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just an easy baby?


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#1 Spring Chickadee

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:55 PM

Before My Baby boy arrived last month everyone warned me how terrible the first few months are, how difficult they found coping, how they didn’t feel human, how their relationship struggled, how the sleep deprivation feels like a form of torture but that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The friends I visited always looked like they had been hit by a truck, or felt scared to have a second child given how stressful the newborn period was for their first. So I went into labour expecting for things to be really hard for a while.

So now my baby boy is 6 weeks old and I just haven’t found it to be terrible at all. So far it wouldn’t even rank it in my top 10 for the most stressful or even tiring periods of my life. So it leaves me wondering, is my baby just easy?

I had a drug free birth so felt great and recovered in a flash (only issue was a 2nd degree tear w/ 20 stitches)
I have flat nipples so attachment needed to be perfected and I’ve had a bout of mastitis, but generally other than that Breastfeeding has been working well for us since hospital
I Breastfeed on demand and never leave him to cry
He's picked up and cuddled most of the day
he cluster feeds in the early morning and evening. Generally I fed 12+ times a day early on and now around 10x daily
He wakes anywhere between 3-6 times a night (between 8am-8pm) with his longest stretch averaging 4 hours.
He only catnaps during the day
He possits after most feeds, vomits properly at least once a day. Early on he cried after every feed with wind, now it’s just a few feeds a day sometimes with screaming. GP is keeping an eye as she suspects mild reflux.
He has fussy unsettled days where he’ll scream and cling to me all day long, then happy days that he is alert and cheery
On a handful of days I’ve felt very tired, carried him all day and not had a shower
Most days I go out the either a café, a friends, the shops or mother group. Today I went into the office for 6 hours for the mental stimulation. My baby goes everywhere with me.

Yes some days I feel tired, most I don’t. Some nights I feel a little stressed if he is crying excessively, but I generally feel calm and do whateve ri nee dto help make him calm also. Yes my hormones have made me moody at times, but that’s to be expected and I’ve gotten over it quickly.  Yes he relies on me 24hours a day and is attached to my breasts for feeding and comfort, but Isn’t that exactly what I signed up for.

To be completely honest I’m actually ENJOYING the past 6 weeks. I enjoyed the birth, I enjoyed the hospital stay, I enjoy looking into his eyes and holding him close for the night feeds, I enjoy holding him for hours. I’m not phased if he continues to feed as often as he does, or if he doesn’t sleep through the night for many months (or years) to come- though he seems to be getting close to it. It’s exactly what I signed up for and I just feel so exceedingly lucky to be his mum so I’m happy to do anything he needs.

My DH and I haven't fought or snapped at all. we still snuggle and feel very much in love, if anything moreso.

Friends and other mums in my mothers group look at me like I have 2 heads when I say I’m enjoying myself and that I’m not finding it that challenging or excessively tiring.

So am I just missing something or is he just a super easy baby? Is this actually the easy part and it gets harder soon?

Edited by Spring Chickadee, 20 December 2012 - 08:59 PM.


#2 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

Easy babies do exist but nobody ever wants to know about them It's the same as holidays - every one is interested in all the things that went wrong but no-one wants to know if you had a fabulous time. I'm sure there will be people saying "enjoy it while it lasts" but it may be that you don't have all the usual dramas with your little man. So glad that you are doing so well with him but please don't beat yourself up if things do go pear-shaped.

#3 libbylu

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:04 PM

Good to hear its going so well, SpringChikadee!
I think your baby sounds very typical - not easy, or hard.
I would say your experience with kids has led you to have a better understanding of what it requires to care for one than many women who have never had any mothering,  or even babysitting experience.  I know that although I am usually a chilled person I was very anxious after DS was born because I really had absolutely no idea what I was doing!  Anxiety is very tiring and crushes your self esteem.
And perhaps you also cope better with disturbed sleep than some others?
I had NEVER had to deal with sleep deprivation before I had DS and it turned me into a grumpy weepy zombie.  Now I am an expert I expect I will cope much better with no. 2!
Congrats on doing such a great job!

#4 TwoHeadedGirl

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:05 PM

I felt the same after DD was born. We had little issues here and there but nothing that left me feeling overwhelmed. I didn't feel sleep deprived or exhausted, she wasn't a good day sleeper but I still felt I had plenty of time to myself and she was flexible enough to get out whenever I wanted. I didn't understand at all why other mums found it so challenging.
Then I had DS. Completely different baby and I guess it didn't help that I had a toddler to look after too but I finally realized why some other mums struggled.
So, for me it was the DD was just an easy baby. Maybe your DS is too. Enjoy it! Because it might still change!

#5 little lion

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:06 PM

I can relate to some of what you've said. I don't think it is all sunshine and rainbows but I guess like you say in your post, you can rationalise it when things aren't going well. That's a sign of resilience. original.gif For me at 8 weeks, things are getting better as time goes by. I laughed about the 'hit by a truck' description, I suspect this was me in week 2.

#6 EBeditor

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:07 PM

Sounds like you are doing really well and have a typical baby!

One thing that stood out for me is that you regularly visit friends or a mothers' group. I am not sure what other support you have, but emotional and physical support can make a big difference. Sounds like you also expected it to be hard, so you were pleasantly surprised.



#7 amesv

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:09 PM

Good on you, embrace and enjoy.

#8 Relish*

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:09 PM

DD was like that, very textbook. Congrats! DS on the other hand, would be an only child had he come first.

ETA - I actually found the newborn stage easier in both cases compared to the crawling stage though, and certainly the toddler years. So don't get too comfortable biggrin.gif

Edited by Relish*, 20 December 2012 - 09:11 PM.


#9 Figmoon

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:12 PM

This was me with DS ,so easy that i did not believe other ladies storie so of how'difficult' it was. He was an easy baby.So i went for baby no2 and got TWINS....... now i believe all the horror stories as they are mine .One baby+ two parents = time, time to pick up crying baby, time for lots of demand feeding ,time for cuddles when all is not right etc .Now add in a toddler and two small demand fed babies= madness and chaos. No time to go to the toilet. and i mean me !!!!
I dont think your experience is unusual for an easy first baby but when you have more 'little people' demanding your time,energy and patience you might think a bit different. I still have a DH but our relationship has changed and have our priorities.He is amazing and strong and without him i dont know how we all survived the first yr.

#10 Threelittleducks

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:14 PM

Congratulations!

To be honest, I don't think your baby sounds particularly easy or particularly difficult, fairly normal actually. It just sounds like you went in to it with realistic expectations - very sensible!

Hope you continue to enjoy things.

Edited by LouLou1979, 20 December 2012 - 09:20 PM.


#11 Lifesgood

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:14 PM

No your baby doesn't sound easy to me, but you sound like you have a very positive attitude and are able to focus on the love and joy you feel for your baby.

You are very lucky to feel this way as many first time mums don't. I certainly didn't with my first, but I did with my second. Both of my babies I would class as 'easier' than yours, so it really is down to how you deal with it.

Good on you and keep enjoying yourself.

Oh, and some would say it gets harder as they get older - certainly newborns are not able to cause much mischief! But I have found it is actually more enjoyable as my babies have got older as they become even more interesting and develop distinct personalities.

#12 CallMeFeral

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:15 PM

Glad you're enjoying it original.gif

Possibly he's easy. Some babies are - although I probably wouldn't have rated some of the things you've mentioned as particularly easy. But on the scale of things it's probably not the worst ever. DD was 'difficult' as she had colic for hours every night, and it's just a heartbreaking thing to see your child in pain and be unable to comfort them. DS was easy peasy - he slept lots and needed little entertainment. And then at 5 months he forgot how to settle and became very difficult indeed, till about 9 months. But that still doesn't match the emotional trauma of colic.

But possibly a part of it is that you're easy. i.e. some people just enjoy certain stuff. It sounds like even the things I find hard, you are coping with well.
I have friends who love the newborn phase, they really enjoy it. I loathe it. I would hate feeding 12 times a day and waking 6 times a night, let alone for 4 hours. It would drive me nuts. I think it's because I struggle with repetitive activities, with broken sleep, and with unpredictability, and the newborn cycle is so short and unpredictable.
On the other hand I adore the toddler phase. Still couldn't do it every day, but I think my kids are super easy now. Probably it's because they really are - they play together and entertain themselves. But maybe I just like this phase more too, I like the communication/residual cuteness combination.
Obviously other people enjoy the whole shebang, and can actually spend 7 days a week with their kids. Some others enjoy it even when they're up to 10 kids or so. Whereas that would actually kill me.

Horses for courses. Sounds like he's not 'difficult' as such, but you're adjusting well and really enjoying him, which is lovely original.gif

#13 tamietamara

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:16 PM

Firstly congrats on your new bub and that you r enjoying the whole experience so much. They really are little miracles and change our lives forever more.

Now, everyone has different tolerance levels for everything in life. What you find easy or enjoyable, others will certainly not. What you have explained of your daily routine sounds fairly normal, if not a little harder than normal, compared to the only personal experience I have had (my own two newborns). The amount of times to you are getting up at night for example seems a lot, but that is just from my experience.

I personally tell all of my pregnant friends to expect the first month to be hell on earth and that they may hate the whole thing and that after one month it gets easier. By about 3 months they will prob be in love with the whole experience and it only gets easier from then on. I tell them this, not to scare the bejesus out of them , but to give them the info I wish someone had given me. Many people go into parenthood with no one telling them that it is ok to not be hyped up on positive mummy hormones the whole time and that days of being sad or lonely or wishing a little break for themselves is perfectly normal. It isn't necessarily PND to hate things occasionally. I certainly wished someone had prepared me for this so I wouldn't have gotten such a shock.  The fact that your experience has been a positive one is awesome, but doesn't help those who are feeling a little alone and want to know they aren't the only ones with those feelings.

I think your mummy's group is prob a little bit annoyed at your overly positive attitude. I say this not to be a cow, but to tell you that sometimes people just want to know that they rent the only ones having a bad day etc. Having you telling them that your version of events is super easy or not challenging at all an much easier etc is prob a little condescending to be truthful. I have the lowliest mummy's group that I have been very lucky to be a part of for 4 years now and I know that someone constantly sprouting things like this would be a little annoying after a while. Not to say you can't enjoy being a mummy, of course ou can and you should be proud.  But to constantly be replying to their whining with positiveness may be getting under their skin.

Enjoy our bub and motherhood but just remember that everyone's experience and tolerances are different and that you don't want to be known as one of "those mothers"......

#14 tamietamara

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:17 PM

Firstly congrats on your new bub and that you r enjoying the whole experience so much. They really are little miracles and change our lives forever more.

Now, everyone has different tolerance levels for everything in life. What you find easy or enjoyable, others will certainly not. What you have explained of your daily routine sounds fairly normal, if not a little harder than normal, compared to the only personal experience I have had (my own two newborns). The amount of times to you are getting up at night for example seems a lot, but that is just from my experience.

I personally tell all of my pregnant friends to expect the first month to be hell on earth and that they may hate the whole thing and that after one month it gets easier. By about 3 months they will prob be in love with the whole experience and it only gets easier from then on. I tell them this, not to scare the bejesus out of them , but to give them the info I wish someone had given me. Many people go into parenthood with no one telling them that it is ok to not be hyped up on positive mummy hormones the whole time and that days of being sad or lonely or wishing a little break for themselves is perfectly normal. It isn't necessarily PND to hate things occasionally. I certainly wished someone had prepared me for this so I wouldn't have gotten such a shock.  The fact that your experience has been a positive one is awesome, but doesn't help those who are feeling a little alone and want to know they aren't the only ones with those feelings.

I think your mummy's group is prob a little bit annoyed at your overly positive attitude. I say this not to be a cow, but to tell you that sometimes people just want to know that they rent the only ones having a bad day etc. Having you telling them that your version of events is super easy or not challenging at all an much easier etc is prob a little condescending to be truthful. I have the lowliest mummy's group that I have been very lucky to be a part of for 4 years now and I know that someone constantly sprouting things like this would be a little annoying after a while. Not to say you can't enjoy being a mummy, of course ou can and you should be proud.  But to constantly be replying to their whining with positiveness may be getting under their skin.

Enjoy our bub and motherhood but just remember that everyone's experience and tolerances are different and that you don't want to be known as one of "those mothers"......

#15 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:18 PM

My DS was relatively easy, although his sleeping got worst as he got older. Apart from doubting myself, I actually didn't find the first 6 weeks too hard. I remember when he was 3 weeks old I was really confused with conflicting advice but I never found it too difficult, like some of my friend's experienced, I think the fact that DS rarely cried helped heaps.

DS is now 14 months old and people keep telling me how I need "me time"  but at this point in time I have no desire to be away from him.

He is still a pretty easy going kid, but I admit I'm struggling with breastfeeding him at the moment because I'm finding it really painful. His sleep is still all over the shop but I have to say, he rarely cries so I don't have much to complain about it.

ETA: I thought it was going to be a lot worse than it is. I'm really enjoying my time with DS. His sh*t sleeping does get me down though.

Edited by Sunnycat, 20 December 2012 - 09:21 PM.


#16 ~chiquita~

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:18 PM

Enjoy! You've got an easy baby.

DS never chucked on me, he settled immediately after night feeds and slept all the time. I found the first 3 months almost boring! So many people kept asking how I was coping, was I getting enough sleep, the first 3 months are the worst etc. I was coping fine and getting plenty of sleep, although he didn't sleep through the night until he was 9 months old. I didn't start to feel tired until he was 4 months old and started staying awake longer after his 6am feed.

DS was my first (and only) so that certainly made things much easier.

#17 Lucygoosey1

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:22 PM

Your baby doesn't sound 'easy',  it sounds like you are just coping great! Good on you.  I don't manage with lack of sleep and generally found the newborn stage very difficult.

#18 HurryUpAlready

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:23 PM

QUOTE (TwoHeadedGirl @ 20/12/2012, 07:05 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I felt the same after DD was born. We had little issues here and there but nothing that left me feeling overwhelmed. I didn't feel sleep deprived or exhausted, she wasn't a good day sleeper but I still felt I had plenty of time to myself and she was flexible enough to get out whenever I wanted. I didn't understand at all why other mums found it so challenging.
Then I had DS. Completely different baby and I guess it didn't help that I had a toddler to look after too but I finally realized why some other mums struggled.
So, for me it was the DD was just an easy baby. Maybe your DS is too. Enjoy it! Because it might still change!


This is what I'm worried about!!

My DD is 10.5 months old now, and has been the easiest baby.

She woke once per night at about 2am for a quick feed, then at 5-7am for a feed and back to sleep (in bed with me once DH was up) til 9-10am. I had heaps of sleep, probably more than pre baby when I was up early for work.

We've had no sleep / feeding issues, she never cried (I have still never been up with her crying for more than a few minutes) - touch wood. She is an easy, delightful little girl!!

Some of us are just lucky OP.

Thus I'm terrified that #2, if we are blessed with another, will be the absolute opposite!


PS. OP, it does get harder. Crawling is a challenge (I can never take my eyes off Miss Independant), and the 5am wake ups are somewhat tiring! I'm having the odd nana nap these days for the first time since DD was born. All good fun though.


#19 Chazee

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:28 PM

No, your baby doesn't sound easy. My DD1 was about 100 times easier than what you've described. LOL.

Now if my DD2 was born first, she'd be an only child. Certainly not easy!!

Enjoy. original.gif

#20 Spring Chickadee

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:28 PM

I wonder if part of this is due to struggling with thyroid issues for years- therefore feeling exhausted and run down constantly. At the moment my thyroid levels are normal, therefore I feel normal which is awesome in comparison to how I felt before.

I also overprepared for the baby. Read a million books, did a Calmbirth Course (2 day drug free birth course), 6 week hospital course and an ABA course. I wanted to be as ready as humanly possible.

QUOTE
I think your mummy's group is prob a little bit annoyed at your overly positive attitude. I say this not to be a cow, but to tell you that sometimes people just want to know that they rent the only ones having a bad day etc. Having you telling them that your version of events is super easy or not challenging at all an much easier etc is prob a little condescending to be truthful. I have the lowliest mummy's group that I have been very lucky to be a part of for 4 years now and I know that someone constantly sprouting things like this would be a little annoying after a while. Not to say you can't enjoy being a mummy, of course ou can and you should be proud. But to constantly be replying to their whining with positiveness may be getting under their skin.


See this is where I'm having trouble. I'm finding myself almost embarrased about how well it's going for me, especially when another mum is sharing her difficulties then asks 'How are you coping with XYZ Spring Chickadee?'. I know they are looking for understanding and another mum who feels the same, but When I don't I can see a look of confusion or disappointment from them.  I Don't want to come accross as the overly cheery seemingly fake new mum. But I genuinely do feel good.

#21 Jersey Caramel

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:40 PM

I felt similar to you in the early days, though I did struggle a bit more with being confident in how I was doing things compared to other mothers from my antenatal group. My baby was similar - not easy, but not so difficult that I couldn't cope.

I had a lovely post-birth hormonal high thing going on for about 2 months. Personally I find from 4 months - 12 months the hardest, neither of my babies slept well (didn't sleep through till well over 12 months) and it just seems relentless and by then the post-birth fuzzies have worn off! That was the stage that affected my mood/temper/our relationship.

Fortunately or unfortunately, every stage does pass... enjoy him! original.gif


#22 tamietamara

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:42 PM

I suppose in my mummy's group we ultimately want everyone to be honest and truthful.  We certianly dont want mums to pretend to be having a bad time if they aren't for example. If you are afraid that you may seem overly happy and "fake", just ensure you are showing empathy for the other mums when they are having a bad day. Show them support without seeming superior if you know what I mean.

Just offering a little advice, as I know that my mummy's group is the single best support I have and I wouldn't want to lose that support for my life.  And even if you are having an easy time now, you never know what is around the corner and you may need their advice and support down the track.

Also know that there isn't anything wrong with asking for help or advice or support etc if you are having a bad day in the future.  Don't set yourself up for not being able to have a "bad" day in the future by seeming like the perfect mum now.

#23 Propaganda

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:44 PM

Yes, some are just easy. Mine was. It wasn't any parenting miracle on my behalf, I just happened to have a baby that required very little extra attention. I fed her, clothed her, changed her, but there was little else to be done. We never suffered health issues, feeding issues, sleep issues. I never experienced a lack of sleep, as she slept through from a very young age (a few weeks) and before that point in time, I just slept whenever she did.

I try not to bring this up though, not when others are struggling. They don't need to know I have had it so easy. It just sounds like I'm gloating, and nobody needs to hear that when they're going through a tough time.

I thought it would get more difficult in time, and it has, but I still think I have a very easy child compared to others. There's been little in the way of problems or issues at all in her life, and my child is now 7. My husband and I were just very lucky.

Edited by Propaganda, 20 December 2012 - 09:45 PM.


#24 Expelliarmus

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:48 PM

I felt the same actually. Apparently I was supposed to be all stressed out because she cried all the time. (Er, is she?) And I must be this and that, and isn't the other a problem...?

I had a great time until #2 started being crap sleeper from about 6-7 months. DS was also a very easy baby ho cause me no dramas at all. Of course the 3yo by that point was driving me inbloodysane but the babies themselves, even as newborns were gold.

#25 Funwith3

Posted 20 December 2012 - 10:15 PM

QUOTE (tamietamara @ 20/12/2012, 10:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think your mummy's group is prob a little bit annoyed at your overly positive attitude. I say this not to be a cow, but to tell you that sometimes people just want to know that they rent the only ones having a bad day etc. Having you telling them that your version of events is super easy or not challenging at all an much easier etc is prob a little condescending to be truthful. I have the lowliest mummy's group that I have been very lucky to be a part of for 4 years now and I know that someone constantly sprouting things like this would be a little annoying after a while. Not to say you can't enjoy being a mummy, of course ou can and you should be proud.  But to constantly be replying to their whining with positiveness may be getting under their skin.

Enjoy our bub and motherhood but just remember that everyone's experience and tolerances are different and that you don't want to be known as one of "those mothers"......


I agree with this. It's so great that you're relishing in motherhood, you're obviously dealing with it very well. Your baby doesn't sound easy at all to be honest, in fact some of the things you explained sound downright difficult (lots of night waking, needing to be held quite often, vomiting etc). So you're obviously very patient, and you've taken very well to parenting.

But be careful that you're not painting it out to be something that its not. Mastitis (well, a bad bout of it) is horrendous. Needing to constantly cuddle and hold your baby - when do you get your house clean or dinner cooked? Maybe you're expectations of cleanliness aren't high (please don't think I'm being nasty here, i don't mean to be). My standards of cleanliness are high and it really makes me anxious and uptight if my house is not clean. So holding my baby for hours a day and not being able to put him/her down would drive me mad. Maybe dishes not being done doesn't worry you where it might bother others.

Maybe you can handle living on 4 hours sleep a night. Many people need more.

Maybe you have a lot of help where as other women might not?

Anyway, I suppose all I'm saying is don't brag about it or rub it in everyone's face. Sure, celebrate how we'll you're doing, but lend a kind ear to your mothers group friends because one day you might need them to repay the favour.




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New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

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Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
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