside your door while you shower etc, make her go everywhere with you.  When she gets upset about you questioning her, checking her pockets etc, remind her that THIS is what it feels like not to be trusted.

Give her no opportunity to take things for a few days and see if that makes a difference? Then let her go off on her own for small amounts of time, constantly checking on her and praise her when she doesn't take anything. Remind her that you are trusting her to go play in her room/be downstairs. Then praise that trust. I would be very matter of fact about it - she may get upset at you 'accusing' her if you need to check but again, remind her that this is what happens when she cannot be trusted.

That's probably what I would do in your situation, I have done similar with my eldest and it did work for her. She had to feel what it was like rather than me telling her she was untrustworthy.


Yep that is what I was thinking as well. if she has lost the trust you had for her she has to earn it back and this is a great way.


#9 Excited One

Posted 28 December 2012 - 04:33 PM

Thanks everyone for your replies. My DH and I had a big talking to her this morning and we have agreed on keeping herr with us at all times.
I've explained she needs to earn our trust back. She has had to follow me around like a puppy all day and she is hating it.
I have contemplated a trip to the police station as well however thought I would save that as a last resort..
Here's hoping this has an effect, I am finding this the most difficult age by far!  

Thanks again for your replies and time, appreciate it.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.