Jump to content

Is/was your child a bully?
And how did you find out?


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

Evening all,
As the title says, have you had a child who is a bully? Or a teaser? Or just not very nice to other kids?

How did you find out?

Was it very overt bullying or more subtle? Was it by excluding the victim, or verbal "niggling"?

I'd especially love to hear from parents whose children were "nice kids", "good kids" and who didn't hear about it necessarily through the school or "official" channels.....

And for those who are willing to share, what did you do when you found out? Did your child admit or acknowledge it or were they evasive and you never quite got the details/full story etc?

Thank you mellow.gif

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 05:32 PM.


#2 Lady Excentrique

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:17 PM

bumping cause this is something i'm curious about. evidently both my pair are very good at school.

#3 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:19 PM

Excentrique - sorry, just clarifying, do you mean that you have suspicions that they are bullying but are little angels at school etc or something else?

#4 brazen

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:30 PM

he has had a go at it - excluding and calling names - the school found out and told me.

it's very disappointing but he's now being bullied himself, hopefully he will learn from that experience and not do it to anyone else again sad.gif

#5 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:35 PM

The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

#6 JustBeige

Posted 18 December 2012 - 07:53 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 08:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

Not naive I dont think.

You have only the parents side of events.

Its hard to know if the school isnt truly doing something about it or if the parents are overreacting.  Your friend wasnt forthcoming with any details, so how are you supposed to address this with your child?  and it also makes me wonder what is truly happening.  

For example - We had a child at school who was saying one thing to her parent and behaving another way entirely at school (I had a big long story written out, but deleted it as it could possibly ID a child). The mother didnt believe the school or the childs teacher at all.

I guess you could talk to the teacher specifically about your own DDs behaviour or you could gently broach it with your DD - ie: ask her how her day went? was everyone OK?  anyone have any fights? Is such and such well?   try and approach it from gentle questoning POV

#7 ~~~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 08:37 PM

Justbeige - I agree with what you are saying, its just that my parental spidey senses are tingling and I know that DD isn't keen on this other little girl. I just hadn't thought that it would extend to exclusive behaviour etc.

I have heard through the school grapevine that where bullying is an issue, it's not necessarily dealt with appropriately or proactively, esp when the alleged perpetrators are "smart, nice kids" .....

Oh, and when I was talking to DD about this girl and any difficulties etc, she was rather evasive (which is unlike her unless she's not telling me the whole story)

ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.

Edited by ~~~, 18 December 2012 - 08:51 PM.


#8 JustBeige

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:10 PM

QUOTE
ETA - we don't try and push DD into friendships with everyone, obviously there are personality differences that happen, but I honestly never thought that she would be actively (or passively) involved in bullying, even if she isn't keen on another kid. We're taking this situation as an opportunity to discuss what is involved with hurting other people's feelings etc, what to do when you are in a group that is doing that kind of stuff and a few topics like that.
  Its hard to get the balance right isnt it?  

On the one hand we say to them "well, its OK if you dont like them, you dont have to, just be polite, but dont play with them. play with someone else".... then we get told our child is being exclusive and or nasty.    

They (kids) dont understand that "go away I dont like you" even if said in a nice tone of voice is still hurtful.  and if you have a situation where the school is generally useless, they arent getting class lessons on how to be nice and inclusive.      Some schools are so behind in their policies that they just think "oh yay they arent punching or stabbing someone with a pair of scissors, all is good"  when its actually not.  

I would (and have done and continue to do) is really make the "how would you feel" lesson the main one.   I would probably also talk to the teacher and ask them to include some friendship lessons as part of the class.






#9 Expelliarmus

Posted 19 December 2012 - 07:14 PM

QUOTE (~~~ @ 18/12/2012, 07:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
The reason I ask is that I had an interesting conversation with another parent today and it appears that the school isn't doing anything about her DD's situation. When I asked if my DD was involved, I received a reply in the affirmative but she declined to give further details..... I would have hoped if it had been raised at the school and DD mentioned, that I would have been notified.... is this naive?

It's been my experience that families frequently claim the school isn't doing anything when this is far from the case.

Initial attempts to resolve the situation are not always done with family involvement. If it is in the early stages you may not yet be involved.

School's pretty much over in most places by now but checking in with the teacher would be appropriate. "How's DD going? Is she having any difficulties, I know she was not enjoying a friendship with X."


#10 ~~~

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:21 PM

Howdo - I actually managed to have a quick word with the teacher today, asking outright if DD had been involved in bullying this other girl. The teacher was pretty straight up about it and said no. With this information, I have adjusted my ideas. I think perhaps DD was a more passive participant, and that she knows what was happening wasn't nice, hence the evasive behaviour.
I did find a link to a government anti-bullying website http://www.takeastandtogether.gov.au and will be showing DD some of it during the holidays.

I guess I feel kind of relieved that she hasn't been directly implicated as a bully, but the sensitivity (or lack thereof) is something that does concern me. The one positive thing though is that this is opening a new avenue to discuss for our family, which is very valuable, as it really wasn't on our radar before.

ETA - Justbeige - the other problem is that although I was bullied at primary school for years, I've grown up and moved on and am a much more confident adult etc. Its hard to put oneself in the mindset of a school age child. If I was dealing with a bully as an adult, I would have a totally different reaction to when I was younger. Plus I wasn't generally mean to other kids (we've just had this conversation the other night - DD was asking me, and I honestly couldn't remember being nasty other than a couple of times - maybe I'm having memory loss or maybe its an accurate reflection of my personality then). But yes, advising on and getting a certain balance can be tricky. I'd like to assume common sense, but then DD comes out with some doozies sometimes that makes me wonder if I sounded like that at her age laughing2.gif

Edited by ~~~, 19 December 2012 - 09:30 PM.


#11 handsfull

Posted 19 December 2012 - 09:49 PM

I know my DDs were bullied by one child over the past 2 years, in fact both girls and boys were....but because she was very clever, did it very quietly and was hardly caught, the teacher said she couldn't see  it happening when I brought it to her attention, however when multiple parents complained she started to notice things.  Funny though after I asked the teacher this child stuck like glue to the teacher whenever I came into class and had a word regarding anything, to the point the teacher had to ask her to move away all the time.  Obviously very guilty and was trying to find out if she was going to get into trouble...

However I ended up taking my DD to psych for anxiety as she was picking at herself and her twin was saying this girl was mean to DD.  It came out in watching them reinact things that had happened at school while I was slightly away from them.  They thought I was reading a book but I was watching.  What they re-enacted was incredible and they couldn't have made it up as it was just so wrong and mean.  I had another mother come up to me at the shops and mention that she was going to the teacher after she had spoken to me as her daughter was really upset at what this child had done to my DDs and to her.

So yes they can be evasive if something has happened and I think it needs to get "out" of them and they understand how to handle situations whether they be the bully or the bullied.

Hopefully this child won't be in your daughter's case next year and it settles down.  If not make sure it is dealt with as you don't want patterns to be put in place for future friends or years at school.

Edited by handsfull, 19 December 2012 - 09:50 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Abbott's childcare changes will 'reduce access and add complexity'

The government's childcare assistance package threatens to confuse and intimidate many parents, experts say.

Be careful what you wish for

Remember that chubby little baby who rocked on all fours? Remember how you wished he would start to crawl? Then remember how you felt once he did?

William Tyrrell's parents plead for information as anniversary looms

As the one-year anniversary of William Tyrrell's disappearance draws near, the missing four-year-old's parents have again pleaded with the public for information that could help bring their son home.

Family sleepovers: a tribute to my 1970s childhood

My memories of those nights in my childhood are all about fun: sleepover excitement, staying up late, watching movies we probably weren't supposed to watch ... freedom.

43 minutes of terror: family's agonising wait for ambulance for toddler

It was terrifying. As the minutes ticked by little Cooper Harrison's parents felt more and more frantic.

What not to say to a new mum

Some phrases just pop out before you really think about them, but there are some things you should try to not say to a new mum.

Mummydesking: the new hotdesking

It is a paradise that only working parents of small children can understand: a place to sit for three hours without any interruptions while someone looks after the kids.

Charlize Theron adopts baby girl

A few months after splitting from Sean Penn, the actress Charlize Theron has adopted a baby girl.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg shares painful truth behind wife's pregnancy

Facebook chief executive Mark Zuckerberg has shared a brutally honest truth about pregnancy in the hope it will help others through dark periods.  

Sugary drinks blamed for removal of toddlers' rotten teeth

Children as young as 18 months are having multiple rotten teeth pulled out as parents feed toddlers soft drinks through sipper bottles, and chocolate biscuits and Milo as bedtime treats.

Mum accidentally fake tans baby

Many of us have fallen foul of a bad fake tan or two, but this little guy's started a bit earlier than most.

Does this three-month-old say 'I love you'?

YouTube user Ted Moskalenko was filmed by his wife, Michelle, as his baby son, Ben, engaged in some baby chat.

Kids break out of daycare centre, cross busy highway

Two children broke out of an early childhood centre and wandered across a four-lane road.

Why I'm glad to be an indulgent granny

The phone calls started a couple of weeks ago. At about 5.30 each evening - if I am lucky - I will be greeted by a sweet, excited voice declaring: "'Allo Annie".

Newborn found in toilet at German airport

A newborn baby found abandoned and extremely ill in a bathroom in the Munich airport is doing well.

Is this the worst relationship advice ever published?

You sometimes have to wonder whether relationship/sex advice from magazines is designed to help or humiliate.

How you talk to your baby now can impact social skills later

People used to think that social skills were something kids were born with, not taught.

Three truths about C-section mums

Lately I've been thinking about the caesarean stories and the brave women who birth their children with strength and beauty.

Scientists predict when you should start a family

Scientists have calculated at exactly what age you need to start trying to get pregnant to have the best chance of realising your dream. 

Differently abled child

When 'protecting' a child is really a cover for judgement

Why are people so concerned for this happy child and his mother?

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

When toddlers have strange obsessions

When it comes to two-year-olds and birthday cakes there are a few requests that are usually at the top of the list. But a cake featuring a local personal injury lawyer?

When Mama Bear strikes

When we become mums, our instinct to protect our children and keep them safe from harm is so strong we're often likened to a Mama Bear protecting her cubs.  

Immunity boosters for kids

There are no guaranteed ways to avoid the dreaded winter illnesses completely, but there are ways we can boost our children's immunity.

Yes, you can get pregnant before your period returns post-baby

After giving birth, the last thing you want to think about is contraception. But you can get pregnant before your period comes back.

Mum shares portrait of her proudly breastfeeding three-year-old

Jade Beall usually chooses to breastfeed her son, now 3, in private. This week, however, she shared portraits of her breastfeeding her preschooler.

Dealing with a toddler's morning tantrums

Your schedule is not important to your two-year-old, and you cannot convince her otherwise. So what can you do?

My baby's first seizure

It was 1am on a cold winter's night when I woke suddenly to the screams of my 12-month-old son. Our lives were about to change forever.

MP breastfeeds baby during parliamentary session

An Argentinian mum and politician has caused a stir on social media after being filmed breastfeeding her baby.

Heartbreaking moment mum kisses her one-week-old goodbye

At 11.07am on April 2 this year, Sarah Marriott welcomed baby Sebastian into the world.

The best age to get married (according to the latest study)

Not too young, and not too old. That's reportedly the best age to get married. Not everyone agrees.

Fellow diner rewards mum after toddler's tantrum

Parents of toddlers everywhere know the feeling. After working up the courage to take your child out for lunch or dinner in public you are rewarded with a mid-meal meltdown. 

IVF gender selection being considered for Australian parents

Couples using IVF may be able to choose the gender of their babies and women could be financially compensated for donating their eggs.

The amazing Tee Pee bed and kid-friendly Frankie Bunk bed

These kids' beds definitely fit the brief of providing personality and personal space for little people who are moving up in the world.

The funny things kids say when you're pregnant

Since becoming noticeably pregnant, my son has taken more of an interest in the sibling he'll soon have.

The real problem with having one child

In this age of political correctness, it seems the one subject still subject to discrimination is that of the Only Child.

The fire hazard in more than 70,000 Australian homes

So far, 206 Samsung washing machines have caught fire and some have exploded. But many remain in people's homes.

How having a baby can bring on OCD

We all know that having a baby can turn your life upside down - and it can also bring a raft of new anxieties and worries.

IKEA begins massive safety campaign after two toddler deaths

Two children were killed when pieces from their Malm furniture line tipped over.

Which beauty treatments are safe in pregnancy?

Is it safe to use fake tan, hair dye and nail varnish during pregnancy?

A dad's guide to hyperemesis

I am in no way qualified to advise women on how to cope with hyperemesis, but I've learnt some lessons that might be worth sharing with other partners.

The five ways I know my 'baby' is no longer a baby

The truth is, I can no longer deny that my walking, babbling, somewhat-independent little miss is no longer a bona fide 'baby'.

 

FREE TICKET

See Pinky McKay live in Sydney

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.