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Moving schools in term 2 of FYOS
Is it a horrible thing to do to my child?

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17 replies to this topic

#1 Kreme

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:22 AM

We are currently in Sydney. DD has just finished FYOS and DS is due to start next year.

DH has been offered a job in Melbourne. It's a great opportunity for him and it comes with a nice payrise so that will help set us up financially. Taking the job is the right thing to do for our family.

But I worry about DD and DS changing schools. DS is so excited about starting school and because he is so familiar with the school from doing drop off and pick up all this year, he feels very comfortable. DD loves her school and has made lots of friends. She is signed up for violin and netball for next year and she can't wait to start them.

If we move we really can't go until term 2 next year. DH's company is acquiring the firm and has to go through the due diligence process. If the purchase falls through then there will be no job for him, so we cannot make the move earlier.

The chances are DH will need to start about half way through term 1 and our plan is for him to commute while kids and I stay in Sydney the end of term. Because the school holidays don't coincide the kids will start in week 3 of term 2 at their new school.

When I think of telling the kids about the move I feel sick.

I'm not as worried about DD, she is a very resilient child. She will be upset but she'll cope. But poor DS, starting 2 new schools in 2 terms  sad.gif

Has anyone done anything similar? Are we horrible to even contemplate it?

#2 lorywhol

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:31 AM

I am doing the same thing with my DD in Term 2, 2013.

Perth to Canberra. No advice for you - just wishing you luck.

My DD even has to go down a class :-( due to the cut off.

#3 Bluie

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:36 AM

I did this with DS1 in 2010, it was heartbreaking at the time as he had just started at the school I actively campaigned for him to get into, he had made friends and had a great teacher. However an opportunity too good to pass up came along and our family moved to WA.

Changing school systems was tough as he did really seem to go "down" a grade as well. Having said that he adjusted really well, made some great new friends very quickly and has even had another change of schools since living here.

Perhaps don't discuss it with the children until next year as they will be filled with nerves etc starting school and this could just add on to them. We were only given 6 weeks to move (from NSW to WA) and to be honest it was better for the kids not to know until it was definite and really happening and not too far away.

Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

#4 opethmum

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:43 AM

I would wait until things are more final, in that wait until the due diligence procedures are over and then you would have a better idea how to tell the kids. Children deal with absolutes better and to deal with hypothetical can make them a bit uneasy and make them anxious unnecessarily.
When you know more then you can tell them when the time is right and you won't feel so sick about it.

#5 snuffles

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

Sounds tough!

For *my* kids, I'd tell them about the possibility of moving, my kids deal much better with lots of warning of possibilities, and I keep them updated with what's happening etc.  DH is in the RAAF so we've had a few moves, and they know that moves are always a possibility.  We are moving again probably at the end of next year, they know it's a possible rather than an absolute but at least the idea is in their mind IYKWIM.  (They are 6, 7 and 9).  

Moving during FYOS is something I always wanted to avoid and fortunately have managed to avoid it, but kids are very resilient, they surprise me all the time with the way they deal with changes in situations and locations and with disappointments.  I think be there for them to talk (once you have told them) as much as you can, answer questions as best you can, be honest if you don't know something.

Another thing we do is put together a small photo book for each child, containing photos of the house, garden, school, friends, teachers, playgrounds they like, pretty much whatever they want to remember, and they keep these in their rooms and can look at them anytime.  This works particularly for my middle child as surprisingly, he copes the least well with big changes.

Good luck!!!

#6 Holidayromp

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:57 AM

The younger they are the more resilient they are to change.  Also they have not had the opportunity to forge long last relationships which don't usually occur until their last year in Primary.  They change friendships like underwear!
However I would not recommend this for kids in Year Six.  We are facing exactly that so we are sending our DD ahead of us so she can start Year Six in the new school and will have the whole year to make friends to go through with her to high school.
Mum and Dad made the big mistake of taking me half way out of Year six to start in a completely different school, in a different region.  I never overcame that and my future education suffered as a result and never really had any friends.  As Dad described it 'a fish out of water'.  They have told me on several occasions that if they had the opportunity to go back in time they would never do it - it was too hard on me and I lost out big time.  Everyone else benefitted at my expense.
So what I am trying to say do it whilst the children are young and in the early years of their schooling - this is the time to make changes.  But don't consider it when they are established and in Year Six.

#7 Kreme

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:05 PM

Thanks for the advice, much appreciated!

Hearing about grade changes has made me panic a little.

DD will turn 7 in July and she will be in Year 1 next year

DS will turn 5 this month and he is going into FYOS.

So we're in line with the Victorian system aren't we?  hands.gif

#8 snuffles

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:27 PM

The NSW and Vic systems are very similar as I understand it.  The age cut-offs are different, in Vic it's April I think and here in NSW it's July.  But as your DS will already by 5 there shouldn't be an issue.

Melbourne is a nice place to live, a bit colder though!

#9 lucky 2

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:35 PM

The younger they are the more resilient they are to change.

I have read that this isn't necessarily true in relation to moving house at least.
I read this article in the Age today- http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/shifting...1218-2bl3x.html
The article may be reassuring as the poorer outcomes were with repeated changes of residence and not one move.
This one seems to relate too- http://www.theage.com.au/lifestyle/life/bl...0116-1q3g9.html
I think you've got to do what you've got to do, the teachers will help at both ends, there will probably be some fall out for both children.
My dd has certainly been unsettled with each move we have made (3 to date and she is 8). I think it gets easier for her as she matures.
All the best.

#10 crazyone2989

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:44 PM

I went to three primary schools as a kid. First time we moved cities when I was half way through year 1 and then moved country (only nz to australia) for the start of year 4. I was fine both times. It was harder on my brother the second time as he was in year 6 so only had the year to build friendships before highschool but overall he was fine.

Don't stress too much!

#11 Kreme

Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:40 PM

QUOTE (Ferdinand @ 20/12/2012, 01:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You should check regarding your DDs grade. Her birthday is after the vic cut off by a fair way so there is a chance they will put her down a grade.

Edit: actually, if she's turning 7 and not 6 in year one then she should be ok.

I know, I'm so relieved that I didn't send her at 4.5!

#12 Jersey Caramel

Posted 20 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

I would consider pulling them out earlier (especially if your DH is going ahead of you anyway) so they can start in week 1 of term 2 at the new school. I think that would be easier than coming in in week 3, when the class would be midway through themes, projects, books etc.

Good luck original.gif

#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:08 PM

Wait until the time frames are set in stone before mentioning it to the children.  We knew DH's company was taking over a company interstate and thought we might be moving when I was pregnant with DS1. I had discussed it with my OB, booked an appt with a new one for just after we expected to be there, and we didn't end up going until DS1 was 8 months old, so nearly a year later than originally thought.

We have moved twice in the last 12 months, both moves for DH's work. The first one wasn't too much of a bother - DH had been FIFO for a few months, then we moved during the Christmas hols. When we found out for sure that he was transferring, I was about to give notice that DS1 wouldn't be returning to his Catholic school and DS2 wouldn't be taking up his kindy place - it took a lot of pressure off!  The second move was less planned, and the boys both moved schools mid-2nd term and by the time we had a confirmed pack up date, it was only 2 weeks away.  They have settled in so well and I am very happy with their new school - so much so that we are considering buying in the area (we are currently renting).

My boss is ex-military, so his children moved, on average, about every 2 years.  While every child is different, their response is largely related to how you present it - focus on the positives of the move, talk about new friends, new experiences, new things to do in the new house/location.  Build them up to be excited about the move, and it will be a positive experience.  Don't let them pick up on your reservations/concerns.

Good luck!!

#14 melaine

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:16 PM

The NSW and Vic systems are pretty similar - they're the easiest states to move between.

You could organise a visit at the end of first term so they meet some kids before term 2, if that works for you.

Prep and grade 1 kids will be excited to have a new student in their class - so take opportunities for play dates early on to establish some friendships.

#15 SeaPrincess

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:23 PM

QUOTE (melaine @ 20/12/2012, 06:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Prep and grade 1 kids will be excited to have a new student in their class - so take opportunities for play dates early on to establish some friendships.

This was our experience at both schools!  DS2 had a playdate in his 2nd week at the new kindy!

#16 OneMore?

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:36 PM

Last year DS1 was in grade 1 and DS2 was prep (FYOS), almost at the end of term 2 we moved overseas and started at an international school. We did 12 months and moved back to Oz with a few weeks left of term 2. I was so stressed for the kids etc and they coped so well, I "sold" it as a big adventure and that's the way they treated it.

They will be fine - and will copy your lead.

Good luck.

#17 **Tiger*Feral**

Posted 20 December 2012 - 10:06 PM


Edited by Tyrone Finkelmeyer, 26 March 2013 - 08:47 PM.

#18 Kreme

Posted 20 December 2012 - 10:21 PM

QUOTE (**Tiger*Filly** @ 20/12/2012, 11:06 PM)
Have you considered not sending your DS to school in first term? I guess this would depend on whether you are working or not/ whether you would have other care for him.
The year that DD#2 started school, she was due to start school in SA in term 3. We moved here in April so I kept her at home for a term rather than start her in one place only to have her change the next term.
I would also think it would be better to time your move so that your DD can start term at the beginning of the term at her new school.

Actually, I just re-read your OP and realised you could move part way through term 1.
That is what I would do - I would not put your DS in school at all in term 1, let your DD do a few weeks, then move with your DH part way through term 1 so you can all be well settled in ready to start school in term 2 in Melbourne.

Thanks for the suggestion, I agree that starting at the beginning of term 2 is probably preferable.
We really are at the mercy of this deal, however. DH messaged me earlier today and said there is still a lot of negotiation going on and he is now thinking that he won't even be starting until term 2. So I think we just have to start the kids at school in Sydney as planned and then wait to see what happens.
I would prefer to hold off on telling the kids until things are more certain, but I do want to give my family some notice. My niece goes to school with my DD, so I just don't trust that she won't overhear something and tell DD before we've broached the subject with her. So I think we will have to tell the kids before we tell anyone else.

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