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Do you have hang-ups from school?


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#1 Bart.

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:37 PM

I do.  It's ridiculous, but I've been carting these hang-ups around with me for 20 years.

From Year 4 - 8, I was the poor kid in a big private school.  I had some friends but mostly I was teased and treated like an outsider.  I was totally in awe of those kids; they seemed so beautiful, confident and illustrious with their fancy parents and new uniforms.  I left in Year 9 to move interstate and it was a great confidence booster for me to be out of that school.

For years, every time I've gone to that town (my parents live there), I've dreaded running into those people because crazily, I just didn't feel I've achieved enough to be equals.  Yeah, how sad is that.

Well, on the weekend, I finally did.  I caught up with one of the girls in my class who was one of the cool kids and she's still in touch with most of the people who'd made those few years so challenging.  She gave me quick updates on everyone and I was surprised and gratified to know they're ordinary, just like me.  I shouldn't have been comparing my life to their's after all.  I feel like I've got some closure.

I didn't realise just how much of that time I still carry around with me and I was wondering if anyone else is in the same position?  (My husband went to the same school and I definitely know he's still carrying major hang-ups from his time there so maybe it was the culture?)

#2 i-candi

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:51 PM

Yeah I was the poor kid (well dad made out he was poor so he didn't have to pay the fees I suspect) in the private school with a uniform that really needed replacing more often that it was. Also dad, due to court orders was meant to pay for schooling and associated costs. So often we had to beg him for bus fares (WA no such thing as free travel), money for books etc. It was horrible begging for money sad.gif

My son will always look respectable in new uniforms and will never have to beg for something for school.

I know a lot of people can only afford second hand uniforms but we can afford new, just like my dad could but he didn't care.

I HATED school !

#3 Zephie Chugger

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:51 PM

I have so many hung ups from my schooling I'm scared to send my boys even to pre school.



Edit: Most have to do with my learning difficulty, back then there was not the understanding even by teachers .I was  humiliated  everyday for not being able to read/spell etc in primary  In high I was bullied beaten or ignorded so made worthless

Edited by Zephie Chugger, 18 December 2012 - 11:29 PM.


#4 Kay1

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:56 PM

Well I won't be going to my school reunion (a significant one!) next year so I guess so. Not sure I really hang on to any issues really but just have no desire to relive any of it.

#5 wildflowers

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:01 PM

I remember comments from teachers, in year 7 the teacher said I shouldn't have got my high mark for a project. In high school I remember a teacher saying I was slow to start a project and another teacher said I used to sneer and shouldn't have got a high score for a speech.  Now I just look back and their comments have had no bad effects on me.  It is just life.

#6 tres-chic

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:04 PM

Yes, I do. Different issues to yours but it was the hardest time of my life and it can be a defining period in many people's lives.

I'm glad you got that perspective.



#7 duckduckduck

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:06 PM

I am now obsessive about punctuality because my mother always dropped me at school late. At primary school we had general assembly every morning and anyone who was late was ritually humiliated by being forced to stand out the front next to the principal for the entire assembly. Probably doesn't seem like a big deal but it was pretty much akin to torture for a painfully shy kid like myself.

#8 Oma Desala

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:10 PM

QUOTE (Kay1 @ 18/12/2012, 08:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well I won't be going to my school reunion (a significant one!) next year so I guess so. Not sure I really hang on to any issues really but just have no desire to relive any of it.

I was very glad when my 10 year mark passed without a reunion being planned. I was dreading the thought of even being invited let alone going.



#9 kidwrangler

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:12 PM

Strangely enough, no. I also was the poor kid (but not in a private school), I had a single mum in a very conservative area, I wore glasses, am short and have freckles... I was ripe for being tormented but don't remember anything that has left scars. I was sad and lonely for my final year of primary as we were new to the area and my brother went to high school, but I am still in touch with friends I made back then.

I love going back and catching up with people from school. Our reunions are a hoot! original.gif

I have wondered about some people on EB as I read about their fears of sending their kids to school, wanting to home school/ move schools to protect them etc. Vents that seem a bit OTT to the issues in them (I am sure many are valid but some seem rather OTT) regarding schooling and other kids. I can see how the past could impact on their reactions to problems for their kids.

#10 pinkcupcakes

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:12 PM

i freak out at the prospect that people will see the more recently fat me and be all judgey. like,eww look at her she didnt amount to much, a fat SAHM! ( which in reality probably wouldnt happen because who would give two hoots where i ended up anyway, and also i have a wonderful dh and two wonderful kids so who really cares, but...) something that still goes through my mind. yeah i guess i have hangups 2. the dread of the popular kid scorn.

most popular kids probably grow up and just be average joes/jo's though. shrug.gif

#11 Freddie'sMum

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:12 PM

Yes and No.

Weird answer - but "yes" because I was excluded from all my classmates esp in high school - except one girl who became my best (and only) friend.

"No" because I have let go of the being excluded part of my life - I would not recognise anybody from school, and I sure as duck wouldn't go to a school reunion - so I've just let it go.

Edited to add - I find it very very strange when I go back to my home town (small town in NZ) and do bump into someone on the street - "oh you are Freddie's Mum - do you remember me ??  I'm Sarah / Jane / Bob - we were at school together - yes, I still see all the old crowd around".

THAT worries me - you have spent the last 20 plus years in the same damn place with the same damn people all the way from high school to 30s / 40s - I find that very creepy and sad.

I have kept in touch with my one proper friend from high school - but the people who are now in their 30s / 40s and talking about "yeah, we still see all the old gang" - seriously makes me question if they have ever tried to make friends with other people OR all they all still caught up in the friends they made in high school - and nobody else.


Edited by Freddie'sMum, 18 December 2012 - 09:18 PM.


#12 Pearson

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:13 PM

Yep, I do, which is hilarious, as we now have similar tastes in things, yet, I really dont/cant/wont get over it.  We had a reunion a few years ago, and she is still the same, which is not a very nice person.



#13 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:16 PM

Scary how some things just stay with you. Kindergarten in the late 1960s we had a relief teacher for six weeks as our regular teacher had broken her leg. I was an extremely timid child whose worst nightmare was having to speak or perform in front of an audience. During a singing lesson the teacher decided I wasn't singing loudly enough so made me stand in front of the class and sing. I could not make a sound so she made me stand there until I could - which just didn't happen. I wouldn't say this has scarred me for life or anything quite so dramatic but I still wonder how anyone could have been so cruel.

#14 tiggy2

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:22 PM

Yep I do. I was a tall poppy at a school where standing out at anything as a girl was asking for trouble. I have battled insecurities from high school the last 20 years, despite being much more "successful" than any of the biatches from school.

My girls will be going to a school where is is culturally ok to be smart and where kids are encouraged to be good people and not focus on what label undies you are wearing (yes, seriously - I was teased for not wearing the right brand of underwear, for being smart, for doing well in the arts etc etc. it also didn't help that I was tall and thin with a weird name).

I'm glad you got some closure OP

#15 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:23 PM

Man yeah, I have sh*tloads of baggage from school. Scares me, as it's something that's so out of my own control to help my kids through.

I was the daggy/unpopular/unnattractive kid in a school of over Americanised assholes. Probably an exaggeration, but it was an expat community and the kids were really well off and full of themselves. We probably had less money than them but never enough that I felt it. It was more that I was not 'cool', they all watched too many American highschool sitcoms and modelled their behaviour off these. I was too down to earth and also clueless and guileless and socially awkward to play that game, and therefore was considered nerdy (but not smart) and unpopular.
It's a shame, as it was an internationally reknowned private school and the teachers and facilities were absolutely amazing. Shame about the kids.

I came to Australia at about age 14 and a lot of this turned around, thank heavens. I went to a great public school and made friends and although there were pretentious people there, nobody took them seriously, and it was such a relief. The teaching was not always of a high standard, and the facilities were meagre, but I made full use of them and did really well academically and socially, DUX, prefect, all the rest. It went a long way for me in reversing the ills of the past, I think. I was still always an outisider - I was one of say 5 non anglo saxon's in a school of 1000 people, and too rebellious for the goody goodys but too conventional for the rebels, so I kind of oscillated between them and the two asians in my year. But that was never really a problem.

I think the long term unpopularity left it's scars though. I still have a funny love hate relationship with my looks. I really like the way I look (minus jellybelly) and would not change a thing (except jellybelly),  but rebel against wearing makeup or trying to look more attractive - I think because I resent the shallowness that this represented in the people I grew up with (and boy were they shallow). I'm still overly vulnerable to people who tell me I'm attractive, as I still feel deep down somewhere that I'm not, but then I never believe them when they do - but I still like to hear it, because I WANT to believe it. But similarly, somewhere else deep down I think I'm a hottie, and I resent that nobody can see that despite not being made up or dressed up laughing2.gif  I dunno, it's a really weird and confusing thing, but I'm pretty sure it came from nowhere but school. My parents and family never made me feel ugly (small breasted yes, but not ugly!) so that came from school. And the rejection that followed. It cut deep.


#16 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:26 PM

QUOTE (pinkcupcakes @ 18/12/2012, 10:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
i freak out at the prospect that people will see the more recently fat me and be all judgey. like,eww look at her she didnt amount to much, a fat SAHM! ( which in reality probably wouldnt happen because who would give two hoots where i ended up anyway, and also i have a wonderful dh and two wonderful kids so who really cares, but...) something that still goes through my mind. yeah i guess i have hangups 2. the dread of the popular kid scorn.


laughing2.gif They'll only judge you that way if you were the hot popular girl at school who got all the guys wink.gif

#17 my serenity

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:29 PM

High schoolI was teased for my crazy frizzy hair my wide hips my weight and more and I can't get any of it out of my head I was skinny my wide hips meant trouble free births and my frizzy hair now I know how to control it is the envy of many but still I see fat me and I'm never happy..., I never will be

#18 Silver Girl

Posted 18 December 2012 - 09:58 PM

Major hang ups here. I was happy until mid high school when I was severely bullied about my appearance and other things. I am still very insecure and anxious and prone to depression many years later. Like a PP I'm apprehensive about sending my own children to school and have seriously contemplated home schooling as a result.

#19 Luxe

Posted 18 December 2012 - 10:04 PM

Only about belonging to a big group of friends and having birthday parties. The group I was in decided to split right on my birthday. After having everything organised and mum cooking all day I get a call to say they are going to pretend to be friends for the night for my benefit. We went rollerskating and it was two separate groups I had to move between all night. It was a nightmare.

All my birthdays at high school were mostly failures so I don't have them anymore.

I only keep a few key friends. I consider a big group hard work.

That said I have more hang up's thanks to my parents but someone else can start that thread.

Edited by Luxe, 18 December 2012 - 10:05 PM.


#20 jayskette

Posted 18 December 2012 - 10:14 PM

Yes I did and I finally got over it when I (and their parents) found out that I beat them all academically and gotten into a decent uni degree and decent part time jobs. It took me years and years after high school to finally come to terms!

#21 Unatheowl

Posted 18 December 2012 - 10:24 PM

QUOTE (Bartholomew @ 18/12/2012, 09:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
From Year 4 - 8, I was the poor kid in a big private school.  I had some friends but mostly I was teased and treated like an outsider.  I was totally in awe of those kids; they seemed so beautiful, confident and illustrious with their fancy parents and new uniforms.  I left in Year 9 to move interstate and it was a great confidence booster for me to be out of that school.

For years, every time I've gone to that town (my parents live there), I've dreaded running into those people because crazily, I just didn't feel I've achieved enough to be equals.  Yeah, how sad is that.


I don't really get this at all.  I went to a private school in Sydney and was not one of the "poor kids".  Honestly, I don't even really think there were any not that I noticed.  I think it is such a shame because amongst my friends there was never any mention of money and you certainly wouldn't judge someone on it, seriously, how dumb.  I would think that you probably would have been considered cooler if you were struggling, I dont know.

I remember once going to an inter school athletics competition being hosted by possibly a public school (??) honestly don't remember.  I was so looking forward to the competition however we ended up being spat at by some of the other girls because they thought " we thought we were so good".  I mean WTF?  unsure.gif   Rest assured, I don't spend my whole life thinking about you and how "poor" you are or whatever.  That's YOUR problem. I have my own issues that I would rather think about....


Talking about baggage from school..sure.....as far as being awkward teenager, a little immature and attending a cliquey school....for sure.  I think I'm only just becoming confident now, more than 10 years later.

#22 mandarins

Posted 18 December 2012 - 10:34 PM

Yes.
Not for being poor kid at a rich school (though that was sort of a feature in my high school years) but I have hang ups with school. I hate having children at school because I have to deal with some of the same things now through my children.



#23 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 11:02 PM

.

Edited by Maybelle, 21 December 2012 - 01:17 PM.


#24 Rainbow*Seeking

Posted 18 December 2012 - 11:11 PM

Hang ups?? Even my hang ups have hang ups sad.gif

I was the fat girl, no boys liked me and if they did... It was because I came from a rich family and they saw me as $$.

Moving into the future I have lost 80 kilos, my Dh is younger then me and I have 2 amazing kids.

There is always a mean ring leader and last I heard, her life wasn't going to plan, no boyfriend and lonely. While I would never wish this on anyone, it couldn't happen to a better person.

#25 Let_it_Rain

Posted 18 December 2012 - 11:22 PM

Hell yes!

Apart from the constant teasing due to my physical deformity which still makes me feel like everyone is looking at me and judging there was the time I was hospitalised after a car accident and the only person who called/visited was someone I wouldn't have considered a friend at the time.

I lost faith in my friendships totally and still cant put any faith into them now.




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