Jump to content

At my wits end!
I'm starting to hate my 3 yr old daughter!


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 jess1980

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:42 PM

My youngest daughter is 3.5 and for the last 6 months has been nothing but I nightmare I really don't know what to do! I discipline my 5 yr old daughter exactly the same and she is well behaved. I give her timeouts she screams and throws herself around the house god knows what my neighbors think. I've taken toys of her, have not taken her to birthday parties etc when she has been naughty. Have also left different social events when she misbehaves I certainly don't make empty threats. I praise her on the odd occasion she is good or does something good. Nothing I do seems to work I almost want to give her nothing for Christmas as even the fact that 'Santa' is watching does nothing to improve her behaviour I'm starting to think I need to take her to a dr any ideas?

#2 nadi~bicardi

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:31 PM

Will be watching this thread with interest.  

I have a DD who is 5 in March and she has been this way since she turned 3.  She was such a placid baby too.  I just cannot find her currency - there is nothing that she seems to care enough about to motivate her behaviour.  

She loves to draw and her behaviour is much more manageable when she is drawing, but lately she has gone off drawing and nothing I can say or do seems to motivate her to go back to it.  Some days I end up in tears because every single exchange with her ends in drama.  

So, sorry OP, I have no advice, just sympathy for you.

#3 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:33 AM

You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.


#4 Natttmumm

Posted 21 December 2012 - 09:30 AM

I am sure its the age. DD2 who used to be so placid is like this too (although shes ok when DD1 is not around and its just mummy time).

She is 3. For the last 6 months she has been a nightmare and its been tough. I have posted a bit about the tantrums and the sibling rivalry.

When DD1 was that age we saw a child psych as she was worse and they told us its the hardest age with girls and just ride it through using whatever tecniques made us cope as parents. e.g. positive parenting etc. To be honest nothing worked until she hit 4 and grew out of it. She exploded at least 3 to 4 times a day and drove us insane. It was my worst year and I hated it.

DD2 now at that age explodes about once a day and is ok for the rest so its upsetting but not as much. Its tough as the explosions are about the smallest things e.g. this morning her toast was wrong. I am learning to see it coming e.g lunch time when she is hungry and tired so im ready for it.

my only suggestion is find ways that you can cope as I dont believe anything changes the beahviour at this age, although some may disagree with me. So what I mean is daycare days for a break, lots of time out for you, relaxtion breathing when a tantrum occurs. These are all things that help me as I know nothing will prevent the tantrums

#5 melanieb530

Posted 22 December 2012 - 12:19 AM

My first thought is that it may be largely related to having recently arrived twin babies in the family.

Hope it improves soon!

#6 poss71

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

Try lots of cuddles and praise for her being a helpful girl, or eating tidily, or using lovely manners, or going to the toilet without having to be asked, or listening well, or telling great stories, or for being your favourite 3 year old. Whatever praisworthy thng you can catch them doing.

The "favourite x year old" works really well when there's absolutely nothing you can come up with that they've done that day worthy of praise. You know, those says when they trash their room, spill their water, drop food all over the floor, pull their sister's hair, (perhaps poke or otherwise wake the babies in your case) and so on.

IMO, 3 is an age where they are learning big concepts: independence; that mummy and daddy can't always know what they are thinking/feeling; that they have an opinion which may not be shared by siblings or parents; they may be going to kinder or childcare and learning things from ppl other than parents.

A bit of reassurance can go a long way.

Then, consequences. As in, she hits her sister, she loses the right to a shopping treat. Be as consistent as you can, as that adds to the reassurance that all is well in the family and the knowledge that new babies (or anything else) are a normal part of her life.

Good luck; I can't guarantee that these will work (although the favourite x year old has worked on several small children of my acquaintance), but as you can see from my sig, I have just been through two of these! They were so very different in how they behaved, you wouldn't credit it, so I can't presume to advise on particular ways of dealing with certain. behaviours.

You will get through it!

EFS

Edited by poss71, 22 December 2012 - 07:17 AM.


#7 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:25 AM

I feel your pain OP. My 3 year old DD is a nightmare as well. Incredibly strong willed and won't do anything I say unless it's what she wants to do, and if I discipline her she just gets even more stubborn. DS is such an easy-going, anxious-to-please child that I am in shock as to how different my two children are.

And she brings the worst out in me as a mother. I joke to my friends that I expected to have stand-up screaming matches with my daughter when she was a teenager, not when she was 3. All those things I said I'd never do as a parent, and I've done all of them with her. She makes me hate myself as a mum.

DS goes to school next year and I am honestly dreading being home alone with her 3 days a week. I'm hoping that her behaviour will improve with the extra one-on-one time she gets.

#8 Jess1308

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Must be very difficult, especially with new twins in the house, both for you and your daughter. I have no advice strategy wise, but I remember from a Pinky Mackay seminar I went to she highlighted having reasonable expectations of your toddler, that three is a hugely challenging age, that they still don't have a huge amount of impulse control which we as the adults need to try and remember. Go have a look at her website it might help.

#9 BeakyHoneyButt

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (hamiriver @ 21/12/2012, 01:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.

I agree with this, my 2 girls respond so differently. One it's 'sit down time out every time you act up' and that works very well with her, eye to eye telling her why she has to stop what we were doing, literally every time, lost count in bunnings one day, but we hardly have to do that anymore. Other DD wouldn't matter how many time outs, until i actually caught her doing the right thing (taking her jammies back to her bed one morning for the first time) i made such a fuss and gave her a huge sticker, she remembers every time now.
But my first  start when their behaviour is strange is to go through all the things PP mentioned above, sleep, eating something different, bored etc etc.
good luck.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win a Mountain Buggy Swift

To celebrate Essential Baby reaching half a million Facebook fans, we have a Mountain Buggy Swift to giveaway to a lucky fan.

Shopping with kids: breaking the pester-power cycle

You're out shopping with your little one and they're incessantly whining that they want a treat. It's easy to say no ... the first time, at least.

eBay jacket may hold clue to murdered girl's identity

A jacket similar to the one found with the remains of a brutally murdered little girl in South Australia has been identified on eBay.

New mum forced back to work early due to paid parental leave 'technicality'

Shelley Parker had to keep driving buses until the date her baby was due and will have to rush back to work at the end of this week after being denied paid parental leave on a "technicality".

Pregnant Amanda Palmer poses naked for book drive

It has to be the most original way ever of promoting a children's book donation day.

The conception dilemma facing many parents today

Some parents who conceived through a sperm donor will be wary of telling the child, while others prefer to deal with it early on. But recent research suggests it makes little difference either way.

The wedding photo the bridesmaid would rather forget

We've probably all seen a passed-out bridesmaid at one wedding or another, but it usually happens towards the end of the night.

Pregnant TV meteorologist takes on haters

Pregnant TV meteorologist Katie Fehlinger has hit back at haters who called her a "sausage in casing".

Honest words from first-time mums

I didn't want to say anything negative to my pregnant friend, but I wish I'd been more honest.

Adorable baby experiences rain for the first time, couldn't be happier

Harper had seen rain from the comfort of indoors before, but had never had the pleasure of being outside and experiencing it first hand.

What it's really like to start a family in your fifties

Many people suppose that it must be much more tiring to have a baby in middle age, but all the mothers in the playground look exhausted, whatever their age.

'Biggest hypocrite ever': Josh Duggar admits to Ashley Madison account

An American reality TV star has been busted with a cheating website account, according to US media.

Long recovery ahead for girl hit by car weeks after baby brother's death

A little girl is more alert and starting to talk after being hit by a car a week ago, but still faces a long recovery.

How to react when a toddler lies

Q: My almost-3-year-old is starting to figure out that he can lie when asked if he ripped the book, threw the food, hit his brother, etc. Totally normal, I know. How do we respond?

The circular experience of a Centrelink client

A mum-to-be experiences the frustration of dealing with Centrelink, myGov and everything in between.

Kelly Clarkson announces live on stage: 'I'm pregnant!'

Singer Kelly Clarkson has announced she is pregnant with her second child during a concert in Los Angeles.

Hack

How to search the leaked Ashley Madison data

At least three sites are republishing Ashley Madison's user data on the public-facing internet.

Mum dances her way through labour

There are a fair few ways to distract yourself and beat pains while in labour, but it's probably a rare woman who chooses her dance her way through it.

'Rest in peace, my little lion': premmie baby Jacob passes away

Baby Jacob, whose photo of him born at just 27 weeks was deemed 'too graphic' for a fundraising site, has died.

Mum killed three young sons 'to help her daughter', prosecutor says

Niall Pilkington's death last summer apparently raised little alarm in Bellefontaine, Ohio. Tragic accidents happen, after all.

Shorter women have shorter pregnancies: study

When a group of researchers studied nearly 3500 mothers and their babies, they noticed a curious pattern.

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

The worst 20 minutes of my life

Thirty seconds was all it took to turn a shopping trip into my worst nightmare.

Top baby names for England and Wales in 2014

George has overtaken William in the official rankings of most popular British baby names - and Game of Thrones is still having an impact on parents.

Baseball or baby? Dad's tough choice

What's more important, a baby or a baseball? That's a question this dad seems to struggle with.

Childbirth choices: five star or free?

It's not often you hear the words labour and luxury in the same sentence but for some, a 5-star start to parenthood is exactly what they seek. And with a number of private hospitals now offering packages which include a post-birth stay at a sumptuous first class resort, many mums are choosing to recover in style.

'Where did your boobies go, Mummy?' and other soul-destroying comments from kids

Most women carry a smidge of baby weight after giving birth. If you're lucky enough to have an older child in the house, they can keep you on track with your weight loss goals.

Do you read me, baby?

Is it too soon to be reading to my two-month-old son? If not, what should I read?

Minimising sibling rivalry when you've got a baby

Sibling rivalry is an act of competition, but if your children feel involved and special, this type of jealousy will be minimised.

Will studying on maternity leave take you away from your most important job?

I remember when I was trying to decide if I could combine motherhood and furthering my university education.

Win a Pacapod this Father's Day

To celebrate dads and families, we are giving away a Picos Pack from Pacapod Australia filled with a few extra goodies ENTER NOW

Preschooler hit by car shortly after baby brother's death

A mother has had a frantic race to the hospital after her daughter was hit by a car, just four weeks after her infant son died.

Gay couple and Thai surrogate in custody tug-of-war

A six-month-old baby girl is trapped in the Thai capital in a bitter custody wrangle between her Thai surrogate mother and her biological father.

Couple denied IVF over parenting concerns

A mother of six has been denied access to IVF treatment in order to have another child over concerns about her parenting skills.

The book that promises to put your children to sleep

Exhausted parents from around the world are singing the praises of a "miracle" book which promises to put even the most restless child to sleep in just minutes.

5 things every parent who feels guilty needs to know

Parenthood can make you feel bad, but you're not alone.

Royals criticise 'dangerous' attempts to photograph Prince George

The British royal family criticized paparazzi on Friday for what it called their increasingly dangerous attempts to photograph young Prince George.

'No jab, no play' rule to cover Victorian kindergartens and childcare centres

"Anti-vaxxers" face not being able to send their children to childcare centres or kindergarten if they refuse to have them immunised.

15,000 birthing kits on their way to developing countries

Giving birth in a hospital surrounded by medical experts is tough enough, but some women deliver babies without a clean sheet to lie on.

Photo of premmie 'too graphic', fundraising site says

When their son Jacob was born at just 27 weeks, Christina and Jeff Hinks were thrown into an uncertain world.

The latest Bugaboo collections: cool chevron and runner prams

Bugaboo sure likes to keep things fresh, and with the Australian spring/summer season coming up, there are two new Bugaboo pram releases.

Making room for two in the bed

Mum's room or their own room? Cot or bassinets? Deciding where twins will sleep can be tricky.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Sydney!

Get your free ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show and save $20 - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.