Edited by Lickety Split, 25 December 2012 - 05:02 PM.
Jump to content
Would you tell your friend enough is enough?
12 replies to this topic
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:16 AM
Deleted for privacy reasons.
Edited by Lickety Split, 25 December 2012 - 05:02 PM.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:21 AM
Have a look at this web resource:
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM
I'd say you should hang in there. She needs your friendship. If you care about her then be there for her despite your annoyance.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:23 AM
Find out the numbers of the womens refugee near her and give her them. They can help her physically get out of the situation.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:25 AM
She needs to arrive at the conclusion to leave him herself.
The more people tell her to leave him, the more she will stick up for him and stay with him. She then gets stuck in the us vs the rest of the world trap. When in the trap its even harder to leave because she's told herself the rest of the world is against her (not true).
Next time she calls instead of offering her advice or suggestions ask her what SHE is going to do about the situation. Help her work through her options and ask her what the consequences are of staying vs leaving.
She also needs professional help, suggest that you may not be the best person to speak to and refer her to the professionals. That in the capacity as a friend you will be there but not as a counsellor.
Until she is ready to leave him, there isn't much anyone can do. Domestic abuse is one sick cycle.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:29 AM
OP I know this is hard for you but I recommend not cutting ties. Your friend is caught in a cycle of abuse and her mind would be centred on that. You can support her but not make decisions for her. It is good that she at least contacts you when things go bad although I know this would be very draining for you. Arm yourself with as much information and resources to help her as you can.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:35 AM
If Grey Matter sees this she will be able to give you advice as she was you and I was 'Gemma'.
I got out eventually. I could have lost her though. I am just so glad she never gave up on me, as hard as it was for her to watch.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 09:39 AM
Please don't give up on her. That is all classic DV stuff. She needs her friends and he will be isolating her as much as possible.
Stick by her when she is ready to make the decision. Only she can but she'll need you when she decides to leave.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 10:07 AM
Please don't give up on her.
An abusive man will isolate the woman from everyone to ensure he has full control.
From what you have said he has already isolated her from her family and I'm guessing she doesn't have friends near by to call and that is why she is calling you.
It's really hard to leave a relationship like that because you truly believe that you can't survive without the person.
Therapy may not have helped because she may not have fully disclosed what is going on. Believe me, covering for the abusive person is all part in parcel of this kind of relationship.
I know it's hard and I hope someone can give you some ideas. I wish I had a friend like you to talk to when I was in this woman's shoes. Other PPs are right unfortunately when they say only she can make the decision to leave.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 01:44 PM
I've been Gemma, and now I'm you in another situation. Be patient, take a step back emotionally, and just let her know you're there. One thing my friend did with me was some basic safety planning- what would happen if... Type situations. So, I left copies of important documents at his place, had some emergency money left at his place to cover a cab fare there plus some basic expenses, a change of clothes, and list of phone numbers. We also had a safe word for me to call him if I wanted him to call the police on my behalf. He made it clear that he would help, but would also involve police for his own safety if he felt it was required (the subtext being- you want my help, that's fine, but I WILL call the cops). I've done the same thing for my friend, she has left a few times, has gone back, but the police and a DV service are involved so as much as I worry about her and the kids I'm pleased with the incremental improvements. She has also learned something each time she has left, which was my experience too. It's not easy to leave, or to stay gone...
Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:09 PM
PP's have all said it brilliantly, so I won't repeat except to say don't give up contact with her. She probably hasn't decided she doesn't need her family, it's part of the isolation that a comes part and parcel with an abusive relationship. You may just be her only "link" that she can call on when she needs it. Please please please let her know you are there whenever she needs help.
Posted 23 December 2012 - 02:16 PM
Pooks has mentioned some invaluable steps for you to work thru with your friend (the stash of money, documents, clothes, somewhere to go). If you really struggle with feeling you know how to do this, there are a couple of services your friend can call that will also get your friend thinking in these terms. The women who work at these services will not tell your friend what to do, but they will empathise, and work thru practical steps your friend can take based on what info or wishes your friend discloses. Also, these services will calmly and in a non-confrontational manner name what is happening in your friend's relationship. I.e. they will use terms like domestic violence slipped into the conversation, and they will try to express to your friend that the actions of her partner, whilst common, are not normal in a loving relationship. It can take women many many calls to places for support, checking their options and countless conversations about what is going on for them before they even start to believe they may have another option then to stay. DV is insidious, and the perpetrators of such violence are adept at manipulation and coercion. I hope this ends well for your friend.
Victoria: http://www.wire.org.au/, http://www.dvrcv.org.au/
Sorry I don't know enough about the services in other states to know which to recommend.
Posted 24 December 2012 - 09:08 AM
You've done all you can, again and again. I got to the point with a friend of mine where I had just had enough of her dramas, and years of doing nothing about it, that I honestly had to cut her off. I was sick to death of the victim mentality.
1 user(s) are reading this topic
0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users
At just 37 years of age, with two young sons, Vicki was diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. Now her family wants all women to know the symptoms.
Pregnancy and birth is an intriguing process no matter where you are in the world. One soon-to-be father gleans wisdom from a new guide.
It’s not surprising that IVF is often seen as a negative journey towards the ultimate positive, but having a glass-half-full approach can make a big difference to the experience.
A mum explains why she and her husband are choosing to gift their leftover embryos to help strangers achieve their dream of parenthood.
Just as every baby is unique, so is every pregnancy. And that means morning sickness can vary a lot, too.
Why is it that the word ‘mumsy’ has connotations of such a negative nature – but seems to be the only other option apart from ‘yummy’?
As the waiting game of late pregnancy continues, this mum considers a few things that might hurry things up a little.
It has been a little over a month since William Tyrell disappeared from his grandmother's home, 33 long sleepless nights for his family as they mourn the absence of their cheeky young boy.
Babies born in the summer are much more likely to suffer from mood swings when they grow up, while those born in the winter are less likely to become irritable adults, scientists claim.
Suddenly single with a baby and an 11-year-old son, Tara O?Connell developed an app to improve the lives of mothers who were similarly overwhelmed.
As soon as your baby enters the world, everything else takes a back seat - even the necessities of daily life such as eating are severely compromised, right when you need energy the most.
The Live Lighter campaign will take people inside the human body to show the internal dangers of being overweight.
A new mum's first month of motherhood didn't pan out as expected when she lost a family member weeks after her baby's birth.
Facebook and Apple are hoping to provide women with the freedom to build their careers without the added pressure of having children at or by a certain age.
The idea of making a 'pregnancy contract' with your partner may sound a bit silly at first, but it can help make the transition to parenthood a lot smoother.
Burping babies vs burpees – yes, new mums and personal trainers live in different worlds. But they can work together - once you find the right match for you and your lifestyle.
Police say that an incident in which a man pulled on a woman?s pram while walking a popular Sydney route late last month was a misunderstanding.
Three weeks ago, my auntie, a midwife, developed a fever. Sitting here in Sydney basked in Australian sunshine, that shouldn't be big news.
One mum shares her frightening experience and vows to never take her health for granted again.
Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.
Top 5 Articles
I am five years into this parenting gig and I’ve learnt that sleepless nights and changing dirty nappies are child’s play.
Capture life more easily with the Canon Powershot D30. Shockproof, waterproof and dustproof, you can take it almost anywhere and shoot beautiful images, time after time. Enter now!
It's nice to celebrate a child making the shift from nappies to 'big kid' undies, but do we really need a semi-realistic used toilet cake to do it? Here are some of the best and worst cakes parents have used at 'potty parties' around the world.
Plan ahead - and do it now - to ensure festive season expenses don't break the bank.
A sequel is coming soon to the 2011 hit book 'Go the F*** to Sleep' - and this time, it's about mealtimes.
Handmade crafts to decorate and personalise your child's next birthday - from banners to cake decorations, we've got gorgeous party finds from Etsy.
Creative and practical storage ideas for the kids' toys and books can also add some stylish decor to your home. Visit babyology.com.au for more stylish modern finds for hip kids & parents.
Kate Hudson, 22, was on a dream European holiday with friends. She didn't realise she was about to become a mum.
Maybe the mum I saw in that waiting room, seemingly disconnected from her baby, doesn’t have the support she needs.
Starting a family doesn't always mean moving into a bigger house - not yet, anyway.
What's in a name?
Looking for a classic name, or an unusual name? Our Baby Name Finder is for you, search or browse to refine your shortlist.