Jump to content

At my wits end!
I'm starting to hate my 3 yr old daughter!


  • Please log in to reply
8 replies to this topic

#1 jess1980

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:42 PM

My youngest daughter is 3.5 and for the last 6 months has been nothing but I nightmare I really don't know what to do! I discipline my 5 yr old daughter exactly the same and she is well behaved. I give her timeouts she screams and throws herself around the house god knows what my neighbors think. I've taken toys of her, have not taken her to birthday parties etc when she has been naughty. Have also left different social events when she misbehaves I certainly don't make empty threats. I praise her on the odd occasion she is good or does something good. Nothing I do seems to work I almost want to give her nothing for Christmas as even the fact that 'Santa' is watching does nothing to improve her behaviour I'm starting to think I need to take her to a dr any ideas?

#2 nadi~bicardi

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:31 PM

Will be watching this thread with interest.  

I have a DD who is 5 in March and she has been this way since she turned 3.  She was such a placid baby too.  I just cannot find her currency - there is nothing that she seems to care enough about to motivate her behaviour.  

She loves to draw and her behaviour is much more manageable when she is drawing, but lately she has gone off drawing and nothing I can say or do seems to motivate her to go back to it.  Some days I end up in tears because every single exchange with her ends in drama.  

So, sorry OP, I have no advice, just sympathy for you.

#3 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:33 AM

You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.


#4 Natttmumm

Posted 21 December 2012 - 09:30 AM

I am sure its the age. DD2 who used to be so placid is like this too (although shes ok when DD1 is not around and its just mummy time).

She is 3. For the last 6 months she has been a nightmare and its been tough. I have posted a bit about the tantrums and the sibling rivalry.

When DD1 was that age we saw a child psych as she was worse and they told us its the hardest age with girls and just ride it through using whatever tecniques made us cope as parents. e.g. positive parenting etc. To be honest nothing worked until she hit 4 and grew out of it. She exploded at least 3 to 4 times a day and drove us insane. It was my worst year and I hated it.

DD2 now at that age explodes about once a day and is ok for the rest so its upsetting but not as much. Its tough as the explosions are about the smallest things e.g. this morning her toast was wrong. I am learning to see it coming e.g lunch time when she is hungry and tired so im ready for it.

my only suggestion is find ways that you can cope as I dont believe anything changes the beahviour at this age, although some may disagree with me. So what I mean is daycare days for a break, lots of time out for you, relaxtion breathing when a tantrum occurs. These are all things that help me as I know nothing will prevent the tantrums

#5 melanieb530

Posted 22 December 2012 - 12:19 AM

My first thought is that it may be largely related to having recently arrived twin babies in the family.

Hope it improves soon!

#6 poss71

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

Try lots of cuddles and praise for her being a helpful girl, or eating tidily, or using lovely manners, or going to the toilet without having to be asked, or listening well, or telling great stories, or for being your favourite 3 year old. Whatever praisworthy thng you can catch them doing.

The "favourite x year old" works really well when there's absolutely nothing you can come up with that they've done that day worthy of praise. You know, those says when they trash their room, spill their water, drop food all over the floor, pull their sister's hair, (perhaps poke or otherwise wake the babies in your case) and so on.

IMO, 3 is an age where they are learning big concepts: independence; that mummy and daddy can't always know what they are thinking/feeling; that they have an opinion which may not be shared by siblings or parents; they may be going to kinder or childcare and learning things from ppl other than parents.

A bit of reassurance can go a long way.

Then, consequences. As in, she hits her sister, she loses the right to a shopping treat. Be as consistent as you can, as that adds to the reassurance that all is well in the family and the knowledge that new babies (or anything else) are a normal part of her life.

Good luck; I can't guarantee that these will work (although the favourite x year old has worked on several small children of my acquaintance), but as you can see from my sig, I have just been through two of these! They were so very different in how they behaved, you wouldn't credit it, so I can't presume to advise on particular ways of dealing with certain. behaviours.

You will get through it!

EFS

Edited by poss71, 22 December 2012 - 07:17 AM.


#7 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:25 AM

I feel your pain OP. My 3 year old DD is a nightmare as well. Incredibly strong willed and won't do anything I say unless it's what she wants to do, and if I discipline her she just gets even more stubborn. DS is such an easy-going, anxious-to-please child that I am in shock as to how different my two children are.

And she brings the worst out in me as a mother. I joke to my friends that I expected to have stand-up screaming matches with my daughter when she was a teenager, not when she was 3. All those things I said I'd never do as a parent, and I've done all of them with her. She makes me hate myself as a mum.

DS goes to school next year and I am honestly dreading being home alone with her 3 days a week. I'm hoping that her behaviour will improve with the extra one-on-one time she gets.

#8 Jess1308

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Must be very difficult, especially with new twins in the house, both for you and your daughter. I have no advice strategy wise, but I remember from a Pinky Mackay seminar I went to she highlighted having reasonable expectations of your toddler, that three is a hugely challenging age, that they still don't have a huge amount of impulse control which we as the adults need to try and remember. Go have a look at her website it might help.

#9 BeakyHoneyButt

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (hamiriver @ 21/12/2012, 01:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.

I agree with this, my 2 girls respond so differently. One it's 'sit down time out every time you act up' and that works very well with her, eye to eye telling her why she has to stop what we were doing, literally every time, lost count in bunnings one day, but we hardly have to do that anymore. Other DD wouldn't matter how many time outs, until i actually caught her doing the right thing (taking her jammies back to her bed one morning for the first time) i made such a fuss and gave her a huge sticker, she remembers every time now.
But my first  start when their behaviour is strange is to go through all the things PP mentioned above, sleep, eating something different, bored etc etc.
good luck.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Video: Funny 'Lips Are Moving' parody just for mums

Meghan Trainor's song 'Lips Are Moving' was already a hit, but now it's been turned into a hilarious parody that is set to be very popular with frustrated mums everywhere.

Out with the clutter

Decluttering by the numbers: take the 30-day challenge

Forget the 5:2 diet - Twitter's 30-day declutter challenge will have your house back in shape in no time (well, a month).

Parents, don't be too hard on yourselves

We need to stop damning parents of today, and embrace their appetite for knowledge instead.

Is my baby normal?

There are chubby Buddha babies and there are thin, smaller babies. Neither are right or wrong, they are all 'normal'.

When an older sibling starts school

When one child goes to ‘big school’ and leaves the other behind, it can cause deep upset. Here's how to make the transition easier.

Stray cat saves abandoned baby

They say dogs are man's best friend, but one cat has proven felines can be just as devoted to their human companions.

How strangers are helping a mum's wish come true after her death

A mum of five, Liz Marquez wanted to breastfeed her premmie son for a year. So when she passed away suddenly, her friends - and strangers - stepped in to help.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

Win with The Boxtrolls

To celebrate the release of The Boxtrolls on 3D Blu-ray, DVD & Digital with UltraViolet, we're giving you the chance to win a Boxtroll stationary package and DVD.

 

School Term 1

Get after-school care sorted

Wait lists too long at OSHC? Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.