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Missed Miscarriage


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#1 MandiiS

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:13 AM

I had my 12 week scan last thursday and was so excited. This was my first pregnany, and my first scan so the idea of seeing my baby and hearing their heartbeat was so exciting for my husband and I.

At the beginning of the scan, the sonographer actually asked me if i had taken a pregnancy test, which was my first guess that something was not quite right. he then managed to locate the baby and told me it measured at only 8w3d, after I started to get teary he then told me my due date would now be the end of July (instead of the beginning). I thought then that maybe I was overreacting and said 'so the baby is ok?' but he wouldnt tell me anything, and told me I had to see my GP to discuss the results. Deep down I knew it was right as there was no way I could have been over 3 weeks wrong with my dates but almost forced myself to believe that because i had a new due date that everything would be ok.

I saw my GP about an hour later who broke the news to me that the scan showed no movement and no heartbeat, and that it indicated the baby didnt make it past 8w3d. I was absolutely distraught, and still am. She gave me a referral to have a D&C however due to Christmas I am still waiting, I have been told it could be over a week until they can find a spot me for me. I had no symptoms of miscarriage and thought everything was going so smoothly. I am so mad at the sonographer for giving me that hope!

For the next 2 days I did nothing but cry and stare at walls. Christmas committments then started popping up and seeing family has made it even harder. DH has been really supportive and strong but it is just so hard. I dont know what to do, I feel like I need to keep myself busy because if I don't I have too much time to think about what has happened, but when I do anything I know my heart is not in it and just feel numb. I dont know how I can move on from this, I dont feel any better or any more at ease with what has happened. I just know what to do now to stop the hurt.

I have read through alot of posts on here about loss and want to say thank you to everyone who shared their stories. I makes it a little easier knowing that others have unfortunately gone through similar and also helps to answer alot of questions I have.

I am scared about the D&C, about not knowing when it may be, about the procedure and the recovery. I know this is the right option as it has not happened naturally in the 4 weeks since i lost the baby but it is still overwhelming to think that the baby will be surgically removed.

I know I am not asking anything here, and I'm sorry for the lengthy post, I just needed to vent.

I'm sorry to everyone who has experienced this. The emotional rollercoaster and pain is not anything I would wish upon anyone.




#2 whatnamenow

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:25 AM

Just  bbighug.gif

Having been through it twice before i know there is nothing to say that can bring comfort and to even try just makes it worse.

Try in all this crazy time of year to take care of you while you go through this.

#3 Chelli

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:27 AM

I have been there and just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss sad.gif I hope you are surrounded with lots of love and support. xx

#4 beaglebaby

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:39 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the hell of limboland they have put you into by not being able to book your D and C immediately, that must be very difficult.

Please, be kind to yourself, don't let anyone try to tell you why it might have happened etc. Nothing you could have done could have changed it.  

huge hugs.

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:41 AM

MandiiS:

Like the other posters, I am also a member of the "club no one wants to join." I hate the thought of yet another woman going through that heartache. I am very sorry for your loss. I know that words won't make the pain go away, but I just want you to know that people care.

#6 Fillyjonk

Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:43 AM

OP, I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Your story is much like my first miscarriage. Scan at twelve weeks but baby measured 8.5. It is awful sad.gif

I am also sorry that the sonographer did not tell you what was going on. With both of my losses the sonographer has told me that the baby didn't make it before refering me for follow up. I am sorry for the hour of worry and uncertainty.

I hope you get your D&C appointment soon. You are right, it is a terrible procedure to think about but, if it eases your fear at all, for me it was not so bad and the physical recovery was easy.

The emotional recovery is much slower but things do feel better eventually and one day you will smile again. Three years, one baby and a stillbirth later I still remember the all comsumimg grief of that first loss. I still don't know how, but I got through it and you can too.

Rant and rave and pour out your heart here if you need to. Or feel free to PM me.

Much love and strength to you over the coming weeks.

Jen

Edited by with the goo goose, 27 December 2012 - 02:44 AM.


#7 leisamd

Posted 27 December 2012 - 04:32 AM

So sorry for your loss MandiiS, I've been there twice, it just sucks.   cry1.gif

I vividly remember thinking 'fine, I'll take any due date if you tell me my baby is ok' - even though I knew it couldn't be...

Last time I just asked the sonographer point blank, she couldn't be evasive then.

Venting is perfectly understandable.  Being numb is perfectly normal.  Do what you feel you need to, to make it through each day.

I hope they are able to book you in soon, the long wait makes everything more difficult.  



#8 silver-rain

Posted 27 December 2012 - 02:56 PM

I'm so sorry, OP  sad.gif I wish I could say something that would take the hurt away, but therer just aren't any words for that.
I'm also a card-carrying member of the suckiest club that noone wants to join. I'm so sorry your sonographer wasn't up front with you, that's crap to give you false hope, even for an extra hour, especially mentioning a new due date when they knew that there was no heartbeat - that's mean.

Just wanted to say that although the thought of the d&c procedure is not pleasant, it really is very simple, mine was over 1 1/2 hours after I arrived at the hosptial (and that included a visit to my OB, filling in the admission forms with the midwife and having a blood test all before going up to the day procedure suite). The pain afterwards was minimal - I was a bit crampy that night, but they give you the good drugs for any pain, so that's taken care of, and I had only a very small amount of bleeding for a couple of days. I also found it helpful to remember there was nothing anyone could do now that could hurt my baby, so I had to do what was the safest and best option for my own health and wellbeing.

As overwhelming as the pain is now, it does fade with time. I lost my little one around Christmas too, and that just ads an extra dash of salt to that very raw wound. You won't feel like this forever, but you'll never forget.

I hope you can get your d&c sooner rather than later and it all goes smoothly. Thinking of you, please know that you're very welcome to send a PM if you feel like it.

#9 MandiiS

Posted 30 December 2012 - 09:53 PM

Thanks to everyone that replied and I'm sorry that you all had to go through this as well. I ended up having the D&C on Thursday, exactly one week after i had the ultrasound. You're right, it is really quite painless, and although there was a bit of cramping for 24 hours after, I feel like it was the right decision.

I arrived at the hospital at about 11am and left at 7pm in the evening. Unfortunately due to Christmas holidays the gynae doctors where a bit short on and there was at least one emergency csection while i was waiting which meant i got pushed back. There was also another lady there having the same procedure who was in alot of pain so she went before me as well.

As rehearsed as it was, and hearing it about 5 times in the day from 5 different doctors, specialists, it was nice that they keep telling you that it wasn't anything we did, and that it is just natures way of telling us that the baby was not healthy. I heard stats like, up to 40% of pregnancies end in miscarriages, and that at hospital I went to, they do about 7 D&C's each day. I've heard these stats before, but when I heard that 7 women undergo this procedure everyday, in just one hospital, I realised I was not alone, and that there are other women going through exactly what I was, at the same time.

One think I have learnt from this ordeal is that I am truly lucky to have such a wonderful husband. After 5 years of marriage and about 18 months of trying to get pregnant I have never seen my husband such a bundle of support. He waited with me in the hospital all day and was there when i woke up.

Now 3 days after the surgery, I feel almost back to normal. I have had a huge teary moment in a couple of days and feel a little more emotionally stable. I know I will have my bad days, but for now, I'm just going to eat better, exercise more, and get myself in the best possible shape to try again in a couple of months.

Sounds like I just made my news resolution original.gif

Thanks again ladies for all your support, it's comforting to know theres always someone that will listen original.gif

#10 RosieA

Posted 30 December 2012 - 10:14 PM

Hi,

I know how devastating this is and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope for your sanity they can do your D&C soon.

I lost my bub recently too. On the 21st I had a scan at 10 weeks, after a previous bleeding scare and low heartbeat I wasn't feeling too positive anyway, but we were told the heartbeat had stopped and it had only grown to about the 5th week stage (4-5mm long). I was told they don't do D&C's as a routine anymore for early miscarriages as it had risks, and was given the option of either waiting for my body to miscarry naturally or taking medication to induce it. I couldn't handle the thought of waiting over Christmas so I chose the pills and I'm glad I did. They gave me one at the hospital that day to soften my cervix and block the progesterone, and I had to take 2 lots of 2 more pills 36 hours later to induce it. I got to do it my own home in my own time with my husband with me the whole time. There was cramping, blood and pain but not as much as I expected. 1 Panadeine Forte and a long shower was enough to take the edge off the pain. Physically it was over in a couple of hours from when I took the 2nd lot of pills. Weirdly, it felt a lot like I imagined the first stages of labour would feel like, and I managed to handle it quite well with my husband by my side. I now feel more prepared for when it happens for real.

I'm not sure if they gave you this option of the pills. In my case, it could have been because bub was so tiny they felt it would pass easily. They also said if I felt I couldn't mentally handle going through a physical miscarriage, they would do a D&C if I really wanted. I have read about women having a horrible experience with natural miscarriage, but for me it was not as horrific or painful as I expected. That could have been because I had already gone through almost 2 weeks of grieving beforehand, I knew something was wrong before they told me.  Maybe this method is something you could ask about if you feel the D&C is taking too long. I didn't know about the pills until that day, I was prepared to go natural instead of D&C because I had read about the surgical risks.

Now that it's over, I'm finding it very difficult to get my head around the fact that I was pregnant, and now I'm not, but there is no baby to hold in my arms. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so grateful for this support group. My amazing husband has been really knocked around by this whole experience, but even he admitted it must be 100 times worse for me than it is for him. We get all attached to these tiny little people growing inside us and then all of a sudden they're gone. This is not the Christmas I was hoping for. Now I'm just taking it day by day, going with the highs and lows, waiting for my body to recover so we can start trying again. I definitely feel stronger in some ways and much closer to my hubby, so there have been some positives to come out of this.

Love & hugs,
RosieA

#11 MandiiS

Posted 30 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

QUOTE (RosieA @ 30/12/2012, 10:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi,

I know how devastating this is and I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope for your sanity they can do your D&C soon.

I lost my bub recently too. On the 21st I had a scan at 10 weeks, after a previous bleeding scare and low heartbeat I wasn't feeling too positive anyway, but we were told the heartbeat had stopped and it had only grown to about the 5th week stage (4-5mm long). I was told they don't do D&C's as a routine anymore for early miscarriages as it had risks, and was given the option of either waiting for my body to miscarry naturally or taking medication to induce it. I couldn't handle the thought of waiting over Christmas so I chose the pills and I'm glad I did. They gave me one at the hospital that day to soften my cervix and block the progesterone, and I had to take 2 lots of 2 more pills 36 hours later to induce it. I got to do it my own home in my own time with my husband with me the whole time. There was cramping, blood and pain but not as much as I expected. 1 Panadeine Forte and a long shower was enough to take the edge off the pain. Physically it was over in a couple of hours from when I took the 2nd lot of pills. Weirdly, it felt a lot like I imagined the first stages of labour would feel like, and I managed to handle it quite well with my husband by my side. I now feel more prepared for when it happens for real.

I'm not sure if they gave you this option of the pills. In my case, it could have been because bub was so tiny they felt it would pass easily. They also said if I felt I couldn't mentally handle going through a physical miscarriage, they would do a D&C if I really wanted. I have read about women having a horrible experience with natural miscarriage, but for me it was not as horrific or painful as I expected. That could have been because I had already gone through almost 2 weeks of grieving beforehand, I knew something was wrong before they told me.  Maybe this method is something you could ask about if you feel the D&C is taking too long. I didn't know about the pills until that day, I was prepared to go natural instead of D&C because I had read about the surgical risks.

Now that it's over, I'm finding it very difficult to get my head around the fact that I was pregnant, and now I'm not, but there is no baby to hold in my arms. I never thought this would happen to me. I'm so grateful for this support group. My amazing husband has been really knocked around by this whole experience, but even he admitted it must be 100 times worse for me than it is for him. We get all attached to these tiny little people growing inside us and then all of a sudden they're gone. This is not the Christmas I was hoping for. Now I'm just taking it day by day, going with the highs and lows, waiting for my body to recover so we can start trying again. I definitely feel stronger in some ways and much closer to my hubby, so there have been some positives to come out of this.

Love & hugs,
RosieA




Hi Rosie, I'm so sorry to hear of your recent loss. I believe we were part of the same due in group (July 2013) and just read your post over there.

I wasn't given the option of tablets, and after waiting one week for a natural miscarriage I couldnt handle it anymore and opted for the D&C.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm sorry again to hear of your loss. It's nice to hear that you feel stronger and closer to your hubby as a result. I can completely understand and agree with that.

Maybe one day in the future we will be part of the same due in group again. Best of luck.

Mandii
xx

#12 Fillyjonk

Posted 01 January 2013 - 03:52 AM

Much love to you OP and to you Rosie. I hope 2013 is a better year for all of us.

Edited by with the goo goose, 01 January 2013 - 01:59 PM.


#13 Eirinn

Posted 01 January 2013 - 05:43 AM

Oh OP, I am so sorry. My first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage too, discovered in the same way. I will never forget the way the world crashed down on me at that moment. My next pregnancy ended in loss too.

I know you won't want to hear this, but I am 7 weeks away from having my third living baby. I once felt like it was never going to be my turn, but I got there, and I am sure you will too. Be kind to yourself over this sad holiday period.

#14 TheGub

Posted 03 January 2013 - 11:39 AM

Hi MandiiS,

I'm so sorry to read about your loss.  I have gone through the exact same scenario as you have just now.  

My NT scan was at 12.5 weeks on 17.12.  I went in feeling fine and very much in the groove of being pregnant and with the understanding that I was to become a mum (first time).  Not being at all a calm personality, I can't tell you how excited I was at the idea of seeing my gorgeous developing little baby!

This baby wasn't planned, but it was very much wanted by us both by this stage and my partner and I had spent a lot of time coming to terms with the idea of becoming parents and were very excited about this.

My scan showed the baby had stopped developing at 8w 2d.  With no heartbeat or blood movement, my Doctor advised me to wait a week to see whether the wee pup would miscarry naturally. It didn't, and so I was off to the hospital on 22.12 to get a D&C.

The week of waiting between the scan and the hospital visit and not knowing what to do, and not being able to get my head around the fact that I wasn't pregnancy anymore and wouldn't be a mum to this baby was killing me.  I was rubbish at work and didn't want to be around anybody.  Then after the D&C the massive hormonal drop really put me in a state where I was passively depressed and distraught at the same time (Christmas Day).  

Through all this, my partner has been a godsend and he has really put me in a state where I am OK with the situation. We went up the coast, had some lovely time at the beach and with friends and I have enjoyed a couple of very nice glasses of red wine and champagne that I would otherwise not have been able to partake in over the silly season.  The support and kindness and happiness that he shows me has  balanced me and put me back into my life as a non-pregnant female at this stage.  

I know that I did nothing wrong with this pregnancy and it just wasn't time for this baby to come to me.  I can't do anything to change what has occurred and I am now accepting.  We are giving ourselves a one cycle wait and we will be trying again with a vengeance in this new year.  

The upside of this whole process is that we have become so much closer as a result of it and we are very committed to this wonderful idea of having a family now between us.  I can't tell you how exciting this prospect is to me.

So best of luck with trying to get pregnant again.  I am sure that it will go as you hope, and that the right baby will come to you at the right time.  I will keep my eyes out for you in the "due in" chat groups in the new year!

#15 hanz33

Posted 10 January 2013 - 02:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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