Jump to content

dh thinks i overreacted
mil


  • Please log in to reply
99 replies to this topic

#1 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:25 PM

How would you take this? You turn up to your mil and fil's for a weekend visit and all seems normal as it has been for a few years. They are nice to the kids including DH's step-kids ( yours from a previous marriage). Then in the evening you ask mil to borrow something (mascara) follow her to the master bedroom and see her take a key from above the door jamb and open the door. She lends you the mascara, you ask why the door is locked and she says that your older children( not related to her) have been in her room when she wasnt there.
You ask how she knows this and she says because they told her they'd seen the photo in her room. (This photo can be seen from the stairs) .
You ask the kids who say they've never been in there except the once when mil asked them to come in and it was then that they commented on the photo.
I told her the kids werent in her room but she just shrugged her shoulders.
I think she thinks I and my children are liars and have lost all the good will I had towards her and am now reluctant to visit , especially overnight. DH thinks Im overthinking.
What would you do?

#2 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

I think its a bad idea to share mascara.




#3 Mercurial

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

Overthinking it.  Definitely.  If she thinks the kids were in there and she wants her room locked it's really no skin of anyone else's nose.  



#4 LynnyP

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:29 PM

Overthinking.  Her room, she can lock it.

#5 pinkcupcakes

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:30 PM

if you're not comfortable,and dont feel like you have a mutually trusting relationship with mil, the your husband should support you. you are the number one female in his life now, not her.i would put my foot down. but i dont know how your dh would react. and i dont know how you guys communicate. and i dont know what kind of fallout you may have. it sucks, op and i hope for yours and kids sake that you can work things out. wink.gif

Edited by pinkcupcakes, 17 December 2012 - 05:31 PM.


#6 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:31 PM

I think that it's a shame she has gone that way with it, and that you're justified in being upset, but cutting off visits or overnight visits because of it is an overreaction. These relationships are difficult, and you'll need to let some stuff pass to have family harmony. Make a stand on the big things. I don't think this falls into a big thing.

#7 Funwith3

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:32 PM

So what even if they were in her room?? My kids go into their grandparents bedrooms often. Granted, they don't go rummaging through things but so what if they go in? Have they been asked specifically not to go in?

I think grandma has overreacted and is obviously distrusting of your children for some reason. I wouldn't like it.

#8 asdf89

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:33 PM

Probably just overthinking it. Were your kids offended.

Also: don't share mascara. It's a one-way ticket to conjunctivitis-city.... and is also gross. Would you share a toothbrush with your MIL?

#9 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:34 PM

SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!

#10 LynnyP

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:35 PM

She showed you where the key is.

#11 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:35 PM

Sheesh it wasnt mascara just used that as an example as it was easier to type than stingy relief cream)

#12 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:37 PM

For ITCHY BITES I meant

#13 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:37 PM

QUOTE (doubting thomas @ 17/12/2012, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!


She didn't state that at all. You said you thought that your MIL thinks the kids are liars. Not the same.

Perhaps she had christmas presents in there that she was being extra careful they didn't see.

edited to clarify who I was replying to.

Edited by ossim roflcopter, 17 December 2012 - 05:38 PM.


#14 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:39 PM

Why would you share mascara? Why would you ask her why the door is locked?

It's her house, she can do what she likes. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

#15 =R2=

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:39 PM

QUOTE (ossim roflcopter @ 17/12/2012, 05:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think its a bad idea to share mascara.

That was my first thought too LOL!



#16 asdf89

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:40 PM

QUOTE (doubting thomas @ 17/12/2012, 06:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!



Did she actually say they were liars? Or just shrug and not respond?

The non-response could just mean that she doesn't want to get into a fight, and is more comfortable locking her door. Calling them liars is much more serious.

#17 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:41 PM

Maybe she has 50 Shades of Grey in her closet or something.

I would let this one go.

#18 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:41 PM

OK Can I clarify. This was months ago. No xmas pressies invloved. It has come up now because DH wants us to stay in the holidays. I guess I will but I feel unwelcome and that my children arent trusted. Would really prefer not to go. BTW the kids have never given her reason not to trust them . Yes she showed me where the key was but apparently its my offspring that were up to ( god only knows what she thinks) . Im ok. I guess IM insulted on their behalf.

#19 Feral Becky

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:43 PM

I wouldn't share mascara or itch cream. Ewww.

Don't you know that there is a shingles outbreak at the moment?

(The above line is just a joke for EB regulars. Our ward has gone shingle diagnosis crazy. We sent another lady to the dermatology rooms this week and the dermatologist said it was welts from where the ECG dots came off.  roll2.gif )

#20 Nepheline

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

You are massively overreacting. You're hanging on to this from months ago?

#21 HRH Countrymel

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 17/12/2012, 06:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you've made a big leap in concluding she thinks you're all liars.  She might just be a very private person.



Did she call the children liars?  To their faces? To your face?  Or is that your interpretation?


I would take the fact that they are nice to you all and have been over a period of years over the fact that she is obviously paranoid about privacy in her personal space.

There is obviously stuff in there that she doesn't want to be seen - I wouldn't start speculating what it is, that way madness lies - but I wouldn't react by ruining the family relationship over it.

Yes if I was 100% sure that my children were telling me the truth then I'd be miffed, but that is enough.

#22 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:45 PM

Drip feed posts that ask for advice but really only want validation annoy me.



#23 steppy

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:45 PM

I think she just doesn't want them in there and wants to be sure they can't get in, not that she is saying they are liars. I don't want kids in my bedroom either, although I don't have a door lock. If I did I would use it. I went through my parent's bedroom with a fine tooth comb when I was a kid. Any scars I got from that are my own fault. LOL.

#24 Sif

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:46 PM

Possibly she has medication or something else in her room she is concerned the kids might get into or see that she isn't keen to tell you about for ever reason.

I've been into my MIL's bedroom once in the past 17 years, my kids have NEVER been into her bedroom, and they're not allowed to roam the house at will either.

Let it go, making a big deal about it will only cause unnecessary quarrels and put everyone on edge.

#25 PigNewton

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:48 PM

QUOTE
Im ok. I guess IM insulted on their behalf.

Do the kids care? No? Will her locking the bedroom door make an earthshattering difference to your life? Does it actually matter if she thinks they lied?
Well then leave it. Her house, her rules. She could have any number of reasons for locking her bedroom door....she might have stuff in her bedside drawers that she doesn't want ANYONE happening upon....like lots of us do.
I'm not on her side particularly, I just think it's not worth fussing about. If she called your kids liars every time you saw or spoke to her, that would be different.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

How to talk about your pregnancy at work

The workplace isn't always a friendly place for pregnant women. Yet working women inclined to conceal a pregnancy from prying coworkers may be better off opening up and carrying on, according to a new study.

Tell us your story to win!

To celebrate Mother's Day this year we are giving you the chance to win one of five great prizes simply by telling us your story.

Where to get help to help your baby sleep

There is so much pressure about having a baby who sleeps 'all night' , it's no wonder you worry about your baby if she wakes in the night.

Vintage baby names having a comeback

What makes some names have comebacks while others silently fade into oblivion? A few factors come into play.

When your partner doesn't want you to breastfeed

Dads can have many reasons for not wanting their partners to breastfeed their baby, but both parents should learn more about it before making a final decision.

Model mum Sarah Stage shares post-baby selfie

Most new mums would recoil at the thought, but Sarah Stage has shared a post-pregnancy selfie just four days after giving birth.

I'll admit it: I have last child parenting fatigue

If you're a new mum and feeling ignored by the older mum/the old hand/the has-been, please know, it's not you, it's me. Blame the last child parenting fatigue.

Exhaustion is not the same as tiredness

Having a new baby isn't tiring - it can be downright exhausting.

Five posterior babies, four home births

I was on a high. I'd done it all by myself with no help from anyone.

Mum's list of birthday gift demands goes viral

We're big fans of kids' birthday parties - but this is one bash we're glad we didn't get an invite to.

Kate Middleton to receive 'loyalty discount' for second birth

Everybody loves a bargain - including the Duchess of Cambridge.

Fish & chip shop owner's sad note goes viral

A lengthy note put on the window of a fish & chip shop has gone viral due to the writer's serious doubts about the romance of travel.

Pregnant women need good nutrition advice, not judgment

Pregnant women are under pressure to do all the "right things" to have a healthy child. It results in women feeling judged about their decisions.

When your child wants you to have another baby

Giving your child a sibling when you don't want to have another baby can be a complex issue.

William Tyrrell's mum speaks out: 'We hope he is still alive'

The mother of missing toddler William Tyrrell says she has a vision that somebody "picked him up and moved him on ... that's the only way ... to explain for him not to be there".

Family comes first for 23-year-old Tommy Connolly

Most 23-year-old blokes spend their hard earned cash on fun times with mates or romantic dinners with their girlfriend, but not Tommy Connolly.

Newborn all-girl quintuplets 'doing great'

The first all-female quintuplets born in the United States were delivered last week, at 28 weeks and two days.

Model mum's big baby silences critics

He may be less than a week old, but baby James Hunter has already helped his model mum silence her critics.

Jammy, Hula Hoop, Rage: Reddit reveals most unusual baby names

A recent Reddit thread has revealed some of the more creative names in the world.

Woman awakens from coma, learns she gave birth

A US woman awakened this week from a four-month-long coma that doctors had feared would be permanent and learned that she had given birth to a baby boy, according to her family.

'Give us a break': mum sent shocking letter over Facebook baby pics

Posting a lot of baby photos doesn't make you a bad person. It may make your Facebook feed a little irritating, but it doesn't make you a bad person.

In defense of the dads who do so much

It's time to shift the focus off what dads aren’t doing and shine it on what they are.

The modern cloth nappies too cute to cover up

If you're only just joining the modern cloth nappy movement, or would like to spruce up your collection, we have to introduce you to Designer Bums.

How breastfeeding can affect your libido

When you’ve just had a baby, having sex isn’t usually top priority. In fact, for a lot of women it rates about as appealing as changing another dirty nappy.

Should pregnant women be allowed to use 'parent and child' car parking spots?

Is it acceptable to use these car parking spots when pregnant? How many of us would admit to doing it?

Healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man died

Fertility doctors have described their "most extraordinary case" - creating a healthy baby from sperm taken 48 hours after a man had died.

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Last chance to win a year's supply of toys

You have less than a week left to win your child one of five Fisher-Price toy packs valued at over $600 each - hurry, enter today!

Childcare is a big problem, but there's more to it

Let’s keep talking about these issues and not allow them to be put into a neat little box that’s labelled ‘Fix childcare and everything is solved’.

Pink's awesome response to body-shaming trolls

When trolls felt the need to comment on 35-year-old singer-songwriter Pink's weight, her answer was an awesome ode to body love.

Fertility clinic offers egg donors $5000

A national chain of fertility clinics is offering egg donors a $5000 payment to cover their expenses, a first for Australia which is raising concerns the money could act as an inducement.

Baby boy abandoned in India amid fresh surrogacy concerns

Australian officials could do nothing to stop an Australian couple from abandoning their baby son, born through surrogacy in India, after they decided they did not want to bring him to Australia.

Herd immunity and community responsibility: how free-riders can make kids suffer

Individual choice works for haircuts and handbags, but not for preventing infectious diseases that kill kids.

Photographer captures 'unexpected beauty' of birth

If there is one thing Leilani Rogers knows about childbirth, it is that no two deliveries are ever the same.

Expectations vs the reality of making a toddler's clothes

Note to self: less sewing, more life. Not the party dress, but the party. The toddler, as usual, has it all figured out.

Mum meets 'dead' daughter 49 years after birth

In 1965, Zella Jackson-Price was told her premature baby girl had died shortly after birth.

How pregnancy probiotics can help you and your baby

New research suggests that taking specific pregnancy probiotics could be the answer to a range of common pregnancy side effects.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

 

ENTER NOW!

Win a year's worth of toys

Last week to submit a picture of your baby at play for your chance to win. Visit the Play Wall to view our recent entries.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.