Jump to content

Am I being a precious sookie lah-lah?
family related question


  • Please log in to reply
69 replies to this topic

#1 GlitterFeralFarts

Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:42 AM

First off, with titles like these, i always say yes even before I read the post  biggrin.gif , so I definitely understand how annoying they can be, but I am honestly wondering. And sorry, it's loooong.

Background - Christmas last year, My parents changed christmas line up from dinner to lunch. So MIL kindly swapped as well. Got to parents only to find we had to wait for my sister and her family to be ready before we could eat. We didn't end up even getting any nibbles before we had to leave for MILs as sister didn't want lunch when they had arranged. So of course, they waited for sister and we missed out - Mum and Dad wouldn't start anything earlier because something about Christmas is really for and about the kids (sister has three kids all over 10yrs). So presents were really rushed and we got a plate of nibbles thrust at us for the kids as they were starving. Hour drive to MILS and we get there to find that they had had lunch anyway (instead of dinner) and we were given leftovers and had to leave early because they were exhausted from having StepFILs adult-kids showing up early. We ended up getting Maccas on the way home rolleyes.gif

So this year, we went back to the old arrangement of Cold Lunch at MILs - this was organised ONE week after Christmas and Checked periodically throughout the year - then Hot Dinner at my parents (after they come back from Their Family Lunch). Then, my Nan passed away. Checked again in Nov, all still ok.

Then about a week or so before Christmas this year, my mum calls and says that they are going to do lunch at their house as they have decided that as Dad's mum is no longer here, they aren't going to the Big Extended Lunch anymore and will start hosting their own for our family (Dad's big into the Hot Christmas Get togethers, loves doing them - as in plans for it all year long) my MIL can't change either so we tell my parents that we will have to stay with what we had already arranged, not fair to change on MIL now.... blah blah blah. So Mum says that's fine, they'll do lunch anyway and we are to just come over for dinner afterwards and we'll do Christmas like normal. Gees thanks Mum rolleyes.gif

Anyway, have a lovely, if somewhat me being ignored, lunch at MILs and head off early to make dinner at my parents. After a quick stop off at home, where I call to find out the time and get told that we didn't have to come if we didn't want too  unsure.gif  We rock up a little after the time told to us, only to find out that nearly everyone had gone to bed.  huh.gif

Anyway, we wait, everyone eventually gets up. We go to do presents and I find out that they had already DONE the presents - all that was left was ours to do. Then dinner was cold leftovers from their Big Lunch - they had also already done the Bonbons/crackers/things that go pop and have hats and pathetic jokes, laughing over hats, etc - all the Christmas party stuff. No one ate much as apparently Dad had done a huge spread and they were all full and done. Apparently it was a great day and they kept 'sharing' inside jokes with each other that we knew nothing about, on what happened at lunch and during the gift opening time.

So apparently Christmas is only important when it involves 10year olds and teenagers, but not 7yr olds  and 3 yr olds sad.gif

I just felt so....second class. Almost like we were simply tacked on the end of a day - an obligation to fulfill.
I was really hurt (as in I was fighting tears when I realised) by the fact that they couldn't wait two whole hours to share the fun bits, the Christmas Family stuff like the carols and Bonbons and the Gift part - I love the gift part - seeing what people give and get, the joy, family all together, all that sloppy stuff sad.gif  The worst bit, I reckon they did the Gift part sometime around the time I called to see when we could come over - so we were home/just around the corner  sad.gif

I was visiting a friend today and told her about it, and she thought that sounded normal and said I was blowing things out of proportion - that they were having their Christmas Dinner and that it was our choice to not go  huh.gif  , so that was fair. And that my feeling hurt about it was a nonpoint and get over it.

WDYT? Am I being a precious sooky sooky Lahlah? Or have I yet again been allocated to the level of second class again?

Oh and to add - everyone is already planning our Christmas next year!  mad.gif  MIL is moving 5-6 hours away and is expecting us to drive and camp there for the week of Christmas (and for me to hold Christmas at a caravan park huh.gif ) and My parents are already planning the Big Family Dinner (Yes, DINNER  mad.gif ) that we are expected to go to...


#2 Fillyjonk

Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:56 AM

Nah, not being a sook. I would be sad if that happened to me, especially when there was a definite plan for you to be there. Not only is there the disappointment of missing out on the exciting bits of Christmas but there is the hurt that you were overlooked by your family.

sorry and hug

#3 WithSprinkles

Posted 27 December 2012 - 03:04 AM

I would be hurt too, considering the previous year they waited for your sister and you missed out. Especially when you were ringing and confirming plans with them. Did you let your mum know that you were sad they couldn't have waited to do presents?

You might have to do alternative years with each family so you don't miss out. If they kick up a fuss just point out that you've had 2 years with no food/leftovers/missing presents etc.

#4 Pssst...

Posted 27 December 2012 - 04:24 AM

I would be upset too. After two years of visits going poorly, I would be making plans to do my own Xmas celebrations at home next year!

#5 Nora.

Posted 27 December 2012 - 05:32 AM

Yep, I'd be doing what Pssssst suggested.

Makes me glad I don't have family here.

#6 Funky Cold Ribena

Posted 27 December 2012 - 05:46 AM

QUOTE (Pssst... @ 27/12/2012, 05:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would be upset too. After two years of visits going poorly, I would be making plans to do my own Xmas celebrations at home next year!


I agree with this.
I don't think you are being sooky at all.

My family are overseas and we are excluded from any family event on DP's side so it makes for very peaceful, uneventful Christmases at home.

#7 laridae

Posted 27 December 2012 - 05:59 AM

I think you are tryig to squeeze too much in one day.

Alternate sides each year - or do boxing day with one, xmas day with the other.

#8 Sallystwo

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:15 AM

I would be upset too.

I think you should start to think about alternate sides each year or celebrate with just your immediate family next year!

#9 FearsomeFeralFreak

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:15 AM

Definitely not a Sooky la la.
I think your mother is being especially mean.
Next year I would just go to your MIL, spend the whole time there.
Or , alternatively why don't you hold Christmas day for everyone?



#10 elizabethany

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:28 AM

I think you were upset when they waited for your sister, but then expected them to wait for you.  Being a hypocrite a bit.  Yes, I would be disappointed too, but they did say that they were doing lunch, and you CHOSE not to go.

I think laridae is right, you are trying to do too much in one day.  Do Christmas eve or Boxing Day for one side, and swap it around each year, or host your own with both sides invited.

#11 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:32 AM

You are not being precious. I think what they did was quite mean. Tell them to bugger off for next year and have the day at home with your little family. We decided to stay home this year and it was the best Christmas we have had in years. We usually split.up the visiting and see his family Christmas Day and mine Boxing Day.

#12 Cacti

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:39 AM

Not being precious, that is not normal, and next year I'd tell both sides that you're going away and then just stay at home and enjoy your day with just your family.

#13 HubbaBubbaMumma

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:41 AM

QUOTE (Pssst... @ 27/12/2012, 05:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would be upset too. After two years of visits going poorly, I would be making plans to do my own Xmas celebrations at home next year!


I'm with others, I don't think you're being precious about your family behaving in such an insensitive way.
Our Christmases have become far more relaxed when we stopped trying to run around to all the relatives and just had lunch at home with the immediate ones and Boxing Day with DH family.
That's what I'd be doing.

#14 mum201

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:45 AM

Alternate families each year. I think you are just trying to fit too much in.

#15 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 27 December 2012 - 06:52 AM

I don't think you're being a sook. If it were me, I'd feel like an after thought to both sides of the family. I agree with the PPs either do one side on each day or host it yourself.

We have a similar thing, but it also involves a whole bundle of travel (my family is 3 hours north and DF's are 3 hours south) and also DSDs living in another state to consider. Somehow we make it all work. We are REALLY hoping that next year we will be living down near DF's family and I've already talked to my sister about them coming down for Christmas and she is excited about it!

Up until now we do my sisters on the weekend before Christmas and then DF's family on Christmas, though they were away this year, so we just had a nice quiet year at home.

#16 Feral_Pooks

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:02 AM

Yep, after doing the run from one to the other, we would now either have alternate Christmas/boxing days with different sides, or host here for both sides. We did our first Xmas here for both sides and it went, overall, lovely. And I avoided the 'extendeds'.

#17 liveworkplay

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:14 AM

QUOTE
was visiting a friend today and told her about it, and she thought that sounded normal and said I was blowing things out of proportion - that they were having their Christmas Dinner and that it was our choice to not go huh.gif , so that was fair. And that my feeling hurt about it was a nonpoint and get over it.


I agree with your friend, sorry. We do alternate years of the "special" lunch/tea with each others family. SO one year we will have the big cooked lunch and present opening with my family at lunch time (always the main event in our family and DH's) the next DH. The "non lunch" family do not wait until we get there to do other peoples presents etc. I think you are thinking christmas is all about you (and your kids) If you can not make the "main" celebration, then sorry, you do get leftovers and only family gift opening. If you want all the wizz bang trimmings, then organise to make the main even, simple.

So no, not a sooky lala, just a self absorbed .......

#18 mumofparis

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:24 AM

I would stay home and have your own lovely Christmas.

#19 Unatheowl

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:31 AM

wow, it sounds as though you are doing an awful lot in one day.  That would stress me out.  I would certainly strip that back to visiting on alternate years.  Ours works well as we always do Christmas Eve with my parents (more important to them) and then have Christmas DAy free for the in laws.  Much less stress and its set every year.

I do have one question though about how everyone was in bed when you arrived - what was the time?  How late were you?  Do they just go to bed early?  I found this odd.

#20 miinii

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (elizabethany @ 27/12/2012, 07:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you were upset when they waited for your sister, but then expected them to wait for you.  Being a hypocrite a bit.  Yes, I would be disappointed too, but they did say that they were doing lunch, and you CHOSE not to go.

I think laridae is right, you are trying to do too much in one day.  Do Christmas eve or Boxing Day for one side, and swap it around each year, or host your own with both sides invited.


OP didnt just expect them to wait they "Kindly" Said they would do dinner instead of lunch but then had lunch anyway. Thats a bit different to just rocking up late and expecting them to wait. If her MIL had said she cant change the arrangement then im sure OP would have either stayed at her parents to eat or gone to MIL's early.

I can totally understand how you feel OP. Sounds like a very disappointing day. I agree with others i think you might be better of doing Christmas at your house or have one Christmas day and one Boxing day and alternate each year.

#21 FeralBob!

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:34 AM

QUOTE (elizabethany @ 27/12/2012, 07:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you were upset when they waited for your sister, but then expected them to wait for you.  Being a hypocrite a bit.  Yes, I would be disappointed too, but they did say that they were doing lunch, and you CHOSE not to go.

Except that they DIDN'T wait for Freaky's family they just went ahead without them.

Again.

Freaky, I'd be upset too, and I fully understand where you're coming from.Apart from anything else, they've got a beautiful brand new grandchild/niece who isn't important enough to wait for? I reckon next year you should tell the lot of them to get to feck and have your own family traditions.

bbighug.gif

#22 DreamFeralisations

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:41 AM

Totally justified SLL there, OP.  I agree with others - a great opportunity to do your own and call the shots, or alternate.  Christmas is about YOU enjoying it also.

#23 Riotproof

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:43 AM

QUOTE (laridae @ 27/12/2012, 06:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you are tryig to squeeze too much in one day.

Alternate sides each year - or do boxing day with one, xmas day with the other.

I think so too. We did two Christmas events for ds's first Christmas and then I put my foot down and said we'd alternate. It's too much for me with one child, so I can't imagine how you've coped so far.

Have a chat with them about how you feel, and try and come up with a plan for next year. It doesn't matter if you have Christmas the week before.

#24 ani1

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:46 AM

QUOTE
I think you are tryig to squeeze too much in one day.

Alternate sides each year - or do boxing day with one, xmas day with the other.


This is what I would also recommend original.gif

#25 Dionysus

Posted 27 December 2012 - 07:49 AM

Not exactly precious but you are trying to fit a lot in. And what's with your mum making one lot if arrangements and then just changing?

I would be alternating the main event (lunch) each year, then leftovers for dinner at the other house.

I am so lucky my MIL organizes around what I am doing with my family, so this year was lunch with her side on Sunday, Lunch with my mum's side on Tuesday.

MIL did do presents in the morning (with SIL and her kids who had stayed there overnight) and we missed that, but it simply meant my DD was the centre of the attention for presents at lunch

ETA: every second or third year we host lunch for whoever wants it. My side and DHs side come, or they don't see us. We don't leave our house that year for anyone and we get to 'dictate' what happens on the day

Edited by **Mel**, 27 December 2012 - 07:52 AM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.