Jump to content

Would you tell your friend enough is enough?


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1 Lickety Split

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:16 AM

Deleted for privacy reasons.

Edited by Lickety Split, 25 December 2012 - 05:02 PM.


#2 katpaws

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:21 AM

Have a look at this web resource:

http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/communit...family-violence



#3 ms flib

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM

I'd say you should hang in there. She needs your friendship. If you care about her then be there for her despite your annoyance.

#4 Lolpigs

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM

Find out the numbers of the womens refugee near her and give her them. They can help her physically get out of the situation.

#5 Leafprincess

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:25 AM

She needs to arrive at the conclusion to leave him herself.

The more people tell her to leave him, the more she will stick up for him and stay with him. She then gets stuck in the us vs the rest of the world trap. When in the trap its even harder to leave because she's told herself the rest of the world is against her (not true).

Next time she calls instead of offering her advice or suggestions ask her what SHE is going to do about the situation. Help her work through her options and ask her what the consequences are of staying vs leaving.

She also needs professional help, suggest that you may not be the best person to speak to and refer her to the professionals. That in the capacity as a friend you will be there but not as a counsellor.

Until she is ready to leave him, there isn't much anyone can do. Domestic abuse is one sick cycle.


#6 FloralArrangement

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:29 AM

OP I know this is hard for you but I recommend not cutting ties. Your friend is caught in a cycle of abuse and her mind would be centred on that. You can support her but not make decisions for her. It is good that she at least contacts you when things go bad although I know this would be very draining for you. Arm yourself with as much information and resources to help her as you can.

#7 YandiGirl

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:35 AM

If Grey Matter sees this she will be able to give you advice as she was you and I was 'Gemma'.

I got out eventually. I could have lost her though. I am just so glad she never gave up on me, as hard as it was for her to watch.

#8 *cough*

Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:39 AM

Please don't give up on her. That is all classic DV stuff. She needs her friends and he will be isolating her as much as possible.

Stick by her when she is ready to make the decision. Only she can but she'll need you when she decides to leave.

#9 lilmissmars

Posted 23 December 2012 - 10:07 AM

Please don't give up on her.

An abusive man will isolate the woman from everyone to ensure he has full control.
From what you have said he has already isolated her from her family and I'm guessing she doesn't have friends near by to call and that is why she is calling you.

It's really hard to leave a relationship like that because you truly believe that you can't survive without the person.
Therapy may not have helped because she may not have fully disclosed what is going on. Believe me, covering for the abusive person is all part in parcel of this kind of relationship.

I know it's hard and I hope someone can give you some ideas. I wish I had a friend like you to talk to when I was in this woman's shoes. Other PPs are right unfortunately when they say only she can make the decision to leave.

#10 ShamelesslyPooks

Posted 23 December 2012 - 01:44 PM

I've been Gemma, and now I'm you in another situation. Be patient, take a step back emotionally, and just let her know you're there. One thing my friend did with me was some basic safety planning- what would happen if... Type situations. So, I left copies of important documents at his place, had some emergency money left at his place to cover a cab fare there plus some basic expenses, a change of clothes, and list of phone numbers. We also had a safe word for me to call him if I wanted him to call the police on my behalf. He made it clear that he would help, but would also involve police for his own safety if he felt it was required (the subtext being- you want my help, that's fine, but I WILL call the cops). I've done the same thing for my friend, she has left a few times, has gone back, but the police and a DV service are involved so as much as I worry about her and the kids I'm pleased with the incremental improvements. She has also learned something each time she has left, which was my experience too. It's not easy to leave, or to stay gone...

#11 L&E

Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:09 PM

PP's have all said it brilliantly, so I won't repeat except to say don't give up contact with her. She probably hasn't decided she doesn't need her family, it's part of the isolation that a comes part and parcel with an abusive relationship. You may just be her only "link" that she can call on when she needs it. Please please please let her know you are there whenever she needs help.

#12 spear_maiden

Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:16 PM

Pooks has mentioned some invaluable steps for you to work thru with your friend (the stash of money, documents, clothes, somewhere to go).  If you really struggle with feeling you know how to do this, there are a couple of services your friend can call that will also get your friend thinking in these terms.  The women who work at these services will not tell your friend what to do, but they will empathise, and work thru practical steps your friend can take based on what info or wishes your friend discloses.  Also, these services will calmly and in a non-confrontational manner name what is happening in your friend's relationship.  I.e. they will use terms like domestic violence slipped into the conversation, and they will try to express to your friend that the actions of her partner, whilst common, are not normal in a loving relationship.  It can take women many many calls to places for support, checking their options and countless conversations about what is going on for them before they even start to believe they may have another option then to stay.  DV is insidious, and the perpetrators of such violence are adept at manipulation and coercion.  I hope this ends well for your friend.

Victoria: http://www.wire.org.au/, http://www.dvrcv.org.au/
QLd: http://www.communities.qld.gov.au/women/ab...womens-infolink

Sorry I don't know enough about the services in other states to know which to recommend.

#13 pinksky

Posted 24 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

You've done all you can, again and again. I got to the point with a friend of mine where I had just had enough of her dramas, and years of doing nothing about it, that I honestly had to cut her off. I was sick to death of the victim mentality.




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The popular baby name from the Rio Olympics

"With a pair of athletes who are not only successful, but seen as great role models – combined with a softer sound – it is like hitting the jackpot."

Toy stuck in baby's throat for two weeks

When Jude Atiga's baby son Laith was struggling to breathe the worried mum called an ambulance.

Mum awarded $20 million over birth power struggle with nurses

As a mother of three, Caroline Malatesta thought she knew what she was letting herself in for when it came to the birth of her fourth baby.

Win a Baby Jogger City Premier for Father's Day

To celebrate Father's Day, one lucky EB fan will win one of their own! Enter Now!

'There's a giant picture of BOOBS but I can not feed my child'

A mum was ushered out of an US department store's underwear section after discreetly breastfeeding her baby.

Why fatherhood scares many dads-to-be

Travis Bull vividly remembers discovering his partner was pregnant for the first time.

Free ticket offer

Pinky Mckay joins us again at the Essential Baby & Toddler Show presented by Blackmores with her expert baby settling advice. Register now for your free ticket.

Warning for pregnant women as flu-related deaths triple

A more than three-fold increase in flu-related deaths has sparked a plea for those with the flu to stay away from vulnerable people.

I'm trying to keep my child-free friends in my life, but it's tough

I tried to prove to my single friends that I was the same I'd always been. But marriage did change me - and motherhood has, too

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Too many parents still putting babies in unsafe bedding: study

A study found that a whopping 91 per cent of four-week-old babies had been placed in cots with unsafe bedding.

Mum's shock as toddler fat-shamed by internet trolls

When a mother uploaded a cute photograph of her 14-month old child online, she did not expect a swarm of internet trolls to write that her toddler was fat.

How an Aldi staff member made one exhausted mum's day

It was a simple act of kindness, but one that made an exhausted mother's day.

The most awww-worthy celeb baby pics of the week

It's been a pretty cute week on Instagram in terms of celebs relishing their babies.

When 'Just Do It' just doesn't cut it

When even Michelle Bridges admits to struggling with her exercise regime, it's time to accept that having small children can be a legitimate reason for exercise not happening.

What life is really like when you have five kids

Life is cute with one, manageable with three, but at times completely impossible with five.

When no one can pronounce your baby's name

In Wales it's a common name, but over here, it's cause for some confusion.

Dad shares horror tale after Roomba's run-in with dog poop

It's the poop story that's been shared hundreds of thousands of times around the world.

How a homemade wheelchair is giving baby Evelyn freedom

Like all one-year-olds, Evelyn Moore is keen to get moving and explore the world around her. But a battle with aggressive cancer left the little girl paralysed from the waist down.

Single to double pram that folds with seat attached

A pram is a large purchase, and you only want to buy once.

Mum-to-be surprises husband with big news in joy-filled photoshoot

When Bri Dow learnt that she was expecting, she immediately knew she wanted to break the news to her husband Brandon in a special way.

Blake Lively: 'Post-pregnancy slim down pressure is so unfair'

Blake Lively has urged women not to feel pressured to lose weight after pregnancy.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

5 ways having a baby is different when you have older children

So much parenting advice is geared towards having your first baby, but what's it like having a baby when you already have children?

You can now make your own plush Falkor

Fans of The NeverEnding Story – of which there are certainly plenty – went crazy for these plush Falkors when they first went on sale last year.

Baby steps

10 things that will actually happen after having a baby

I thought I had prepared myself for motherhood. Then my baby girl arrived and knocked everything flat.

Having a baby: expectations vs reality

People love to warn you about what to expect when having a baby, but they can be way off when it comes to the reality.

Are we having fun yet? Thinking positively as a parent

Motherhood is wonderful ... except when it sucks.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

When breastfeeding doesn't go with the flow

Breast is best, except when it's not. And in our case, it most definitely wasn't.

'If you don't vaccinate your kids you're a bloody idiot'

The photos are heartbreaking and almost too difficult to look at, but Kayley Burke is begging other parents to take notice.

Why pregnant women should eat chocolate

In news that will make expectant mums jump for joy - and reach for a block of Cadbury - scientists have revealed chocolate could provide health benefits during pregnancy.

The baby born with an incredible head of hair

If you're in any way challenged in the follicle department, prepare to feel a jolt of envy - at a two-month-old baby.

The push for Medicare to fund lactation consultants

While meeting with a lactation consultant can make an enormous difference to a new mother, it's not a service that is available through the public health system.

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Help! My baby will only sleep in my arms

It's stressful to be the one who is holding your baby most of the day, but it's even more stressful to wonder, 'am I doing something wrong? Or am I creating bad habits?'

 

ENTER NOW

Win one of two Father's Day Gift Packs

Sign up to receive our new Essential Kids announcements emails for a chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.