Jump to content

Not answering questions


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Jekaho

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

What is a "natural consequence" for your child not answering questions?

Our son (almost 4 yrs old) purposefully doesn't answer us if he is grumpy or doesn't like what we are talking about or is unsure, in amongst other things. He will just grunt or make squeaky/whingy sounds or ignore.

We are trying to get him to understand that not answering someone else's questions (or not even questions, but someone saying hello or goodbye) is rude and makes the other person sad/frustrated/confused. We have tried to relate it to him by reminding him of times when people have not heard him or not understood him.

Any thoughts?

Or is just "one of those things"?

#2 librablonde

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:25 AM

If he is a "normal" kid with normal cognitive function then he's old enough to understand that he's being deliberately rude. I'd just put him on Time Out and briefly explain how he was being rude and how he made the other person feel. And then I'd make him apologise to the other person.

I'm sure there's other EBer's who'll just say to ignore it or he's too young for Time Out's but that's what I'd do in our family.

#3 Carmen02

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 20/12/2012, 06:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think there is any point forcing him to be polite.  Model the behaviour you want (we make a point of making eye contact and give a big cheery Hello! when getting up in the morning, coming home, etc) and keep giving him reminders.


I agree with that. I would say that it is not nice to talk like that or that its nice to say hello and goodbye just explain behaviour that you want

#4 Tesseract

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:21 AM

Sounds like he is avoiding a situation he doesn't like because he either doesn't want to do the thing being asked, or doesn't know the answer. I would look at giving him a few "scripts" to use when he is in this situation. Keep reinforcing that responding is important, and give him options, and make it clear that those options are acceptable. Let him know that he can say "I don't know" or "I don't want to right now" and that this is ok.

The "I don't know" thing you're probably going to be happy with. But the "I don't want to right now" response requires you to think about how you respond in kind. If the response is "well you have to" then that's not going to entice anybody to respond. My approach is to always allow negotiation if feasible, or warmly explain reasons why we have to do things if they just have to be done. You could also talk about giving him the script and space to say "I just need a moment to finish what I'm doing".

Just some thoughts.

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:28 AM

Two thoughts:

1) Have you ruled out that his behavior is in fact deliberate? There are a bunch of things (e.g. hearing issues, processing issues) that could make it difficult for a child to answer questions/engage in polite "chit chat" and could make them surly in the process.

2) If you know that there's nothing else going on beyond "rudeness," I think Tesseract's suggestion below is a good one because it focuses on giving him some TOOLS that he can use (and I agree with Madame Catty's advice as well).

We do a lot of social role playing with our daughter. I find that when I do it OTT/infuse some silliness, she is much more receptive.

I would also try to "catch him being good" -- that is, praise him when he does in fact use his words appropriately and/or when he responds to something.

Good luck!

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 20/12/2012, 10:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sounds like he is avoiding a situation he doesn't like because he either doesn't want to do the thing being asked, or doesn't know the answer. I would look at giving him a few "scripts" to use when he is in this situation. Keep reinforcing that responding is important, and give him options, and make it clear that those options are acceptable. Let him know that he can say "I don't know" or "I don't want to right now" and that this is ok.

The "I don't know" thing you're probably going to be happy with. But the "I don't want to right now" response requires you to think about how you respond in kind. If the response is "well you have to" then that's not going to entice anybody to respond. My approach is to always allow negotiation if feasible, or warmly explain reasons why we have to do things if they just have to be done. You could also talk about giving him the script and space to say "I just need a moment to finish what I'm doing".

Just some thoughts.

Edited by baddmammajamma, 20 December 2012 - 02:12 PM.


#6 Jekaho

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:05 PM

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. No issues with hearing or cognitive. He can be and often is very polite, answering questions, asking his own. But just sometimes, he does not. And he is rude about it.

We will keep persevering, similar style to what has already been mentioned with reminders, thinking about others, praise etc. The scripts thing is useful, thanks.

Glad to know it's not just him. Well, not 'glad' but you know what I mean.

#7 Natttmumm

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:08 PM

I wouldn't use time out for that. I would just keep reminding him without making a huge deal. If I make a huge deal mine do those things more




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How an inquest into one stillbirth is saving lives

A ground-breaking court case that has focused solely on one stillborn baby has already helped to save the lives of other babies.

Get them into reading early with a Nouk book subscription

There's no bonding activity quite like reading to your baby or toddler, and all the signs point to it being important for social and literacy development as well.

I don't want my husband to go on a buck's trip

My husband's best friend is getting married and has planned a men's bachelor party.

The celeb parents who needed a mediator to stop fighting over baby names

Deciding on a baby name can be a fraught experience for many parents.

May Gibbs' 'Gumnut Babies' turns 100 with a special edition, coins, stamps and more

It's time to celebrate the centenary of May Gibbs' very first book release, Gumnut Babies.

African baby names

We have some absolutely gorgeous selections of African baby names for you to consider for your baby.

The mum who retrained to became a plumber

One company refused to give her an apprenticeship because they believed she would be too much of a distraction to the males. 

Meningococcal meningitis: signs, treatment and prevention

What is meningococcal meningitis, why does it occur in seasons, and why does it strike fear into the hearts of so many?

I was scared of the dentist ... and my son paid the price

It was a moment where I could certainly learn from his behaviour, and not him from mine.

Family of toddler killed by alligator at Disney honours his third birthday

The family told supporters that they wanted to celebrate the boy's "first birthday in heaven".

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

7 tips to help you prepare your home for parenthood

Prep your home to make becoming a new parent as stress-free as possible.

Fatherhood to the beat of Daniel's drum

Daniel Gibney knew fatherhood would change him, but he didn't realise it would lead to a global business venture for his family.

A case of gastro and the mummy mean girls

I don't blame any first-time mother who is terrified of her or her baby catching gastro, but it will find you eventually.

Zooey Deschanel's cake smash fail for daughter Elsie

"I kept seeing on the Internet, 'You gotta make a smash cake for your one-year-old,' so I'm like, 'I'm making this cake just so she can smash it.'"

Five things mums should never do

Although I preach the "each to their own" method of parenting, it's unavoidable to have those moments of panic.

Mum allegedly 'groped' while holding toddler in Sydney pool

A mum has told of her horror after she was allegedly sexually assaulted while at a swimming centre with her two young children.

'It whacked me': Michelle Bridges on sleep deprivation and returning to exercise

Michelle Bridges knows a lot about health and fitness, but when she became a mum she had to learn a few lessons the hard way.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Hawaii beachfront resort holiday for two!

Enter now for your chance to win 1 of 4 trips for two to Hawaii, staying at Outrigger resorts in Waikiki.

For the festival lover in all of us

Pre-book & Save 50%. Get your tickets now for Kidtopia Festival. 7-9 October 2016 Parramatta Park, Sydney.

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.