Jump to content

Example of a 3 yr old tantrum
Tell me what you would do


  • Please log in to reply
15 replies to this topic

#1 Natttmumm

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:21 AM

Today DD2 had an explosive meltdown. We were driving home after having a swim and I'm driving on the highway. She drops her shoe and starts crying for me to get it. I can't stop and I can't reach it as we have a big car. She then escalates and hysterically screams the whole 15 mins home. She continues at home. Eventually I put her in time out which escalated the tantrum and she threw all her toys around her room. So I took the toys out.
Eventually after about an hour she stopped saying she wanted a hug. I gave her a hug and explained the behaviour was not right etc etc.
DD is 3. She is asleep now
Any tips on how you would deal with that situation. I feel really stressed about it all and not sure what I should have done.

#2 Yomumma

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:25 AM

She sounded like she was just over tired..I think you did the right thing..Sorry, not much help!

#3 lorywhol

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:29 AM

Not sure if this would have worked but I saw it on a UK tv series.

She said sit on the floor with your child facing outwards (so not looking at you but looking forward)- you hold them firmly in your lap and just comfort - not too much chatting.

I think the theory is that the child is emotional they are actually beyond the point of being able to express emotion. So all you are doing as a parent is coming straight down to their level and assuring them you are there until they calm down.

The first few minutes are the hardest because that may be when they want to fight/flight. But she said persevere during that time. But don't make eye contact, as that may be seen as confrontational.

#4 FlutterbyBlue

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:30 AM

Sounds like you handled it very well.  The only things I would change would be: I would have put her in time out as soon as we got home; and I would have explained the behaviour was not acceptable, rather than 'not right'.  

bbighug.gif  for you both.



#5 Natttmumm

Posted 20 December 2012 - 11:39 AM

Thanks for the reassurance. Should I give the toys back when she wakes up?
She will ask for them as soon as she wakes up?

#6 opethmum

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:07 PM

I would tell your daughter that her behaviour in the car was not acceptable. You need to tell her that it is not ok to stop in the car for anything but going to the toilet and that it is it.
I would have put her straight to bed from the car and not bothered with all the in between.
Cars are dangerous and having her yell and carry on like that is dangerous for you and your ability to concentrate and she needs to know that.

#7 Guest_divineM_*

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:14 PM

QUOTE (lorywhol @ 20/12/2012, 12:29 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not sure if this would have worked but I saw it on a UK tv series.

She said sit on the floor with your child facing outwards (so not looking at you but looking forward)- you hold them firmly in your lap and just comfort - not too much chatting.

I think the theory is that the child is emotional they are actually beyond the point of being able to express emotion. So all you are doing as a parent is coming straight down to their level and assuring them you are there until they calm down.

The first few minutes are the hardest because that may be when they want to fight/flight. But she said persevere during that time. But don't make eye contact, as that may be seen as confrontational.

My Dd is only 21 months so it's early days but I currently do a version of this where I will lie on the couch and say "Mummy is lying down, when you are finished and ready for a hug come over". kind of like time out but not putting her anywhere or leaving her - i see it as me not engaging in the theatrics. mine had a similar one in the car yesterday. she was holding one of those bubble blowers and was out of the mixture - she wanted me to produce more mixture while driving the car! I listened to about 30 minutes of hysterical "more bubbles!" screams.

#8 Expelliarmus

Posted 20 December 2012 - 12:15 PM

I wouldn't put kids in time out during a full on tantrum. I might put them to bed, or sit and hold them facing outwards until they stop.

Abandoning a child who's out of control is contrary to helping them regain control. Talking quietly to a child who's 'lost it' is my preferred course of action. If time out was to be employed in this situation I would only do it if that had been a consequence mentioned as part of the car tantrum and it would have been done straight away as the consequence to the car tantrum. Time out for being out of control is counterproductive.

#9 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 20 December 2012 - 01:51 PM

Regular thing in our house with Miss 2. She tops the class in tantrums!

I agree with Howdo. I would not have put DD in her room. It can get to a point that it's moved past a tantrum and the child is so out of control that they need their parent to help them calm down again.

If we put DD in her room she would just get more hysterical and I don't see the point of that. Full blown, out of control tantrum is not the time to teach them anything. They have shut down at that point. They are out of control, they need help need help to calm down. Circle of Repair is well worth  reading as is Circle of Security.

We do time in here (Circle of Repair) - I just hold DD and talk to her calmly. Sometimes it can take as much as 30 minuets before she is okay again.

Give the toys back and don't saying anything about it. Punishment needs to be immediate, especially at this young age so there is no point in taking it any further. She has probably forgot all about it by now.

#10 Emma600

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:19 PM

I read a little tip once that I've been using sucessfully with my daughter(now 3.5) for a while now. When she has a meltdown I put her into her room - not to leave her on her own as I agree with PP in that when they're really loosing it leaving them alone isn't helpful, but I have a younger son and he gets upset with her screaming so I take a couple of minutes to settle him, then I go into her room and without talking/yelling or even making eye contact I find a toy in her room and quietly play with it (she has a train set in her room which is ideal for this) it usually only takes a minute or so for her curiousity and desire to play get the better of her temper. After we've calmly played together for a little while I explain the reason why I put her in her room I explain that I'm going to leave the door open and when she's ready she can come out or stay in her room and rest.

#11 axiomae

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:29 PM

Give her the toys back. Address the behaviour and move on.

#12 TenYears

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:40 PM

QUOTE
Abandoning a child who's out of control is contrary to helping them regain control. ....... Time out for being out of control is counterproductive.


This isn't always right.  Some kids need to be left alone in order to calm down.  My 3yo daughter gets to the point where any contact with the person she's grumpy with, including having them in her line of sight just makes her arc up further.  Time alone is what she desperately needs and craves and when I initiate it it's not a punishment or consequence but a step towards helping her work towards control.  I always leave her with "I've got a cuddle for you when you're ready for it" and she knows that she can call me or come to me as soon as she's ready.  And after the cuddle we talk about the tantrum and how the situation might have been averted.

My son, OTOH, would have been very distressed by being left alone while out of control.  Different strategies for different kids.

Edited by Eight.years, 22 December 2012 - 08:41 PM.


#13 EBeditor

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:44 PM

I had two explosive tantrummers and the only things which worked were to try to recognise the warning signs (tiredness, hunger etc) and intervene.

Once a meltdown has started you can't do much but stay calm and keep them safe, ignoring from a near distance while letting them know you are there once they are ready for a hug.

Both of my children grew out of extreme tantrums by 3 or 4. Hopefully the stage won't last long for your DD. If she had been swimming perhaps she was tired and hungry.

#14 libbylu

Posted 22 December 2012 - 08:48 PM

I think at age 3 time out during a tantrum might not always be helpful. They are out of control and might need some help to regain it. By age 4 possibly, or 5 definitely, they should have mastered the self-regulatory skills to calm themselves down in time out, but at 3 I would think that cuddles might be the quickest way to resolve the situation (but don't give in to the demand that started the tantrum of course).  Especially if the tantrum is caused by tiredness or hunger - since that is not really their fault.  It probably depends somewhat on the child.  My DS was always distressed further by being separated from me.

#15 iwanttosleepin

Posted 22 December 2012 - 10:57 PM

My 4 year old actually responds to being sent to his room for time out.  he will look out the window and play with the little things on the window sill for 15 minutes and then come back when he is ready and calm.  He seems to be able to gather himself in his own time and in peace best.

When we are out he is stood facing a wall for 1 minute to calm down and this has always worked really well for him.  now he's older the threat of facing the wall is usually enough 90% of the time.


#16 Natttmumm

Posted 24 December 2012 - 12:27 PM

Thanks for the tips and advice. We have been working on the tantrums this last week and she seems a lot better.
We are only using time out for bad behaviour like biting or hitting.
If its a meltdown we are just sitting with her until. She clams down.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.