Jump to content

Should I tell my friend I'm offended? UPDATE POST 152!
Can't visit baby till fully inoculated!


  • This topic is locked This topic is locked
182 replies to this topic

#1 bodhitree

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:35 PM

I am speechless! My bestie at work had a baby in mid October. I gave him a gift and said to let me know a good time to visit the baby, when he and his wife were ready. Weeks, months go by, whenever I mention it, thinking its polite to visit earlyish, he seems uncomfortable or changes the subject etc. so I just let it go. Today he said to let him know when I'm back from my Xmas holidays in Jan, as I could visit the baby as all the inoculations would be done etc and he'd be out of the danger zone. Ummm, wtf?? I have visited friends micro premmies in hospital and held them with no dramas at all. Is this what parenting has come to???

Edited by mgb, 19 December 2012 - 05:29 PM.


#2 tibs

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:38 PM

I had a baby in September and just had a letter from the health department warning about the risk - NSW at least not only has a whooping cough epidemic but measles too.

#3 Ninja Lemur

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:40 PM

deleted....

Edited by amoral lemur, 18 December 2012 - 04:58 PM.


#4 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Sounds pretty reasonable to me. Maybe they had a scare and felt it was ruder to ask about your current vaccinations.

#5 weepingangel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Umm, you asked when was a good time with them to visit, when THEY were ready, he tells you when and you're b**ching about it?

The problem is not theirs OP.




#6 ~buzz~

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

I understand where you are coming from and wouldn't be happy having to wait that long to meet a friends baby but it is there choice if they don't want anyone around the baby until he's had all his vaccinations.

I think you just need to accept it and visit whenever they are ready

#7 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:41 PM

Their baby, their call I'm afraid. I would not say anything but just be excited and delighted for them when you first do get to see bub.

Maybe they are just being extra-cautious.  Maybe they are struggling and need to give a reason for why they aren't seeing people.



#8 Starletta

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:44 PM

Don't make it about yourself.

Just accept the invitation and get over it.

Yes, some parents are quite paranoid for various reasons.

#9 ♥~Bodhichitta~♥

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

QUOTE (HerringToMarmalade @ 18/12/2012, 04:41 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Sounds pretty reasonable to me. Maybe they had a scare and felt it was ruder to ask about your current vaccinations.


This is my thoughts too.  It's unusual, but I would accept their decision, and visit when they are ready.



#10 runnybabbit

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

OP are you up to date with your boosters (including Pertussis)? If you are, let your friend know. If not, they have every right to say no, however many micro premmies you have held and have been healthy thereafter.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't know if they've had a health scare, etc. Or it could be that they're wanting grandparents to be vaccinated and it would seem hypocritical to let unvaccinated non-family get close. There are many reasons. As PP said, maybe they are struggling and just don't want visitors, especially in the silly season.

It's probably not personal, don't make it so. original.gif

#11 Funwith3

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:46 PM

Yes, this is what parenting is all about - protecting and caring for your child.

Are you seriously having a go at your friend for wanting to protect their baby's health!? And as per your title, you're considering telling him that he's offended you!? Id tell you to stick your friendship. Their baby, their decision. Not yours. Apart from this, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors... his wife may be struggling with her newborn. She may be suffering PND. Just respect your friend's wishes.

As a side note, do you smoke or have you recently been unwell? Maybe they have reasons for asking you to stay away for his first few months.

#12 Bam1

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

No you shouldn't tell your friend that you are offended because there is nothing to be offended about.

Although I don't think a vaccination exclusion period is necessary, your work friend and his wife do. I would respect their wishes and visit the baby at their convenience, not yours.



#13 Let_it_Rain

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:48 PM

Don't say anything.

You (and others) might think they are being over-protective or precious, but they are trying to take care of their baby and it is not about you.

Like a PP has mentioned in NSW at least whooping cough is getting a lot of coverage at the moment due to an outbreak.

#14 BlueUnicorn

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:51 PM

QUOTE (tibs @ 18/12/2012, 04:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I had a baby in September and just had a letter from the health department warning about the risk - NSW at least not only has a whooping cough epidemic but measles too.


I had a baby in August and received a letter from the health department yesterday warning of whooping cough (WA).  I also was warned before I left hospital. The letter stated to keep my baby away from anyone with a cough amongst other things.

I do think its a little extreme waiting 6 months to let him see anyone though.  Maybe they've had a bad experience and feel the need to go that far?  Perhaps it's the parents being overly anxious?  Maybe something else is keeping them from seeing people (eg. PND/ illness ). Either way its their prerogative.

Edited by BlueUnicorn, 18 December 2012 - 04:52 PM.


#15 bodhitree

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:54 PM

Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.

Edited by mgb, 18 December 2012 - 04:57 PM.


#16 samanthan

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

How bizarre! Surely they have left the house with the baby??
I understand encouraging close family to have pertussis boosters before the baby is born but unless they're going to keep the baby in the house and screen all visitors, they're being a tad unreasonable (This is assuming the baby doesn't have immune disorders or the like, and is perfectly healthy). Imagine doing that with subsequent children, lol!

ETA: I wouldn't say anything. Let it go and write them off for now. Just read your last post, they're being silly.

Edited by samanthan, 18 December 2012 - 04:56 PM.


#17 red_squirrel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:55 PM

I don't think you should be offended in the first place.

So there's nothing to tell really.  Many parents do this nowadays.

#18 somila

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:58 PM

No, you shouldn't.  It's not personal, it's a parenting issue.  Maybe they're being overprotective, but that's their call, not yours.  Just put it in your "extreme parents I have met" box and move on.

#19 eachschoolholidays

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:59 PM

This may sound awful but perhaps you think you are closer friends than they do.  Perhaps they are just not that keen to have you over.

#20 weepingangel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:04 PM

QUOTE
This may sound awful but perhaps you think you are closer friends than they do. Perhaps they are just not that keen to have you over.


Not awful, i started wondering this also after the OP's latest post.

Not sure why you're annoyed at their "helicopter" parenting. It's none of your business.

Bridge, build and all that...

#21 NunSoFeral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:04 PM

I appreciate that your feelings are hurt, you wanted to share their joy, etc.

But you can't guess as to their motives for doing this (maybe health reasons, maybe they got caught up in it all, maybe they have gone off you a bit?) and a confrontation seems pointless and may potentially risk the friendship.

Why not just visit when they have offered to have you over and let them know you are there for them, in any way they need.

That's being the best besty you can be.

ETA - Just read your update about the helicoptering and how it is annoying you and yeah....yuk.

I propose you get over yourself.

Edited by gettheetoanunnery, 18 December 2012 - 05:08 PM.


#22 Relish*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:05 PM

QUOTE (mgb @ 18/12/2012, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.

Whatever could the problem be, you sound delightful!

#23 Madnesscraves

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:05 PM

I think you're over reacting OP. I too barely let anyone near my DD when she was born. We were told to minimise contact with people other than parents by the hospital so she didn't pick up anything. Once she clocked over 6 months I started to ease up,

But really? their baby, not yours. You honestly cannot get offended by their choice to minimise contact with their baby.


#24 =R2=

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:06 PM

I think you should take the hint and realise that this friend (and/or his wife) don't want you around their baby.

You might have your feelings hurt but they're the parents and you can't do anything about that.

EFS

Edited by =R2=, 18 December 2012 - 05:09 PM.


#25 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:06 PM

QUOTE (mgb @ 18/12/2012, 02:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Oh ffs, I don't smoke and am quite healthy. The grandparents were over from os from before the baby was born for ages. They are already helicoptering and its annoying. They have also had other friends over in the first month who also had a newborn. People with babies wonder why they lose friends who aren't at the same stage of life. And don't go on about how you'd dump me for being a sh*tty friend because he gets more out of this friendship than I do.

*cue eb telling me he'd be better off without a friend like me b**ching about him online*

Maybelle, I do not have seizures either, so not sure what your point is.


Oh sweetie, if you don't get it then I don't think I can dumb it the f*** down enough to explain it to you.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.