Jump to content

Is/was your child a bully?
And how did you find out?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

Evening all,
As the title says, have you had a child who is a bully? Or a teaser? Or just not very nice to other kids?

How did you find out?

Was it very overt bullying or more subtle? Was it by excluding the victim, or verbal "niggling"?

I'd especially love to hear from parents whose children were "nice kids", "good kids" and who didn't hear about it necessarily through the school or "official" channels.....

And for those who are willing to share, what did you do when you found out? Did your child admit or acknowledge it or were they evasive and you never quite got the details/full story etc?

Thank you mellow.gif

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 05:32 PM.


#2 Excentrique Feral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:17 PM

bumping cause this is something i'm curious about. evidently both my pair are very good at school.

#3 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:19 PM

Excentrique - sorry, just clarifying, do you mean that you have suspicions that they are bullying but are little angels at school etc or something else?

#4 brazen

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:30 PM

he has had a go at it - excluding and calling names - the school found out and told me.

it's very disappointing but he's now being bullied himself, hopefully he will learn from that experience and not do it to anyone else again sad.gif

#5 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:35 PM

The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

#6 JustBeige

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 08:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

Not naive I dont think.

You have only the parents side of events.

Its hard to know if the school isnt truly doing something about it or if the parents are overreacting.  Your friend wasnt forthcoming with any details, so how are you supposed to address this with your child?  and it also makes me wonder what is truly happening.  

For example - We had a child at school who was saying one thing to her parent and behaving another way entirely at school (I had a big long story written out, but deleted it as it could possibly ID a child). The mother didnt believe the school or the childs teacher at all.

I guess you could talk to the teacher specifically about your own DDs behaviour or you could gently broach it with your DD - ie: ask her how her day went? was everyone OK?  anyone have any fights? Is such and such well?   try and approach it from gentle questoning POV

#7 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:37 PM

Justbeige - I agree with what you are saying, its just that my parental spidey senses are tingling and I know that DD isn't keen on this other little girl. I just hadn't thought that it would extend to exclusive behaviour etc.

I have heard through the school grapevine that where bullying is an issue, it's not necessarily dealt with appropriately or proactively, esp when the alleged perpetrators are "smart, nice kids" .....

Oh, and when I was talking to DD about this girl and any difficulties etc, she was rather evasive (which is unlike her unless she's not telling me the whole story)

ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 08:51 PM.


#8 JustBeige

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE
ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.
  Its hard to get the balance right isnt it?  

On the one hand we say to them "well, its OK if you dont like them, you dont have to, just be polite, but dont play with them. play with someone else".... then we get told our child is being exclusive and or nasty.    

They (kids) dont understand that "go away I dont like you" even if said in a nice tone of voice is still hurtful.  and if you have a situation where the school is generally useless, they arent getting class lessons on how to be nice and inclusive.      Some schools are so behind in their policies that they just think "oh yay they arent punching or stabbing someone with a pair of scissors, all is good"  when its actually not.  

I would (and have done and continue to do) is really make the "how would you feel" lesson the main one.   I would probably also talk to the teacher and ask them to include some friendship lessons as part of the class.






#9 Expelliarmus

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 07:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

It's been my experience that families frequently claim the school isn't doing anything when this is far from the case.

Initial attempts to resolve the situation are not always done with family involvement. If it is in the early stages you may not yet be involved.

School's pretty much over in most places by now but checking in with the teacher would be appropriate. "How's DD going? Is she having any difficulties, I know she was not enjoying a friendship with X."


#10 ~~~

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:21 PM

Howdo - I actually managed to have a quick word with the teacher today, asking outright if DD had been involved in bullying this other girl. The teacher was pretty straight up about it and said no. With this information, I have adjusted my ideas. I think perhaps DD was a more passive participant, and that she knows what was happening wasn't nice, hence the evasive behaviour.
I did find a link to a government anti-bullying website http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au and will be showing DD some of it during the holidays.

I guess I feel kind of relieved that she hasn't been directly implicated as a bully, but the sensitivity (or lack thereof) is something that does concern me. The one positive thing though is that this is opening a new avenue to discuss for our family, which is very valuable, as it really wasn't on our radar before.

ETA - Justbeige - the other problem is that although I was bullied at primary school for years, I've grown up and moved on and am a much more confident adult etc. Its hard to put oneself in the mindset of a school age child. If I was dealing with a bully as an adult, I would have a totally different reaction to when I was younger. Plus I wasn't generally mean to other kids (we've just had this conversation the other night - DD was asking me, and I honestly couldn't remember being nasty other than a couple of times - maybe I'm having memory loss or maybe its an accurate reflection of my personality then). But yes, advising on and getting a certain balance can be tricky. I'd like to assume common sense, but then DD comes out with some doozies sometimes that makes me wonder if I sounded like that at her age laughing2.gif

Edited by ~~~, 19 December 2012 - 09:30 PM.


#11 handsfull

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:49 PM

I know my DDs were bullied by one child over the past 2 years, in fact both girls and boys were....but because she was very clever, did it very quietly and was hardly caught, the teacher said she couldn't see  it happening when I brought it to her attention, however when multiple parents complained she started to notice things.  Funny though after I asked the teacher this child stuck like glue to the teacher whenever I came into class and had a word regarding anything, to the point the teacher had to ask her to move away all the time.  Obviously very guilty and was trying to find out if she was going to get into trouble...

However I ended up taking my DD to psych for anxiety as she was picking at herself and her twin was saying this girl was mean to DD.  It came out in watching them reinact things that had happened at school while I was slightly away from them.  They thought I was reading a book but I was watching.  What they re-enacted was incredible and they couldn't have made it up as it was just so wrong and mean.  I had another mother come up to me at the shops and mention that she was going to the teacher after she had spoken to me as her daughter was really upset at what this child had done to my DDs and to her.

So yes they can be evasive if something has happened and I think it needs to get "out" of them and they understand how to handle situations whether they be the bully or the bullied.

Hopefully this child won't be in your daughter's case next year and it settles down.  If not make sure it is dealt with as you don't want patterns to be put in place for future friends or years at school.

Edited by handsfull, 19 December 2012 - 09:50 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.