Jump to content

Can alcohol completely change someone's personality?
Even if it's a small amount?


  • Please log in to reply
35 replies to this topic

#1 MinkyMonkey

Posted 25 December 2012 - 09:29 PM

I hate DH drinking alcohol, any type and in any quantity great than one standard drink. It seems illogical but any more than 1 drink (occasionally 1 will do it too) and his personality does a complete 180 -- he turns into a complete snarky jerk. To me it seems blatantly obvious but I have learnt that I can't pull him up on any of it because it just makes him worse. He is not abusive, he definitely doesn't have a drinking problem as he can go weeks without drinking anything and when he does he usually only has 1-3 drinks, he is drunk maybe once a year. His venom is usually directed at me so I generally try and not engage with him if he has had a couple of drinks.

To be fair I don't drink at all and have delt with the effects from an alcoholic family member so it is possible that my view is tainted. DH just thinks I hate alcohol and should get over it but I really don't have an issue with anyone else drinking (especially only a few drinks) except him. Has anyone ever noticed such a dramatic personality change from someone after only a few drinks? Or is this whole situation just manifested in my imagination?

#2 antigone_

Posted 25 December 2012 - 09:34 PM

Not your imagination at all - my personality has been known to be very unpredictable under the influence of alcohol and so has a close family member's who used to be alcoholic. I haven't seen him behave in that way since he gave up drinking many years ago.

It doesn't take much alcohol to do it either. Every drink causes a somewhat unpredictable chemical reaction. I have been known to have two glasses of wine and turn completely snarky.

#3 jayskette

Posted 25 December 2012 - 09:41 PM

Yes.
Beware.
I am in the same situation as you

#4 MinkyMonkey

Posted 25 December 2012 - 09:50 PM

Thanks for the replies. Nice to know that I'm not just making this up but now I am concerned. What can I do? He acts like this yet has no other visible signs of intoxication, I can't see how I can get him to see what he is doing?



#5 FiveAus

Posted 25 December 2012 - 09:57 PM

Yes, my ex used to turn into a belligerent a**hole after just one or two beers. There was no talking to him, he knew everything, could do everything and wasn't listening to anyone. He would not even be over the legal limit to get like this.

He also used to smell really awful after drinking beer, not just the usual brewery breath, it would literally reek from the pores of his skin. If he was in bed with his back to me, I could smell it as strong as anything, and if he sweated at all, it was worse.

So yes, I'd say a chemical reaction, for sure.

#6 MooGuru

Posted 25 December 2012 - 10:06 PM

My DH is similar; generally more than a couple of drinks and usually if there is a pressure to drink i.e. Pub crawl and one particular group of friends. Last time was bad, but he realised it and never wants it to happen again before that point I think he thought I was being overly dramatic. I think I was also very aware of the alcohol factor due to exposure to an alcoholic so potentially things that wouldn't normally bother me did because I was worried about his alcohol intake which potentially contributed to his narkiness because 1 drink put us both on the defensive.

#7 mygirlcharlotte

Posted 25 December 2012 - 10:11 PM

yes Alcohol can change someones personality
Once my husband isnt drinking he is a nice guy but after 4 drinks he thinks he is king d***..i hate it..He annoys everybody that is around ..he says if they dont like it thats theres problem not his..So when he drinks i cant drink or be around him

#8 starsg

Posted 25 December 2012 - 10:31 PM


Does he remember acting this way the next day, or feel apologetic? one tactic that gets used a bit on abusive alcoholics is to film their behaviour while drunk and show it back to them when they're sober. it's often quite a shock, maybe that's something you could think about trying.

#9 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 26 December 2012 - 01:34 AM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 25/12/2012, 10:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
He may not be an alcoholic, but it definitely sounds like he has a problem with drinking.  I don't think his reaction is 'normal'.

One classic sign of the alcoholic/problem drinker, is there ability to turn it around on you.  It's all in your head, your the one with the problem.   It sounds like your dh is trying that one on you.

You could try getting in touch with Al-anon for support.


Massive over reaction here. Al anon do not need their time wasted by someone whose husband drinks 1-3 drinks, every few weeks. Get a grip.

#10 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 26 December 2012 - 04:40 AM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 26/12/2012, 02:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Massive over reaction here. Al anon do not need their time wasted by someone whose husband drinks 1-3 drinks, every few weeks. Get a grip.


OP is still dealing with the effects of an alcoholic family member and is concerned with the impact of her partners drinking in her.  Of course Alanon would be an good avenue for support.

#11 MinkyMonkey

Posted 26 December 2012 - 05:30 AM

QUOTE (starsg @ 25/12/2012, 10:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Does he remember acting this way the next day, or feel apologetic? one tactic that gets used a bit on abusive alcoholics is to film their behaviour while drunk and show it back to them when they're sober. it's often quite a shock, maybe that's something you could think about trying.


Not really, he thinks I am making it all up. It would be hard to film as he just goes from being a generally loving partner to making snide remarks at me constantly. There is no tirade of abuse or anything to catch on camera that would shock him, it's just the constant small but nasty remarks that make him unpleasant to be around (almost always directed only at me).

#12 3plusme

Posted 26 December 2012 - 05:37 AM

My DH is the same.
Only takes one drink and he's a pain.  two drinks and it's a 180 degree flip of personality change.  My husband knows this.  He knows he does it.  He knows he is a prick and looks for a verbal fight directed at me normally. I stay out of his way. Some of our biggest arguments have been when DH has been drunk and I have took the bait.  I have learned to leave it to the morning if DH has been drinking.  

My DH knows he's a jerk when he has been drinking, friends and family tell him.  He has seen video footage of himself at parties and has been pretty embarrassed afterwards.  Lucky he is a humble kind of guy when not drunk and does apologise after.

We have used various strategies over the years to try and avoid any issues.  1. is we have zero tolerance.  Which is no drinking at all.  This usually takes place after New Years after a big drunken mess.  2.  Is usually no more than 2 drinks and is usually the rest of the year.     Dh knows he won't be getting a sleep in and will still have to participate in our family routines the next day, there will be no hangover or sleep in, so why bother getting drunk?
and 3. is if we are out somewhere and i see him with a few drinks and i walk past and say "how many is that"... it means he can check and count. I do feel like his mum a bit only with his issue.  He does not seem to be able to manage it himself.
Things that make my DH's drinking behaviour worse is friends that spur him on.  ( and I know who they are!) and scotch.  Damn I hate scotch.
Ive been with my DH 10 years.  So I know him extremely well.
I should also add, I don't think my DH is an alcoholic as he doesn't drink all the time.  I think though, if we didn't manage my DH's drinking behaviours then he definately would be an alcoholic. He is unable to set himself drinking limits.Long post sorry.  I am in the same situation and wanted to share my story.

DH's brother is an alcoholic who has two failed marriages as a result. People in my Dh's family have addictive personalities.  His mum is addicted to food another gambling so I think it can be an inherited gene.

#13 akkiandmalli

Posted 26 December 2012 - 05:46 AM

Definitely lol my DH however is more touchy and shows PDA if we are out. It's cute as normally he a non kissing touching person so its nice sometimes.. We don't have many drinks out together these days though

#14 choccy2

Posted 26 December 2012 - 06:14 AM

No I can't say that I have - not that I can think of at the moment anyway.

I've seen people who already have particular personality traits have them exaggerated by alcohol, but not completely out of the blue and be created by drinking small amounts of alcohol.

The closest I've seen would be probably people who are naturally fairly reserved being a bit more relaxed and open after a couple of drinks - but other than that no not really.

#15 LookMumNoHands

Posted 26 December 2012 - 06:57 AM

Both of my parents are like your DH. They become aggressive, argumentative, sensitive... It basically turns them both into the total opposite of what they are sober. And this happens after just one or two glasses of wine.

My dad has been sober since I was 13, but mum still drinks. My sister and I have learnt to watch every word that comes out of our mouths when she's been drinking, and to try and stay out of her line of fire.

Alcohol gives me headaches, even one sip. So I don't drink. But even if it didn't, I would still never touch a drop. It is pure evil, in my opinion. I would rather my mum smoke a joint than drink.

I'm sorry your DH acts that way, OP. it's heartbreaking to watch, and so tough being the recipient of a drinkers bad behaviour.

#16 Duck-o-lah

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:06 AM

QUOTE
Has anyone ever noticed such a dramatic personality change from someone after only a few drinks?
No, not in my experience. A few drinks, yes, but not one or two. A couple of suggestions...

Some people just don't metabolise alcohol well, which would explain the difference in personality after just a small amount.

And just to play devil's advocate (I don't mean to cause any offense), do you notice this negative behaviour directed at anyone else, or is it just you? How do you react when he's drinking? I'm just wondering if your behaviour is altered when he starts drinking? Do you make off-hand comments about his drinking that may be percieved as nagging or having a go at him for having a drink? In that case he might be getting on the defensive. I've seen the way some people talk to their spouses when they start drinking and it's no wonder their partners get snarky at them. As I said, I don't mean to suggest that you are the problem as I don't know enough about you, just something to consider?

#17 ~Supernova~

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:07 AM

When my DH drinks rum, he turns into somebody I despise. He got so bad recently that we need counseling...alcohol can be nasty. Don't get me wrong, I love a glass of wine or two, or three lol but it can definitely have a negative impact on personality and aggressiveness.

If he is drinking any other alcohol, he becomes very talkative, and we have some great interesting debates, I like it original.gif He also becomes more romantic and affectionate.

For me, I am naturally very shy, and even after 1 wine I will start to open up and be a lot more relaxed in company.

So yes, alcohol, even a small amount, can have both negative and positive impacts on personality IMO.

#18 nano-tyrannus

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Perhaps you should make a secret hidden camera video of the way he treats you when he's drunk and ask him his opinion of it when he's sober.

[/quote]
www-personal.umich.edu/~bbushman/bc90.pdf

In conclusion, the results of the review indicate that alcohol does indeed facilitate aggressive behavior. The effects of alcohol on aggression were similar to the effects of other independent variables on aggression. In addition, alcohol appears to influence aggressive behavior as much or more than it influences other social and nonsocial behaviors. [/quote]


#19 Leggy

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Could you perhaps try making a sound recording OP? That wwy you could let someone you trust or even a counsellor listen to it and talk about it. Even if you are overreacting, and from the description I don't think you are, it's upsetting you and working out some coping strategies would be a good idea. Listening to a long string of himself being a jerk might give your DH a reality check too.

#20 MinkyMonkey

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:41 AM

No offense taken Duck-o-lah, I have definitely wondered this because I do get my hackles up as soon as he has more than one drink at home. Now I make sure not to engage or say anything about the drinking because it does no good, but I have in the past tried to point out that he is a nasty person when he drinks which makes him angry and therefore nastier. I guess even though I don't say anything anymore he could still be reacting the same way because he is expecting me to make a negative comment shrug.gif It's a bit chicken and egg, who's behaviour changed first and who reacted I guess.

#21 MinkyMonkey

Posted 26 December 2012 - 07:54 AM

Thank you I think I might try and get some recording next time it seems like the only option. One night when he said some particularly nasty things I wrote them down verbatim but he still refused to believe saying my reality was twisted. He knows that this is my weakness, I grew up with a family member suffering MI that meant her view reality was often way different to everyone else's so I am really sensitive to people challenging my reality. I saw how this person in her heart of hearts would believe that a situation went one way but several other people who were there could vouch that it wasn't like that at all.

#22 EsmeLennox

Posted 26 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

You say he alters after a small amount of alcohol, and yet say that he can't member saying the nasty things. How much is he really drinking in a session if he can't remember? He is either lying that he can't remember if he says that he can't after only  a small number of drinks, or he is drinking way more than you realise. The only times I haven't been able to remember what I've said when drinking I have been seriously plastered. Either that or his body does something very weird when he drinks.

When you speak to him about it when he's sober he turns nasty? Because if he does, then to me the alcohol is only exaggerating an unpleasant personality trait. If he won't discuss it sensibly and rationally when he's sober then that would be something I would be discussing with a counselling service of some sort. The behaviour when under the influence I could brush off to an extent if he acknowledged it and agreed to work on it, but if he won't even consider it as a possibility then that is the problem IMO.

Edited by Jemstar, 26 December 2012 - 08:07 AM.


#23 spear_maiden

Posted 26 December 2012 - 09:12 AM

I have a sister like this, and until she's really drunk, all her nasty comments are directed at me only, and sometimes her partner.  As she is able to control who she directs her nastiness at, I don't think it's the alcohol.  Rather, I believe whilst the alcohol may lower her inhibitions, it's still more a case of she uses the small amts of alcohol as an excuse to get away with treating me like dirt.

I did know someone who was well and truly drunk after 1-2 drinks. I would never have believed it if I hadn't witnessed it.  An instance of her body not being able to metabolise alcohol I would assume.  After 1-2 drinks she was slurring her words, could barely follow what was being said to her, was saying nonsense words and then became ill and basically passed out on our lounge for an hour.  She had a few food intolerances and some unknown stomach issues, so I guess there was something going on with her body.  No wonder she very rarely drank alcohol.

Edited by Studybug, 26 December 2012 - 09:13 AM.


#24 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:32 AM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 26/12/2012, 09:08 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
OP, Al-anon is for anyone who has a family member who might have a problem with alcohol, even a suspected problem.  So don't let pp's comment put you off.  I know someone who attends Al-anon even though she hasn't lived with the alcoholic for ten odd years.  It's a support group, they are not going to tell you that you are not welcome.  You may find someone who has a similar problem with their partner.

Swahili, may I suggest if you don't have anything to add to the thread you don't comment?  Instead of a drive-by snark?


May I suggest that you accept that not everyone shares the same opinion? Or is your ego so fragile that it's difficult for you to do that?  sad.gif

#25 Ferelsmegz

Posted 26 December 2012 - 10:37 AM

my DP just dances, a lot. Lol

His brother however…. lets just say his drinking ruined Xmas day.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Funny Father's Day cards

A little fun never goes astray when celebrating special occasions and Father's Day is no different. We've rounded up some funny Father's day cards for your husbands, fathers and other important men in your lives.

Electronic tags may keep newborns safe

The possibility of using electronic bracelets for mothers and their newborn babies is being investigated by Adelaide's Women's and Children's Hospital. 

Baby steps: when your little one starts walking

As a parent there are so many milestones to look forward to. That first smile, first word - and, of course, that first step.

Julia Watson's new book 'Breakfast, School Run, Chemo'

Tomorrow my friend Julia launches her first book. And while we're all overjoyed, the success is tinged with sadness. You see, Julia has stage 4 bowel cancer.

How not to name twins

Call me boring, but I don't think that when it comes to choosing my twins' names is the right time to use a good pun.

Fun Sunny Life pool inflatables just for babies

The babies of 2015 will thus be thrilled to paddle their happy baby legs in these brand new flamingo and swan baby inflatables.

Baby and bulldog born on the same day are best friends

When Chicago mum Ivette Ivens saw a French bulldog puppy who had the same birthdate as her son Dilan, she "just knew it?s meant to be" and took him home. Five months later, puppy Farley and Dilan are the best of friends - as Ivens says, "I?m pretty sure Dilan thinks they?re both the same species, as they walk at the same level and are both going through the stage of chewing on everything.?

Breastfeeding basics for beginners

Here are 10 tips to help make breastfeeding successful and stress free for both you and your baby as quickly as possible.

Girl smothers baby brother with peanut butter

This mum had a big clean up job on her hands.

How to hide those under eye shadows

Pandas are the only ones who benefit from under-eye shadows. If you're not fluffy and cute, you'll just look tired.

Young mum dies after being denied pap smear

A mother has died after she was denied a pap smear because she was deemed "too young" to need it.

Birthday cakes banned at childcare centre

A childcare centre in Sydney has banned birthday cakes after parent complaints about excessive sugar and children with allergies being left out.

Triplet surprise for newlyweds

As the radiographer moved the wand over her abdomen, Shelley King got the surprise of her life.

3 yummy Thermomix baby and toddler recipes

Louise Fulton Keats shares her recipes for babies and toddlers, including corn and sweet pikelets, pumpkin and pea risotto, and cheesy bunny biscuits.

Man arrested over toddler Nikki's death

A 31-year-old man has been arrested over the death of two-year-old Nikki Francis-Coslovich in Mildura.

Adoption ban on pregnant women to be lifted

Pregnant women will no longer be barred from adoption waiting lists in NSW, after the Baird Government decided the practice was discriminatory.

Are you getting enough magnesium?

Magnesium is the fourth most abundant mineral in the body, but we don't talk enough about it and the vital role it plays in great health and energy, as well as disease prevention.

5 workplace lessons for new parents

Take heart in these principles that will transfer seamlessly from the workplace into your new life as a parent.

Mums to follow on Instagram

A creative outlet for many, there are some savvy women complementing their blogs and businesses with riveting Instagrams feeds. We've chosen a few which have bucketloads of appeal; there are some big time players and some smaller local ones, and they each bring their special brand of magic to the Instagram experience.

Review: The Volvo 2015 XC90 SUV has all the safety features your family needs

The new Volvo XC90 SUV's focus on keeping you safe does not come at the expense of comfort in the XC90.

Kim Kardashian reveals she may have hysterectomy

Kim Kardashian has revealed complications during pregnancy means she might have to have a hysterectomy after the birth of her second child.

Why late night snacks wreak havoc on weight loss

 Loath as you may be to admit it, chances are that at some point you have found yourself in the kitchen late at night, devouring food.

Toddler twins pretend to be asleep to fool mum

They say twins have a unique connection. If this cute clip is anything to go by, these toddler sisters like to use their special bond to try to fool their mother.

Dad bags: 10 picks for out and about

Getting out of the house is a big priority in the early years of parenthood and you need to take a well-stocked kit with you. We've chosen 10 of the best nappy bags sure to appeal to dads in style and function.

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Dads who do their share have more sex: study

For women trying to encourage their partners to take more interest in fatherhood, it could be the ultimate incentive.

Think you might have IBS, coeliac disease or Crohn's?

Conditions affecting the gastrointestinal tract are common in modern humans, and many are on the rise - including irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) and coeliac disease.

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer.

The exercises you know you should be doing (but probably aren't)

I bet your to-do list today is long. But somewhere on that massive list, are you making time for your pelvic floor?

This baby really loves the family cat

Some babies get excited when mum or dad come to get them from their cot after a nap.

Designer kids clothing good enough to eat by Oeuf

Even if you aren't heading to the Northern hemisphere in the next six months, you can't help but love the amazing food-themed knits for babies and kids by cult kids brand Oeuf.

Early exposure to peanuts recommended for allergy prevention

A paediatricians' group is recommending that infants at high risk of peanut allergies be given foods containing peanuts before they turn one.

Home brand foods contain less salt than pricier rivals

Supermarket home brand foods, long derided as cheap and inferior, contain far lower levels of salt than pricier, branded rivals, new research shows.

Nannies for hire, wherever you're flying

Ever dreaded the prospect of a long flight, dreaming about how wonderful it would be for a nanny to entertain the kids?

Couple poses for newborn shoot with adorable puppy

Tired of being asked about their baby-making plans, Australian couple Matt and Abby decided to give a creative answer: with an unusual photo shoot with their 'baby', a groodle (poodle/golden retriever cross) named Humphrey. The talented Elisha from Elisha Minnette Photography caught all the precious shots.

Is it okay to name your baby with a sense of humour?

My husband was sure that Danger was a good option for a boy. And as the pregnancy progressed, it actually started to sound really good.

Woman gives birth after having her own mother's uterus transplanted

In a world first, a healthy baby has been born from the same womb that nurtured his own mother.

So hot right now: double-barrelled baby names on the rise

It's one way to make your baby stand out from the pack – giving them not one, but two first names.

Second time around: is it really better the devil you know?

When I fell pregnant with my second child I was, naturally, very excited. Then it all started to come back to me - and I freaked.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

How did we have babies before apps came along?

Three months ago, my wife, Chrysta, and I were driving along Melrose Avenue in Los Angeles when she let out a harrowing cry.

When your toddler disagrees

There comes a time when your child starts having different views to you. I didn't realise that time would come so soon.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

 

FREE TICKET

Discover the magic of the LEGO® DUPLO® Play Area in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.