Jump to content

Not answering questions


  • Please log in to reply
6 replies to this topic

#1 Jekaho

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

What is a "natural consequence" for your child not answering questions?

Our son (almost 4 yrs old) purposefully doesn't answer us if he is grumpy or doesn't like what we are talking about or is unsure, in amongst other things. He will just grunt or make squeaky/whingy sounds or ignore.

We are trying to get him to understand that not answering someone else's questions (or not even questions, but someone saying hello or goodbye) is rude and makes the other person sad/frustrated/confused. We have tried to relate it to him by reminding him of times when people have not heard him or not understood him.

Any thoughts?

Or is just "one of those things"?

#2 librablonde

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:25 AM

If he is a "normal" kid with normal cognitive function then he's old enough to understand that he's being deliberately rude. I'd just put him on Time Out and briefly explain how he was being rude and how he made the other person feel. And then I'd make him apologise to the other person.

I'm sure there's other EBer's who'll just say to ignore it or he's too young for Time Out's but that's what I'd do in our family.

#3 Carmen02

Posted 20 December 2012 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 20/12/2012, 06:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think there is any point forcing him to be polite.  Model the behaviour you want (we make a point of making eye contact and give a big cheery Hello! when getting up in the morning, coming home, etc) and keep giving him reminders.


I agree with that. I would say that it is not nice to talk like that or that its nice to say hello and goodbye just explain behaviour that you want

#4 Tesseract

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:21 AM

Sounds like he is avoiding a situation he doesn't like because he either doesn't want to do the thing being asked, or doesn't know the answer. I would look at giving him a few "scripts" to use when he is in this situation. Keep reinforcing that responding is important, and give him options, and make it clear that those options are acceptable. Let him know that he can say "I don't know" or "I don't want to right now" and that this is ok.

The "I don't know" thing you're probably going to be happy with. But the "I don't want to right now" response requires you to think about how you respond in kind. If the response is "well you have to" then that's not going to entice anybody to respond. My approach is to always allow negotiation if feasible, or warmly explain reasons why we have to do things if they just have to be done. You could also talk about giving him the script and space to say "I just need a moment to finish what I'm doing".

Just some thoughts.

#5 baddmammajamma

Posted 20 December 2012 - 09:28 AM

Two thoughts:

1) Have you ruled out that his behavior is in fact deliberate? There are a bunch of things (e.g. hearing issues, processing issues) that could make it difficult for a child to answer questions/engage in polite "chit chat" and could make them surly in the process.

2) If you know that there's nothing else going on beyond "rudeness," I think Tesseract's suggestion below is a good one because it focuses on giving him some TOOLS that he can use (and I agree with Madame Catty's advice as well).

We do a lot of social role playing with our daughter. I find that when I do it OTT/infuse some silliness, she is much more receptive.

I would also try to "catch him being good" -- that is, praise him when he does in fact use his words appropriately and/or when he responds to something.

Good luck!

QUOTE (Tesseract @ 20/12/2012, 10:21 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sounds like he is avoiding a situation he doesn't like because he either doesn't want to do the thing being asked, or doesn't know the answer. I would look at giving him a few "scripts" to use when he is in this situation. Keep reinforcing that responding is important, and give him options, and make it clear that those options are acceptable. Let him know that he can say "I don't know" or "I don't want to right now" and that this is ok.

The "I don't know" thing you're probably going to be happy with. But the "I don't want to right now" response requires you to think about how you respond in kind. If the response is "well you have to" then that's not going to entice anybody to respond. My approach is to always allow negotiation if feasible, or warmly explain reasons why we have to do things if they just have to be done. You could also talk about giving him the script and space to say "I just need a moment to finish what I'm doing".

Just some thoughts.

Edited by baddmammajamma, 20 December 2012 - 02:12 PM.


#6 Jekaho

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:05 PM

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. No issues with hearing or cognitive. He can be and often is very polite, answering questions, asking his own. But just sometimes, he does not. And he is rude about it.

We will keep persevering, similar style to what has already been mentioned with reminders, thinking about others, praise etc. The scripts thing is useful, thanks.

Glad to know it's not just him. Well, not 'glad' but you know what I mean.

#7 Natttmumm

Posted 20 December 2012 - 02:08 PM

I wouldn't use time out for that. I would just keep reminding him without making a huge deal. If I make a huge deal mine do those things more




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Postnatal depression and the feelings that scare mums most

"I was shocked and horrified that I'd had this thought. That's not me."

A toddler’s step-by-step guide to avoiding bedtime

How many of these tactics does your toddler employ at bedtime?

Melbourne - get your FREE tickets!

Register now for your free ticket (valued at $20) for the Melbourne Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores.

The great toddler chase: every pregnant mum's nightmare

This is the funniest photo ever. We've all been there!

Would you do this to your baby in a carseat?

One mum looked that fear in the face and shared how important it is to think about adjusting the straps on our kids' car seats.

The secret to fitness after having a baby

It turns out that taking a more flexible approach might be the best way to make it happen.

Frustrated mum's genius plan to stop dinner time battles

Hands up who is sick and tired of cooking dinner for their kids every night only to have them complain about what's on their plate.

Photo shoot captures the dirty work of parenting

What do you do when you want a sweet maternity shoot but it just won't stop raining?

Could this simple thing help you avoid the 'baby blues'?

Researchers are now looking at whether the nutrients you ingest after giving birth can help reduce your likelihood of developing the baby blues.

We face more judgement than our mums did, study finds

We're judged more than our mums were - science says so.

As a mum, it's hard to ask for help. And that needs to change

Yesterday was a bad day for me. I started feeling ill a couple of days ago but battled on, as we do.

Why I don't care about your gender reveal

So you're having a baby? That's great, babies are awesome.

Dad's simple baby soothing hack

When this dad's baby wouldn't stop crying he took matters into his own hands. He also recorded what he did to let other people in on the simple hack and now it's going viral.

Husband gives birth after his wife was unable to fall pregnant

After his wife struggled to conceive, transgender man Chris Rehs-Dupin decided to give it a go.

10 things I thought about motherhood before I actually became a mum

Everyone is a parenting expert until they have kids – right?

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

From our network

Win 1 of 10 awesome Peppa Pig prize packs

Who loves Peppa? We have 10 packs to give away - including family passes to see the brand new movie, in cinemas March 16!

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

28th - 30th April, 2017, Melbourne Royal Exhibition Building, Carlton. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 

Free ticket offer

Essential Baby & Toddler Show, presented by Blackmores

28th - 30th April, 2017, Melbourne Royal Exhibition Building, Carlton. Get your FREE ticket now. Save $20.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.