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Should I tell my friend I'm offended? UPDATE POST 152!
Can't visit baby till fully inoculated!


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182 replies to this topic

#1 bodhitree

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:35 PM

I am speechless! My bestie at work had a baby in mid October. I gave him a gift and said to let me know a good time to visit the baby, when he and his wife were ready. Weeks, months go by, whenever I mention it, thinking its polite to visit earlyish, he seems uncomfortable or changes the subject etc. so I just let it go. Today he said to let him know when I'm back from my Xmas holidays in Jan, as I could visit the baby as all the inoculations would be done etc and he'd be out of the danger zone. Ummm, wtf?? I have visited friends micro premmies in hospital and held them with no dramas at all. Is this what parenting has come to???

Edited by mgb, 19 December 2012 - 05:29 PM.


#2 tibs

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:38 PM

I had a baby in September and just had a letter from the health department warning about the risk - NSW at least not only has a whooping cough epidemic but measles too.

#3 Literary Lemur

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:40 PM

deleted....

Edited by amoral lemur, 18 December 2012 - 04:58 PM.


#4 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Sounds pretty reasonable to me. Maybe they had a scare and felt it was ruder to ask about your current vaccinations.

#5 weepingangel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Umm, you asked when was a good time with them to visit, when THEY were ready, he tells you when and you're b**ching about it?

The problem is not theirs OP.




#6 ~buzz~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

I understand where you are coming from and wouldn't be happy having to wait that long to meet a friends baby but it is there choice if they don't want anyone around the baby until he's had all his vaccinations.

I think you just need to accept it and visit whenever they are ready

#7 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Their baby, their call I'm afraid. I would not say anything but just be excited and delighted for them when you first do get to see bub.

Maybe they are just being extra-cautious.  Maybe they are struggling and need to give a reason for why they aren't seeing people.



#8 Starletta

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:44 PM

Don't make it about yourself.

Just accept the invitation and get over it.

Yes, some parents are quite paranoid for various reasons.

#9 ♥~Bodhichitta~♥

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

QUOTE (HerringToMarmalade @ 18/12/2012, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sounds pretty reasonable to me. Maybe they had a scare and felt it was ruder to ask about your current vaccinations.


This is my thoughts too.  It's unusual, but I would accept their decision, and visit when they are ready.



#10 runnybabbit

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

OP are you up to date with your boosters (including Pertussis)? If you are, let your friend know. If not, they have every right to say no, however many micro premmies you have held and have been healthy thereafter.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't know if they've had a health scare, etc. Or it could be that they're wanting grandparents to be vaccinated and it would seem hypocritical to let unvaccinated non-family get close. There are many reasons. As PP said, maybe they are struggling and just don't want visitors, especially in the silly season.

It's probably not personal, don't make it so. original.gif

#11 Funwith3

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:46 PM

Yes, this is what parenting is all about - protecting and caring for your child.

Are you seriously having a go at your friend for wanting to protect their baby's health!? And as per your title, you're considering telling him that he's offended you!? Id tell you to stick your friendship. Their baby, their decision. Not yours. Apart from this, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors... his wife may be struggling with her newborn. She may be suffering PND. Just respect your friend's wishes.

As a side note, do you smoke or have you recently been unwell? Maybe they have reasons for asking you to stay away for his first few months.

#12 Bam1

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

No you shouldn't tell your friend that you are offended because there is nothing to be offended about.

Although I don't think a vaccination exclusion period is necessary, your work friend and his wife do. I would respect their wishes and visit the baby at their convenience, not yours.



#13 Perpetual

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

Don't say anything.

You (and others) might think they are being over-protective or precious, but they are trying to take care of their baby and it is not about you.

Like a PP has mentioned in NSW at least whooping cough is getting a lot of coverage at the moment due to an outbreak.

#14 BlueUnicorn

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:51 PM

QUOTE (tibs @ 18/12/2012, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I had a baby in September and just had a letter from the health department warning about the risk - NSW at least not only has a whooping cough epidemic but measles too.


I had a baby in August and received a letter from the health department yesterday warning of whooping cough (WA).  I also was warned before I left hospital. The letter stated to keep my baby away from anyone with a cough amongst other things.

I do think its a little extreme waiting 6 months to let him see anyone though.  Maybe they've had a bad experience and feel the need to go that far?  Perhaps it's the parents being overly anxious?  Maybe something else is keeping them from seeing people (eg. PND/ illness ). Either way its their prerogative.

Edited by BlueUnicorn, 18 December 2012 - 04:52 PM.


#15 bodhitree

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:54 PM

Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.

Edited by mgb, 18 December 2012 - 04:57 PM.


#16 samanthan

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

How bizarre! Surely they have left the house with the baby??
I understand encouraging close family to have pertussis boosters before the baby is born but unless they're going to keep the baby in the house and screen all visitors, they're being a tad unreasonable (This is assuming the baby doesn't have immune disorders or the like, and is perfectly healthy). Imagine doing that with subsequent children, lol!

ETA: I wouldn't say anything. Let it go and write them off for now. Just read your last post, they're being silly.

Edited by samanthan, 18 December 2012 - 04:56 PM.


#17 red_squirrel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

I don't think you should be offended in the first place.

So there's nothing to tell really.  Many parents do this nowadays.

#18 somila

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:58 PM

No, you shouldn't.  It's not personal, it's a parenting issue.  Maybe they're being overprotective, but that's their call, not yours.  Just put it in your "extreme parents I have met" box and move on.

#19 eachschoolholidays

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:59 PM

This may sound awful but perhaps you think you are closer friends than they do.  Perhaps they are just not that keen to have you over.

#20 weepingangel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:04 PM

QUOTE
This may sound awful but perhaps you think you are closer friends than they do. Perhaps they are just not that keen to have you over.


Not awful, i started wondering this also after the OP's latest post.

Not sure why you're annoyed at their "helicopter" parenting. It's none of your business.

Bridge, build and all that...

#21 NunSoFeral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:04 PM

I appreciate that your feelings are hurt, you wanted to share their joy, etc.

But you can't guess as to their motives for doing this (maybe health reasons, maybe they got caught up in it all, maybe they have gone off you a bit?) and a confrontation seems pointless and may potentially risk the friendship.

Why not just visit when they have offered to have you over and let them know you are there for them, in any way they need.

That's being the best besty you can be.

ETA - Just read your update about the helicoptering and how it is annoying you and yeah....yuk.

I propose you get over yourself.

Edited by gettheetoanunnery, 18 December 2012 - 05:08 PM.


#22 Relish*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:05 PM

QUOTE (mgb @ 18/12/2012, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.

Whatever could the problem be, you sound delightful!

#23 Madnesscraves

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:05 PM

I think you're over reacting OP. I too barely let anyone near my DD when she was born. We were told to minimise contact with people other than parents by the hospital so she didn't pick up anything. Once she clocked over 6 months I started to ease up,

But really? their baby, not yours. You honestly cannot get offended by their choice to minimise contact with their baby.


#24 =R2=

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:06 PM

I think you should take the hint and realise that this friend (and/or his wife) don't want you around their baby.

You might have your feelings hurt but they're the parents and you can't do anything about that.

EFS

Edited by =R2=, 18 December 2012 - 05:09 PM.


#25 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:06 PM

QUOTE (mgb @ 18/12/2012, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.


Oh sweetie, if you don't get it then I don't think I can dumb it the f*** down enough to explain it to you.




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