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Asking a teenager to contribute to a family holiday
Not sure if it's the right thing to do...

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297 replies to this topic

#1 Twinmum+2

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:01 AM

We have a family holiday planned early next year to the Gold Coast, involving flights, accommodation and theme park entry costs.  DH has decided that DD2 (15 years old, who has a job and earns between $50 - $100 a week depending on her shifts) should contribute to the holiday (around $300 altogether) by paying for her part of the flights and theme park entry.  His reasoning is that she is the one who will get the most enjoyment out of the theme parks and rides etc, and that she 'has nothing else to spend her money on anyway', and as the money is a little bit tight for the trip that it would be good to have some help with it.

Is this something you would expect your teenage working children to help out with?  My first thought was that being a family holiday it should be paid for by us, the parents, and if she wanted extra spending money etc she could fund that herself.  I can understand his point of view, I guess, I'm just not convinced it's the right thing to do.  Any ideas?

#2 peewee

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

I think it's a bit mean actually.  What if she says no? Is she not allowed to come?

#3 Ange

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

There is no way I'd make one of my children pay if they weren't all required to do so, regardless of age.
If it's a family holiday that was planned by us, I wouldn't expect any of my children to HAVE to pay their way to attend sad.gif

If she wants to save extra spending money so she can do a few extras, then great! She shouldn't have to pay for things that everyone else gets supplied IMO.

#4 Mrs Lannister

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:06 AM

I agree with Madame Catty. If you can't afford the holiday with all of your children stay home or go somewhere else

#5 ~Nodnol~

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:06 AM

The only thing I would expect her to contribute is spending money above what you have allocated for all the children. I don't think it's fair to make her pay accommodation etc, no.

#6 Holidayromp

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:07 AM

I never had to pay for family holidays when I was working but they were not the theme park style holiday either.
Also if your 15yo is to be expected to pay ther way expect them also to decline to go so do you have alternative plans for someone to keep an eye on them - I don't think a 15yo should be left to their own devices at home.
Have you discussed this with your 15yo?  I would be very po if my parent's suddenly decided that I should have to pay my way when I had not been warned of this fact.

#7 ChunkyChook

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:07 AM

First thought is no, she shouldn't have to pay but I guess it depends. What does she do with the money she earns each week?

I am all for helping them if they are helping themselves. If she is saving some money and really having a go at doing the right thing then you should pay. If she is the opposite then she should contribute.

#8 ~~HappyMummy~~

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

I think it's a bit mean.  She should use her money as spending money - she's only 15.

#9 Mianta

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

Spending money, yes, she should contribute to that. Flights and accomodation, no. That is a bit mean. Sorry op.

#10 Tigerdog

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

I'm with you OP, she's only 15, 3 years yet off even being an adult.  I'd only get her to bring her own spending money then pay for everything else.  If as parents can't afford to take the kids there then take them somewhere cheaper.

#11 Holidayromp

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

As a compromise I wouldn't be giving her spending money....she can fund that herself.

#12 Expelliarmus

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:09 AM

No. If it's a (nuclear) family holiday then it's paid for by the parents. Her money is for her to spend. I wouldn't expect a child to pay part of their own way until about 18. Until then they are still a child and still learning how to handle their money.

#13 Therese

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:09 AM

I wouldn't be asking her to contribute financially to a family holiday. When my girls are teenagers I want them to want to come on family holidays not to feel annoyed about them before we even get there.

#14 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:09 AM

She's 15. It's mean. Having her own spending money is perfectly reasonable, but having to contribute to a family holiday is not.

#15 Unatheowl

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:09 AM

Personally I wouldn't expect my kids to pay for a family holiday.  My mum or dad still insist on paying for me and my family when they invite us to go away.  I realise that not everyone does this though.  I wouldn't ask a 15 yo to pay, no.

#16 CupOfCoffee

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:10 AM

We are going to Melbourne in January with our 14 year old (with a p/t job) son and I had never even thought about asking him to pay anything.

If it was a holiday only he was going on, I would get him to pay for some, but it is a family holiday so I wouldn't expect them to pay (it is kind of what family holidays are, parents paying and doing activities all members will get enjoyment out of).

If he really thinks that you DD2 should pay something, maybe if she wants any specific activities she could pay those.

#17 Twinmum+2

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:10 AM

Just to clarify, the only other kids coming along are 5 years old, so they aren't contributing for obvious reasons.  I know DH was just trying to find a way to make it more affordable, and if she said no I think she would probably just end up coming anyway.  He knows I don't really agree with it so maybe he'll change his mind later...

Also, the amount he asked her to contribute covered her flights and theme park entry.  Accommodation is covered... not that I guess it makes much difference... and he discussed it with her before he booked anything.

Edited by Twinmum+2, 27 December 2012 - 09:15 AM.

#18 Chchgirl

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:14 AM

No, she is still my child and her small earnings for one day a week's work is hers. When she leaves school, completes her apprenticeship and is all grown up, then she can contribute.

Until then she is still a kid..and my responsibility!

#19 Holidayromp

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

QUOTE (Twinmum+2 @ 27/12/2012, 10:10 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just to clarify, the only other kids coming along are 5 years old, so they aren't contributing for obvious reasons.  I know DH was just trying to find a way to make it more affordable, and if she said no I think she would probably just end up coming anyway.  He knows I don't really agree with it so maybe he'll change his mind later...

I think her nose will be out of joint then and made to feel awful that she is now 'bludging on the family holiday' she is going to feel like a third wheel/outsider.

It is best you don't put her in the position of saying no at all.

#20 Oriental lily

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

Yes it's mean.
She is earning enough for a bit of pocket money to spend. But her little job is hardly enough that she needs to contribute to living or family activity costs.

Your dhs expectations are far to high.

#21 JRA

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

No way.

#22 José

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

I think it's terribly mean. There's a good chance that will ruin the mood of the vacation before you even go. Agree with those that said if you can't afford it don't go! If money is really tight perhaps you can start talking with ur child about additional personal expenses they will take on but I think that needs to be a negotiation.

#23 Twinmum+2

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

I was really hoping you were all going to say "of course that's fine, we all do that...".


I'm terribly non-confrontational and not good at standing up for myself usually.  So I was hoping I wouldn't have to...

Edited by Twinmum+2, 27 December 2012 - 09:18 AM.

#24 Maple Leaf

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

She should have her own spending money, but the rest, no.

Do you make her pay towards room and board as well?

#25 lovingmother

Posted 27 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

I would say no it a family holiday so the parents should be paying. If the 15 year old child said no does that mean she can stay at home? I would think not.

So If the parents want to take a  family holiday then the parents should pay for it. But spending money at the parks and shopping centres then she can fund that her self.

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