Jump to content

Is/was your child a bully?
And how did you find out?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

Evening all,
As the title says, have you had a child who is a bully? Or a teaser? Or just not very nice to other kids?

How did you find out?

Was it very overt bullying or more subtle? Was it by excluding the victim, or verbal "niggling"?

I'd especially love to hear from parents whose children were "nice kids", "good kids" and who didn't hear about it necessarily through the school or "official" channels.....

And for those who are willing to share, what did you do when you found out? Did your child admit or acknowledge it or were they evasive and you never quite got the details/full story etc?

Thank you mellow.gif

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 05:32 PM.


#2 Excentrique Feral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:17 PM

bumping cause this is something i'm curious about. evidently both my pair are very good at school.

#3 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:19 PM

Excentrique - sorry, just clarifying, do you mean that you have suspicions that they are bullying but are little angels at school etc or something else?

#4 brazen

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:30 PM

he has had a go at it - excluding and calling names - the school found out and told me.

it's very disappointing but he's now being bullied himself, hopefully he will learn from that experience and not do it to anyone else again sad.gif

#5 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:35 PM

The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

#6 JustBeige

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 08:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

Not naive I dont think.

You have only the parents side of events.

Its hard to know if the school isnt truly doing something about it or if the parents are overreacting.  Your friend wasnt forthcoming with any details, so how are you supposed to address this with your child?  and it also makes me wonder what is truly happening.  

For example - We had a child at school who was saying one thing to her parent and behaving another way entirely at school (I had a big long story written out, but deleted it as it could possibly ID a child). The mother didnt believe the school or the childs teacher at all.

I guess you could talk to the teacher specifically about your own DDs behaviour or you could gently broach it with your DD - ie: ask her how her day went? was everyone OK?  anyone have any fights? Is such and such well?   try and approach it from gentle questoning POV

#7 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:37 PM

Justbeige - I agree with what you are saying, its just that my parental spidey senses are tingling and I know that DD isn't keen on this other little girl. I just hadn't thought that it would extend to exclusive behaviour etc.

I have heard through the school grapevine that where bullying is an issue, it's not necessarily dealt with appropriately or proactively, esp when the alleged perpetrators are "smart, nice kids" .....

Oh, and when I was talking to DD about this girl and any difficulties etc, she was rather evasive (which is unlike her unless she's not telling me the whole story)

ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 08:51 PM.


#8 JustBeige

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE
ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.
  Its hard to get the balance right isnt it?  

On the one hand we say to them "well, its OK if you dont like them, you dont have to, just be polite, but dont play with them. play with someone else".... then we get told our child is being exclusive and or nasty.    

They (kids) dont understand that "go away I dont like you" even if said in a nice tone of voice is still hurtful.  and if you have a situation where the school is generally useless, they arent getting class lessons on how to be nice and inclusive.      Some schools are so behind in their policies that they just think "oh yay they arent punching or stabbing someone with a pair of scissors, all is good"  when its actually not.  

I would (and have done and continue to do) is really make the "how would you feel" lesson the main one.   I would probably also talk to the teacher and ask them to include some friendship lessons as part of the class.






#9 Expelliarmus

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 07:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

It's been my experience that families frequently claim the school isn't doing anything when this is far from the case.

Initial attempts to resolve the situation are not always done with family involvement. If it is in the early stages you may not yet be involved.

School's pretty much over in most places by now but checking in with the teacher would be appropriate. "How's DD going? Is she having any difficulties, I know she was not enjoying a friendship with X."


#10 ~~~

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:21 PM

Howdo - I actually managed to have a quick word with the teacher today, asking outright if DD had been involved in bullying this other girl. The teacher was pretty straight up about it and said no. With this information, I have adjusted my ideas. I think perhaps DD was a more passive participant, and that she knows what was happening wasn't nice, hence the evasive behaviour.
I did find a link to a government anti-bullying website http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au and will be showing DD some of it during the holidays.

I guess I feel kind of relieved that she hasn't been directly implicated as a bully, but the sensitivity (or lack thereof) is something that does concern me. The one positive thing though is that this is opening a new avenue to discuss for our family, which is very valuable, as it really wasn't on our radar before.

ETA - Justbeige - the other problem is that although I was bullied at primary school for years, I've grown up and moved on and am a much more confident adult etc. Its hard to put oneself in the mindset of a school age child. If I was dealing with a bully as an adult, I would have a totally different reaction to when I was younger. Plus I wasn't generally mean to other kids (we've just had this conversation the other night - DD was asking me, and I honestly couldn't remember being nasty other than a couple of times - maybe I'm having memory loss or maybe its an accurate reflection of my personality then). But yes, advising on and getting a certain balance can be tricky. I'd like to assume common sense, but then DD comes out with some doozies sometimes that makes me wonder if I sounded like that at her age laughing2.gif

Edited by ~~~, 19 December 2012 - 09:30 PM.


#11 handsfull

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:49 PM

I know my DDs were bullied by one child over the past 2 years, in fact both girls and boys were....but because she was very clever, did it very quietly and was hardly caught, the teacher said she couldn't see  it happening when I brought it to her attention, however when multiple parents complained she started to notice things.  Funny though after I asked the teacher this child stuck like glue to the teacher whenever I came into class and had a word regarding anything, to the point the teacher had to ask her to move away all the time.  Obviously very guilty and was trying to find out if she was going to get into trouble...

However I ended up taking my DD to psych for anxiety as she was picking at herself and her twin was saying this girl was mean to DD.  It came out in watching them reinact things that had happened at school while I was slightly away from them.  They thought I was reading a book but I was watching.  What they re-enacted was incredible and they couldn't have made it up as it was just so wrong and mean.  I had another mother come up to me at the shops and mention that she was going to the teacher after she had spoken to me as her daughter was really upset at what this child had done to my DDs and to her.

So yes they can be evasive if something has happened and I think it needs to get "out" of them and they understand how to handle situations whether they be the bully or the bullied.

Hopefully this child won't be in your daughter's case next year and it settles down.  If not make sure it is dealt with as you don't want patterns to be put in place for future friends or years at school.

Edited by handsfull, 19 December 2012 - 09:50 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

In a bizarre bid for relevancy, Former Opposition leader Mark Latham has deduced that because one female journalist had this week light-heartedly thanked antidepressants and caffeine for getting her through a medical degree while raising two small children, that ergo, all 'inner-city feminists' are selfish harridans who despise their offspring.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

Baby for Asher Keddie and Vincent Fantauzzo

Fans followed every step of her on-screen pregnancy in Offspring, now Asher Keddie is going to be a mum in real life too.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong': the fight for Kaden's diagnosis

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win one of 5 Little Tikes Cozy Coupe Sport

Australia?s No 1 selling car is now available in a Sports model and we have 5 to give away to some lucky Essential Baby families.

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

'It's not you, it's me': Boston bombing survivor mum to have leg amputated

Rebekah DiMartino is going through a break-up. She even wrote a farewell love letter. But it's not to her husband.

What it's like to go through early menopause

In a cruel twist, Carla had been breastfeeding and perimenopausal at the same time. But she's far from the only one to go through menopause early.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Restaurant served alcohol to two-year-old

Busy restaurants can be forgiven for getting food and drink orders mixed up from time to time, but not when the confusion leads to a two-year-old being served an alcoholic cocktail instead of the child-friendly beverage they ordered.

Julia Morris tells of miscarriage on a flight

Julia Morris has spoken about the devastation of suffering a miscarriage while on an international flight.

Woman's survival after birth 'a story of two miracles'

A US mother is home and tending to her new baby less than a month after surviving without a pulse for 45 minutes.

Best maternity swimwear and beach cover-ups

Thinking about a tropical babymoon but have nothing to wear? Here are some great swimwear and beach cover-up options for mums-to-be.

Metal shards hidden in playground

Pieces of sharp metal have been seemingly deliberately placed in rubber matting and across equipment at a kids' playground.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.