5yr old has become a nightmare
Can't work out why
, Dec 16 2012 06:40 PM
6 replies to this topic
Posted 16 December 2012 - 06:40 PM
DD1 has just turned 5. She'been a difficult child all her life except at 4 years it all stopped and she was so good, the last year has been a breeze. We thought we turned the corner which was a welcomed relief. The last few weeks it's all come back, the screaming tantrums on and off all day, screaming going to bed, fighting about every single thing, so rude and her attitude is so bad. It's starting to turn the family upside down again like it did when she was little. DH and I try to be on the same page and stay clam but after a day of this behaviour everyone is on edge and we end up yelling.
Has anyone else experienced this at age 5? If so what did you do, any advice would be great.
Time out only makes the tantrum worse and she trashes her room in a rage, taking toys away means the tantrum goes on for hours and hours and then she's up really late at night screaming - last night it went on from 8 until 930pm. We have tried the positive rewards but seems she just can't help herself at the moment.
What works with this age group?
Posted 16 December 2012 - 06:59 PM
I haven't encountered that level of destruction, but in my experience, kids go a bit mad in the months before they start school. My older daughter, who is dramatic, but not usually volatile, kicked one of her daycare educators so hard she sought medical assistance in the last months before she started school. Kids just get horrible around then.
Posted 16 December 2012 - 07:15 PM
I can't offer any great advise as we are dealing with exactly the same issues with DD1 who is the same age and starting school next year. DD1 screams and rants as soon as we say 'no', doesn't listen, has a major attitude, and has now starting saying 'I hate you'. At first it was 'I don't care' but when she got no reaction with that the 'I hate you' has started and sometimes I want to yell back ' I feel the same right about now' - but I have never nor will I. She will also throw things and has hit me (like a smack) on a few occasions.
Just today she was sent to her room for not listening, saying I hate you and hitting me all because I said no to going out in the hot sun for a little while. She fell asleep for nearly 2hrs as I said she couldn't move from the bed.
We did start an award system where she earns pocket money at the end of the week. It worked great for the first few weeks then after that it failed and she just didn't get it.
Everyone keeps saying 'she'll be better once school starts, she's probably just bored'.
ETA: DH has put her in a corner a few times and stands there and keeps telling her to turn around and face the corner until she does, it seems to calm her down once she does start listening.
Edited by miajas, 16 December 2012 - 07:17 PM.
Posted 17 December 2012 - 08:39 AM
Must be the age by the sounds of it. Really hoping I don't get that every day after school next year
Posted 31 December 2012 - 04:06 PM
When I read your post I felt as though I could have written it. Exactly the same thing happening with my 5 year of daughter every day for the past week or so.
I've been wondering if her daily psycho tantrums were diet related (she's eaten a whole lot of cherries and berries lately, I thought maybe that was it). They seem to be set off by random, minor incidents, no real pattern or predictability there.
I'm now thinking it's more to do with the transition between kinder and school, and maybe it's as simple as boredom or restlessness because we've lost our daily routine in the last week and a bit.
I share your frustration, though - I thought her crazy tantrum years were behind us!
Posted 09 January 2013 - 03:55 PM
Same is happening here with DS1 who is also 5 and off to school in a couple of weeks.
The tantrums of 1-100 are painful, bad attitude, completely grump and everything is a battle.
I agree that although we've got alot going on he probably slightly bored, ready to be stimulated, tired from the festive season and we also have bub#3 due anyday so the changes coming school and baby would be playing on his mind.
However dealing with it day to day is exhausting...I take a deep breath count to 5 and try to model me staying calm even if he isn't. My rules are instead of the 1-100 reaction he needs to ask for my help with dealing with a problem or miss 3 and if not I send him to his room not to come out till he's over it.
Luckily for me I don't get the room trashed, lots of crying, screaming but eventually calms down and often finds something to do in there.
Good luck to all the others with crazy 5 year olds at this time of the year
Posted 13 February 2013 - 01:09 PM
We went through this with my DD just before she started school and for the first few weeks of school (maybe even the first term I think).
It was so hard to stay calm and sometimes I didnt. After a day of it you just have enough. Anyway it didnt help anything. I watched a lot of super nanny to get some ideas. I love super nanny!!!!
I tried to remember that she was going through a big change and that I needed to have a bit of patience (as hard as it was). We gave a lot of praise for good behaviour (and sometimes a reward). We started a sticker chart (which she loved).
We also started time out. We didnt put her in her room though as I found she just had fun playing with her toys. I made her sit at the front door (it is at end of our small hallway so she is close enough to still see us but there is nothing fun there to do). If she tried to run out I would just put her back in (calmly even though inside I wanted to throttle her at times). I would just put her back and walk away. I didnt speak or show any emotion. Eventually she just stayed there (sometimes it took a while). I would set the timer on the microwave for 5 minutes and once the timer was finished (it would beep) I would go to her in the corner and get down on my knees and tell her what she had done and how that made me feel and ask her to apologise. We would then have a big hug and kiss and she would be allowed to leave the time out.
During the time out I would not start the timer until she was sitting there and was quiet (well mostly quiet as long as she wasnt screaming). If she continued screaming or trying to run out I would wait to start the timer or I would restart the timer (I would tell her I was doing this).
It was hard at first introducing it as it was different for her but she soon learned what was happening and it was so great. I still use the time out now but I rarely have to as her behaviour has dramatically improved.
I think it is a bit from her just growing up and also the way we have been dealing with it by staying calm and not yelling back or fighting with her.
We also had bed dramas. She was fine going to bed but would get up a few times a night trying to come in with us. She would chuck huge tantrums when we would try to put her back in her bed which would wake up my poor DS (who is younger than her). At times I gave in and just let her in as I was so tired (and my hubby works away most weeks and it was just easier). I was just making it worse so we agreed to not let her in and talked to her about it and said she was allowed in any time after 5am. We bought her a digital clock so that she could see it in the dark.
She fought it for a while but we didnt give in (there were many tantrums at 4am - the neighbours must have wondered what was going on). Anyway she soon realised we werent giving in and she started sleeping in her bed all night. It was so great!!! I would always make sure I praised her for sleeping well in her bed and she would get a sticker.
My DS always sleeps wonderfully in his bed and was getting a sticker every morning. She didnt like when he got a sticker and she didnt. I wouldnt rub her nose in the fact that he was getting one or anything but she would watch as I praised my DS and gave him the sticker. She soon became quiet proud of sleeping in her bed and we would give her high 5's and praise her for it along with the stickers.
Anyway things are so great and have been for a while now. It was hard at the start (as I have a bit of a temper and I found it hard not to let that out when she was driving me crazy) but me changing how I dealt with things and her realising that we werent going to tolerate the behaviour really worked.
We are going through a bit of the behaviour with my DS at the moment (not bed time problems though as he loves his sleep - so happy about this). He started school this year and I think just needs to let off some steam when he comes home. We are just doing what we did with DD. I also find that exercise really helps. It just staves off boredom so we go for lots of walks and bike rides and go to the park. My DS is learning to surf and so we go to the beach a lot. It is hard as I work 4 days but I do school hours and even though I am tired I try to do something most days (even if it is just jumping on the trampoline with them or playing a game after school/work). I find giving them just a little bit of time after school they are then happy to give me a bit of time to get the things done that I need to do to get organised for the next day and dinner etc.
I hope some of this helps. I am no expert but this is what has worked for us.
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