Jump to content

How to keep family together?
I am over Christmas already


  • Please log in to reply
5 replies to this topic

#1 Ally'smum

Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

Inspired by the 'rudeness' thread.

We are going to DHs family for Christmas next week. I am a bit sad at missing my family christmas but it seems only fair that we alternate the families each year. Except that, neither of us really want to go to his.

The food is usually pretty terrible (everything pre-packaged) we are taking quite a lot of food so DD can have something she can actually eat, and DH and I will have something that we will actually want to eat.

The siblings don't get along that well and the spouses don't either, it seems that no one has anything in common but my main problem is that they don't want to be nice to each other.

I am sick of the passive-agressive, judgemental, competitive comments that come my way and that I try to rise above and ignore, but it makes me angry that someone is saying something like this to me to start with. They are being rude to me and I am being polite by not responding (even though I would love to).

I then have to tell DH not to react to anything anyone says to him (or me) as he likes to tell it like it is, which doesn't go down well.

MIL will be having some drama and FIL will just be wondering when his crazy kids are going to leave. Neither parent contributes to the cohesiveness of the family.

Meanwhile all the little kids are playing together beautifully and having a great time.

I keep telling DH that we have to make an effort with his family, do the right thing, be nice to everyone etc.

He wonders why and then I said to him that I could see his family fracturing and no one talking to anyone anymore, he doesn't think this is a particularly bad thing. I want my daughter to have a nice big family with cousins to play with on both sides of the family, not just mine.

His family are all very selfish and not the kind of people to go out of their way for anyone else.

Are we wasting our time making an effort with them?

Are we just delaying the inevitable fracturing?

Do extended families go through bad periods and then recover?




#2 Liadan

Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:42 PM

Sounds like my mums family. She has two brothers, and two sisters. One sister lives in Canada, one brother died early last year, she doesn't get along well with the remaining two.

In my experience, you are just delaying the fracturing.

And the kids aren't as oblivious to the animosity as we'd like to think. I noticed it with my mums family when I was quite young

#3 JustBeige

Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:56 PM

QUOTE
He wonders why and then I said to him that I could see his family fracturing and no one talking to anyone anymore, he doesn't think this is a particularly bad thing. I want my daughter to have a nice big family with cousins to play with on both sides of the family, not just mine.

His family are all very selfish and not the kind of people to go out of their way for anyone else.

Why?


Honestly, without snark, why do you want this?   Why do you actually want people  - who if they didnt share blood  you would have nothing to do with and not even be friends with - involved in your childrens lives?  What benefit do they and yourselves get out of it?

If you were getting on with one/some of them, then going and just hanging out with the one you actually like is bearable, but even your DH doesnt want to have anything to do with his 'family' because of the way they treat him and you.  I guess you are lucky they havent started on the kids yet.


Its his side of the family,  let him decide how much time you interact with them.

Can I also say, coming from a 'fractured on one side' family, not having anything to do with that side is a blessing.   We endured it for years and yes when we were younger the hanging out with the cousins was cool, but y'know, for a kid,  so is meeting a stranger in a park and hanging out/playing with them.

Also being the youngest cousins, as the others got old enough to go "oh hell no I'm not going" we were often the only children there and that was just sh*t.  Watching the supposed adults who all hated each other get drunk and fight.    So so glad that mum and dad listened when we told them we hated going to those parties/gatherings.

#4 cinnabubble

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:01 PM

I agree. Satisfying the condition of having lots of cousins without satisfying the family harmony condition seems a bit pointless.

#5 BetteBoop

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:09 PM

Some families are toxic and disprove the adage that blood is thicker than water. When sh*t happens, sometimes the last people you can rely on are family members.

Personally, I wouldn't bother trying to force it. When your child is older, she will pick up on the toxicity.

I would prefer to spend time and energy on good friends.

#6 Tigerdog

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:41 PM

QUOTE
Personally, I wouldn't bother trying to force it.


This.  You can't force it, you can't control how people behave.  You just have to either live with it the way it is or take no part in it at all.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

The myths and truths of gender swaying

Here are a few popular methods hopeful parents-to-be use to try to get a baby of their preferred gender – and what an expert says about whether they really work.

10 easy DIY Christmas decoration ideas

It's officially time to get into the Christmas spirit. Why not branch out when you put up your tree this year and add a personal touch with a few DIY decorations? We've found the perfect easy-to-make ways to put more festive fever into your home.

The dangerous new trend of glucose challenge test refusal

A dangerous trend is seeing more mothers-to-be declining a relatively simple and painless test to check for gestational diabetes.

Office of Fair Trading reveals naughty toys ahead of Christmas

The Office of Fair Trading has pulled seven toys from shelves ahead of Christmas after they fail safety tests.

Video: Baby boy's trouble with twins

These twin girls will no doubt have fun fooling people in years to come, but nobody will be as confused as baby Landon.

Long-term reversible male contraceptive on its way

Men could soon have access to an injectable long-term contraceptive which works in a similar way to a vasectomy but promises to be easily reversed.

'I tried to kill my baby': one mum's story

After bathing and dressing her three-month-old son, Amanda had a rare moment alone with her baby.

Attack of the 'mummy brain'

I feel that almost every day, someone in my life - be they a friend, family member or complete stranger - feels the need to excuse my behaviour as I have other things on my mind.

Mum of baby who fell ill after drinking raw milk speaks out

A Melbourne mother has described how her son turned grey when he became seriously ill after drinking raw milk.

Australian divorce rate lowest since 1976

Modern newlyweds are now well into their 30s and marriage still offers something powerful a new book argues.

The aftermath of a traumatic birth experience

In Australia, 30 per cent of women find their birth experience traumatic, with 6 per cent going on to develop post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Young mum burns 'from inside-out'

A young mum is in intensive care after she took a friend's antibiotic and wound up with an ailment that is burning her body 'from the inside-out'.

The disagreement that can break a relationship

If he doesn't change his mind, all I can hope is that I will. It would be a waste to spend the rest of my marriage mourning a baby that never was.

Co-sleeping or no-sleeping? Mum videos worst nap ever

One mother's futile attempt to sleep in caught on camera in a hilarious - and very cute - video.

Why children misbehave during the festive season

While we all like to imagine the holiday season as being a fun, loving and bonding experience; often our reality is quiet different.

I was fat-shamed by my doctor

The fear of being weighed is the most significant factor in women cancelling medical appointments - and now weight-shaming has happened to me.

End of an era: no more childcare

As we reach the end of 2014, we're closing the book on many things for another year, most notably childcare. Our last child has attended childcare for the very last time.

The 7-year itch is more like the 10-year itch: study

Contrary to popular belief, making it past the seven-year mark doesn't mean your marriage will be smooth sailing from there on.

Stop telling us that parenting gets harder

I’m sure that parenting will get harder. But life isn’t exactly smooth sailing for many of us right now, either.

Should children be forced to sit on Santa's lap?

We teach kids it’s okay to say no if they don’t feel safe, so why do some parents force their children to climb in to Santa's lap?

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Baby born weighing almost 14 pounds

Yes, the bouncing baby girl was born by caesarean section. And mum says no more kids.

The dummy debate

I'm the first to admit that when I used to see tiny babies with dummies in their mouths, I thought "Hmm, lazy parenting." And now I apologise.

WIN an exclusive performance from Sam Moran!

To celebrate the release of children?s musical series Play Along with Sam, out now on DVD, we?re giving one lucky parent the chance to have Sam perform at their child?s pre-school or day care!

'I thought I was an only child'

Imagine meeting your double at a school sports event, or regularly being mistaken for someone you haven't met. Separated twins Margaret and Joy tell their story.

Mums reveal their nappy bag essentials

Ever wondered what other mums carry in their nappy bags? We have, so we asked mums to tell us their must-have nappy bag items.

Toddler died because he wasn't given antibiotics soon enough

A 15-month-old boy would almost certainly be alive today if doctors had given him antibiotics sooner, a coroner has ruled.

VIDEO: moment a toddler falls on to train tracks in Melbourne

Shocking footage has emerged capturing the moment a pram carrying a toddler rolled off a platform and onto train tracks in suburban Melbourne.

Sold on natural birth? Read the fine print

In the excitement and anticipation of a first pregnancy, I ignored the fine print: some women, some of the time.

Child with alcoholic mum who drank while pregnant won't win pay-out

A young child is not entitled to criminal injuries compensation after her mother drank excessively while pregnant.

Superbugs killing India's babies, posing wider threat

A deadly epidemic that could have global implications is quietly sweeping India, tens of thousands of newborns dying because antibiotics no longer work.

Can you teach a toddler to sleep in?

Parents share their tips on getting their early risers to sleep in, even for just a little bit longer.

Keeping your relationship on track as new parents

About 70 per cent of couples experience a slump in their relationship within three years of having a baby. Here's how we tried to get back on track.

America's favourite baby names of 2014

Americans are turning to television, Netflix and sports for ideas for what to name their wee ones.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

As Sydney grieves the loss of Sydney siege victims Katrina Dawson and Tori Johnson, reports have suggested that both died as heroes.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.