Jump to content

Socially awkward
...kinda a spin off, kinda not


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 snuffles

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:17 PM

I would certainly define myself as socially awkward.  I have no close friends outside of my family.  Not a one.  A few acquaintances and 'catch up for coffee' type friends, but no 'bare your soul' type friends.

I guess a lot of it stems from some bad friend experiences, where I made a huge effort to be there, support said friends through difficult times etc, and then when I fell on emotionally difficult times myself.... *crickets*.  I have also been bullied in the past (high school) - here not only did my friends do nothing to support me, some of them actually turned bully themselves.

We also move a lot, my DH is in the RAAF and we move about once every three years ish.  I think because of this I'm very protective of my space, whatever house we are in, I do not like having visitors over generally, it makes me feel invaded (even if I invited them).  I try not to show it but it probably does come across subconsciously.

I often wonder what it would be like to have a close 'girly' friendship.  The friends I have made locally here have mostly known each other for years and often get together without me (which is fine), but get togethers to which I am invited have been slowly declining for the past year or so to the point now that I haven't been invited to anything for more than 6 months, despite my getting in touch and asking them when they were free for a get together, they said they'd let me know.  *crickets*  I have made a few new friends of late which is nice, here we start the whole getting to know you process again... I wonder what it would be like to just bare your soul to someone who really knows you (other than DH)...

Not sure what I'm asking here actually, except, can you relate??  


#2 wca

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:23 PM

I'm the same. I really am. I'm likeable I think and get on with people but it's all a show. My husband jokingly calls me "socially akward Anni". I get very stressed when we have people over, I struggle with small talk, I hide alot of myself. I have girly friendships but I often wonder how deep they are. I just feel a bit...uncomfortable around people.

#3 raone

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:25 PM

Absolutely relate. I used to be fine with friends when I was younger but it just seems to have slowly gone away. I too have moved recently and now am trying my hardest to make friends in my mothers group.

I keep getting all those thoughts of why did you say that? You are stupid! No one likes you. My confidence is completely shot and it only makes me withdraw more so I guess that is why am pushing myself more. Being a new SAHM doesn't allow for my old fall back of making friends at work or at least getting to have an adult conversation everyday with someone other than my DH. Just have to keep trying I suppose but it is good to know I am not alone original.gif

#4 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:30 PM

I can relate.

I find social scripts awkward.  I know when someone asks how I am I'm supposed to respond with fine thanks but I find it contrived and unnatural.  So I often drop the ball in conversations.

I also have no desire to bare my soul to anyone so friends probably feel I am keeping them at arm's length.  This might be true.  I don't know.  What I do know is that it doesn't really bother me very much.  I think I'm just a bit of a loner.

#5 busymumof1&1/2

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

I am similar. I have worked in the same place for 12.5 years, but still only feel comfortable with a few, although I know alot, and have had 5 different positions. I do know the politics though, so am able to dodge that bullet.
My issue is with complacency. My manager just expects me to be there, with all the answers. Thing id, I have the answers, no-one else will even think of volunterning

#6 kadoodle

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:44 AM

Yep.  I struggle to let people get close and never know the right thing to say.  I suck at small talk, can't get my head around gossip and struggle with eye contact.  sad.gif

#7 Tooties

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:49 AM

How funny, I thought I was the only one!

I don't really mind, I'm happy hanging out with my family.

#8 emmafg

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:43 AM

Me too to all of it, though I have struggled from Primary school.

I have been diagnosed with mild social phobia and am seeing a psychologist to help me overcome this (among other issues I have....sigh).  It is hard because I think most people look at me and see a confident, "with it" person who is fine at the small talk etv when really I am a dribbling mess on the inside.

Most of the time I am ok with it, but sometimes I yearn for someone to be able to freely talk to, besides by husband.  Unfortunately for me DH has moderate-severe social phobia so he is of no help!

Funnily I am great in a work environment though.



#9 Isolabella

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:51 AM

Puts hand up.

I moved interstate to be with DH. So I have no long standing friends. Even when one of my old highschool friends moved to the same city I am in, we only get together once every 4-6m. I am busy with my family. She is busy with her Medical career (working ED so crazy shift hours plus studying).

I don't like to feel that I am imposing on people (I like quiet time myself) so feel like I am imposing if I ask people to coffee etc.

I also dislike having people in my personal space (ie my house). It creates major anxiety for me.

I have a few 'quick chat at the school gates' friends with DS1 starting school, but that has been put on hold this year as DS2 4yo Kinder conflicts with school pickup/dropoff so I am constantly running around.

So yes my DH is the only one I have major D&Ms with. When he is interstate/overseas for work I just hate it (he is currently away in Mongolia). I miss having some to complain to.

As I said I moved interstate to be with DH, so my family is all a state away.

Why do you think I spend so much time on EB?

#10 BearBait

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I don't think you are odd or should feel like an outsider just bc you are not interested in the BS which passes for a lot of social interaction. I know lots of people, I only have about 3 real friends who have got my back (outside of family).

#11 CallMeFeral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:56 AM

Yeah me too. Although I don't keep people at arms length - if anything I'm overly open. But I'm crap at keeping touch with my best friends, I feel affronted/rejected really easily, and I'm probably just a bit socially awkward in that people don't usually confide in me. Maybe I'm self absorbed, and it shows, I'm not sure. I'm definitely slack at making an effort.
But I miss having close friends sad.gif

#12 Bluestocking

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:01 PM

I've only had one close friend, but we had a falling out many years ago, as friend said some nasty things to me. I think we were too competitive with each other, and when I was further ahead in life, she got narky.

I've not let any friends become to close since, I have noticed that I do push them away if they want to be chummy. I'm really quite happy to only really open up to my family and husband.

#13 GoneWithTheWhinge

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:19 PM

Oh gosh yes. I am a no-friends-Nellie!

I've only ever had one close friend, she died 5 years ago and I don't know how to make friends. I don't see what anyone would get out of being friends with me. I don't want to bother people and be a pest in trying to build friendships as I know I wouldn't want to be friends with me so why would anyone else.

My husband is the opposite, he is always wanting to invite people around (his friends), I hate it. He enjoys going out with his friends, I don't.

I certainly don't open up to anyone outside of home and even then it has to be something big for me to talk about with H. I'm more likely to talk to myself. <whoop whoop> - there goes the crazy person siren!

#14 Lauren Bell

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

Same here OP.
One thing I've always wondered is who'll be my bridesmaid when I get married? What friends will attend my wedding?

#15 Magnus

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:44 PM

I wonder whether it's fairly common to not have the sort of friendships where you can just tell someone everything and spend lots of time together? I'm not saying that people don't have these relationships, because I'm sure many do.

I had those sort of very deep, spend hours on the phone friendships in high school and for a few years after that, but since then most of my friendships are the kind where you catch up to go to specific events, for coffee, or invite people over for dinner occasionally. They're not the kind where you just drop in any time you like. I'm pretty open, so I'd probably tell most people most things, but I tend to keep conversation fairly light-hearted. Friendships seem to be less about emotional sharing and more about entertainment and company, as I grow older, but maybe that's just me. In my teens and early twenties, we spent a lot of time dissecting our various emotions, but now when I talk to people, even fairly minor expressions of negative emotions are sort of dismissed. I don't find this necessarily a bad thing, though, and it may just be my experience.

#16 kpingitquiet

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:08 PM

While not classically socially awkward (if the people I'm with are cool, at least) but I get the moving around/protective thing. I have a bad tendency to avoid making close ties if I don't feel like I'll be somewhere for very long. My road-runner nature tends to make this true quite often, unfortunately. I also used to tend to turn my home into Awesome-land even if not staying long. Like I ALWAYS put pictures up on the very first night and that sort of thing. It was my haven away from people and I didn't terribly much like having to disturb the flow. I think very few people manage to make BFFs when living a fully mobile lifestyle. Luckily, a few people have managed to win my heart along the way.

Do you work? I've met my closest friends through work, either as coworkers or clients.

#17 R2B2

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:18 PM

I can relate to the moving around thing as well. and defence life. its hard to let people in when you know/have known that you will just move along and have to start again.

#18 Roobear

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I am socially awkward in the sense that I always say the wrong things and embarrass myself with people other than my closest friends and family. I try and learn from it... 'If it sounds funny in your head, it won't be as funny aloud so don't say it' wink.gif

#19 rocketsurgeon

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:00 PM

Not so much socially awkward as socially guarded. The older I get, the fewer my close friends.

#20 Bluestocking

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:43 PM

Maybe BFF's are more of a teenager/early adulthood kinda thing.

Maybe as we get older, we become more private?

#21 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:49 PM

QUOTE (BadCat @ 13/12/2012, 11:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find social scripts awkward.  I know when someone asks how I am I'm supposed to respond with fine thanks but I find it contrived and unnatural.  So I often drop the ball in conversations.


Me too. I just cannot do small talk. Once the conversation gets going and has an actual topic I'm fine, but those little bits of nothing much at the start, I just 'mmm' and nod to get past it. Unfortunately this is making me a bit worried about starting midwifery next year, I don't think any social awkwardness will help.

#22 it'stime

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:55 PM

I am socially confident. I am usually centre of attention at a social gathering. People would look at me and be surprised if I admitted I was lonely.

I can completely relate. I have many friends who I catch up with but not someone I have been able to have intimate conversations with in many, many years (since high school if I am being honest) I seem to have trivial and jovial conversations with people but rarely have a real 'heart to heart'

It think it is relatively common.

#23 75etd

Posted 14 December 2012 - 06:24 PM

Gosh, your posts make me feel really sad.

I am totally a socially awkward person - I never know what to say, dislike my body, and don't really think I have that much to say to strangers that might make them want to talk to me, HOWEVER I am really fortunate to have four close friends.

They are all very different people and all provide me with support in different ways, and I hope and believe I do the same for them.

As a previous poster has suggested,  three of these friendships are "old" friendships - from highschool, highschool part time job and from Uni, however the other friendship has unexpectedly developed in the past two years, with a Mum from Mothers Group.

I am shy, socially awkward, a homebody and not particularly social, but these friendships are a great source of support for me.  I can go a year without speaking to them (work, kids, families all do this to you) but the moment we speak, it's exactly the same.

I guess I just wanted to share that these friendships can really be worth nurturing if they are what you looking for.  Sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone for these to develop.

I am certainly no collector of friends - the thought of having lots of friends (and the social obligations that go along with it) makes me want to run and hide forever, whereas others love to have lots of "friends".

Despite these close friendships, I still do feel lonely at times, but I think that is really just my personality.

If you would like a close friend, try to keep an open mind.  I think these friendships develop more easily in our youth due to not have so many other distractions in our lives.

#24 kadoodle

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

Did she go evangelistic on you, Freaky?  One of my family members turned religious and dumped everyone a couple of years ago.   rolleyes.gif

I find the moving around sucky too.  I've joined the kindergarten parents committee in the hope that even if it doesn't result in friendships, at least I'll have something in common and to talk about with the other members.



#25 R2B2

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:22 PM

QUOTE (Freakypet @ 14/12/2012, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeap, offically Nigel No-Friends here - which probably comes as no surprise. sad.gif

I had a really close friend, my BFF - thought we would be friends forever. However, she found a much "better christian friend" and ended our friendship extremely cruelly. Looking back, that is kinda her MO anyway, but never that badly.

So now i have no one but hubby, don't even have family I can chat to really either. I have FB friends that seem to care more about me IRL than anyone actually IRL - makes me wonder just how f-ed up am I that people cant stand me. Add that to my social issues and the added sh*t my exfriend unloaded on me and i may as well just give up now. The next 50yrs look very depressing sad.gif



this made me sad sad.gif I know its hard to not let that kind of stuff get to you, but what she has said/done is her hang up, not yours  bbighug.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Wondersuit heaven: Bonds & Disney launch exclusive collection

Bonds and Disney fans with babies to buy for will be celebrating this news. Bonds and Disney have just released collaboration Wondersuits.

Perth hospital mistakes cancerous tumour for "behavioural issues"

When Naomi Holly, a mother of three, noticed her eight-month-old daughter Nora, was having difficulty crawling and standing up as normal, she knew there was something wrong.

Piano playing dad soothes son to sleep in moments

There's nothing more frustrating, or distressing to a parent than a sick child who can't  - or won't got to sleep. 

Lucky escape for mum and bub after snake found in couch

Perth mother Laurie Rushton Dyble was sitting on a recliner chair in her home holding her six-month-old son when her husband suddenly told her to get up and leave the room.

When your partner misses the birth

While no one wants their partner to miss their baby’s birth, it can happen. Here’s what to do if you find yourself in that situation.

Motherhood challenge: smug or just a bit of fun?

The #motherhoodchallenge sounds harmless, doesn't it? Some women disagree.

Who's the mum? Family photo goes viral

Last year, it was "The Dress". This year, it is a family photo that is breaking the internet.

5 easy meditation practices for beginners

So who's with me? You know meditating is one of the best things you can possibly do for yourself.

Woman to go on trial for being a bad housewife

An Italian woman could face up to six years in jail after her husband accused her of not doing enough cooking and cleaning at home.

Is the latest advice on women and drinking over the top?

While most expectant mums know to stop drinking when they’re pregnant, experts now warn women should stop drinking earlier than that. Is this necessary?

How household chores can double as a workout

If there's less than a slim chance you'll find time to get out for a jog or to hit the gym today, take heart in knowing that household chores contribute to the calorie equation.

I have no idea what I'm doing - and that's okay

Why don't we talk about the fact that when everything goes right, we may still feel completely lost, and certain that we have failed?

Dad warns of hair tourniquet danger after baby almost loses toe

A shocked father has shared his family's experience in a bid to warn other parents about the dangers of hair becoming entangled around a baby's toe.

Town welcomes first baby in 28 years

Since the 1980s, the Italian town of Ostana had not seen the birth of a single baby.

How to start teaching your kids road safety

It's something that can be taught as early as possible and reinforced as they get older and more mobile - even from toddlerhood.

Just announced: Bugaboo Cameleon³ Classic+ Collection update

Meet the brand new understated chic model from Bugaboo.

The emotional moment a mum hears her late son's heartbeat

It's been two and a half years since Heather Clark's seven-month-old son Lukas passed away.

Nine reasons why you have 'brain fog'

One minute your productivity is skyrocketing and the next you're sitting there trying to focus – just like that you draw blank, your brain, mush.

I had a caesarean and it was beautiful

Guess what? Despite not pushing him out, I cried, and my heart skipped, and I felt the rush of love and pride when I saw him for the first time.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Penny Wong

'The most hurtful argument in the marriage equality debate'

Labor frontbencher Penny Wong is used to to hearing arguments against same-sex marriage. But for Australia's most prominent gay politician, one hurts more than others.

Does exercise have to be fun to work?

Some things in life are inherently served with a big scoop of fun: balloons, bubbles, cupcakes to name but a few, but exercise?

Hair dye gives woman second-degree burns

She wanted a fresh colour for 2016, but instead she got chemical burns.

Kelly Slater saves mum and toddler from 'freak wave'

A Perth family has thanked US surfing "legend" Kelly Slater after the star saved a mother and a young toddler from "a freak wave" in Hawaii.

Apple recalls millions of power adapters

Tech giant instigates massive international recall of power point adapters due to risk of electric shock.

Toddler's adorable alphabet goes viral

It's impossible not to share this little boy's excitement  about the alphabet.

Tot's nighttime waking saves family's life

Like all tired parents, Monique and Kyle Ruppel were looking forward to the day their 15-month-old daughter Celia would start sleeping through the night. 

Australian mum gives birth to quintuplets

An Australian mum who has shared the ups and downs of carrying quintuplets has welcomed her five babies into the world.

Dad of four girls faints at gender reveal for fifth baby

It was all too much excitement for this dad.

The simple way you can help your baby's language development

The way parents respond to their child's babbling can shape how their infants communicate.

Zika virus is 'spreading explosively': WHO

The World Health Organization announced that it will convene an emergency meeting about Zika.

National database recommended for child protection cases

Baby Ebony was repeatedly failed by the agencies tasked with her protection before her horrific death at the hands of her father, South Australia's deputy coroner says.

Hospitals put babies at risk by ignoring policy on elective caesareans

Thirty-eight weeks or 39? Non-medical factors are pushing women to have elective caesareans earlier than official guidelines - and hospitals are playing along.

Police help deliver baby on busy roadside

Two police officers delivered more than a traffic fine by the side of a busy Melbourne road yesterday.

1D's Louis Tomlinson shares first photo of baby

One Direction's Louis Tomlinson has posted the first picture of his baby boy, Freddie, on social media.

 

FREE TICKET

See Hi-5 LIVE in Melbourne!

Get your ticket to The Essential Baby & Toddler Show - register online now!

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.