Edited by Lickety Split, 25 December 2012 - 05:02 PM.
Jump to content
Would you tell your friend enough is enough?
12 replies to this topic
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:16 AM
Deleted for privacy reasons.
Edited by Lickety Split, 25 December 2012 - 05:02 PM.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:21 AM
Have a look at this web resource:
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM
I'd say you should hang in there. She needs your friendship. If you care about her then be there for her despite your annoyance.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM
Find out the numbers of the womens refugee near her and give her them. They can help her physically get out of the situation.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:25 AM
She needs to arrive at the conclusion to leave him herself.
The more people tell her to leave him, the more she will stick up for him and stay with him. She then gets stuck in the us vs the rest of the world trap. When in the trap its even harder to leave because she's told herself the rest of the world is against her (not true).
Next time she calls instead of offering her advice or suggestions ask her what SHE is going to do about the situation. Help her work through her options and ask her what the consequences are of staying vs leaving.
She also needs professional help, suggest that you may not be the best person to speak to and refer her to the professionals. That in the capacity as a friend you will be there but not as a counsellor.
Until she is ready to leave him, there isn't much anyone can do. Domestic abuse is one sick cycle.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:29 AM
OP I know this is hard for you but I recommend not cutting ties. Your friend is caught in a cycle of abuse and her mind would be centred on that. You can support her but not make decisions for her. It is good that she at least contacts you when things go bad although I know this would be very draining for you. Arm yourself with as much information and resources to help her as you can.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:35 AM
If Grey Matter sees this she will be able to give you advice as she was you and I was 'Gemma'.
I got out eventually. I could have lost her though. I am just so glad she never gave up on me, as hard as it was for her to watch.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:39 AM
Please don't give up on her. That is all classic DV stuff. She needs her friends and he will be isolating her as much as possible.
Stick by her when she is ready to make the decision. Only she can but she'll need you when she decides to leave.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 10:07 AM
Please don't give up on her.
An abusive man will isolate the woman from everyone to ensure he has full control.
From what you have said he has already isolated her from her family and I'm guessing she doesn't have friends near by to call and that is why she is calling you.
It's really hard to leave a relationship like that because you truly believe that you can't survive without the person.
Therapy may not have helped because she may not have fully disclosed what is going on. Believe me, covering for the abusive person is all part in parcel of this kind of relationship.
I know it's hard and I hope someone can give you some ideas. I wish I had a friend like you to talk to when I was in this woman's shoes. Other PPs are right unfortunately when they say only she can make the decision to leave.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 01:44 PM
I've been Gemma, and now I'm you in another situation. Be patient, take a step back emotionally, and just let her know you're there. One thing my friend did with me was some basic safety planning- what would happen if... Type situations. So, I left copies of important documents at his place, had some emergency money left at his place to cover a cab fare there plus some basic expenses, a change of clothes, and list of phone numbers. We also had a safe word for me to call him if I wanted him to call the police on my behalf. He made it clear that he would help, but would also involve police for his own safety if he felt it was required (the subtext being- you want my help, that's fine, but I WILL call the cops). I've done the same thing for my friend, she has left a few times, has gone back, but the police and a DV service are involved so as much as I worry about her and the kids I'm pleased with the incremental improvements. She has also learned something each time she has left, which was my experience too. It's not easy to leave, or to stay gone...
Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:09 PM
PP's have all said it brilliantly, so I won't repeat except to say don't give up contact with her. She probably hasn't decided she doesn't need her family, it's part of the isolation that a comes part and parcel with an abusive relationship. You may just be her only "link" that she can call on when she needs it. Please please please let her know you are there whenever she needs help.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:16 PM
Pooks has mentioned some invaluable steps for you to work thru with your friend (the stash of money, documents, clothes, somewhere to go). If you really struggle with feeling you know how to do this, there are a couple of services your friend can call that will also get your friend thinking in these terms. The women who work at these services will not tell your friend what to do, but they will empathise, and work thru practical steps your friend can take based on what info or wishes your friend discloses. Also, these services will calmly and in a non-confrontational manner name what is happening in your friend's relationship. I.e. they will use terms like domestic violence slipped into the conversation, and they will try to express to your friend that the actions of her partner, whilst common, are not normal in a loving relationship. It can take women many many calls to places for support, checking their options and countless conversations about what is going on for them before they even start to believe they may have another option then to stay. DV is insidious, and the perpetrators of such violence are adept at manipulation and coercion. I hope this ends well for your friend.
Victoria: http://www.wire.org.au/, http://www.dvrcv.org.au/
Sorry I don't know enough about the services in other states to know which to recommend.
Posted 24 December 2012 - 09:08 AM
You've done all you can, again and again. I got to the point with a friend of mine where I had just had enough of her dramas, and years of doing nothing about it, that I honestly had to cut her off. I was sick to death of the victim mentality.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.
I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.
There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.
The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.
More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.
A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.
There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.
Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.
Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.
Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.
Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.
Sheryl Sandberg's advice
Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.
The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.
For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.
Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.
The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.
To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!
Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.
We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?
A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.
Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?
Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.
The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!
If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.
It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.
When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?
Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.
Top 5 Articles
Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.
A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.
Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.
With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!
Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".
To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!
I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.
There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.
When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.
A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.
Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.
If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.
According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.
Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.
Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.
An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.
A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.
Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.
Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.
A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.
Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.
Sign up now!
Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.