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Questions from a first time toilet trainer

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#1 TillyTake2

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:32 PM


I have a son who will be 2 in a couple of weeks. He has recently started telling me if he's done a poo & shown interest in the toilet etc.

I bought him a potty and some undies recently. He's been happily sitting on the potty when I go to the toilet or before baths etc & today I decided to try the undies.

He was quite happy with them & I got him to sit on the potty every couple of hours (but no wee). He has two accidents, the first one he didn't say anything at all & the second one he said poopy as he was weeing (no poo).

Both times I just said "ooh look, a wee, wees are for the potty, let's sit on the potty". Which he did. We then changed his undies, cleaned up & continued on our way with me reminding him to tell mummy & do wee wees on the potty.

His language is great (4-5 word sentences, hundreds of words) so from that perspective I know he can communicate.

I'm wondering if this is a normal start to toilet training? Is it normal for them to have lots of accidents before doing their first wee on the potty? I'm not bothered but I don't want to start too early & muck it up for later. I just thought now being warm etc was a good time.

Thanks original.gif

#2 Mose

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:38 PM

Sorry I can't help, but will be stalking.

You've described my situation down to a tee.  It's hard to know when they speak so well (compared to other nearly 2 year olds), whether their comprehension is as good as their own language skills would suggest isn't it?!  Like you, I am keen to try toilet training, but not too bothered if it doesn't work out and we end up back in nappies for a while....just don't want to make any moves that will make the whole process harder!

#3 Tesseract

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:43 PM

Stalking too.

#4 Isolabella

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:48 PM

I have fund that 2-3 yrs kids can be very resistant. DD had 6 wks of doing poo and some wees on the toilet ( her telling me she needed to go ) and then she refused to go near toilet for another 6 m. TT at 2.75 yrs but at just turned 3 we still have defiant days where she refuses to go to the toilet.

The boys TT in 5 days at 3.25 yrs.

Edited by lsolaBella, 17 December 2012 - 12:48 PM.

#5 Teajay

Posted 17 December 2012 - 12:54 PM

My DS is 2.5 yrs and we are finally making progress with toilet training. He has been interested in the toilet for 6 months now. The progress started when he saw the other kids at daycare using the toilet and then he decided he too wanted to go to the toilet since then we have'nt looked back. He wont tell me he needs to go yet so i put him on the potty when he starts showing signs he needs to go (fidgeting, touching his penis, getting distracted from whatever he is doing) and we have only had 3 accidents so far. I have found he does his poo in the morning while he still has a nappy on and the MCHN has said this is normal progression.

My suggestion is put the potty in the bathroom and turn on a tap while your DS is sitting on it, this works a treat for my DS as soon as he hears the water he starts wee'ing and gets so excited running around the house yelling "i did it, my doodle works"

good luck OP toilet training is definately the hardest part of parenting i have come across so far!

#6 TillyTake2

Posted 17 December 2012 - 05:29 PM

Thanks. We put a nappy back on for the afternoon as we were out but we'll try again tomorrow original.gif

#7 mumandboys

Posted 17 December 2012 - 06:01 PM

Yes that sounds very normal to me.

Remember that they have been used to just letting go with no consequences since birth.  It must be a very hard habit to break.

Mine have varied, but generally started off with many accidents, but greatly reduced the number of changes within a week.  I think they need a few accidents to remind them that all of a sudden, they have to be in a particular place, and get their undies down before starting to wee/poo.

Good luck! TT is horrid, but no nappies is bliss!!

#8 SeaPrincess

Posted 17 December 2012 - 06:12 PM

OP, it sounds very normal to me.  I think most children need to have a few accidents to make the connections needed to recognise the feeling of needing to go and getting to the right place. Your response is what he needs - no fuss, clean it up and remind him about the potty.

As far as saying he was poopy when he only did wee, I had 1 child who always said he needed to wee and one who always said he needed to poo.  2 of mine got wee first, the other demanded the potty one day for a poo without ever having done anything in the potty before (although he'd been sitting on it at bathtime for about a year!)

I didn't find TT too much of a bother and all 3 of mine were out of nappies before they were 2.  It didn't take 3 days or 5 days, but there was no pressure - if it's stressful for either of you, give it a break.

Good luck.

#9 Lucygoosey1

Posted 17 December 2012 - 07:41 PM

We also found the no pants at home really helpful for the first little while.  I'd remind or take my DD to the potty every hour or so in the beginning.  I praised her lots and she was very happy with herself.  

#10 bluedragon

Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:11 PM

I don't belong here yet as DS is only 18 months but thought my story might be of use.

We have just done potty training with him and while not 100% with wees yet (still has the odd accident when too engrossed in something) he only wear nappies overnight now.

We did 1 naked day where we watched him at all times looking for any indications he needed to go and so we could act ASAP if he did. Since then he has just worn pants and no undies (commando). The technique we used was if we could tell he needed to go or caught him in the act we would put him straight on the potty saying something like 'wees go in the potty' (same regardless of naked or not). The idea behind commando is that undies feel a bit like nappies in that they are tight(ish) and contain things a bit, particularly poos. When just in pants the feeling is less like nappies and not as nice with soggy pants clinging and wee running down their legs etc.. This makes using the potty more appealing and helps them work out the physical side of things, ie when I relax these muscles I release wee.

It has worked really well for us and by about 5 days he was very reliable. We have done elimination communication with him so we had a little head start in that he was already used to the potty and understood what it was for and I new his signs for needing to go pretty well.

I used this eBook and it explains it better than I probably have. Good luck, sounds like he's doing pretty well so far!

#11 BB1511

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:29 PM

I have been TT my DS 25 mo ths over the. Past couple of weeks. It has been mostly driven by him once he got the taste of wearing undies. There are quite a few accidents. He is good with doing wees in the toilet. He won't tell me he needs to o but so long as I take him regularly he is fine. Poos are a bit harder. I think he will get there eventually.  I would rather poo in undies than wees. Just do it in your own time and don't force him. If wants to do it then good if not wait and try another time. His Childcare have also been good with helping train him.

#12 BRB

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:50 PM

I have been TT my DS 25 months for a couple weeks now. I stayed home for 2 days with him. No nappy and we went to the toilet every 30-45 min. We then ventured out the house as normal still no nappy. He wears a nappy for nights and nap and that's it.  He doesn't tell us everytime he needs to go but as PP said as long as we take him often all is good. I was concerned he wouldn't understand but the first few days we just spike about adults going to the big toilet eg mummy does wee on the toilet who else does wee on the big toilet? Daddy, grandpa etc. my DS language is not as advanced as ur DS and he seems to understand.

#13 findingada

Posted 17 December 2012 - 10:51 PM

I had my twin boys day and night trained by 2 years 2 weeks but they could not pull down/up their own pants and could not wash their hands independently. My twin boys were reliably "toilet timed" at 10 months and for 6 glorious weeks there was not one poo in a nappy, then I dropped it and I didn't pick it up again until they were 18 months old. I was basically training/timing them from again from 18 months onward. They knew when they were doing it at around 20 months but actually translating that to "walking-to-the-toilet-pulling-pants-down-and-sitting-on-the-toilet-without-me-watching" happened at just over 2.5 years. I am just starting toilet training with my third boy at 2.5 years of age because I don't really have the time to spend helping him with all the other steps and washing one set of nappies hardly seems as big a problem as it did with the twins. I should also mention that lots of people have a different definition of what it means to be toilet trained and the spectrum is wide: some think toilet timing/sensing means they are trained (where the parent does everything except the actual poo/wee), right through to "they are not trained until they are day and night trained, go to the toilet on their own, pull-down their pants, wipe their bottoms, pull-up their pants, wash and dry their hands". For me, I call it when I don't have to wash any more nappies. The other thing to be mindful of is that most parents revise history - I have probably done it too. I am sure you have started to suspect it but I am fairly certain that, as time passes, all the hard times will be erased from our memories and eventually we will assure our children that they were no trouble at all and they were fully toilet trained when they were 1 year old ("So what on Earth are you doing with my grandchild!" ... but I digress). Basically,  just be mindful of those confounding variables when talking to other parents on the topic.  

In my experience, toilet training does not usually show linear progression - most seem to get some success initially, then it appears that things go backwards, things go forwards, things go backward, things go forward and so on. Eventually they become reliably trained sometime before their 18th birthday. It can take years for some children to have zero accidents (and I am talking night time training here too). I think it is better to see it as an iterative process that takes time. Just because they had no accidents yesterday doesn't mean that they will have no accidents today. We all get a bit excited at the thought of no more nappies, they get excited that they are poo-ing and wee-ing like mummy and daddy, most kids then get a bit anxious - especially if you go hard on the rewards or overdone emotional reactions ("Quick ring someone and tell them he trained in just 2 days!!").

I think the best advice is to just relax, don't overdo the jubilation with successes, and try hard to re-program yourself to not feel disappointment at accidents. It may seem obvious but most children are hyper sensitive to their mother's non-verbal communication. So when you think you are not showing disappointment, your child can see the truth in that raised eyebrow. Anxiety in children can build overtime so while you may be able to bribe your way through it initially, the next time you might be faced with a bigger challenge. In summary, it is entirely common to make progress then regress. Expect more of it and you will help to minimise the anxiety (for you and them) associated with the process. Keep in mind I am one of those people who think that babies are not actually mindless when it comes to poos and wees at any age - they know something is going on but we train them to do their business in a nappy. So when we decide to take off the nappy and say "actually now you do it in the entry to the abyss we call the TOILET now", we are actually trying to break a habit we have trained them to do. I also like to use an anecdote I picked up from a documentary maker who was a passenger on a fishing boat while filming a doco once. Basically he was told he needed to do his business by while sitting on a wire seat hanging off the edge of a boat on the open seas. The surprised doco maker said the thought of it was enough to make his bowels seize up for 3 days. I kind of think that our children might go through the same thing when we start to toilet train them ...

Edited by motherwrites, 17 December 2012 - 11:15 PM.

#14 Broxie

Posted 17 December 2012 - 11:02 PM

QUOTE (Teajay @ 17/12/2012, 01:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My suggestion is put the potty in the bathroom and turn on a tap while your DS is sitting on it, this works a treat for my DS as soon as he hears the water he starts wee'ing and gets so excited running around the house yelling "i did it, my doodle works"

My DP did something similar when we got our BFP  ph34r.gif

#15 Le-a

Posted 17 December 2012 - 11:26 PM

QUOTE (Broxie @ 18/12/2012, 12:02 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My DP did something similar when we got our BFP  ph34r.gif


#16 bluedragon

Posted 17 December 2012 - 11:58 PM

motherwrites brings up some good points.

We are teaching DS to push his pants down and pull them up by himself too, he's getting better at washing his hands but can't physically reach or turn the taps on yet so still needs help. I personally think you can call them toilet trained while still needing some help with things, some things take them a while to be able to do because of their size, dexterity etc. But just because they can't wipe their bottom doesnt mean they're not in control of when and where they go to the toilet.

It definitely isn't a linear process, there will always be backward steps some times, days when there are more accidents than successes. I've noticed there are often plateaus too, then all of a sudden things just click and they suddenly improve significantly.

Ive found by keeping really calm and matter of fact about things and not showing any disappointment, anxiety, anger etc. really helps. By not getting cross or disappointed at the accidents and just gently encouraging at success they respond really well. There is no pressure on them and they are self motivated to learn not motivated by fear or rewards.

#17 Princess.cranky.pants

Posted 18 December 2012 - 10:08 AM

He might not be quite ready for TT yet. When my older two TTed we did not have many accidents. I think it's because we followed their lead and waited until they started TT themselves.

DD1 started sitting on the potty at bath time and the next day no nappies. No accidents. So easy, she mostly trained herself. Night training took much longer though.

DD started sitting on the potty of her own bat too. She took a little longer to TT but she also had very few accidents.

I never took my kids to the toilet every hour - 'toilet timing'. Too much work! And I think if you need to do that than they are possibly not ready for TT.

Don't bother with undies at home. Let them run around in the nude is much easier.

My 2 year old is not TT yet. She holds on for a long time and will tell us she has done a poo. But when we have attempted to sit her on the potty or toilet she just doesn't have any idea what she has to do. I am not going to push it. I think it won't be long before she will start TT herself so will just wait and follow her lead.

Give it a few days. If he doesn't improve just back off for awhile. No rush, he will get there eventually.

#18 laridae

Posted 21 December 2012 - 02:49 PM

DD toilet trained in a couple of days (at about 2years, 3 months).  But she had been in cloth nappies and would demand her nappy be changed after every wee/poo for a while before we started.

No accidents the first day (of wearing undies), second day, a poo accident, none the 3rd day, then another poo one.  And then a couple of wee accidents, but mastered the potty poo (over the weekend).
Since then - very few accidents.  Still can't wipe her bum with much success, or turn on/off taps to wash hands, but I consider that toilet trained.
She night trained at the same time, had only a couple of nights were she hasn't woken up dry (and has woken me up a few times wanting to go).

I think when they are ready it is supposed to be very easy.

#19 Meiakacha

Posted 22 January 2013 - 02:08 PM

Hi there, new to EB and absolutely love this resource. My son is 2 and we are toilet training at the moment. He is TT in the day, yet I still put a nappy on him when he sleeps, although most mornings he wakes up with a dry nappy and an urge to go to the toilet, which is great. It took us about 3 weeks to get to completely dry days, and being in underwear all day. I reassure you though that it was a frustrating and slow process. What we found worked for us is allowing him to stay in his undies for approx 5-10 mins after having an accident in them, provided that it wasnt poo. What this meant is that he felt uncomfortable and acknowledged the fact that wees needed to be done in the toilet. After an accident he would come to me and say "mummy mummy" with a sad look on his face and I would then ask him repeatedly where do we do wee and poo, he then responds with "on the toilet". He has fantastic communication skills for his age and I think that made the process a little easier. Constant reassurance and reminders is what worked for us. Also bought the fisher price potty that sings once he does a wee and he loves it. Hope this helps rolleyes.gif  rolleyes.gif

#20 katyp

Posted 28 January 2013 - 09:27 PM

QUOTE (Teajay @ 17/12/2012, 12:54 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
DS as soon as he hears the water he starts wee'ing and gets so excited running around the house yelling "i did it, my doodle works"

good luck OP toilet training is definately the hardest part of parenting i have come across so far!

OMG that is the funniest thing ever!!! If you captured that and YouTube it...you would be a global hit!!  hahahaha...I still have tears and a stitch in my cheeks...love it!!! Soooo cute!

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