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dh thinks i overreacted

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#1 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:25 PM

How would you take this? You turn up to your mil and fil's for a weekend visit and all seems normal as it has been for a few years. They are nice to the kids including DH's step-kids ( yours from a previous marriage). Then in the evening you ask mil to borrow something (mascara) follow her to the master bedroom and see her take a key from above the door jamb and open the door. She lends you the mascara, you ask why the door is locked and she says that your older children( not related to her) have been in her room when she wasnt there.
You ask how she knows this and she says because they told her they'd seen the photo in her room. (This photo can be seen from the stairs) .
You ask the kids who say they've never been in there except the once when mil asked them to come in and it was then that they commented on the photo.
I told her the kids werent in her room but she just shrugged her shoulders.
I think she thinks I and my children are liars and have lost all the good will I had towards her and am now reluctant to visit , especially overnight. DH thinks Im overthinking.
What would you do?

#2 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

I think its a bad idea to share mascara.

#3 Mercurial

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:28 PM

Overthinking it.  Definitely.  If she thinks the kids were in there and she wants her room locked it's really no skin of anyone else's nose.  

#4 LynnyP

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:29 PM

Overthinking.  Her room, she can lock it.

#5 pinkcupcakes

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:30 PM

if you're not comfortable,and dont feel like you have a mutually trusting relationship with mil, the your husband should support you. you are the number one female in his life now, not her.i would put my foot down. but i dont know how your dh would react. and i dont know how you guys communicate. and i dont know what kind of fallout you may have. it sucks, op and i hope for yours and kids sake that you can work things out. wink.gif

Edited by pinkcupcakes, 17 December 2012 - 05:31 PM.

#6 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:31 PM

I think that it's a shame she has gone that way with it, and that you're justified in being upset, but cutting off visits or overnight visits because of it is an overreaction. These relationships are difficult, and you'll need to let some stuff pass to have family harmony. Make a stand on the big things. I don't think this falls into a big thing.

#7 Funwith3

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:32 PM

So what even if they were in her room?? My kids go into their grandparents bedrooms often. Granted, they don't go rummaging through things but so what if they go in? Have they been asked specifically not to go in?

I think grandma has overreacted and is obviously distrusting of your children for some reason. I wouldn't like it.

#8 asdf89

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:33 PM

Probably just overthinking it. Were your kids offended.

Also: don't share mascara. It's a one-way ticket to conjunctivitis-city.... and is also gross. Would you share a toothbrush with your MIL?

#9 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:34 PM

SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!

#10 LynnyP

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:35 PM

She showed you where the key is.

#11 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:35 PM

Sheesh it wasnt mascara just used that as an example as it was easier to type than stingy relief cream)

#12 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:37 PM


#13 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:37 PM

QUOTE (doubting thomas @ 17/12/2012, 05:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!

She didn't state that at all. You said you thought that your MIL thinks the kids are liars. Not the same.

Perhaps she had christmas presents in there that she was being extra careful they didn't see.

edited to clarify who I was replying to.

Edited by ossim roflcopter, 17 December 2012 - 05:38 PM.

#14 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:39 PM

Why would you share mascara? Why would you ask her why the door is locked?

It's her house, she can do what she likes. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

#15 =R2=

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:39 PM

QUOTE (ossim roflcopter @ 17/12/2012, 05:28 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think its a bad idea to share mascara.

That was my first thought too LOL!

#16 asdf89

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:40 PM

QUOTE (doubting thomas @ 17/12/2012, 06:34 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
SO basically you guys (except pinkcupcakes ) would be cool with your mil stating your kids were liars. Interesting!

Did she actually say they were liars? Or just shrug and not respond?

The non-response could just mean that she doesn't want to get into a fight, and is more comfortable locking her door. Calling them liars is much more serious.

#17 Guest_AllegraM_*

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:41 PM

Maybe she has 50 Shades of Grey in her closet or something.

I would let this one go.

#18 doubting thomas

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:41 PM

OK Can I clarify. This was months ago. No xmas pressies invloved. It has come up now because DH wants us to stay in the holidays. I guess I will but I feel unwelcome and that my children arent trusted. Would really prefer not to go. BTW the kids have never given her reason not to trust them . Yes she showed me where the key was but apparently its my offspring that were up to ( god only knows what she thinks) . Im ok. I guess IM insulted on their behalf.

#19 Feral Becky

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:43 PM

I wouldn't share mascara or itch cream. Ewww.

Don't you know that there is a shingles outbreak at the moment?

(The above line is just a joke for EB regulars. Our ward has gone shingle diagnosis crazy. We sent another lady to the dermatology rooms this week and the dermatologist said it was welts from where the ECG dots came off.  roll2.gif )

#20 Nepheline

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

You are massively overreacting. You're hanging on to this from months ago?

#21 HRH Countrymel

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:44 PM

QUOTE (Madame Catty @ 17/12/2012, 06:38 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think you've made a big leap in concluding she thinks you're all liars.  She might just be a very private person.

Did she call the children liars?  To their faces? To your face?  Or is that your interpretation?

I would take the fact that they are nice to you all and have been over a period of years over the fact that she is obviously paranoid about privacy in her personal space.

There is obviously stuff in there that she doesn't want to be seen - I wouldn't start speculating what it is, that way madness lies - but I wouldn't react by ruining the family relationship over it.

Yes if I was 100% sure that my children were telling me the truth then I'd be miffed, but that is enough.

#22 protart roflcoptor

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:45 PM

Drip feed posts that ask for advice but really only want validation annoy me.

#23 steppy

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:45 PM

I think she just doesn't want them in there and wants to be sure they can't get in, not that she is saying they are liars. I don't want kids in my bedroom either, although I don't have a door lock. If I did I would use it. I went through my parent's bedroom with a fine tooth comb when I was a kid. Any scars I got from that are my own fault. LOL.

#24 Sif

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:46 PM

Possibly she has medication or something else in her room she is concerned the kids might get into or see that she isn't keen to tell you about for ever reason.

I've been into my MIL's bedroom once in the past 17 years, my kids have NEVER been into her bedroom, and they're not allowed to roam the house at will either.

Let it go, making a big deal about it will only cause unnecessary quarrels and put everyone on edge.

#25 CourtesanNewton

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:48 PM

Im ok. I guess IM insulted on their behalf.

Do the kids care? No? Will her locking the bedroom door make an earthshattering difference to your life? Does it actually matter if she thinks they lied?
Well then leave it. Her house, her rules. She could have any number of reasons for locking her bedroom door....she might have stuff in her bedside drawers that she doesn't want ANYONE happening upon....like lots of us do.
I'm not on her side particularly, I just think it's not worth fussing about. If she called your kids liars every time you saw or spoke to her, that would be different.

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