Jump to content

Angry 3 year old
All of a sudden


  • Please log in to reply
11 replies to this topic

#1 HeartMyBoys

Posted 17 December 2012 - 07:38 AM

Hi. Hoping for some advice.
My friendly, loving, calm 2 year old has turned into an angry 3 year old. If i tell him no, just once, he kicks off into a full blown tantrum. Screams, kicks, punches me, and just wont let up. I put him in his room, shut the door and tell him he can come out when hes going to behave. Then he starts kicking his bedroom wall. This happens several times a day.
My eldest was never like that, so its very new to me, and im a bit at a loss of what to do. Any advice, or techniques would be appreciated.

#2 Copper and May

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

Perhaps you could talk to him about his anger and frustration and give him something to punch when he feels like this. A punch-bag outside or he could punch his pillow in his room, but no kicking the walls etc. unsure.gif

#3 lizzzard

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:20 AM

We had similar issues with my now-4 year old and got some great advice from a child psychologist. One practical strategy that really worked for us was holding him tight when he was really 'out of control'. I sit on the floor with my back against a wall, sit him in front of me with my legs crossed over his and my arms crossed/wrapped over his (basically so he can't move at all). I just sit there very calmly saying "When you calm down down, mummy will let you go". That's all I say, repeating it every now and then, and not getting into any discussion. The first few times I did it, the screaming and carry-on lasted for quite a while, but lately as soon as we sit down and I say I'm going to hold him, he calms down quite quickly. Afterwards I give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I love him etc. Generally he is very compliant after these little episodes - and I am so much calmer during the whole thing because I have a strategy that doesn't hurt him, manages the situation proactively, and keeps ME calm!

Good luck. It's a tough age original.gif

Edited by lizzzard, 17 December 2012 - 09:21 AM.


#4 HeartMyBoys

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:24 AM

QUOTE (lizzzard @ 17/12/2012, 10:20 AM)
15163563[/url]']
We had similar issues with my now-4 year old and got some great advice from a child psychologist. One practical strategy that really worked for us was holding him tight when he was really 'out of control'. I sit on the floor with my back against a wall, sit him in front of me with my legs crossed over his and my arms crossed/wrapped over his (basically so he can't move at all). I just sit there very calmly saying "When you calm down down, mummy will let you go". That's all I say, repeating it every now and then, and not getting into any discussion. The first few times I did it, the screaming and carry-on lasted for quite a while, but lately as soon as we sit down and I say I'm going to hold him, he calms down quite quickly. Afterwards I give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him I love him etc. Generally he is very compliant after these little episodes - and I am so much calmer during the whole thing because I have a strategy that doesn't hurt him, manages the situation proactively, and keeps ME calm!

Good luck. It's a tough age original.gif



Thankyou. I'll try that next time.



#5 opethmum

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:50 AM

He needs to know that kicking etc will not elicit any kind of response from you. He needs to know how to manage his behaviour and he needs to start learning that his behaviour has consequences good or bad. I don't think holding him would be not good given that you are pregnant and I would hate for you to be injured trying to manhandle him.
You need to be consistent and stay the course and be prepared to not compromise in that regard. I would do a behaviour reward chart and as soon as you notice him descending into the aggressive behaviour you need to address that. Tell him to count to ten and reward him if he stops his behaviour.
Good luck and I hope you have some peace and soon.

#6 Natttmumm

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:58 AM

I just wanted to say I found 3 the hardest age with both my girls and many of my friends have the same experience
They were difficult and had many full blown tantrums. It was very stressful.
Wes used a combo of time out and distraction. If we could distract their attention to something else when we saw a meltdown coming we did do that. If not and all hell broke loose we used time out. Not much helped really. DD1 grew out of it at 4 (although having a few rough weeks lately). DD2 is 3 now and can really turn it on.

#7 Spa Gonk

Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:58 PM

I do something similar to lizzzzard now, that gives me the best result.

My first was difficult and in hindsight it was really good to have to think outside the square and look at not only what worked, but what I was trying to achieve.  There seems to be two schools of though with tantrums - ignore, or they are so out of control and possibly scared by their emotions that they need help to settle down.  I am in the 'need help' to settle down camp.  It also did not seem right to me to ignore them when they might be kicking a door or doing something to hurt themselves.  I figure just holding them helps them to settle down and keeps them from hurting themselves or the environment.  And when mine is out of control, she is not up to any logical reasoning and reward charts mean nothing.  It is just a matter of weathering the tantrum in a way that does not encourage more.

I also thought about what I wanted from time out (other than to get them to behave!).  I did not want it to be solely punishment based, but something that would help them develop their own skills to calm down when needed.  So we use time out to remove from the immediate situation and reflect on the situation.  I don't care if they are happily playing with toys in their room at that time as it is not a punishment, but a chance to calm down and I hope they learn it is okay to seek some time out on your own when things are too much and they will eventually do it off their own back before they get into trouble.

Maybe do some reading and try a few different things that appeal to you.  And remember every child is different and what works for one won't work for another.

#8 CallMeFeral

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:42 PM

No real advice but just wanted to say both mine turned into demons towards 3 - twos were fine. Deaf demons at that!
DD now seems to be growing out of it at 4.

In DS's case holding him at the start of a tantrum (when he was angry) just made him angrier and more out of control, but at some certain point he becomes distractable and keen to get out of his anger state without losing face - at that point I can usually point out something fairly innocuous that he might be interested and he'll engage with me on it, and then after a few seconds he's ready for a hug. During the thick of the tantrum though, only ignoring works on him. I tend to every few minutes offer a distraction, and it will usually be met with anger until at some point he takes me up on it.

#9 Magenta Ambrosia

Posted 17 December 2012 - 09:54 PM

threeteen is a hard stage to go through because they have 0 - 11 when it comes to emotion and so much more ability to communicate with stubbornness.
I also found the hug until they calm down works, as well as trying to get them to laugh if I feel it's building up to a mega tanty.
I also use time out more for creating space from the situation rather than as punishment.
Hope you find what works and you make it to the much more relaxed four year old stage with your sanity in tact original.gif

#10 Tiger Lilly

Posted 17 December 2012 - 10:04 PM

I think this age is difficult as they are just learning about emotions and how the world works.

Lots of patience and using words for the emotions.

#11 Grant Me Wings

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:01 PM

I think three must just be the age for it.

DS has punched walls, slammed doors and done a lot of stomping around. I am trying to normalise the emotion and give him other ways to deal with it.

It's okay to be angry, but it is not okay to...

I understand that you are angry, do you want to go into your room and settle down etc.

He does go into his room sometimes and then yells out at me to let me know he is happy again  wub.gif

#12 Guest_katem666_*

Posted 18 December 2012 - 05:30 PM

I have no experience and no advice, but for some reason I though of a post on offbeatfamilies.com (nee offbeatmama.com) about using music to help with a 3 year old's melt-downs. http://offbeatfamilies.com/2012/04/music-and-emotionsNot sure if it'll be the slightest bit if help, but thought I'd mention it just in case.

Edited by katem666, 18 December 2012 - 05:31 PM.





0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

11 things that will happen when you're breastfeeding

After having three children and various degrees of success feeding them all, there's one thing I can tell you: virtually nothing will go as planned.

Surgery for baby born with a tail

A baby born with a tail has had it removed after doctors feared the birth defect might cause long term damage to his lower body.

When 'skin to skin' becomes a family affair

An adorable photo of a little boy and his dad enjoying skin to skin contact with newborn twins is melting hearts everywhere.

35 hilariously weird 'top tips'

Who would have thunk it? We never knew there were so many uses for feminine hygiene products. 

Pregnancy skin woes: acne, dry skin, itchy skin

Here are some of the most common skin complaints in pregnancy and how to tackle them, face on.

Watch this fun dance class for babywearing dads

Is there anything sexier than a babywearing dad?

Parents, this is how to cut grapes to avoid choking

One mum has learnt a harrowing lesson about the best way to cut grapes to make it safe for toddlers and little kids to eat.

When your kids have totally different temperaments

Sometimes it has felt like whiplash parenting. She perches watchfully while I vacuum; he tries to climb on and go for a ride.

How do our stress levels influence our baby?

Since having my second baby a number of people have commented on how placid, content and settled he is and, similarly, many have commented on how this is a reflection of how I am with him.

Separation anxiety isn't just for kids

Despite its prevalence, most doctors tend to be reluctant to diagnose adult patients with separation anxiety.

A charm bracelet, a boy, and my beliefs questioned

I was staring at the face of my son, realising that my once steadfast decision to be open minded was quickly unravelling at the seams.

Why I'm so grateful for Hayden Panettiere's PND honesty

There are baby steps and giant leaps forward. But there are steps backwards, too. And, oh, how they can hurt your heart.

The heartbreaking story of little Moko

The mother of 3-year-old Moko Rangitoheriri said she should have picked up on the signs. {Warning: distressing content}

Kate Beckinsale and teen daughter recreate birth photo

Kate Beckinsale has recreated her daughter Lily's birth photo, 17 years after she was born.

The adult-size stroller you'll want to test drive

It's one of the biggest baby related purchases they will make, so it makes sense that parents-to-be get a chance to road test a stroller.

Pregnancy announcement shows the reality of IVF

It's a long way from baby booties or bump shots people have become accustomed to in social media pregnancy announcements.  

Soleil Moon Frye welcomes fourth baby

"Punky Brewster" is a mom again, for the fourth time. Soleil Moon Frye announced the birth of her baby boy, Story, on Instagram Wednesday.

Mum breastfeeds baby found abandoned on the street

A woman has been praised as a "beautiful mother" after breastfeeding a baby which had been abandoned at the side of a street. 

A birth with a difference: the 'natural caesarean'

We've shared stories of gentle caesareans before, but a new video shows a new option called a 'natural caesarean'.

Baby name inspiration by music genre

If you're all about the music, then you'll need a musical name for that baby. We've got all the lists for you by music genre.

Giving effective instructions to toddlers

One of the most common errors made by parents is in how they give instructions to their children.

 
Advertisement
 

Top 5 Articles

Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The babies who are one in 70 million

Bethani Webb was excited to find out she was pregnant, but the first time mum did not realise she was carrying four babies not one.

Cafe offers breastfeeding mums a free cup of tea

A Sydney cafe is offering breastfeeding mums free cups of tea in a bid to show support for the right of women to nurse their babies wherever they choose.

To snip or not to snip? When the decision is not clear cut

Jamie Oliver, who considered a vasectomy, is to be a father again. A fellow dad reflects on his own decision 11 years ago

Doctors stunned by rare twins born almost six weeks apart

To everyone's surprise, Kristen Miller "kept doing better each day", keeping her second baby safe.

Baby book ideas for modern parents

Before my son was born I was given a lovely baby book full of blank pages waiting to be filled with weights and heights and first words.

The adorable smile of a baby seeing his mum clearly for the first time

There is no doubt seeing their child smile for the first time is an unforgettable moment for parents everywhere.

Mum tells how toddler 'nearly hung himself' in cot mishap

When Alison Johnson put her 18-month-old Caleb down for a nap, she had no reason to believe her son was in any danger.

Babies are still switched at birth? Yes, it can happen

All my panic and tears aside, my biggest question looking back is about the kind of security measures used in the maternity ward.

Doctors slammed for taking selfie with newborn

Everyone who visits a mum in hospital in the days following childbirth wants to get a photo with the new baby.

ergoPouch Twosie Sleepsuit for winter breastfeeding

Finally, there's a way to keep warm while breastfeeding through winter.

Health check: How long does sex 'normally' last?

What to do with this information? My advice would be to try not to think about it during the throes of passion.

When breastfeeding sucks: fixing common problems

From niplash to tight boobs, biting to milk supply issues, Pinky McKay looks at common breastfeeding issues and how to solve them.

10 things I've learnt in my first six months with twins

Six months on we're all still alive, and the more we get to know each other the easier the days become.

Mum's loving kiss leaves baby fighting for life

Kirsty Carrington thought nothing of giving her newborn son a kiss, little did she know it would leave the baby fighting for life.

When doing chores is your new 'me time'

After children, 'me time' looks a little different.

Get going: 14 travel strollers for families on the move

A stroller can make or break travelling with a baby or toddler. Here are 15 great single travel stroller options.

10 ways toddlers are terrific

It always pays to remind yourself of how terrific toddlers can be - they're little like this for such a short time

 

Vintage Toys

The toys of your childhood

Take a trip down memory lane with these vinage and retro toys that you may have had in your childhood or your parent's childhood.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.