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Mother won't attend SD event

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29 replies to this topic

#1 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:31 PM

Thanks for your feedback original.gif

Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:24 PM.

#2 CallMeFeral

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:39 PM

I guess without knowing more details about what the event is and the family dynamics, and how invested the child is in it, etc,  I'd kind of say it's up to the mum. It's not like she's leaving the child on her own - she has you there.

Like I said depends on the family dynamics and what terms you are on etc, but if it were me I'm not sure I'd want to go and see my kids participating and bonding with their 'new mum'.

#3 MrsLexiK

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:41 PM

Totally depending on what the event was, how many times she had done a similiar event, how much she had invested into it all of those things.

#4 SnazzyFeral

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:43 PM

Does your SDs mother have a good relationship with you and your partner? Maybe she is backing out so that you and SD can bond and remove any tension/ negativity her being present might bring.

Have you personally invited SD mother? Or told her that you will back out of the event if she wants to participate?

Some times a parent must also know when they are not needed.

#5 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:47 PM


Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:24 PM.

#6 *Pebs*

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:54 PM

I probably wouldn't go either. I would be happy for my DD to go, but I would allow the step mum and my dd to bond and enjoy this activity without my involvement.

Of course, if DD really wanted me there, then I would make an appearance, I would probably take a friend with me too.

#7 Black Velvet

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:55 PM

If it was my child and she wanted me there, nothing and no one would stop me.

#8 Natttmumm

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:57 PM

If my child wanted me there I would do it for her.

If she didnt want me there I wouldnt go.

Shes a teenager so i would leave it up to her.

#9 mmuc83

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:00 PM

I agree - i think its quite sad really.. good on you for doing something with her though!

#10 LookMumNoHands

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:06 PM

Has your SD talked to her mum about how important it is for her to attend?

If I was you, I probably wouldn't make a big deal out of it. If her mum goes, good. If she doesn't, it's a chance for special step mum and step daughter time for you guys.

#11 JingleBlitzenBells

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:09 PM

If the mother has actually said "I wont watch you and I wont take you" then based just on those words alone she is a childish prat and wont achieve anything but make then teen not turn to her at all.

I can understand if the mum is upset that it has fallen on "her" weekend, but she is behaving very badly (based just on that sentence alone)

#12 ekbaby

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:13 PM

I also wondered if your step-daughter has directly indicated she wants her mum there, and/or asked her mum herself.

Maybe her mum is thinking that this is a special activity that you and your SD have bonded over, so she wants to let you enjoy it together, and will celebrate with her DD later that night? She might feel that she is intruding on something that is your special "thing" with DD.

#13 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:14 PM


Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:23 PM.

#14 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:14 PM

I would have to say that watching a biathlon, even if my child were competing, sounds like watching paint dry but it is disappointing that your SDs mother chooses not to be there to support her daughter. This is something she needs to deal with as there will be many more events in the future, not just sporting ones where all family members will be involved.

#15 I'msoMerry

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:27 PM

I cannot understand any parent not wanting to watch their child in sports or whatever activity they do.

One of my DSs played football for years and his father would only go on the weekend he was with him and with much complaining. My DH and I went every week end. The ex didnt even go to his Grand final because it wasnt his weekend. Selfish parenting.

#16 Heather11

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:28 PM

Is her father going to be there to watch?

DD competes in sporting activities that I don't always go and watch.  DH has to attend in an official capacity and I have two younger ones to run around after.  It is a long day for them.  Sometimes I do feel guilty not going but I know that her Dad is always there and her older half sibling has gone on occasions too.

#17 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:38 PM


Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:23 PM.

#18 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:40 PM


Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:23 PM.

#19 Fenrir

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:48 PM

My mother was the most horseless person you could imagine but she still came and watched me compete in 1 and 3 day events when I moved out of home.

I think her mother is pretty sad for not wanting to watch her daughter because it "will upset her breakfast routine".

Seriously ?!

#20 littlej

Posted 21 December 2012 - 01:59 PM

I'm thinking there might be more to this? Is the mother 'sporty' at all? Could she perhaps be a little jealous that she's not doing events like this with her daughter. Certainly not saying her behaviour is acceptable! But she's obviously got her nose out of joint over something...

ETA - I get along ok with my kids' stepmum, but I would feel very uncomfortable in this situation. It's different to you both watching your SD compete, in this situation she would be watching you btoh compete together. I would feel really awkward.

How badly does your SD want her mum to come and watch?

Edited by littlej, 21 December 2012 - 02:01 PM.

#21 Oriental lily

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:05 PM

Op what's the current relationship like with her daughter?
Maybe there is tension and animosity going on that you are unaware of.

Or sometimes people are just simply not interested.

My parents are lovely loving people who I know adore me but neither has ever gone to a sports day I had at school.

Her mum knows you and her dad is going to be there and her daughter be well supported.

Maybe shopping and coffee with a gossip about it all is more her scene?

If everything else is going fine with the dynamics of a blended family then I would not dwell on it.

This teen seems well loved and I am sure it will be fun for you both.

#22 Halp

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:07 PM

Being right isn't going to change anything. In the end, it is up to the mother whether you (or the internet) agree or not.

#23 Bananasplit

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:09 PM


Edited by Bananasplit, 21 December 2012 - 05:22 PM.

#24 ekbaby

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:17 PM

Coming from a large family it is completely normal to me that parents would not watch every single sporting activity their children participate in, especially by the time they are in their teens. It is possible to still be supportive- to talk to them about what went on, to play muck around games with them etc- without being on the sidelines for every event. By the time she was a teen my sister would have preferred my dad not to attend every week!

#25 RCTP

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (Bananasplit @ 21/12/2012, 02:40 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The mother also refused to take her daughter to swim lessons and netball on the week she had her when she was younger. Still doesn't watch her afternoon sports that we always take her too. sad.gif

This sounds very familiar.

If your SD's mum doesn't want to go for whatever reason just get on with it. Don't let your disappointment in that act show to SD.
That happens in our house and we always shrug off when mum doesn't go the the Grand Final at netball or whatever it is. No big deal - your SD may feel bad about it already or she may just accept it as the way her mum is.

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