My husband (of 17 years) has had a realy rough year with his health.
He ende up with a facial skin cancer coming back (had a removal and graft three years ago for the same cancer) but it came back and he had to have the same proceedure again in August. At that time they told him that they thought, from what they could see, that it had gotten into his nerves and would go into his brain, the diagnosis for which was not good at all.
So for two months we thought he was screwed, but the pathology came back that it wasnt in his nerves, although he did have additional surgery to make the margins clearer.
Our relationship has been long and up and down, we have both been pretty dysfunctional, but have also worked really hard in the last 18 months and made massive massive changes to how we relate and feel and treat each other. We have been happier than ever and more healthy and functional than i thought possible - i can confidently say he has felt the same because we have talked about it in therapy together.
Two weeks ago (the night of the 2nd surgery), he couldnt sleep, next day he announced he wanted a divorce, he said the idea came to him in the middle of the night.
He says the mortality issue has made him relaise he wont be happy with me, thats its too hard work.
I am devastated, we have two amazign children (8 and 6) who he adores and who adore him.
He's a really beautiful and good man (though troubled in a lot of ways i guess, but so am i).
He is also a really stubborn man and i have watched in the last two weeks as he has developed this idea and twisted situations and memories to support the concept.
i love him, real love which means that even though i am so sad i do feel massive compassion for him because i see he is hurting too. I think he is confused about how this idea has grown (out of nothing) to seem so rational and certain - i certianly am confused.
I've posted this here in the hope that someone who has dealt with these issues might be able to help me understand what he is going through.
For the record i dont think i can control this, nor stop him if it is what he needs to do, but my i am deeply heartbroken and understanding another perspective may help me cope. If we had been in a rough patch in the marriage this might be easier to accept, but we have literally never been better.
Edited by *birdie*, 07 January 2013 - 02:00 PM.