Jump to content

Angry 3 year old
All of a sudden


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 HeartMyBoys

Posted 17 December 2012 - 07:38 AM

Hi. Hoping for some advice.
My friendly, loving, calm 2 year old has turned into an angry 3 year old. If i tell him no, just once, he kicks off into a full blown tantrum. Screams, kicks, punches me, and just wont let up. I put him in his room, shut the door and tell him he can come out when hes going to behave. Then he starts kicking his bedroom wall. This happens several times a day.
My eldest was never like that, so its very new to me, and im a bit at a loss of what to do. Any advice, or techniques would be appreciated.

#2 CharliMarley

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Perhaps you could talk to him about his anger and frustration and give him something to punch when he feels like this. A punch-bag outside or he could punch his pillow in his room, but no kicking the walls etc. unsure.gif

#3 lizzzard

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:20 AM

We had similar issues with my now-4 year old and got some great advice from a child psychologist. One practical strategy that really worked for us was holding him tight when he was really 'out of control'. I sit on the floor with my back against a wall, sit him in front of me with my legs crossed over his and my arms crossed/wrapped over his (basically so he can't move at all). I just sit there very calmly saying "When you calm down down, mummy will let you go". That's all I say, repeating it every now and then, and not getting into any discussion. The first few times I did it, the screaming and carry-on lasted for quite a while, but lately as soon as we sit down and I say I'm going to hold him, he calms down quite quickly. Afterwards I give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I love him etc. Generally he is very compliant after these little episodes - and I am so much calmer during the whole thing because I have a strategy that doesn't hurt him, manages the situation proactively, and keeps ME calm!

Good luck. It's a tough age original.gif

Edited by lizzzard, 17 December 2012 - 09:21 AM.


#4 HeartMyBoys

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:24 AM

QUOTE (lizzzard @ 17/12/2012, 10:20 AM)
15163563[/url]']
We had similar issues with my now-4 year old and got some great advice from a child psychologist. One practical strategy that really worked for us was holding him tight when he was really 'out of control'. I sit on the floor with my back against a wall, sit him in front of me with my legs crossed over his and my arms crossed/wrapped over his (basically so he can't move at all). I just sit there very calmly saying "When you calm down down, mummy will let you go". That's all I say, repeating it every now and then, and not getting into any discussion. The first few times I did it, the screaming and carry-on lasted for quite a while, but lately as soon as we sit down and I say I'm going to hold him, he calms down quite quickly. Afterwards I give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I love him etc. Generally he is very compliant after these little episodes - and I am so much calmer during the whole thing because I have a strategy that doesn't hurt him, manages the situation proactively, and keeps ME calm!

Good luck. It's a tough age original.gif



Thankyou. I'll try that next time.



#5 opethmum

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:50 AM

He needs to know that kicking etc will not elicit any kind of response from you. He needs to know how to manage his behaviour and he needs to start learning that his behaviour has consequences good or bad. I don't think holding him would be not good given that you are pregnant and I would hate for you to be injured trying to manhandle him.
You need to be consistent and stay the course and be prepared to not compromise in that regard. I would do a behaviour reward chart and as soon as you notice him descending into the aggressive behaviour you need to address that. Tell him to count to ten and reward him if he stops his behaviour.
Good luck and I hope you have some peace and soon.

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:58 AM

I just wanted to say I found 3 the hardest age with both my girls and many of my friends have the same experience
They were difficult and had many full blown tantrums. It was very stressful.
Wes used a combo of time out and distraction. If we could distract their attention to something else when we saw a meltdown coming we did do that. If not and all hell broke loose we used time out. Not much helped really. DD1 grew out of it at 4 (although having a few rough weeks lately). DD2 is 3 now and can really turn it on.

#7 Spa Gonk

Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:58 PM

I do something similar to lizzzzard now, that gives me the best result.

My first was difficult and in hindsight it was really good to have to think outside the square and look at not only what worked, but what I was trying to achieve.  There seems to be two schools of though with tantrums - ignore, or they are so out of control and possibly scared by their emotions that they need help to settle down.  I am in the 'need help' to settle down camp.  It also did not seem right to me to ignore them when they might be kicking a door or doing something to hurt themselves.  I figure just holding them helps them to settle down and keeps them from hurting themselves or the environment.  And when mine is out of control, she is not up to any logical reasoning and reward charts mean nothing.  It is just a matter of weathering the tantrum in a way that does not encourage more.

I also thought about what I wanted from time out (other than to get them to behave!).  I did not want it to be solely punishment based, but something that would help them develop their own skills to calm down when needed.  So we use time out to remove from the immediate situation and reflect on the situation.  I don't care if they are happily playing with toys in their room at that time as it is not a punishment, but a chance to calm down and I hope they learn it is okay to seek some time out on your own when things are too much and they will eventually do it off their own back before they get into trouble.

Maybe do some reading and try a few different things that appeal to you.  And remember every child is different and what works for one won't work for another.

#8 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:42 PM

No real advice but just wanted to say both mine turned into demons towards 3 - twos were fine. Deaf demons at that!
DD now seems to be growing out of it at 4.

In DS's case holding him at the start of a tantrum (when he was angry) just made him angrier and more out of control, but at some certain point he becomes distractable and keen to get out of his anger state without losing face - at that point I can usually point out something fairly innocuous that he might be interested and he'll engage with me on it, and then after a few seconds he's ready for a hug. During the thick of the tantrum though, only ignoring works on him. I tend to every few minutes offer a distraction, and it will usually be met with anger until at some point he takes me up on it.

#9 Magenta Ambrosia

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:54 PM

threeteen is a hard stage to go through because they have 0 - 11 when it comes to emotion and so much more ability to communicate with stubbornness.
I also found the hug until they calm down works, as well as trying to get them to laugh if I feel it's building up to a mega tanty.
I also use time out more for creating space from the situation rather than as punishment.
Hope you find what works and you make it to the much more relaxed four year old stage with your sanity in tact original.gif

#10 Tiger Lilly

Posted 17 December 2012 - 10:04 PM

I think this age is difficult as they are just learning about emotions and how the world works.

Lots of patience and using words for the emotions.

#11 Let_it_Rain

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:01 PM

I think three must just be the age for it.

DS has punched walls, slammed doors and done a lot of stomping around. I am trying to normalise the emotion and give him other ways to deal with it.

It's okay to be angry, but it is not okay to...

I understand that you are angry, do you want to go into your room and settle down etc.

He does go into his room sometimes and then yells out at me to let me know he is happy again  wub.gif

#12 Guest_katem666_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:30 PM

I have no experience and no advice, but for some reason I though of a post on offbeatfamilies.com (nee offbeatmama.com) about using music to help with a 3 year old's melt-downs. http://offbeatfamilies.com/2012/04/music-and-emotionsNot sure if it'll be the slightest bit if help, but thought I'd mention it just in case.

Edited by katem666, 18 December 2012 - 05:31 PM.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Tot meets his heroes, falls apart with excitement

Two-year-old Quincy finished his potty training last week, and as part of his reward he was able to meet his idols.

Beautiful in our eyes: Georgia's story

I will never deny the fact that grief has a place when you give birth to a child who brings a set of circumstances very different to what you imagined. Because for nine months, I thought I knew my Georgie.

'It's been phenomenal': widower dad of quads thankful for support

There was nothing Erica and Carlos wanted more than a baby.

Vin Diesel names daughter after actor Paul Walker

The actor said there was "no other person" he was thinking about when he chose the name.

How midwives can help women who experience domestic violence

More than half of women who live with abusive partners experience violence during pregnancy.

Mum describes giving birth during Cyclone Pam

A new mother was told she must flee Port Vila hospital with her baby as Cyclone Pam bore down.

6 signs you're done having babies

There were a few signs I'm never going back to the land of maternity jeans, breast pumps and bassinets.

Marta Dusseldorp reveals breastfeeding cost her an acting job

Australian actress Marta Dusseldorp has revealed she was forced to withdraw from a Sydney Theatre Company production because a director did not approve of her breast feeding.

Female celebs (or their babies) with traditionally male names

Looking for a name that's a little bit different for a girl? Turn to names that have been traditionally used for males, as these celebs (or their parents) did.

'If you're anti-immunisation ... take a look at this picture of my son'

Greg Hughes is "an absolute shell of a man" as he and his wife Catherine struggle to come to terms with the loss of their newborn son Riley to whooping cough.

How an extrovert can raise an introvert

Introverts are often misunderstood as shy, and sometimes even rude. A timid child can be difficult to build rapport with, but it's important we nurture their sensitive natures.

Sheryl Sandberg's advice

'Choreplay': Help out at home to get more sex, Sandberg tells men

Forget foreplay. The new and improved route to intercourse is "choreplay" - it's good for your spouse, good for your house, and comes with the imprimatur of feminist du jour Sheryl Sandberg.

How to play with your baby

The first time your child learns a new skill at playtime is very exciting - for both you and your baby! Play is important to your child's development for a variety of reasons - here are some simple ideas for you to try at home.

I'm a single mother by choice

For me, being the best mother I can be means being a mum alone, at least for now. Thinking of my friends with inadequate partners, I wonder why more people don’t choose single motherhood.

Awkward wedding photos

Weird poses, surprise photobombs, bizarre editing: these are the wedding photos that should have never seen the light of day.

Four-week-old baby Riley Hughes dies of whooping cough

The mother of a four-week-old Perth baby who died after contracting whooping cough says her family has been left devastated by the loss of her "gorgeous, sweet" son.

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, we are giving away five DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Oh boy! Video shows family's reaction to baby surprise

Little Peyton Williams thought she was getting a baby sister named Charlee. But the two-year-old has had to settle for a doll dressed in pink after her baby "sister" turned out to be a boy.

How to help build up your baby's immune system

We all know that having a strong immune system is the best way to stay healthy – but what can we do to help it along?

'Nick, you need to call an ambulance': home birth mum's tragic death

A Melbourne mum who died after the home birth of her baby pleaded with her husband to call an ambulance because she felt she was going to die, the Victorian Coroners Court has heard.

When dads believe their baby doesn't 'like' them

Q: My two-month-old baby doesn't like me. He's perfectly content with my wife, but when I try to hold him, he gets upset and cries. I've backed off a little, thinking that he just needs a little time to get used to me, but that doesn't seem to be working. I'm starting to think I'm just not a very good dad. Is it too late for me to build a relationship with my baby?

When was the last time a stranger praised your parenting?

Wouldn’t it be great to get some nice feedback every now and then? After all, everyone likes to hear positive praise, particularly when it comes to parenting.

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

15 names on the verge of extinction

If you're looking to revive an older name, or don’t want anything near the top 1000 list, check out these rare monikers for your unique baby.

5 characteristics of great dads

It’s great to see a generation of dads who are more actively involved with caring, nurturing and loving their kids.

Why doesn't Australia have more breast milk banks?

When there’s no question that milk banks are important, why don’t we have more of them in Australia?

Carrie Bickmore announces birth of daughter

Television personality Carrie Bickmore has given birth to her second child.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Sign up to our 30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Sign up to receive 30 amazing tips and ideas for play with baby during the month of April and submit a picture or tip on our social wall for a chance to win an amazing Fisher-Price prize pack.

Man faces jail after giving woman abortion pill smoothie

A Norwegian man is facing jail after putting abortion pills in his ex-girlfriend's smoothie, causing her to have a miscarriage.

'He's a blessing': family of baby born without eyes

Jordy Jackson was born without eyes. He has anophthalmia, which affects one in every 100,000 babies born.

Win one of 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers

With Easter fast approaching, Cadbury are giving away 5 Cadbury Easter Hampers. Enter Now!

Super fit model Sarah Stage defends her pregnancy body

Model Sarah Stage has defended her pregnancy body after critics claimed her slim figure at eight-and-a-half months pregnant wasn't "normal".

Win a Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and Peppa Pig prize pack

To celebrate the April 1 release of Holly's Magic Wand on DVD and Digital, Essential Baby and Entertainment One are giving away five bumper DVD packs featuring the newest installment of Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom Holly's Magic Wand and many more hours of family entertainment! Enter Now!

Why I post breastfeeding photos online

I love to take pictures of my children. In some of the pictures, my younger son is nursing.

The day I broke my baby

There are things I wish I didn't know. I wish I didn't know that companies make tiny braces, small enough to hold necks no bigger than a wrist.

The place just for dads of multiples

When a couple discovers they're expecting multiples, the dad can sometimes be almost forgotten in all the excitement and preparation. But one group offers a space just for dads of twins and higher-order multiples.

Brave mum calls for domestic violence law reform

A brave mum of two has shared details of the harrowing attacks she suffered at the hands of her partner in a bid to help other victims of domestic violence.

Why I had the new test for Down syndrome

Early last year I turned 35, and having just found out I was pregnant, I opted to have the new test for Down syndrome.

Geeky baby gear

If your family is more into Star Wars, gaming and the periodic table than most, you might want to check out these geek-chic baby items.

2015: the year of the sheep

According to the Chinese zodiac, babies born in the year of the sheep are creative and enjoy spending quiet time with their own thoughts.

Breakthrough genetic testing now available in Australia

Pregnant women will for the first time have access to locally analysed, accurate, non-invasive pre-natal genetic testing when the first Australian clinic to offer the services opens its doors next week.

Grandbabies: the babies born looking old

Not a day under 65 and a lifetime of struggle! That's the look of these newborns, who look adorably older than their real age. Social networking site Reddit recently featured user submissions of adorable grandbabies, here are our favourites.

Family kicked off flight after toddler seatbelt drama

An entire family was kicked off a Cathay Pacific flight when a misbehaving toddler refused to put his seatbelt on.

Stolen baby found after 17 years

A baby stolen from her mother's arms shortly after birth has been found through an astonishing coincidence.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Sign up now!

30 days of #PlayIQ challenge

Receive a daily email from Essential Baby during April with great play tips and ideas, then submit your baby at play photos to our Playwall, Instagram or Twitter for your chance to win.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.