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Is this pathetic?
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#1 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:47 PM

DH and I are terrible with money. Can't save money at all and we just p*ss away money like water.

So I was thinking of giving my mum some money to save for us. She said she will put it in a high interest account for us. She knows we are crap with money and I know she won't rip us off.

DH on the other hand thinks its pathetic and that we should be able to save money ourselves. Whilst I agree with him that we should be able to save money, we clearly can't.

What do you think EB?

Edited by Sunnycat, 18 December 2012 - 03:48 PM.


#2 CEJCEJ

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:50 PM

If it works for you then do it. Maybe its pathetic, maybe you should be able to save but if your not and this works then it is the way to go.

#3 MintyBiscuit

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:50 PM

If you honestly can't do it yourselves and you can trust your mum with it, I think it's a good idea. That said, is it really going to teach you discipline in the long run?

What about setting up a weekly/fortnightly (depending on when you get paid) direct debit into one of those high interest accounts that you can't access immediately? Or organising it through your payroll? It would mean the money is being saved automatically, but you and your DH are still the ones who decide if and when to withdraw it from the savings account, so it would slowly get you to be more responsible.

ETA - I think realising you're crap with money is the first step, regardless of the method you choose to try and remedy it, so in the long run hopefully you'll get better with it original.gif

Edited by HollyOllyOxenfree, 18 December 2012 - 03:51 PM.


#4 rabbit hyde

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:52 PM

Yes you should be able to save money yourselves in an ideal world, but you've been able to acknowledge that at the moment finances are not your strength.

I was terrible with money up until about a year or two ago, and it's something that takes practice.  If you're in a position where you have a trusting relationship with your mother and this will help you and your DH reach your goals - it's at least worth a try.

#5 coffy11

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:52 PM

Yeah a bit pathetic

#6 Jax12

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:53 PM

Who cares if it's pathetic?  Do what works for you!  If you have found a system that will allow you to actually save then that's the important thing.  You can re-examine your method down the track once you get in the habit of putting some money aside and can see the fruits of your savings in the form of a nice figure sitting in an account somewhere.  Maybe that will give you the motivation you need to be stricter with yourselves in the future?  Good luck with whatever you decide.

#7 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:54 PM

You've recognised your problem and found a solution. Good for you.

Maybe set up one of those internet hard-to-access high interest accounts and set a small second savings plan just to get into a good habit.

#8 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:55 PM

QUOTE (HollyOllyOxenfree @ 18/12/2012, 03:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you honestly can't do it yourselves and you can trust your mum with it, I think it's a good idea. That said, is it really going to teach you discipline in the long run?

What about setting up a weekly/fortnightly (depending on when you get paid) direct debit into one of those high interest accounts that you can't access immediately? Or organising it through your payroll? It would mean the money is being saved automatically, but you and your DH are still the ones who decide if and when to withdraw it from the savings account, so it would slowly get you to be more responsible.

ETA - I think realising you're crap with money is the first step, regardless of the method you choose to try and remedy it, so in the long run hopefully you'll get better with it original.gif


I already have a high interest account and direct debit and payroll set up but I still manage to transfer it to spend. The problem is I have no impulse control when it comes to spending or eating.

#9 missjoads1234

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:56 PM

Whilst it would be excellent if you could save the money yourselves SC, it'd be good as well if your mum can do it for you. It really is a good skill to learn however, i agree with the PP's regarding a high interest account. We have one linked to our everyday account and they are excellent.

I was wondering - and i mean this with no disrespect, no malice - how did you buy your place?

#10 WinterIsComing

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:56 PM

DH is a bit like that. Once upon a time, we saved an enormous amount in proportion to our then income, because I was the only one who had electronic access to the savings account. I would transfer money into our "spending" account, he would withdraw his weekly money and that would be it.

Over the past two years, he regained his access, and despite us making nearly double of what we used to (due to a dramatic rise of his pay), we didn't save at a higher rate.

So no, not pathetic, you either have financial impulse control or you don't. Nothing like forced savings.

#11 Percoriel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:56 PM

Can you limit access to that account? Or make your mum a joint signatory so you need her permission to withdraw it? (Or is that what you meant in your OP?)

Just to add, no I don't think its pathetic. You are looking for solutions to your problem and this might work original.gif

Edited by Percoriel, 18 December 2012 - 03:57 PM.


#12 (feral)epg

Posted 18 December 2012 - 03:57 PM

It's a little pathetic.
But not as pathetic as 2 grown ups not having any savings.

It's pretty easy to set up a separate savings account and arrange for a set amount of your salary to be transferred into it each payday.  If you can't resist the temptation of touching this it would be better to get your mother involved.


#13 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:00 PM

I won't have access to the account at all. If I had access I'd probably spend it. DH and I are both sh*t with money and can't motivate each other to achieve financially goals or save.

I have literally tried all the tricks to save money but at the day if I know it's there and have access to it, I'll spend it.

Miss Jodes, we got a govt loan for our house which required no savings.

#14 Guest_Maybelle_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:00 PM

If you are pathetic, then I am too.  And better to have some money, than none.  Good luck xx

#15 3hearts

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:02 PM

For about 3 years my DH completely took over my brother's finances.  He called us one night after receiving a fine for his unregistered car.  He's terrible with money and things just got away from him.  He was in his early 30s.  We actually ended up receiving his entire pay and distributed him an allowance.  I know it sounds pretty shocking but we were all much happier in the long run because when he ran into difficulties we all felt the stress.  He's now married much more sensible with money and I think SIL stays on top of things!

#16 SophieBear

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:04 PM

DH's uncle helped up save for a house and now we're great savers! Taught us (especially me) that there is value in saved money rather than the crap I would buy.

Pathetic would be not saving at all.

#17 Charlies Angel

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:07 PM

If your mum organises a high-interest account on your behalf, she will be liable to pay tax on any earnings. Just something to consider.

It's good that you have recognised the problem but you would probably develop better habits if you were able to manage things yourself. How about making additional repayments on your mortgage, and making sure that you can't access these without visiting the bank? Or setting up a savings scheme which requires you both to sign for withdrawls - with no cards or electronic transfers out? Talk to your bank - they might have some ideas for you.

#18 missjoads1234

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:07 PM

Whats a govt. loan entail? Was this awhile ago before the GFC it? I only ask as with DH an apprentice we are finding it hard to save for a deposit and wondered how you did it.

Have you considered MyBudget?

#19 Escapin

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:09 PM

I would look at it more as a stepping stone. Step one is to get your Mum to save it for you so you can't spend it. Step two is to get to the point where you can save it yourselves.

Also, I would consider counselling for you both, to try to get to the bottom of why you do this.

#20 strawberry blondes

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:12 PM

I wouldn't say it was pathetic, you have a solution for your problem sounds great to me!

#21 WinterIsComing

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:13 PM

QUOTE (Charlies Angel @ 18/12/2012, 05:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If your mum organises a high-interest account on your behalf, she will be liable to pay tax on any earnings. Just something to consider.

It's good that you have recognised the problem but you would probably develop better habits if you were able to manage things yourself. How about making additional repayments on your mortgage, and making sure that you can't access these without visiting the bank? Or setting up a savings scheme which requires you both to sign for withdrawls - with no cards or electronic transfers out? Talk to your bank - they might have some ideas for you.



All she needs to set up the high interest account in Sunnycat's name, then log on, change the password and confiscate the cards.

Presumably, the OP will want to have the option of quickly reclaiming the money in case of emergency or (sounds horrible but there it is) her mother's death? Then she would only need to go to the bank with her ID to get the access back.

Sunnycat, can you handle knowing you have a savings account in your name (to which you won't have ready access) and not calling the bank to set up your own password, to access money on a whim?

#22 CallMeFeral

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:13 PM

Saving money is a large part about recognising your weaknesses and structuring a way around them. If your mum is that for you, good on you all!

#23 Tigerdog

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:13 PM

Nothing wrong with it, OP.  I do the same with my money - my Mum has it in an account in her name (like you, I know it's safe with her).  Then I really have to think about any purchases I might want to make outside of the normal expenses, usually I talk myself out of it prior to even approaching her to request the cash.  Any strategy you can put in place is good.  My late DP was OK with me doing this as when the big bills such as rates, rego and insurance came in the money was there, Mum was good enough to pay the bills for us online and life was a whole lot easier and stress-free for us all.

This way I was also able to put more cash away without him knowing how much, he didn't mind not knowing exactly how much was there but if he did know it could have caused an issue because he would have found a way to spend it and hassled me to get his hands on it.  Put it this way, when he died I had over $10,000 in there which paid for his funeral.  If he'd known that he would have wanted us to buy a new car or such - in the end as it turns out he did get the cash anyway  sad.gif  Most of this money came from deferred Centrelink FTB and CCR, with him knowing nothing about how this system works therefore remaining blissfully unaware of the lump sums coming in over the past few years.  And no I didn't feel guilty about keeping it from him as he trusted me 100% to handle the finances and if it came to the crunch I would have let him in on it anyway (ie. if the money was urgently needed for a legitimate cause).

Edited by Tigerdog, 18 December 2012 - 04:21 PM.


#24 Jax12

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

QUOTE (missjoads1234 @ 18/12/2012, 02:07 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Whats a govt. loan entail? Was this awhile ago before the GFC it? I only ask as with DH an apprentice we are finding it hard to save for a deposit and wondered how you did it.

Have you considered MyBudget?

Not sure where you are MissJoads but in WA we have Keystart who can provide shared equity for those who meet the eligibility criteria and they also have no/low deposit loans with no mortgage insurance for low income earners.

#25 bolo

Posted 18 December 2012 - 04:19 PM

I think it's a great idea - who cares if you should be able to do it yourselves? You can't. So why not, the only time my brother has ever saved a cent was when he was giving it to Mum to save. He managed to save $10000. In his wisdom, decided that he would be able to take control at that point, promptly spent all of it and has never saved another cent. That's what's pathetic.




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