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Please help me see their side of this
Because I am furious

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199 replies to this topic

#1 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 04:52 PM

I'll try to be as brief as possible..

DH has been offered to learn a new skill at work and needs to go overseas for a fortnight for training. He'll be working the normal 40 hour week, staying in a unit.

I immediately asked if he minded that I tagged along, company at night time and I can sightsee during the day. All fine.

I come to find out a week ago his boss, who I gave the money for my flights to (he said he would book it for me to save mucking around), booked me to fly home after 8 days. No problem, I'll go to the travel agent and see if I can get on the flight DH is coming back on. I could, paid the change fee as well as the fee to change my name as his boss had got it wrong.

I rang DH at work and told him I'll be staying the fortnight. He told his boss, and when DH came home from work he said all was ok. DH's boss rang him this morning and said I needed to take my passport to the travel agent, as he has rebooked my flight back to the original date, and if I don't fly back then DH isn't going..opportunity revoked.

I am just furious. Really angry. I am paying to go on my own holiday, basically just catching the same plane as DH, not doing anything with him..yet a man I have never met is mucking around with my flights and dictating when I can holiday? And if I don't play by his rules DH loses a career boost?

Surely things like that are illegal?!

DH is just keen to do as he's told. We are barely speaking.

Please help me see his bosses side, and tell me his boss has the right to do that? Surely I don't need his work's permission to have a self funded holiday while my husband works..

#2 Canberra Chick

Posted 22 December 2012 - 04:59 PM

That does seem odd. Maybe there are evening events on later in the fortnight and he's worried your DH will skip them to be with you if you're there?

#3 Grant Me Wings

Posted 22 December 2012 - 04:59 PM

I can't see his logic, but I assume the company is paying for the accom you will be using?

If this is the case I'd just toe the line and enjoy a cheapish holiday.

#4 FuzzyMum

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:00 PM

Hi Op. It may come down to the costs of the accommodation. Will he be staying in a hotel room or a unit? Are they paying for you to stay as well? It may be that with you staying for the extra 6 days the costs may be higher than what they have budgeted for.

#5 JuliaGulia

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:01 PM

I kind of think they do, actually.  Often, overseas/interstate travel for work includes a lot of out-of-hours stuff, like socialising with clients.  I was once booked for an interstate training trip for 3 weeks, and told I would not be allowed to fly home on weekends or have people stay with me.

I see your point, that technically they can't stop you from travelling, but I assume they are paying for his accommodation, and they do have rights to his time while he is there.


#6 auntpriscilla

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:01 PM

It seems very strange that the boss would want to book the flights for you, and accept your money. Surely it would make more sense for you to book your own directly.

It sounds like the boss doesn't want you to go. And you will be, presumably, staying in a company-paid-for-unit, so they do get a say.  

But they can't stop you booking your own flight and accommodation, that just happens to coincide with your DH's stay.

#7 Holidayromp

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:02 PM

Why did your DH tell his boss when it is your self-funded holiday.  It has absolutely nothing to do with him.  Also how did he manage to mess around with the dates when it is for your ticket.  Also mucking around with dates incurs fees.  Go the travel agent rebook for the dates and tell your DH not to tell his boss and it is none of his business.
From the Boss' pov he is paying for your DH to work - it is not a holiday for him and he could just be concerned that your DH is going to muck around rather than concentrate on the job at hand.

#8 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:03 PM

There are no after work functions, and I am paying my share of the accomodation.

He is a sheet metal worker, he's going to learn how to put rangehoods together. He isn;t in any way a "business" person or have any kind of sales role.

#9 Fenrir

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:03 PM

I'm not even sure where to start  huh.gif

Just so I am reading it right...

Your DH has been offered an opportunity to improve his job and it involves going overseas. You asked if it would be ok to tag along at your own expense and his boss even organised the tickets which he was ok with obviously.

He then books you a return flight to come home earlier, you change it back(at your expense) and then he changes it back again?

Then threatens your DH job over it?

He is a nasty pastie and I would be going to Fair Work Australia to find out if this is against the law.

Just a thought though...could it be something to do with the unit? Maybe he has someone else coming to stay at Day 8 and that is why he wants you out?

#10 aidensmum

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:07 PM

Did you or your ptr ask why he changed your flights back to a 8 day stay? There must be a reason. Maybe they think your ptr will be distracted by you when they are paying to train him or you messed with them financially by changing the tickets they booked for you. Did you ask before you changed the flights? If you are getting free accom out of this, they might feel you are getting a benefit at their expense and that got a bit narky that you changed the flight.

#11 lizzzard

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:07 PM

Did your DH ask why it was a problem? That will help you see it from his point of view....and maybe even resolve the problem altogether wink.gif

If they are paying extra for you accomodation, then you should probably offer to pay the difference.

If it's due to a concern that your presence may disrupt your husband's 'availability' for after-hours work/events then I would probably go along with the request.

It really depends on the specific concerns.

#12 red_squirrel

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:08 PM

Maybe it is something to do with tax implications or insurance or something.
However it would get me wondering what sort of extra-curicular activities he has booked for the last few days. What country is it?

#13 katbalou

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:12 PM

I think it's bizarre.  If he had an issue with you accompanying your DH, he should have said so in the first place instead of taking your money and saying he would book the fare for you.  He was deceiving in that he didn't make the situation clear at that point.  I can understand that he has some claim over your DH's time when OS, but he should have been upfront about it e.g. "no mate, that isn't going to work at all - we need you to be doing such and such after hours etc...."

I honestly don't know what I would do now, though.  Push ahead and affect your DH's career prospects, or just let it ride.  I would be inclined to cancel altogether actually.  I reckon you would have a case through Fair Work, though it might make things strained for your DH obviously.

#14 JustBeige

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:12 PM

No the boss doesnt have the right to tell you you cant take a holiday. however he does have the right to revoke the accomodation and/or only pay the part of your DH's accomondation that he would have normally paid.   And he does have the right to not send DH at all.

TBH, I would be flip flopping between going and booking my own accomodation and flight or not going and/or going somewhere else.

If you do go and book your own flight and accomodation, there is absolutely nothing the boss can do about it as you have paid for your own flight and own accomodation.  

However, as the boss is being a jerk and this is going to threaten your DH's career.  Dont go.  Get your money back and let him get the promotion.

You also know now what not to do if there is a next time

Edited by JustBeige, 22 December 2012 - 05:17 PM.

#15 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:18 PM

I organised my own insurance. I am an uncontrolled epileptic so wouldn't want that on anyone elses head.

DH just said the problem is the point of him going was to work, which I am fine with and will not get in the way whatsoever. I plan on completely doing my own thing.

No, I didn't ask before I changed my flight home as I really didn't think I had to..and apparently I have "backstabbed" his boss by doing so (DH's words).

The boss isn't going, just DH and another worker.

Can I get my money back? I was under the impression I couldn't. If so, I will and fly DD and I somewhere else for a week wink.gif

#16 JustBeige

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:27 PM

I would stay right out of it from now on.  It sounds like the company is one that doesnt really approve of spouses travelling with them.

If so, I will and fly DD and I somewhere else for a week
I would do this if you cant get your money back.

#17 erindiv

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:33 PM

QUOTE (JustBeige @ 22/12/2012, 06:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It sounds like the company is one that doesnt really approve of spouses travelling with them.

This was my first thought.

#18 Feral Becky

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:34 PM

QUOTE (FluffyOscar @ 22/12/2012, 05:22 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Business trips mean long days. I wouldn't tag along on one, I think you will be very bored OP if your strategy is "company" at night. When travelling for business a work day for me ends at 10pm because I have to go out for dinner and schmooze. Sure it's a great dinner, but really I'd rather be sitting on my couch at home, not talking shop with the boss.

Surprised it took this long to get to a post I agree with. Work stuff is for work. Sounds boring. Let your DP go alone. Enjoy the break.

BTW, I know it is none of by biz but were the kids going also?

#19 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:38 PM

No the kids weren't going.

There are no organised dinners etc, and as I've previously mentioned the boss is not going. It's DH, and another worker, staying in seperate units so they don't have to eat out if they don't want to as they'll have their own cooking facilities.

I would be visiting places I have never been before, easy access by train to 4 different countries, I highly doubt bored would come into it!

#20 Molondy

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:43 PM

We can't see there side of it until you ask what the reasons are...

#21 *LucyE*

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

I've tagged along to one of DH's work trips before. Spouses weren't welcome so we had our own accommodation within the same resort. We did our thing and DH popped in when he could.

If you really wanted to stay for the duration, I would pay for separate accommodation and not just top up the work paid for unit.

But the boss has made it clear it's a work trip so I would just try and get a refund.

#22 Feral Becky

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:45 PM

On no, OP, a unit and cooking facilities on a holiday overseas? Sounds like hell on earth to me. See if you can get as much of your money back as you can and go on a proper holiday with DH.

#23 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:54 PM

The reasons he gave DH were that me going over "was not the point" and DH's work mate "might feel left out" along with me "going behind his back" to change my return date. That's it.

We are talking about a small business with no other branches/sites here. Not a franchise, nor a world reknowned company.

I suggested to DH I just organise my own accomodation and he got upset that I wouldn't stay with him.

#24 MeHeNDa3

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:57 PM

Oh I got the same upset response at my suggestion that I don't come along.

I really do think the boss just didn't want me to go in the first place. We could've avoided all of this if he had of said that instead of booking my ticket!

#25 epl0822

Posted 22 December 2012 - 05:57 PM

This is a great lesson for all of us to arrange our own travel...I'm not sure why the boss would accept money from you to arrange your trip. I would have felt much more comfortable getting a confirmed date from DH from work and book my own thing.

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