Have you ever had a break from your current relationship?
What was the outcome?
, Dec 13 2012 01:40 PM
14 replies to this topic
Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:40 PM
Just wanting to hear from people who felt like they needed a break from their relationship for whatever reason.
If so what was the outcome? Were you able to work things out or was it basically the end?
I'm thinking along these lines at the moment, I've been with him for 2 years and there are some things that have not changed. He's a good person but if i leave things as they are I'm not happy and just feel like i'm settling.
Love to hear your experiences
Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:46 PM
My DH and I had a break while we were dating. We were together for about three years - on and off for a year (more off than on!) - and then back together for three years before we got married. We have now been married for ten years! We needed some time to work some things out for ourselves and now have a good relationship. It is obviously not for everyone but for us it worked!
Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:54 PM
I'm only going to tell you about my personal experience and I acknowledge this may not be true for everyone.
I had a long relationship in my 20's. The relationship had problems, which we tried to overcome. We went on a break then got back together but all it did was prolong the inevitable breakup and make it harder on both of us.
So, in answer to your question, it's my opinion that if you go on a break, you may as well break up as the problems that you have are not going to disappear just by being apart.
I also know someone else who had a break then got back together and went on to get married and have children. They would be the first to admit that the relationship is a massive compromise and that given time over, she would not have got back together with him.
Good luck working things out.
Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:19 PM
DH and I had a break while we were dating - we were teenagers though
3 years of dating ... a one month break turned into a 2 year break-up...back together 18months got engaged, married 2 years after. married for 6 years.
I have a lot of friends that have done this and i have seen it work (so far) about 60-70% of the time...
I dont believe anyone changes as such over the 'break' it is only if you realize that you love them enough to look past the things you dislike about them and you are both prepared to compromise otherwise (as i have seen first hand) you will end up breaking up for the same reasons further down the track..whether it be 6months or 6 years.
Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:19 PM
Me and hubby were together for about 8-9 years and had dd1 & 2, we were having some issues and separated for nearly a year. We now have a gorgeous 16 month old, another on the way (the last) and were married in December last year. For us it was the best thing we ever did. Of course we still have our issues but what relationship doesnt.
He can annoy the hell out of me at times, but he is a good father, provider, husband, friend etc etc and I couldn't imagine life with out him now.
Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:22 PM
I had had breaks in past relationships, but I find that the issues are usually still there when you get back together anyway.
No breaks in this relationship, I hate being away from him!
Posted 13 December 2012 - 03:36 PM
We did for a day when we first started going out but it was only due to the fact my ex waited outside his work and threatened to bash him with a metal pole.
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:30 AM
I left DP after about 4 years together to move to another state and take a career opportunity I couldn't miss.
He wasn't interested in babies and buying a house and I was - I had no interest in 'trying to change his mind' or to live with a quiet resentment that I couldn't so it was a perfect opportunity.
We stayed on the best of terms and conducted a 3 year 'holiday' affair.
On one of these holidays DP asked me to marry him, I said no, when he asked why I told him.. "This is what I want out of a marriage, this is what kind of behaviour I expect in a life long partner.." he was pretty shocked and upset but I'm no fluffy little girl swayed from reality by the idea of a meringue dress and some printed stationary!
ABout 6 months later he arrived at my front door (with a bag of clothes and a coffee percolator strapped to the back of his motorbike) said "I want babies, I want to buy a house in the country, I will not sulk about things, I want to be with you.."
And here we are!
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:36 AM
Countrymel! I love your story! You sound like a strong, determined woman who knows what she wants!
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:41 AM
After about 6 months together it became clear that no amount of me nagging was going to get him to kick the pot habit, so I walked away.
The day he came back claiming to be clean, I made him do a drug test. Passed with flying colours and we haven't looked back
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:43 AM
Oh damn CM, you just made me cry. I wish we could all raise our girls to be so sure of what they deserve in life. *sniff*
OP - Breaks can either be what needs to happen so you can be together long term, or what should happen so you can get your life back.
If you are having a break because one or both of you need to grow up a bit, then the possibility of you getting back together may be there as you may grow back together.
If there are inherent behaviours to a person that will have you stabbing them with a fork sooner rather than later, then leaving is the healthier thing to do emotionally.
In the second instance its a good life lesson to take with you. You have taught yourself to not just 'put up with it' just to be with anyone. You have taught yourself that you as a person DO matter.
OP, have you looked at counselling for yourself or marriage counselling for both of you. Sometimes, just an independant 3rd partys voice can help.
Edited by JustBeige, 14 December 2012 - 08:43 AM.
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:47 AM
High profile example is Wills and Kate.
Posted 14 December 2012 - 08:55 AM
High profile example is Wills and Kate.
Yes... Except I'm not sure that there was every a 'real' break there. I think it was more of a 'think it over' situation.
Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:07 AM
DH and I dated for about 3 months then he broke up with me because he wanted "a serious relationship and I was not interested in commitment".
We remained friends. He went traveling around Australia and we missed each other. When he returned we hung out a lot and got back together. I realized not all men were out to change me and that commitment is not always a bad word. We married about 2 months later.
We love each other, but the best bit is that we actually have an awesome friendship which we developed while apart. He is a great DH, awesome dad and a fun person to be around. The break worked for us, but it was hard.
Posted 14 December 2012 - 09:17 AM
CountryMel, I always love to read your story. It always brings tears to my eyes. I hope you get your baby soon.
DH and I took a weekend off from each other about 2 months in to the relationship. I felt like he was immature and didn't have enough drive. I went back to my home town and my friends slapped some sense into me. I think I was being immature and wanting a Hollywood romance.
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We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?
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