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#1 IsolaBella

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:28 PM

So your child when they were in prep had a child you were wary of. Behaviour towards your son before/after school was questionable and there was a physical incident (resulting in missing teeth) at lunchtime but no witnesses. You spent much if the second half of that year not at school so there was not an issue (ie we were overseas)

This year your child has been in a different class (which even for group class items did not join with this other child's class) so you have not been aware of any issues.

So next years class list comes out. Your child mentions the other child will be in their class next year. Teacher is new to the school and principal was not there at the time of prep incident. Your child will also only have one if their friends in their class(this does not bother me as such but in combination with the other child being in class with a larger group of their friends I am wary).

Do you highlight to teacher/principal your concern over the classroom and request your child be at opposite ends if the classroom (ie not sitting at same table) and request situation be monitored, do you push for class change or do you do nothing?

Edited by lsolaBella, 20 December 2012 - 07:31 PM.


#2 Chelli

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:36 PM

I would mention it to the class teacher and if there are any further incidents and there is the opportunity to change classes, then I would request for that to happen.  

I hope things work out next year.



#3 Funwith3

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:37 PM

I think the time to make special requests about who your child is in a class with was BEFORE classes were announced, not after.

A lot can change in two years... I would see how the year starts off. I don't think its fair to put a bad omen on the other child for some incidents that occurred two years earlier.

Definitely though, keep a close eye on the kids and if you sense a repeat of behavior alert the teacher if need be.

#4 Carmen02

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:41 PM

see how things go, my DS is going into grade 3 next year and there where a few boys that picked on him in grade 1 that are in his class next year. Im not to worried. See how things go and if things get hard chat to the teacher

#5 mumto3princesses

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:55 PM

I think I would bring it to the attention of the teacher. Then forewarned with that knowledge he/she can decide if it looks like it may be a problem in the first couple of days of school. They may even decide it would be best to just move one of them.

I have asked that DD#1 not be in the same class as a child she had problems with before but I gave them heaps of notice.

I know of someone else who asked that her child be moved after finding out she was in the same class as a child she had problems with. The mum had spoken to the previous years class teacher numerous times over the years with problems with that child but didn't think to put in an official request so it was overlooked. Our school doesn't announce classes the year before so they didn't find out until that first day back. She spoke to them the morning of the 2nd day and her child was moved into a different class that day.

#6 kyrrie

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:03 PM

If there have been no problems this year I wouldn't ask for a class change. Kids can change a lot in that time.

I would mention it to the teacher first thing next year though and ask them to keep an eye on the boys, perhaps not sit them together to start with etc.

The kids I teach are too old for their parents to get in touch about such things but I really appreciate it if they themselves forewarn me about potential problems and issues they have had with each other at their previous school. They feel much more comfortable and supported if I know.

#7 Julie3Girls

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:30 PM

Children can change a lot in two years. In FYOS, they are still learning a lot about being friends, social behaviour etc.

If your child is particularly concerned about the situation, I would speak to the teacher, purely to let her know that they have had issues in the past. I wouldn't ask for them to be kept apart in the classroom at this point - I'd prefer to see how things go.

#8 Spa Gonk

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:31 PM

I would do nothing.  It was years ago and there are no recent problems.  If you have any current issues, discuss it with the teacher.

#9 IsolaBella

Posted 21 December 2012 - 11:54 AM

Any other POV?



#10 FluffyOscar

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:02 PM

Physical incident involving loss of teeth? Yeah, I would be trying to get class allocations changed. Clearly your son still remembers this child, that would be enough for me.

#11 Holidayromp

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:10 PM

We have done this.  DD1 had huge problems with a girl in her Kindergarten class.  We requested that she not be put in any classes with this girl.  Year 1 and Year 2 she was separated from this girl until Year 3.  They ended up in a class together and because she old enough to handle this type of person we let a friendship of sorts continue before it went pearshaped again.  This year she wasn't in the class with her and I sincerely hope not next year.  This girl is nothing but a troublemaker and a bully.
If you have problems with a child speak up because they can really make lives miserable for other children.  Don't just leave it - teachers and principals are often unaware of issues that occur.  Luckily for DD because of this girl's actions the principal was regularily involved.

#12 JustBeige

Posted 21 December 2012 - 05:32 PM

QUOTE (Funwith3 @ 20/12/2012, 08:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
A lot can change in two years... I would see how the year starts off. I don't think its fair to put a bad omen on the other child for some incidents that occurred two years earlier.

Definitely though, keep a close eye on the kids and if you sense a repeat of behavior alert the teacher if need be.

I would do this.   I would also be having chats to my child about their day each afternoon.   If the other child is still the same then you can do something about it.

#13 Ritaroo

Posted 21 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

I would mention it to the teacher straight up next year but requesting to change classes might be a bit much. If the teacher is aware she can keep an eye on things if anything happens but like the other ladies said, it has been two years and a lot can change in that time.

#14 fooiesmum

Posted 21 December 2012 - 05:56 PM

Once bitten twice shy - sorry, I'd be asking for my child to be changed to another class.  Learning and becoming great people takes enough energy - why split their time and focus between trying to stay out of someone elses way and learn - nope I'd ask for a change.

#15 beaglebaby

Posted 21 December 2012 - 06:11 PM

I'd be having a quiet word with the teacher on the first day so that they were alert and watching for any problems but I know there would be no point in asking for a class change at our school.

#16 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:17 PM

I would be scheduling a meeting with the teacher for the first or second day to discuss it. I would want support plans put in place (ie, those two kids to be seperated during class/line times etc) until they proved they could be friends now.

BUT my 6yo, going into grade 2 boy, has proven to be a bully-magnet at school. Coupled with his poor social skills (he has Aspergers and Anxiety), he's an obvious "weakling" to tease and pick on and he's also one to lash out physically back. I talk to his teacher at least once a week, I have meetings with his teacher and the support staff at least once or twice a term, I swap emails and phone calls with the support staff regularly and they are all really good at contacting the professionals we see (paed, psych and OT) when they feel they need their guidance. IF I didn't have all of that, I would probably request the kids be seperated. But that is knowing MY child and the problems HE has had with certain kids at his school. I don't think I would react that strongly if there weren't the other issues at play.

#17 IsolaBella

Posted 21 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

110% boy (ie off the charts) vs 3rd% boy.

I don't want to question or probe DS too much as I don't want to create anxiety IYKWIM?

Apparently he did not see much of this other child at lunchtime this year as he and his friends were playing in different area to this boy.

#18 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 21 December 2012 - 09:48 PM

Physical size is of little importance really. It's about social skills and how resilient your kid is. If both kids lack essential social skills and self-resilience, the "tiny one" is just as likely to be the bully as the "big one". Please don't be put off purely by the other kid's body weight.

#19 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 21 December 2012 - 10:56 PM

Physical size does matter IME, sure little kids can bully as well but as the mother of a child who is <3rd percentile and short statured by some definitions, a boy who is twice his size being physical with him could have very serious repercusions. It would be comparable to my large husband who used to play rugby getting physical with my 155cm 55kg self.

I would start by making the school aware of what has happened in the past, I would then ask that they put some plans in place to minimise the chance of any further bullying or physical intimidation. If I was happy with and reassured by those plans/strategies I would be willing to let my child be in the same class and see how it goes, if not then I would be insisting on a change of class.

Best of luck.

Edited by sparkler, 21 December 2012 - 10:59 PM.


#20 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 21 December 2012 - 11:03 PM

My school aged boy is barely more than the third percentile. I get it. But after 12 months with no issues, I don't think it's fair to assume the issues will resume based purely on the weight and stature differences of the children.

(I also have a younger child who is very high on the weight charts but who is incredibly placid and gentle, so I know that size doesn't determine personality)

#21 TeaTimeTreat

Posted 21 December 2012 - 11:07 PM

QUOTE (~Karla~ @ 21/12/2012, 11:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My school aged boy is barely more than the third percentile. I get it. But after 12 months with no issues, I don't think it's fair to assume the issues will resume based purely on the weight and stature differences of the children.

(I also have a younger child who is very high on the weight charts but who is incredibly placid and gentle, so I know that size doesn't determine personality)


I would never assume that a bigger child would automatically bully my small child  original.gif , it's just that in this case with a history of physical violence against the smaller child I would not be comfortable with a wait and see approach unless the school was being proactive about it.

  


#22 Guest_~Karla~_*

Posted 21 December 2012 - 11:14 PM

That's why I'd talk to the teacher in the first few days. But I'm really happy with DS1's school and the way they've handled issues this year, so I guess my perception is skewed towards having staff looking out for my kid and taking care of him, even if it does take me to spell it out initially. But honestly, I feel that I can trust them to keep my child safe. In a school that didn't have that sort of support though, I don't know how I would react. But I would like to think I wouldn't base it on issues that occurred more than a year ago and were directly related to the weight difference between two kids.

#23 Maple Leaf

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:05 AM

I have learned (the hard way) that it's a lot harder to change a class once things have started up.

I would just move him out now, just in case. I prefer to head off potential trouble instead of banking on this child's personality changing. But that's just me.

Edited by Maple Leaf, 22 December 2012 - 08:06 AM.


#24 Fr0g

Posted 22 December 2012 - 09:13 AM

At the risk of sounding short and uncaring; I wouldn't even mention it.  I would think the fair thing would be to assume there won't be problem and address any issues if they rear again.

I don't like the assumption that big = bully and small = bullied... it's so often not the case.



#25 IsolaBella

Posted 22 December 2012 - 12:41 PM

There is no assumption on size as such, it is past history of my child having their teeth kicked out by this other child and witnessing other questionable encounters.





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