Jump to content

At my wits end!
I'm starting to hate my 3 yr old daughter!


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 jess1980

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:42 PM

My youngest daughter is 3.5 and for the last 6 months has been nothing but I nightmare I really don't know what to do! I discipline my 5 yr old daughter exactly the same and she is well behaved. I give her timeouts she screams and throws herself around the house god knows what my neighbors think. I've taken toys of her, have not taken her to birthday parties etc when she has been naughty. Have also left different social events when she misbehaves I certainly don't make empty threats. I praise her on the odd occasion she is good or does something good. Nothing I do seems to work I almost want to give her nothing for Christmas as even the fact that 'Santa' is watching does nothing to improve her behaviour I'm starting to think I need to take her to a dr any ideas?

#2 nadi~bicardi

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:31 PM

Will be watching this thread with interest.  

I have a DD who is 5 in March and she has been this way since she turned 3.  She was such a placid baby too.  I just cannot find her currency - there is nothing that she seems to care enough about to motivate her behaviour.  

She loves to draw and her behaviour is much more manageable when she is drawing, but lately she has gone off drawing and nothing I can say or do seems to motivate her to go back to it.  Some days I end up in tears because every single exchange with her ends in drama.  

So, sorry OP, I have no advice, just sympathy for you.

#3 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:33 AM

You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.


#4 Natttmumm

Posted 21 December 2012 - 09:30 AM

I am sure its the age. DD2 who used to be so placid is like this too (although shes ok when DD1 is not around and its just mummy time).

She is 3. For the last 6 months she has been a nightmare and its been tough. I have posted a bit about the tantrums and the sibling rivalry.

When DD1 was that age we saw a child psych as she was worse and they told us its the hardest age with girls and just ride it through using whatever tecniques made us cope as parents. e.g. positive parenting etc. To be honest nothing worked until she hit 4 and grew out of it. She exploded at least 3 to 4 times a day and drove us insane. It was my worst year and I hated it.

DD2 now at that age explodes about once a day and is ok for the rest so its upsetting but not as much. Its tough as the explosions are about the smallest things e.g. this morning her toast was wrong. I am learning to see it coming e.g lunch time when she is hungry and tired so im ready for it.

my only suggestion is find ways that you can cope as I dont believe anything changes the beahviour at this age, although some may disagree with me. So what I mean is daycare days for a break, lots of time out for you, relaxtion breathing when a tantrum occurs. These are all things that help me as I know nothing will prevent the tantrums

#5 melanieb530

Posted 22 December 2012 - 12:19 AM

My first thought is that it may be largely related to having recently arrived twin babies in the family.

Hope it improves soon!

#6 poss71

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

Try lots of cuddles and praise for her being a helpful girl, or eating tidily, or using lovely manners, or going to the toilet without having to be asked, or listening well, or telling great stories, or for being your favourite 3 year old. Whatever praisworthy thng you can catch them doing.

The "favourite x year old" works really well when there's absolutely nothing you can come up with that they've done that day worthy of praise. You know, those says when they trash their room, spill their water, drop food all over the floor, pull their sister's hair, (perhaps poke or otherwise wake the babies in your case) and so on.

IMO, 3 is an age where they are learning big concepts: independence; that mummy and daddy can't always know what they are thinking/feeling; that they have an opinion which may not be shared by siblings or parents; they may be going to kinder or childcare and learning things from ppl other than parents.

A bit of reassurance can go a long way.

Then, consequences. As in, she hits her sister, she loses the right to a shopping treat. Be as consistent as you can, as that adds to the reassurance that all is well in the family and the knowledge that new babies (or anything else) are a normal part of her life.

Good luck; I can't guarantee that these will work (although the favourite x year old has worked on several small children of my acquaintance), but as you can see from my sig, I have just been through two of these! They were so very different in how they behaved, you wouldn't credit it, so I can't presume to advise on particular ways of dealing with certain. behaviours.

You will get through it!

EFS

Edited by poss71, 22 December 2012 - 07:17 AM.


#7 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:25 AM

I feel your pain OP. My 3 year old DD is a nightmare as well. Incredibly strong willed and won't do anything I say unless it's what she wants to do, and if I discipline her she just gets even more stubborn. DS is such an easy-going, anxious-to-please child that I am in shock as to how different my two children are.

And she brings the worst out in me as a mother. I joke to my friends that I expected to have stand-up screaming matches with my daughter when she was a teenager, not when she was 3. All those things I said I'd never do as a parent, and I've done all of them with her. She makes me hate myself as a mum.

DS goes to school next year and I am honestly dreading being home alone with her 3 days a week. I'm hoping that her behaviour will improve with the extra one-on-one time she gets.

#8 Jess1308

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Must be very difficult, especially with new twins in the house, both for you and your daughter. I have no advice strategy wise, but I remember from a Pinky Mackay seminar I went to she highlighted having reasonable expectations of your toddler, that three is a hugely challenging age, that they still don't have a huge amount of impulse control which we as the adults need to try and remember. Go have a look at her website it might help.

#9 BeakyHoneyButt

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (hamiriver @ 21/12/2012, 01:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.

I agree with this, my 2 girls respond so differently. One it's 'sit down time out every time you act up' and that works very well with her, eye to eye telling her why she has to stop what we were doing, literally every time, lost count in bunnings one day, but we hardly have to do that anymore. Other DD wouldn't matter how many time outs, until i actually caught her doing the right thing (taking her jammies back to her bed one morning for the first time) i made such a fuss and gave her a huge sticker, she remembers every time now.
But my first  start when their behaviour is strange is to go through all the things PP mentioned above, sleep, eating something different, bored etc etc.
good luck.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.