Jump to content

Are men more reluctant or less supportive of co-sleeping
*Fluffy*


  • Please log in to reply
100 replies to this topic

#1 rabbit hyde

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:02 PM

Interested to hear about the reactions of people's partners in regards to this

With DH and I expecting our first baby, you get given a lot of advice.  One thing that has been mentioned by men (who are fathers) unanimously was don't co-sleep.  

Reasons have included; lack of quality of sleep due to changes in sleeping arrangement or fear they would roll over onto the child, changes in intimacy with partner, difficulty getting child to sleep in their own bed when they attempted to transition etc etc.

Yet we've found that woman are much more encouraging and on the majority have more positive things to say regarding co-sleeping.

Now granted we only know about 7 people who are fathers, but how did your partner feel or respond to co-sleeping?


#2 Guest_divineM_*

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:08 PM

i swore we would never do it but out of desperation did it for the first 8 weeks. Husband was very supportive and would have continued to be supportive but I was freaked out and wanted to stop...Freaked out not because of safety issues but because I know of very negative relationship effects co-sleepign had on someone close to me.

#3 ~Supernova~

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:11 PM

My DH isn't the biggest fan of co-sleeping. I basically gave him two choices, YOU get up fifty billion times a night to our sh*tty sleeper, or you deal with co-sleeping lol. Obviously DS is still in our bed Tounge1.gif

It doesn't affect his sleep anymore than not co-sleeping. Either way we are still taking turns in settling DS, now we just don't have to get up and become fully awake to do so.

We are intimate less often, but not drastically so, we just get more creative.

Our biggest fear is definitely the transition back to cot. We will be attempting it soon when DH is on holidays, I can't see it going well as DH can't leave DS to cry more than 30 seconds...

Either way though, I'll never regret doing it. It saved my sanity when I needed it most, and it's so nice to snuggle up together (not so nice when DS steals our pillows or sleeps on our heads though haha).

ETA: We haven't done it since birth, DS was about 7mths when he started coming in at 3am...then we eventually just put him to sleep in there.

Edited by Mareek, 13 December 2012 - 04:13 PM.


#4 Rosiebubs

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:13 PM

We didn't plan do be cosleepers before my DS arrived, but it ended up being the only way to get him to sleep from about 4 months or so. My DH was actually the instigator, because it was easier to cuddle him to sleep than stand up and rock him in the middle of the night. DS now sleeps in a bed, and DH goes and hops in with him if he needs resettling.

So, no, not all men are opposed, although he might have been before the bubs arrived.

#5 Fyn Angelot

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:13 PM

Neither DH nor I wanted to co-sleep (by which I take it you mean the baby in bed with us).  On a couple of dreadful nights I was willing to try it, but DH absolutely was not and would get up and care for DD elsewhere if I was that wrecked.  He says it was mostly for safety reasons.

#6 MrsLexiK

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

Hi OP, we are first baby too.  My DH feels like me, we don't want to do it unless the child is older and sick or there is a storm and they are scared etc.  Basically how we had it as kids.  

My DH doesn't work in an office all day and works hands on in what can be a a safety issue job if he is too tired.  Three of us squeeshed into the bed wouldn't be comfortable for us night in and night out.

#7 Justaduck

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

DP couldn't care less. He could sleep through an earthquake! It is me who cares, for the sole reason that because he is such a heavy sleeper, I am scared he would roll on DD and suffocate her without realising.
I can only do it when he has left for work

#8 la di dah

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

My father is very pro-co-sleeping, we were all co-slept from birth. My parents have ISSHEWS with the idea of crib-sleeping.

My husband is terrified of the idea, and as he has (unconsciously) rolled on me or hit me full in the face several times while sound asleep, I can sort of see his concerns.

My dad is a very still sleeper who rolls away from contact - my husband is an active sleeper and flails around like a beached fish, and has twice to my knowledge rolled fully on top of a squirming full-grown cat.

#9 ~Supernova~

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:17 PM

Just to add a point re: the men being deep sleepers. Prior to co-sleeping, DH was THE deepest sleeper, I'd have to kick him to get up to DS even with the monitor on loud next to his head. He sleeps a lot lighter now, though not as lightly as me.

#10 Feral_Pooks

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:27 PM

Cosleeping didn't suit DP at all. He is very protective of DS and felt unable to relax with him there, for fear of harming him even if the chances were remote. He also found that DS's noises woke him, and DS waking for feeds made it hard for DP to get back to sleep. He was starting a new job a couple of weeks before DS was born so he needed his sleep!

I think best practice for cosleeping is with a breastfeeding mother, no pillows or doonas, on a mattress on the floor, baby not wrapped.

Well, we were never going to meet all of those requirements. I did (and do) cosleep with DS at times out of desperation, in the spare bed, in ways lets just say aren't recommended.

I had DS in a bassinet next to me sleeping in the spare bed for the first few months, and that worked well, DP slept in our bed. It was tough on our relationship (the first months are anyway, I think) but when DS moved to his own room at 4 and a bit months, we all seemed to sleep better. Having said that, I would probably do the same thing again in future, and might even cosleep if it isn't cold weather and I'm breastfeeding.

#11 podg

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:30 PM

We have ended up with 4 cosleeping babies.
#1 poor DH had bad sleep for 15 cosleeping months constantly worried he would kill her in his sleep, then got up to her many times a night for 2 years.
#2 was a good cosleeper and by the time she transitioned DH was mostly in #1's bed. (in 2 single beds pushed together)
#3 DH was mostly in #1's bed.
#4 DH is in the spare room now at 6 months. DD1 is still waking a few times a week.

Our sex life is better than ever, in spite of not sleeping naked in the same bed.

Relationships don't have to stand or fall based on sleep location.

Edited by podg, 13 December 2012 - 05:32 PM.


#12 strawberry blondes

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:37 PM

My DH loves co-sleeping! I have found we all benefited hugely from it.

#13 katpaws

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:40 PM

Both DH and I were on the same page with co-sleeping which was that co-sleeping was not the thing for us, we had some discussion but knew it was not for us. There were too many things to worry about and I was beyond stressed (and quite ill) when DD and I got home from hospital. However, we did have DD in a cot in the room with us from one month of age (we were in hospital for about month when she was born) until she was six months, and we followed all the SIDS etc guidelines very carefully.  It was easier for me and less stressful to do it that way. And i think that DH knew that it would be the same for him.

DH was never pro co-sleeping and never promoted it. If he had insisted it would have made things a tad uncomfortable as co-sleeping is something that I never would have done (the reasons I won't go into).  But DD was a pretty good sleeper and there were hardly any problems that we could not deal with. If DH had heard about the potential problems with co-sleeping I think that he would have ruled out co-sleeping all together.

#14 noi'mnot

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:40 PM

My partner wanted to cosleep from day one, I was sitting on the fence and wanted to see how things would work.

We started with a bassinette next to the bed, and it just became easier to bring her in with us all night. We all got a better sleep, because she would be settled quicker - she's a loud loud loud cryer, always has been, and would have woken him whether she was in her room or our room.

It didn't take us long to put the cot in a sidecar arrangement on the side of our bed, which gave us all more room. Baby in the cot one my side of the bed also meant that my partner was never scared of rolling on top of her. Yes she would sometimes wriggle/crawl over to me in the night ,but was always on the other side of me from him. I'd highly recommend that if you go ahead with cosleeping and have the space for it, put the cot in a sidecar. It also makes it easier to transition out of cosleeping (well it did for us), as they're used to being a bit further away but still in arm's reach.

We coslept until she was about 19 months, and the transition into the big girl bed was ridiculously smooth and easy! original.gif

#15 Phoenix Blue

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:43 PM

We co-sleep sometimes. Probably by necessity as a PP said. So I may spend a couple of hours per night in bed with DD, the rest of the time she is in her cot.

Our difference is I co-sleep with her in the spare bed. I don't bring her into bed with my DH. I wouldn't trust him not to roll on her as he is a very deep sleeper.

He's not a huge supporter of me co-sleeping - mainly because it feels to him we lead separate lives if we don't even sleep in the same bed together, and me waking up in another room means less opportunity for action for him rolleyes.gif

But then, if he's not getting woken by the baby, then he can't really complain too much...

#16 Foogle

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:45 PM

DS was DH's 4th child and my first (He has 3 girls from his first marriage).  He was on board with co-sleeping right from the start and wouldn't have had it any other way.  Everyone benefited.  original.gif



#17 Catjinks

Posted 13 December 2012 - 04:47 PM

My husband was pro co-sleeping and we have done so for 3.5 years. However, my husband always had the option of sleeping in the spare room if he was exhausted or needed a break, or had a big day at work the next day, or just felt like it. Despite the coming and going we are very happy, close and we have a happy secure boy to boot. But he was happier with the baby against he wall, me then him, rather than baby in the middle. Though he did love the snuggles when baby would snuggle up to him, to sleepy to realise it wasn't mum.

I also got a lot more sleep in the early stages through co-sleeping, and early morning snuggles with a baby / toddler are blissful.

#18 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:03 PM

We both know a father that rolled on his baby while he was sleeping (he had been drinking - biiiig no no) and the baby passed away so needless to say we both were totally against co-sleeping.

#19 bluedragon

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:05 PM

DH was very supportive of my desire to cosleep but a little nervous about it, he was worried about rolling on or otherwise hurting DS. We set up the cot as a side car and so DS was on my side of the bed most of the time anyway but even on the few occasions that he was in between us DH said he was much more aware of where he was than he thought he'd be. It also meant he got more sleep than he would have if DS had been in another room or even in a cot in the same room as I was able to feed him just as he started to stir so didn't cry at all over night.

DS is 18 months and still in with us. I often come to bed after DH and usually find them curled up together asleep, very cute  wub.gif

DH will tell anyone who will listen how great cosleeping has been for us lol.

Re the intimacy worries, as DS has his own little area in the side car he's not always in our space and so we still get the chance to snuggle. As for more intimate activites there are plenty of other rooms in the house lol.

#20 B.feral3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:07 PM

When we brought our first home, DH and I both looked at the beautiful cot we bought, then each other, and completely agreed we were not putting our baby in that, EVER!!!

We've co-slept ever since with 3 kids and none of them have spent a single night of their lives in a cot. My DH wouldn't have it any other way and neither would I.  original.gif

#21 suline

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:13 PM

My partner grew up cosleeping with his parents/siblings until he was 4 or so, it was/is the done thing from his cultural background (South East Asian) He can't understand cot sleeping especially a cot in another room. I am more than happy to try cosleeping, but will probably feel more comfortable with a sidecar arrangement or cot pushed up against the bed. We are both light sleepers though.

#22 Zahhy

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:16 PM

When DP and I first discussed kids, I was adamant I would NEVER co-sleep. DP was quite sure we would, culturally it's not unusual for our people, and when DP was living in the communities in Cairns everyone did it.

A couple of nights of struggling to put #1 back down in his bed asleep and I gave in, we coslept him till about 12 months.

DD has always been a pretty easy baby, she prefers being in her cot and always has, she only ends up in our bed IF (! biggrin.gif ) she wakes up during the night.

eta: DP doesn't sleep well if he is in charge of the baby in the bed, but they usually sleep up next to me, and while I sleep lightly, I still sleep well enough.

Edited by Tonberry, 13 December 2012 - 05:17 PM.


#23 Swarley

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:30 PM

My DH feels the same as me. We both prefer sidecar when they're little but both wouldn't want them in another room. Sidecar makes it easier to breast feed without getting up so ultimately we both get more sleep that way.

#24 JapNFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 05:36 PM

I don't think its just or all men.

I certainly never wanted to co-sleep with a new born.

#25 mum201

Posted 13 December 2012 - 06:03 PM

Hmmm neither me nor my DH intended to be co sleepers. We had a lovely cot set up for DS in his own room (across the hall with monitor). But the I read about how the reason you are meant to room in with your baby is not so you can hear them, it's because being right next to mum actually helps to regulate a newborn's immature physiological system - eg listening to mum's breathing helps to regulate baby's. Also, newborns are not meant to drift into really deep sleep, so parents sleep noises keep baby in a lighter sleep. Plus, my husband felt it wasn't right for a helpless infant be so far from their mama.

So we bought a bassinet. DS would not have a bar of it. Waaaaaahhhhh. So we somehow squeezed the cot in. He slept ok it the cot until he learnt to roll which was at the same time the 4 month sleep regression hit. I was shattered. It was a choice of side carring the cot for easier night nursing or sleep training. Neither DH or I believe in sleep training so the cot became side carred.

It is not DH or my ideal but we have a crappy sleeper. DH and I get creative re our sex life which is getting back on track after many months of being exhausted. DH was never worried about squishing baby because DS is on my side. I also believe DH needs to be well rested because his role could cost his company a bucketload if he gets a sentence wrong, so he has the option to sleep in the spare room.

I did ask DH if he felt we needed to try moving DS out for the sake of our relationship a couple of months ago, his face went into a frown and he said 'but he is still too little'! So in our circumstance it's not the woman saying 'we must cosleep' and the man feeling ripped off.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Video: Funny 'Lips Are Moving' parody just for mums

Meghan Trainor's song 'Lips Are Moving' was already a hit, but now it's been turned into a hilarious parody that is set to be very popular with frustrated mums everywhere.

Out with the clutter

Decluttering by the numbers: take the 30-day challenge

Forget the 5:2 diet - Twitter's 30-day declutter challenge will have your house back in shape in no time (well, a month).

Parents, don't be too hard on yourselves

We need to stop damning parents of today, and embrace their appetite for knowledge instead.

Is my baby normal?

There are chubby Buddha babies and there are thin, smaller babies. Neither are right or wrong, they are all 'normal'.

When an older sibling starts school

When one child goes to ‘big school’ and leaves the other behind, it can cause deep upset. Here's how to make the transition easier.

Stray cat saves abandoned baby

They say dogs are man's best friend, but one cat has proven felines can be just as devoted to their human companions.

How strangers are helping a mum's wish come true after her death

A mum of five, Liz Marquez wanted to breastfeed her premmie son for a year. So when she passed away suddenly, her friends - and strangers - stepped in to help.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

Win with The Boxtrolls

To celebrate the release of The Boxtrolls on 3D Blu-ray, DVD & Digital with UltraViolet, we're giving you the chance to win a Boxtroll stationary package and DVD.

 

School Term 1

Get after-school care sorted

Wait lists too long at OSHC? Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.