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At my wits end!
I'm starting to hate my 3 yr old daughter!


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#1 jess1980

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:42 PM

My youngest daughter is 3.5 and for the last 6 months has been nothing but I nightmare I really don't know what to do! I discipline my 5 yr old daughter exactly the same and she is well behaved. I give her timeouts she screams and throws herself around the house god knows what my neighbors think. I've taken toys of her, have not taken her to birthday parties etc when she has been naughty. Have also left different social events when she misbehaves I certainly don't make empty threats. I praise her on the odd occasion she is good or does something good. Nothing I do seems to work I almost want to give her nothing for Christmas as even the fact that 'Santa' is watching does nothing to improve her behaviour I'm starting to think I need to take her to a dr any ideas?

#2 nadi~bicardi

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:31 PM

Will be watching this thread with interest.  

I have a DD who is 5 in March and she has been this way since she turned 3.  She was such a placid baby too.  I just cannot find her currency - there is nothing that she seems to care enough about to motivate her behaviour.  

She loves to draw and her behaviour is much more manageable when she is drawing, but lately she has gone off drawing and nothing I can say or do seems to motivate her to go back to it.  Some days I end up in tears because every single exchange with her ends in drama.  

So, sorry OP, I have no advice, just sympathy for you.

#3 hamiriver

Posted 21 December 2012 - 12:33 AM

You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.


#4 Natttmumm

Posted 21 December 2012 - 09:30 AM

I am sure its the age. DD2 who used to be so placid is like this too (although shes ok when DD1 is not around and its just mummy time).

She is 3. For the last 6 months she has been a nightmare and its been tough. I have posted a bit about the tantrums and the sibling rivalry.

When DD1 was that age we saw a child psych as she was worse and they told us its the hardest age with girls and just ride it through using whatever tecniques made us cope as parents. e.g. positive parenting etc. To be honest nothing worked until she hit 4 and grew out of it. She exploded at least 3 to 4 times a day and drove us insane. It was my worst year and I hated it.

DD2 now at that age explodes about once a day and is ok for the rest so its upsetting but not as much. Its tough as the explosions are about the smallest things e.g. this morning her toast was wrong. I am learning to see it coming e.g lunch time when she is hungry and tired so im ready for it.

my only suggestion is find ways that you can cope as I dont believe anything changes the beahviour at this age, although some may disagree with me. So what I mean is daycare days for a break, lots of time out for you, relaxtion breathing when a tantrum occurs. These are all things that help me as I know nothing will prevent the tantrums

#5 melanieb530

Posted 22 December 2012 - 12:19 AM

My first thought is that it may be largely related to having recently arrived twin babies in the family.

Hope it improves soon!

#6 poss71

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

Try lots of cuddles and praise for her being a helpful girl, or eating tidily, or using lovely manners, or going to the toilet without having to be asked, or listening well, or telling great stories, or for being your favourite 3 year old. Whatever praisworthy thng you can catch them doing.

The "favourite x year old" works really well when there's absolutely nothing you can come up with that they've done that day worthy of praise. You know, those says when they trash their room, spill their water, drop food all over the floor, pull their sister's hair, (perhaps poke or otherwise wake the babies in your case) and so on.

IMO, 3 is an age where they are learning big concepts: independence; that mummy and daddy can't always know what they are thinking/feeling; that they have an opinion which may not be shared by siblings or parents; they may be going to kinder or childcare and learning things from ppl other than parents.

A bit of reassurance can go a long way.

Then, consequences. As in, she hits her sister, she loses the right to a shopping treat. Be as consistent as you can, as that adds to the reassurance that all is well in the family and the knowledge that new babies (or anything else) are a normal part of her life.

Good luck; I can't guarantee that these will work (although the favourite x year old has worked on several small children of my acquaintance), but as you can see from my sig, I have just been through two of these! They were so very different in how they behaved, you wouldn't credit it, so I can't presume to advise on particular ways of dealing with certain. behaviours.

You will get through it!

EFS

Edited by poss71, 22 December 2012 - 07:17 AM.


#7 ZombieFerretOfDoom

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:25 AM

I feel your pain OP. My 3 year old DD is a nightmare as well. Incredibly strong willed and won't do anything I say unless it's what she wants to do, and if I discipline her she just gets even more stubborn. DS is such an easy-going, anxious-to-please child that I am in shock as to how different my two children are.

And she brings the worst out in me as a mother. I joke to my friends that I expected to have stand-up screaming matches with my daughter when she was a teenager, not when she was 3. All those things I said I'd never do as a parent, and I've done all of them with her. She makes me hate myself as a mum.

DS goes to school next year and I am honestly dreading being home alone with her 3 days a week. I'm hoping that her behaviour will improve with the extra one-on-one time she gets.

#8 Jess1308

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:30 AM

Must be very difficult, especially with new twins in the house, both for you and your daughter. I have no advice strategy wise, but I remember from a Pinky Mackay seminar I went to she highlighted having reasonable expectations of your toddler, that three is a hugely challenging age, that they still don't have a huge amount of impulse control which we as the adults need to try and remember. Go have a look at her website it might help.

#9 BeakyHoneyButt

Posted 22 December 2012 - 07:32 AM

QUOTE (hamiriver @ 21/12/2012, 01:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
You probably just can't treat / discipline her the same way your other  child maybe? Different temperaments ?
One of mine was like this, and we went back to reward charts and giving more routine or certainty in his day.  He didn't like being stuck in noisy school concerts and wasn't a good eater.  
He has lots of habits that I really disliked and I tell you he nearly drove us mad.
In hindsight, I wish I had not got as frustrated as I did with him as you just need to find a way to communicate on their level .
Is she bored or going through a growth spurt?
Is she sleeping enough? I found as my children grow up they go through ages and ages where they need to eat earlier and sleep more even as they get older.
Are you spending enough quality time doing things with her, quiet times, just reading to her etc? We may wel just she feeling she isn't getting enough of fun time.
I think ad once we get into a negative behaviour cycle it's harder for us to get out of it. Maybe try and find some more good behaviours to praise even if little.

I agree with this, my 2 girls respond so differently. One it's 'sit down time out every time you act up' and that works very well with her, eye to eye telling her why she has to stop what we were doing, literally every time, lost count in bunnings one day, but we hardly have to do that anymore. Other DD wouldn't matter how many time outs, until i actually caught her doing the right thing (taking her jammies back to her bed one morning for the first time) i made such a fuss and gave her a huge sticker, she remembers every time now.
But my first  start when their behaviour is strange is to go through all the things PP mentioned above, sleep, eating something different, bored etc etc.
good luck.





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