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Hilariously tactful report card comments
What's in your child's?


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#1 Leggy

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:52 PM

"DN sometimes needs scaffolding and guidance to help her deal appropriately with disappointment."

I translate this as: Sometimes she needs to be reminded that tantrums are just not on for someone starting prep next year and told to go sit in the quiet corner with a cuddle toy till she's calmed down.

What hilariously tactful comments have appeared on your child's report card?

In completely the other direction, my old maths teacher reckoned that one of his classmates once got the comment, "Indolent, insolent, and consequently ignorant."

#2 2puzzled

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:03 PM

not my child's, but mine throughout school life:

"contributes well to class discussion"... translated as "she never, ever shuts up..."

#3 DrFeral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:04 PM

Funny. This topic reminds me of the teacher comments in the beginning of Matilda by Roald Dahl. My favourite is "It is a curious truth that
Grasshoppers have their hearing organs in the sides of their abdomen. Your daughter, judging by what she's learnt this term has no hearing organs at all.

#4 overweightanon

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:13 PM

needs extra encouragement to focus on the activity at hand - translation - he has the concentration span of a cactus tongue.gif

#5 Billy Shears

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:23 PM

So glad the messages get through.

Wish I could write some onthe ones I used in reports this year - but that would obviously be unprofessional wink.gif

#6 whatnamenow

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:31 PM

Not on report card but on DD's graduation night.  Each child had to walk down the aisle to a speech given by their teacher about their acheivements during the year.   I spent the whole 40 min till DD's turn terrified about what was going to be said about DD.  They settled on she likes drama and wants to be a teacher.  ( i think all the teachers are laughing about that considering DD's behaviour towards them.) personally i think the drama they were referring too is the running away from school screaming at teachers kind.  Oh well bring on high school.

#7 If You Say So

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:33 PM

My sister once had a comment about her ability to disrupt the ENTIRE class.

#8 Velvetta

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:46 PM

Well, not exactly euphemistic but DS7's said "His need for perfection has lessoned (sic) ".

Because he used to start all over again from scratch whenever he made a tiny error. Never mind the spelling of "lessoned", even spell check isn't picking that up as I type, it's not a word!!

This same teacher once said to me at a PT meeting - after I had said my son was a bit different, a bit eccentric - "yes he's not really normal is he?"  faaarrrkkk!

#9 Melly23

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:59 PM

School Transition statement:

"He is learning to get closer to the person he is speaking to and modulate his voice in conversation and play" - Translation "He is learning NOT to shout across the room at people"

"...reminders to find the person with your legs and eyes first, then speak" - Translation "He is learning NOT to shout across the room at people"

"He has become aware of waiting his turn to speak but still needs occasional prompts to look first and wait until others are finished speaking" - Translation "He is learning NOT to interrupt others"

"He can be a little distracted at times by his friends and can benefit from sitting towards the front of groups" - Translation "GOOD LUCK SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!!!

Lucky he's cute  biggrin.gif

#10 HRH Countrymel

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:14 PM

Not a report card comment but an 'award'.

Many years ago (and I'm hoping she is beyond her child rearing years now and won't be on EB to recognise herself - but if you do Mum really liked you honest!) the school my Mum taught at was giving out awards at the end of the year and wanted to give one to all of their year six leavers.

There was one little girl whom it was most difficult to find a positive to focus on - things like "a diligent worker" were out, sporting prowess was out, academic achievement was out, "helpful" was out, "thoughtful" likewise - all she ever did was gossip and scheme in a grand 11/12 year old machiavellian manner..

Her 'award'?  

To *child*

For her intense interest in other people.

#11 B.ChickenBoss

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:14 PM

My sons said:
"Luca consistently displays excellent listening skills."

That's my sons name but she couldn't possibly be talking about MY son.  unsure.gif huh.gif

#12 Shellby

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

I haven't had any on my kids, but I remember one from mine in high school which was 'She has a coasting attitude' which basically meant - She is a b**ch to me. To be honest, I didn't like him so it was true. Rest of my reports cards were great.



#13 Not Escapin Xmas

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:24 PM

QUOTE (countrymel @ 14/12/2012, 03:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Not a report card comment but an 'award'.

Many years ago (and I'm hoping she is beyond her child rearing years now and won't be on EB to recognise herself - but if you do Mum really liked you honest!) the school my Mum taught at was giving out awards at the end of the year and wanted to give one to all of their year six leavers.

There was one little girl whom it was most difficult to find a positive to focus on - things like "a diligent worker" were out, sporting prowess was out, academic achievement was out, "helpful" was out, "thoughtful" likewise - all she ever did was gossip and scheme in a grand 11/12 year old machiavellian manner..

Her 'award'?  

To *child*

For her intense interest in other people.


hahaha, she's probably in politics or a CEO by now.


#14 CallMeFeral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:29 PM

DD: Enjoyed guiding and instructing her friends on what to do = BOSSY!

#15 HRH Countrymel

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:29 PM

QUOTE (Bek+3 @ 14/12/2012, 03:14 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
That's my sons name but she couldn't possibly be talking about MY son.  unsure.gif huh.gif


Hah!

My friend was told "You have such a wonderful, thoughtful, daughter. So calm, so considerate of other people's feelings..."

My friend said "Yes I do.  But - ummm - it's not the one YOU teach surely?"


We all read this particular child's school reports with wonder in our hearts.. something magical must be in the air in that school, as the little girl on paper bears no resemblance to the feisty autocrat we all know and love!

#16 Leggy

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE
So glad the messages get through.


This is pretty much what a teacher friend said when I mentioned some of the amusing things on DN's transition statement. Some of these things come as a complete surprise to many of her pupils' parents, apparently :S

#17 JinksNewton

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

Not a report card, but when DS was getting assessed, the assessor said "he's a very DEFINITE child, isn't he? He certainly knows his own mind"
Translation: DS only does what he wants to do, and is stubborn as anything.
Didn't worry me, it's true! DH was just the same in that way as a kid.

#18 kadoodle

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:46 PM

No comments on the reports here in Victoria, so I'm without the usual polite euphemism for "won't shut up" for DS1.


#19 feralisles

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:47 PM

We had "shows a lot of interest in her environment" which I think translates to "stares out the window all day"!

#20 solongsuckers

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:56 PM

My children aren't in school but I remember on one of my year 8 reports one of my teachers commented that I was 'a pleasure to teach'. It was a metal work class that I was totally not interested in. I sat there for 3 hours every wednesday morning reading magazines and cutting out pictures lol

#21 Chief Pancake Make

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:02 PM

I once failed a subject.  The teachers wrote "CPM's result reflects her ability in this subject"  couldnt get in trouble from parents for that - I just suckked at it ok.

#22 lishermide

Posted 14 December 2012 - 03:52 PM

About DS:

"D enjoyed and satisfactorily completed all home based tasks. Given sufficient time, he has managed to complete classroom tasks to a creditable standard. To assist in further development of his skills ongoing home discussions may benefit"

= he doesn't listen, and gets bugger all done at school. You try.

#23 snuffles

Posted 14 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

"...when he reads he sounds like a robot...."  she says it like it is, this teacher!  She also said lots of nice things though.

#24 Phoenix Blue

Posted 14 December 2012 - 04:03 PM

Lol. Love these.

DS2 transition report said "C has lots of good ideas, and is beginning to learn that others do too."

= his way is the only way!

#25 Leggy

Posted 14 December 2012 - 04:10 PM

QUOTE
"C has lots of good ideas, and is beginning to learn that others do too."

roll2.gif




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