Jump to content

To my Grandmother
May be sensitive


  • Please log in to reply
17 replies to this topic

#1 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 14 December 2012 - 06:57 PM

When my Mum was 4 years old, her big sister disappeared.  For years she believed she had been sent away because she couldn't learn the colours.  

My Grandmother trusted the specialists that she needed instutional care, and that it would only confuse and distress her to visit.  She accepted that the only thing she could do for her daughter was to save enough money to ensure she could stay in that home (which was pleasant for its era) for the rest of her life.  

I don't know why, but today when I picked up my little son from daycare, it suddenly came to me how much my Grandmother loved her firstborn daughter.  I wish I could give her a hug and say I'm so sorry.

#2 Baggy

Posted 14 December 2012 - 06:59 PM

That's so sad sad.gif

#3 Therese

Posted 14 December 2012 - 07:01 PM

sad.gif That is really sad meggs1.

#4 MarthaJones

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:32 PM

DH's grandmother had a sister with down syndrome and their mother was told to send her away as well but they refused.
She is now gorgeous lady of 75yrs old and such a joy to be around  biggrin.gif .

#5 MammaBee81

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:44 PM

You know... I think you just did give her a big hug. By acknowledging her sacrifice and by continuing her legacy by doing the best you can by your own children.

Thank you for sharing  original.gif

#6 R2B2

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:48 PM

sad.gif that is sad.
I guess it gives you an appreciation of how far society has come over the years.

#7 SCARFACE CLAW

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:57 PM

That is so sad OP sad.gif Do you know if your aunt is still alive?

#8 jules363

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:04 PM

That is very sad OP.  My 4yo daughter has Down syndrome, and I am constantly grateful she was born when she was, and there was no question we were going to take her home and love her the same way we do her three sisters.  I have read some stories of people more or less forced to surrender their children to Kew Cottages (if they didn't they received absolutely no support, and that would be impossible).  It must have ripped their hearts out.  Your poor nan sad.gif

#9 BetteBoop

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:07 PM

OP, that's heartbreaking. Your grandmother was not alone in her experience.

So many families with kids with disabilities were told to put their children into care and forget they ever had them. I worked with a lot of adults with disabilities who hadn't seen their families since they were little kids.

Fortunately many of them did reconnect with those kids later in life. Did anyone in your family ever get back in touch with your aunt?

#10 roses99

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:09 PM

That's awful  sad.gif

I'm so glad things have changed. My DH's parents lost their first child (almost a year to the day before he was born). She had multiple disabilities but - without ultrasound - her being born alive but incompatible with life was unexpected.

It breaks my heart that my MIL never got to hold her firstborn child. It breaks my heart that my husband's sister most likely died alone, or at least without her family.

Like the PP asked, is there any chance your aunt is still alive?

#11 Feral_Pooks

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:19 PM

Such a beautiful post, thank you for sharing OP.

#12 Becstarinator

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:21 PM

My DBIL was born in 1971 and my DMIL was told to leave him in the hospital and forget about him.  Don't even name him, just walk away.

Why?  Because he has Down Syndrome.

She told them she loved him just as much as her other children and he would be coming home with her.  The nurses couldn't understand why she would take him home.

I couldn't imagine being told that, especially since having my son.

Edited by Becstarinator, 14 December 2012 - 09:24 PM.


#13 Feral-as-Meggs

Posted 15 December 2012 - 05:14 AM

Thanks everyone and for sharing your stories.   I don't know why it hit me so strongly yesterday, I just felt really close to her for some reason.  

I know my Aunt died in her 40s/50s before my Grandparents.   Mum didn't ever see her again.  Mum is very high achieving (her yoga instructor accused her of doing yoga as a competative sport) and doesn't show her emotions at all.   I wonder how much of that stems from what happened.  






#14 bees-knees

Posted 15 December 2012 - 06:12 AM

OP, that is very sad for your grandmother, your Mum, and for your aunt, who your family never got to know. I would like to think your grandmother knows now, that you understand, wherever she is.

For those saying how much things have changed though, have they really?  When the termination rate when there is a pre-natal dx of Down syndrome is 90-95%, does that send a message that people with Ds are really valued by our society?  Certainly, when they do arrive they're treated very well, as are their families, but the assumption by so many medical professionals that a pre-natal dx of Ds = termination is a very sad state of affairs.

#15 madmother

Posted 15 December 2012 - 07:41 AM

QUOTE (R2B2 @ 14/12/2012, 08:48 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
sad.gif that is sad.
I guess it gives you an appreciation of how far society has come over the years.



QUOTE (bees-knees @ 15/12/2012, 06:12 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
For those saying how much things have changed though, have they really?  When the termination rate when there is a pre-natal dx of Down syndrome is 90-95%, does that send a message that people with Ds are really valued by our society?  Certainly, when they do arrive they're treated very well, as are their families, but the assumption by so many medical professionals that a pre-natal dx of Ds = termination is a very sad state of affairs.


They have not changed really. The first speech therapist we dealt with on our son's autism journey actually said to us it is a shame it is not twenty years ago and you could send him away and start again.

OP, you are a lovely person to realise how hard that was for your Grandmother, and how much she actually loved her daughter. I do think it would have changed your mother. I know the loss of my sister changed me in so many ways.  sad.gif


#16 i-candi

Posted 15 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

DH was born premmie in the early 70's and the doctor told MIL to put him in a home as she had other daughters to care for. DH was resuscitated by the nurse as the doctor walked out (so MIL says), the doctor wasn't happy and said that he will be a 'vegetable'.

DH is very intelligent and very successful, although his parents did believe he would be disabled as in the early years he had no head control and was fed with a syringe.

My nephew would be in his early 20's (passed away as a chid) and how he was treated in the childrens hospital is very sad, it would never happen today.

I'm grateful to be living in our era now. Imagine what the future would be like???

#17 morgansacre

Posted 15 December 2012 - 11:50 AM

Yes it is so sad, that at the time it was a common thing to do.

My father had a cousin that was sent into an institution at about 8 years of age, he died there at the age of about 40. From how my father described him I would say he would have had a mental illness like schizophrenia or something. It was so sad knowing that now days with the right kind of medication he could have lived with his family in a loving home sad.gif  

So so sad.

Lynn

#18 *melrose*

Posted 15 December 2012 - 05:14 PM

That makes me want to cry.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Teaching our son to say no to violence against women

Today, on White Ribbon Day - and every other day - we're teaching our son to say no to violence against women.

Mothers told to breastfeed in 'spacious' toilet

If there is one thing the owners of Tillings Cafe can be certain of, it is that the eatery won't win the award for Britain's best baby-friendly coffee shop any time soon.

Mother gives name to son dumped down drain

A woman who admitted to dumping her newborn baby down a Sydney drain has reportedly been allowed to give him a name.

Taking small steps to reduce stress

Are you feeling used up by life's stress, family problems and a demanding job you can't turn off? Many people are way beyond work-life exhaustion. They are functioning as robots.

Bad news: we're running out of chocolate

The world's biggest chocolate-maker says we're running out of chocolate.

Born at 23 weeks, 'Chopstick Baby' survives first week

A baby who was born at 23 weeks has survived her first week of life outside the womb.

Manic stations: the nesting instinct in pregnancy

It might sound like temporary insanity, but almost obsessive nesting as you near your due date isn’t uncommon – even if you’re not usually a particularly clean person.

How a baby can survive alone for days on end

The baby found abandoned in a Sydney drain may have been alone for up to six days without being fed, leaving many asking how he could have survived.

When it begins to look a lot like Christmas

A child's excitement at Christmas time is a beautiful thing, but one dad ponders whether his toddler daughter is getting into the festive mood a bit too soon.

Hospital lets dads the experience some of the pain of childbirth

A new experience is radically altering men's views of childbirth.

Italian doctors questioned over formula bribes

Italian police have placed 12 doctors under house arrest on suspicion of promoting baby milk formula over breastfeeding.

Heartwarming prank gives single mum the house she was hired to clean

Cara Simmons arrived at work to clean a large and beautiful house in time for a party planned for that evening. It was soon hers.

Those special moments of sibling bonding

Every now and then your child does or says something that is truly memorable.

Why we should stop telling new parents to 'enjoy every moment'

A few weeks ago, some dear friends of mine had their first baby. As the proud dad texted me a picture I had to fight the natural instinct to say “Enjoy every moment!”

Baby monitor footage posted online

Footage of Australian babies and children sleeping in their bedrooms are among the images on a Russian site showing live feeds from thousands of homes and businesses around the world.

Did this new dad really hit on his wife's midwife?

Was there really a man who was actually there by his wife’s side as she laboured and gave birth to his child, all while he was making what he perceived to be meaningful eye contact with a midwife?

Keep calm and ignore the Tantrum Trolls

Tantrum Trolls are a small but growing species of predatory bottom-feeders who delight in picking on parents at their most vulnerable.

It's okay to never 'get over' the death of a loved one

The death of children, siblings, and parents has long term impacts on the rest of our lives.

What Mark Latham needs to know about depression and motherhood

Love has nothing to do with mental illness. But love may drive a mother to do something about it.

'We're just trying to keep our child alive': life with FPIES

We have a beautiful seven-month-old son, and his allergy rules our life.

Transgender dad breastfeeds his babies

A transgender man who breastfed his first baby - despite having his breasts removed as part of his transformation from female to male - has now had a second child.

Couple face $1 million medical bill and bankruptcy after babymoon birth

A Canadian couple were slammed with a million dollar medical bill after their daughter was prematurely during their babymoon.

Cigarettes, junk food dominate supermarket sales growth

One in every five dollars spent at supermarkets goes on cigarettes or junk food, according to industry data.

Teacher under fire for breastfeeding in class

There is no doubt mums have a right to continue breastfeeding after they have returned to work, but one teacher in the US has taken it to the extreme.

Win a family pass to Disney Live!

We have 4 family passes to give away to see Disney Live! presents Three Classic Fairy Tales, touring Australia this December/January.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Join PADDINGTON on the red carpet!

To celebrate the release of PADDINGTON, we are giving five lucky winners the chance to win a family pass to the exclusive Australian Premiere in Sydney on December 7!

The tragedy of losing a favourite teddy bear

We were green and uninitiated, perhaps a little naïve when it came to the favourite toy responsibility.

Video: Baby sniffs beardless dad to make sure it's him

She looks him up and down and then touches his chin, but baby Lindsey still isn't sure this clean-shaven man is her dad.

It's possible to workout while pregnant

Medical experts say intense fitness routines can be done safely during pregnancy - if the mums-to-be follow some guidelines.

What parents really want for their kids

Are our hopes, dreams and expectations for our children what they really need?

'I had a feeling something was seriously wrong'

Before even giving birth, Katie Myers' maternal instincts warned her something was wrong with her baby.

When your pregnancy causes a relationship rift

Some dads-to-be don't miss a beat when their partner is pregnant; others struggle with a range of issues and can become withdrawn, right when their support is needed most.

Couple uses group photo trick to announce pregnancy to loved ones

Katharine and Kris Camilli devised a clever trick to immortalise their family and friends' reactions to their exciting pregnancy news.

Why Tracey Spicer has given up make-up

"After 30 years on television, I had become what I despised: a painted doll who spent an hour a day and close to $200 a week putting on a mask."

Knowing you are one of the lucky ones

I am secure, confident and strong, but the responsibility of protecting my children can almost bring me undone.

Why I am so emotional now I have kids?

There are so many ways in which parenthood changes us as women, but one of the most noticeable, for me, has been the changing state of my emotions.

Baby survives despite sharing womb with 'foreign body'

Baby Maia was conceived against the odds, only to find she was sharing a womb with an ominous "foreign body".

Video: Baby shows dog how to jump - or vice versa

They say dog is man's best friend, but this playful pooch seems to have chosen a jumping baby as her number one buddy.

10 ways to soothe a crying baby

New paernts can get frustrated when their newborn gets fussy and can't settle down. When you're feeling overwhelmed, try some of these simple tips to help soothe your baby.

20 baby names that are becoming more popular every year

The data-lovers at nameberry.com have been at it again – this time, they’ve discovered the names that are continually rising up the ranks, ready to take out some top spots in the next few years.

10 great meals to make for new parents

Ideally, you want to give food that isn’t expensive to make, isn't too difficult to create, and freezes well; stews, bakes, soups and pasta sauces are perfect.

Weird pregnancy products

Some pregnancy products come to market and are just awesome. Others just leave you scratching your head.

Carers admit to force-feeding children

Two children who were given to the wrong families at birth will soon learn if they will be returned to their biological parents.

 

How many weeks til Christmas?

On your To-Do list

Get the "Santa" shopping done without the kids in tow.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.