Jump to content

Socially awkward
...kinda a spin off, kinda not


  • Please log in to reply
24 replies to this topic

#1 snuffles

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:17 PM

I would certainly define myself as socially awkward.  I have no close friends outside of my family.  Not a one.  A few acquaintances and 'catch up for coffee' type friends, but no 'bare your soul' type friends.

I guess a lot of it stems from some bad friend experiences, where I made a huge effort to be there, support said friends through difficult times etc, and then when I fell on emotionally difficult times myself.... *crickets*.  I have also been bullied in the past (high school) - here not only did my friends do nothing to support me, some of them actually turned bully themselves.

We also move a lot, my DH is in the RAAF and we move about once every three years ish.  I think because of this I'm very protective of my space, whatever house we are in, I do not like having visitors over generally, it makes me feel invaded (even if I invited them).  I try not to show it but it probably does come across subconsciously.

I often wonder what it would be like to have a close 'girly' friendship.  The friends I have made locally here have mostly known each other for years and often get together without me (which is fine), but get togethers to which I am invited have been slowly declining for the past year or so to the point now that I haven't been invited to anything for more than 6 months, despite my getting in touch and asking them when they were free for a get together, they said they'd let me know.  *crickets*  I have made a few new friends of late which is nice, here we start the whole getting to know you process again... I wonder what it would be like to just bare your soul to someone who really knows you (other than DH)...

Not sure what I'm asking here actually, except, can you relate??  


#2 wca

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:23 PM

I'm the same. I really am. I'm likeable I think and get on with people but it's all a show. My husband jokingly calls me "socially akward Anni". I get very stressed when we have people over, I struggle with small talk, I hide alot of myself. I have girly friendships but I often wonder how deep they are. I just feel a bit...uncomfortable around people.

#3 raone

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:25 PM

Absolutely relate. I used to be fine with friends when I was younger but it just seems to have slowly gone away. I too have moved recently and now am trying my hardest to make friends in my mothers group.

I keep getting all those thoughts of why did you say that? You are stupid! No one likes you. My confidence is completely shot and it only makes me withdraw more so I guess that is why am pushing myself more. Being a new SAHM doesn't allow for my old fall back of making friends at work or at least getting to have an adult conversation everyday with someone other than my DH. Just have to keep trying I suppose but it is good to know I am not alone original.gif

#4 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:30 PM

I can relate.

I find social scripts awkward.  I know when someone asks how I am I'm supposed to respond with fine thanks but I find it contrived and unnatural.  So I often drop the ball in conversations.

I also have no desire to bare my soul to anyone so friends probably feel I am keeping them at arm's length.  This might be true.  I don't know.  What I do know is that it doesn't really bother me very much.  I think I'm just a bit of a loner.

#5 busymumof1&1/2

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:33 PM

I am similar. I have worked in the same place for 12.5 years, but still only feel comfortable with a few, although I know alot, and have had 5 different positions. I do know the politics though, so am able to dodge that bullet.
My issue is with complacency. My manager just expects me to be there, with all the answers. Thing id, I have the answers, no-one else will even think of volunterning

#6 kadoodle

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:44 AM

Yep.  I struggle to let people get close and never know the right thing to say.  I suck at small talk, can't get my head around gossip and struggle with eye contact.  sad.gif

#7 Tooties

Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:49 AM

How funny, I thought I was the only one!

I don't really mind, I'm happy hanging out with my family.

#8 emmafg

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:43 AM

Me too to all of it, though I have struggled from Primary school.

I have been diagnosed with mild social phobia and am seeing a psychologist to help me overcome this (among other issues I have....sigh).  It is hard because I think most people look at me and see a confident, "with it" person who is fine at the small talk etv when really I am a dribbling mess on the inside.

Most of the time I am ok with it, but sometimes I yearn for someone to be able to freely talk to, besides by husband.  Unfortunately for me DH has moderate-severe social phobia so he is of no help!

Funnily I am great in a work environment though.



#9 IsolaBella

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:51 AM

Puts hand up.

I moved interstate to be with DH. So I have no long standing friends. Even when one of my old highschool friends moved to the same city I am in, we only get together once every 4-6m. I am busy with my family. She is busy with her Medical career (working ED so crazy shift hours plus studying).

I don't like to feel that I am imposing on people (I like quiet time myself) so feel like I am imposing if I ask people to coffee etc.

I also dislike having people in my personal space (ie my house). It creates major anxiety for me.

I have a few 'quick chat at the school gates' friends with DS1 starting school, but that has been put on hold this year as DS2 4yo Kinder conflicts with school pickup/dropoff so I am constantly running around.

So yes my DH is the only one I have major D&Ms with. When he is interstate/overseas for work I just hate it (he is currently away in Mongolia). I miss having some to complain to.

As I said I moved interstate to be with DH, so my family is all a state away.

Why do you think I spend so much time on EB?

#10 BearBait

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:53 AM

I don't think you are odd or should feel like an outsider just bc you are not interested in the BS which passes for a lot of social interaction. I know lots of people, I only have about 3 real friends who have got my back (outside of family).

#11 CallMeFeral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 11:56 AM

Yeah me too. Although I don't keep people at arms length - if anything I'm overly open. But I'm crap at keeping touch with my best friends, I feel affronted/rejected really easily, and I'm probably just a bit socially awkward in that people don't usually confide in me. Maybe I'm self absorbed, and it shows, I'm not sure. I'm definitely slack at making an effort.
But I miss having close friends sad.gif

#12 Excentrique Feral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:01 PM

I've only had one close friend, but we had a falling out many years ago, as friend said some nasty things to me. I think we were too competitive with each other, and when I was further ahead in life, she got narky.

I've not let any friends become to close since, I have noticed that I do push them away if they want to be chummy. I'm really quite happy to only really open up to my family and husband.

#13 GoneWithTheWhinge

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:19 PM

Oh gosh yes. I am a no-friends-Nellie!

I've only ever had one close friend, she died 5 years ago and I don't know how to make friends. I don't see what anyone would get out of being friends with me. I don't want to bother people and be a pest in trying to build friendships as I know I wouldn't want to be friends with me so why would anyone else.

My husband is the opposite, he is always wanting to invite people around (his friends), I hate it. He enjoys going out with his friends, I don't.

I certainly don't open up to anyone outside of home and even then it has to be something big for me to talk about with H. I'm more likely to talk to myself. <whoop whoop> - there goes the crazy person siren!

#14 Lauren Bell

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:29 PM

Same here OP.
One thing I've always wondered is who'll be my bridesmaid when I get married? What friends will attend my wedding?

#15 Magnus

Posted 14 December 2012 - 12:44 PM

I wonder whether it's fairly common to not have the sort of friendships where you can just tell someone everything and spend lots of time together? I'm not saying that people don't have these relationships, because I'm sure many do.

I had those sort of very deep, spend hours on the phone friendships in high school and for a few years after that, but since then most of my friendships are the kind where you catch up to go to specific events, for coffee, or invite people over for dinner occasionally. They're not the kind where you just drop in any time you like. I'm pretty open, so I'd probably tell most people most things, but I tend to keep conversation fairly light-hearted. Friendships seem to be less about emotional sharing and more about entertainment and company, as I grow older, but maybe that's just me. In my teens and early twenties, we spent a lot of time dissecting our various emotions, but now when I talk to people, even fairly minor expressions of negative emotions are sort of dismissed. I don't find this necessarily a bad thing, though, and it may just be my experience.

#16 kpingitquiet

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:08 PM

While not classically socially awkward (if the people I'm with are cool, at least) but I get the moving around/protective thing. I have a bad tendency to avoid making close ties if I don't feel like I'll be somewhere for very long. My road-runner nature tends to make this true quite often, unfortunately. I also used to tend to turn my home into Awesome-land even if not staying long. Like I ALWAYS put pictures up on the very first night and that sort of thing. It was my haven away from people and I didn't terribly much like having to disturb the flow. I think very few people manage to make BFFs when living a fully mobile lifestyle. Luckily, a few people have managed to win my heart along the way.

Do you work? I've met my closest friends through work, either as coworkers or clients.

#17 R2B2

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:18 PM

I can relate to the moving around thing as well. and defence life. its hard to let people in when you know/have known that you will just move along and have to start again.

#18 Roobear

Posted 14 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I am socially awkward in the sense that I always say the wrong things and embarrass myself with people other than my closest friends and family. I try and learn from it... 'If it sounds funny in your head, it won't be as funny aloud so don't say it' wink.gif

#19 rocketsurgeon

Posted 14 December 2012 - 02:00 PM

Not so much socially awkward as socially guarded. The older I get, the fewer my close friends.

#20 Excentrique Feral

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:43 PM

Maybe BFF's are more of a teenager/early adulthood kinda thing.

Maybe as we get older, we become more private?

#21 HerringToMarmalade

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:49 PM

QUOTE (BadCat @ 13/12/2012, 11:30 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I find social scripts awkward.  I know when someone asks how I am I'm supposed to respond with fine thanks but I find it contrived and unnatural.  So I often drop the ball in conversations.


Me too. I just cannot do small talk. Once the conversation gets going and has an actual topic I'm fine, but those little bits of nothing much at the start, I just 'mmm' and nod to get past it. Unfortunately this is making me a bit worried about starting midwifery next year, I don't think any social awkwardness will help.

#22 SaintJoe

Posted 14 December 2012 - 05:55 PM

I am socially confident. I am usually centre of attention at a social gathering. People would look at me and be surprised if I admitted I was lonely.

I can completely relate. I have many friends who I catch up with but not someone I have been able to have intimate conversations with in many, many years (since high school if I am being honest) I seem to have trivial and jovial conversations with people but rarely have a real 'heart to heart'

It think it is relatively common.

#23 75etd

Posted 14 December 2012 - 06:24 PM

Gosh, your posts make me feel really sad.

I am totally a socially awkward person - I never know what to say, dislike my body, and don't really think I have that much to say to strangers that might make them want to talk to me, HOWEVER I am really fortunate to have four close friends.

They are all very different people and all provide me with support in different ways, and I hope and believe I do the same for them.

As a previous poster has suggested,  three of these friendships are "old" friendships - from highschool, highschool part time job and from Uni, however the other friendship has unexpectedly developed in the past two years, with a Mum from Mothers Group.

I am shy, socially awkward, a homebody and not particularly social, but these friendships are a great source of support for me.  I can go a year without speaking to them (work, kids, families all do this to you) but the moment we speak, it's exactly the same.

I guess I just wanted to share that these friendships can really be worth nurturing if they are what you looking for.  Sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone for these to develop.

I am certainly no collector of friends - the thought of having lots of friends (and the social obligations that go along with it) makes me want to run and hide forever, whereas others love to have lots of "friends".

Despite these close friendships, I still do feel lonely at times, but I think that is really just my personality.

If you would like a close friend, try to keep an open mind.  I think these friendships develop more easily in our youth due to not have so many other distractions in our lives.

#24 kadoodle

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:18 PM

Did she go evangelistic on you, Freaky?  One of my family members turned religious and dumped everyone a couple of years ago.   rolleyes.gif

I find the moving around sucky too.  I've joined the kindergarten parents committee in the hope that even if it doesn't result in friendships, at least I'll have something in common and to talk about with the other members.



#25 R2B2

Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:22 PM

QUOTE (Freakypet @ 14/12/2012, 08:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Yeap, offically Nigel No-Friends here - which probably comes as no surprise. sad.gif

I had a really close friend, my BFF - thought we would be friends forever. However, she found a much "better christian friend" and ended our friendship extremely cruelly. Looking back, that is kinda her MO anyway, but never that badly.

So now i have no one but hubby, don't even have family I can chat to really either. I have FB friends that seem to care more about me IRL than anyone actually IRL - makes me wonder just how f-ed up am I that people cant stand me. Add that to my social issues and the added sh*t my exfriend unloaded on me and i may as well just give up now. The next 50yrs look very depressing sad.gif



this made me sad sad.gif I know its hard to not let that kind of stuff get to you, but what she has said/done is her hang up, not yours  bbighug.gif




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.