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Am I being a judgemental cow?
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#1 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:27 AM

So I wonder what you think - I think I'm being judgemental about capabilities to work together. But that my judgement is justified, so I'm interested in what you think:

Yesterday I rolled up to an outdoor shopping area to park next to a small (micro size car) with about 12 late teens/early young adults hanging around the car. Turns out a girl had parked one tyre over the edge of of the parking bay, but probably with an edge about 10cm off the ground, so basically one tyre was stuck over the edge of it. One tyre was on a flat bit. Half of them were on phones, a few guys were standing around wondering what to do but they all had no idea what to do! I guess I'm thinking it wasn't a biggie, there was enough of them to probably lift the car off it, and so I suggested to put the car in neutral and take the brake off, and for everyone to push it off the edge. They all kind of looked at me dumbfounded, didn't rush over to try lift it in the meantime my 8yo was there trying to lift it and then they all followed suite. It still didn't budge so I suggested to put the car in reverse, turn the ignition on and push it off.  It moved with such ease.

But what surprised me is they were on phones asking people what they should do, someone had a jack ready to put under the car (couldn't see how that would work though) and no-one really had the confidence to work together as a team of 12, to push this little micro car out of its one tyre spot. The girl at the wheel who owned the car looked like she was going to faint and someone else had to take over as she didn't even have the confidence to turn the car back on!

I just thought it was weird, it wasn't really hard and I've backed my car into much worse spots. But doesn't it make sense with a group of 12 ish healthy and fit young people, to work together and lift the darn thing out? Isn't it common sense?

So there.... being judgemental but I couldn't help wonder why they couldn't solve the problem on their own.



#2 steppy

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:30 AM

A situation that is becoming more and more common. Learned helplessness. Their parents did too much for them and so did their schools.

Yes, you are judging but judgement is a wonderful human capacity nobody should be ashamed of. Are you being mean because your judgement was negative. Um, no. A bunch of young adults having little to no capacity to think or act for themselves is something that is unlikely to generate positive thoughts.

Edited by steppy, 24 December 2012 - 10:33 AM.


#3 galba

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:31 AM


I don't know - I'm quite reassured that they didn't want to do anything that may damage the car in any way. Perhaps most of them didn't drive and so were not confident about moving the car.



#4 kadoodle

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:33 AM

Kids these days - such wimps!

Maybe it's for the best though - on the last day of year 12, my DH and his mates put their English teacher's mini moke in the canteen.

#5 BadCat

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:38 AM

I can't quite picture the parking situation you're describing.  But yes, I would think if it was that easily fixed then they really should have been able to figure it out themselves.

It's a product of a society where 10 year olds aren't allowed to use a toaster and 16 year olds aren't allowed to stay home alone.



Ah, the old days Kadoodle.  My year 10 class put the science teacher's mini sideways between two trees.  Poor bugger had no way of getting it out until the guys came back to lift it for him.  laughing2.gif

#6 FeralProudSwahili

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:39 AM

Meh, some people just have no idea with that sort of thing. There's nothing wrong with that.

#7 Bluemakede

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:39 AM

I think it's becoming the norm. My sister and I are often left dumbfounded at the lack of common sense shown by her 16 year old when it comes to problem solving, and just seeing things in general. Not even caused by my sister molly coddling her to much either, she's very much use your brains and get stuck in and get things done, and tried to pass that on to the kids, her daughter acts like she'll break something if she moves to fast, and as for using her brain, yeah no.

#8 FuzzyMum

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:40 AM

Personally I wouldn't be quick to volunteer trying to lift a car, but then I have a back injury which I guess makes me a wimp I suppose.

#9 steppy

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:41 AM

QUOTE (FuzzyMum @ 24/12/2012, 11:40 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Personally I wouldn't be quick to volunteer trying to lift a car, but then I have a back injury which I guess makes me a wimp I suppose.


Luckily, nobody was making this about you.

#10 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:42 AM

QUOTE (Swahili @ 24/12/2012, 11:39 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Meh, some people just have no idea with that sort of thing. There's nothing wrong with that.


I guess I can't quite believe though in a group of 12 ish, with half of them guys, one couldn't step in and bring the group together to solve the problem!

PP you know how some parking spots have a parking bay in the middle of two sides of parks, it was that middle section. But it was hollow inside (ie didn't have trees or plants etc). So one tyre got stuck in that bit, the other tyre was on flat ground. She'd just driven too far forward and got one tyre stuck over the edge.

#11 JRA

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:43 AM

Judgemental, yes.

Are all young kids like that. I don't think so. We had a great time at the beach the other day, two boys were there, one decided the surf was to crap for him so just sat talking to DH and I. This kid was absolutely gorgeous. So incredible, sure of himself, nice, just great company. he had just got home from Hawaii, had come from Avalon down to the peninsula to be with mate, and then heading the other side to him.  As the conversation progressed, he is heading in to year 9 next year. sh*t. I can't imagine being that confident and just switched on at that age.

I also see it in my 2nd cousins etc. So many of kids today I see as so out there, bright and prepared to have a go.

QUOTE (kadoodle @ 24/12/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Maybe it's for the best though - on the last day of year 12, my DH and his mates put their English teacher's mini moke in the canteen.


I think that was fairly normal type of prank, mini moke, mini or some other small car.



#12 Tigerdog

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:44 AM

QUOTE
I can't quite picture the parking situation you're describing.  But yes, I would think if it was that easily fixed then they really should have been able to figure it out themselves.


Me neither - she drove it in there, why couldn't she just drive it out?  I don't get why there were so many people there anyway, I would like to think she was at the mall to meet them - if she actually called them to come there to help with such a minor problem that's a worry!

#13 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:44 AM

And yes maybe it is a lack of problem solving skills, and having the confidence in yourself to be assertive and make decisions. What happens when these youths have to live on their own? Run their own household? I guess in my day (now I sound old haha) we were all out of home by 19 and had to just figure it out by ourselves. Doesn't mean there wasn't a few tears along the way. But I do admit that confidence has grown with age.

#14 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:45 AM

QUOTE (Tigerdog @ 24/12/2012, 11:44 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Me neither - she drove it in there, why couldn't she just drive it out?  I don't get why there were so many people there anyway, I would like to think she was at the mall to meet them - if she actually called them to come there to help with such a minor problem that's a worry!



I think they must have been meeting there.

#15 niggles

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:49 AM

That is odd. My eldest sister had a teeny tiny first car and her friends in the neighbourhood used to pick it up and carry it around the corner so it wouldn't be parked where she'd left it as a running joke. It's funny how the obvious answer to a problem is sometimes the last one you see once you get in a panic. And how that panic is often catching.

#16 PurpleWitch

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:52 AM

My 17 year old wouldnt have had a clue what to do. My 9 year would have.

Different people think differently.

I would have because Ive parked myself in some trippy spots Tounge1.gif

#17 Feral like a Lemon

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:55 AM

Helplessness is becoming more and more common along with an astounding lack of general knowledge. Judge away OP. Personally I believe it's a syndrome of the Me generation.

#18 *Lib*

Posted 24 December 2012 - 10:59 AM

QUOTE (steppy @ 24/12/2012, 10:30 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A situation that is becoming more and more common. Learned helplessness. Their parents did too much for them and so did their schools.

Yep

#19 BadCat

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:12 AM

I can understand not being able to think what to do if you found your car like that.  Sometimes your brain just doesn't click into the right gear.  But I have to assume she drove it in there so I can't fathom how it wouldn't occur to her to drive it out.

#20 Feral_Pooks

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:16 AM

You'd think out of 12 of them, one of them would have figured it out. But I tend to find that airy, big-picture-thinking, don't-have-practical-bone-in-my-body (cough, emo, cough) types tend to hang out together. So it sort of makes sense.

#21 livvie7586

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:23 AM

QUOTE (PurpleWitch @ 24/12/2012, 11:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My 17 year old wouldnt have had a clue what to do. My 9 year would have.

Different people think differently.

I would have because Ive parked myself in some trippy spots Tounge1.gif


I'm the same as your 17 yo, i'd have NFI what to do, my husband on the other hand would figure it out in no time.

OP, you'd be surprised at the differences in the way people think.  Most of the 'smart' people i know (myself included), who think nothing to doing complex 'school' subjects, would get into a situation like you have mentioned and would have no clue what to do, my husband (and most of my mates), whilst not dumb, think differently, and would be out in a jiffy.

#22 MinkyMonkey

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:24 AM

QUOTE (BadCat @ 24/12/2012, 10:38 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It's a product of a society where 10 year olds aren't allowed to use a toaster and 16 year olds aren't allowed to stay home alone.


I think this plays a part, everyone is too scared about how dangerous a place the world is "these days" to let their children out to develop these skills. Couple that with and education system that puts so much value on standardised tests where there is only one correct answer and organised after school activities where children are told exactly what to do replacing free play with friends. None of it encourages out-of-the-box-thinking.

#23 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:26 AM

QUOTE (MinkyMonkey @ 24/12/2012, 12:24 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think this plays a part, everyone is too scared about how dangerous a place the world is "these days" to let their children out to develop these skills. Couple that with and education system that puts so much value on standardised tests where there is only one correct answer and organised after school activities where children are told exactly what to do replacing free play with friends. None of it encourages out-of-the-box-thinking.


Yes this is it - it was like they were standing waiting for someone on the phone to give them exact right answer, and me saying well why don't you try xyz and they all looked at me strangely. It was just like that - as if there was only one correct answer but I was giving a different answer.

I do admit, I have always been a think outside the box type of person. Problem solving and finding a solution to problems has always been easy for me, so I understand not everyone thinks in that way.

I guess if it was just 1 or 2 of them I would understand. It was that there were so many of them and none of them had a clue ;-P

Edited by Katakacpk, 24 December 2012 - 11:26 AM.


#24 KatakaGeoGirl

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:28 AM

Oh and then for me the question is, this is OUR kids in 10-12 years time!! What can I do to ensure my kids are think outside the box and not intimidated by the little things in life. Am I giving my kids too much? I guess in some ways I'm reflecting as a parent and saying what I can do to make sure my kids are equipped with enough knowledge of the world to exist in it without being frightened of it.

#25 kadoodle

Posted 24 December 2012 - 11:55 AM

Upon reflection, I do think it's partially to do with personality and confidence with a car (which is, after all, a frightening and dangerous machine), as well as the younger generations' being mollycoddled.

When my mum would get bogged, she'd get in a flap and call my dad or one of her brothers to help her.  When I got bogged this winter, I fishtailed the car out.  DD1 got out and refused to watch, DD2 thought it was the best fun she'd had all week.  

Where were you?  Could it be a city/country thing too?  Quite a lot of people that I know who grew up in urban environments wouldn't know the first thing about getting a stuck car out of a pothole or off a kerb, but they'd be able to catch a tram, deal with Myki cards and get from one side of the city to the other.  Friends who grew up in the bush can drive anything on wheels on any terrain, but wouldn't be able to figure out how to purchase a bus ticket.




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