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If someone told you the gift you bought for someone else
Was not what that person wanted


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46 replies to this topic

#1 TopsyTurvy

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

My SIL has gone and bought DH (her brother) a book for Christmas that I know he will never read.

To be honest she always gets his gifts way off mark.  He had very little time for reading and hobbies and his main passion is music.  He has repeatedly stated himself to her just to buy him a JB or sanity voucher as he loves to go hunting for music to add to his collection.  It's time out for him and he gets a massive kick out of finding bargains and music that fills gaps in his collection.

Her reason for not giving him a voucher is "she hates giving vouchers" so instead of giving him a gift that will give immense enjoyment she gets him something that to him makes him feel that she doesn't care about him.

Stupidly she will give vouchers for services ie; I am getting a pedicure voucher.

So would you say anything?
Gift limit is $30 and I am happy to buy DH a gift voucher myself to give to her to give to him so it doesn't cost her any more.

WDYT?

#2 titch482

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

i would leave it be, her choice what gifts she chooses to buy people, and i think ti will cause more stress than its worth by giving her a voicher to give to him.

if he is going to get a voucher from you or other family members anyway then does it realy matter?

#3 jmaz86

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:23 AM

Personally, I would not say anything...a gift is a gift, receive it with good thanks. I also hate giving gift vouchers for christmas...unless there is really no other option. I dont really care what people do with the gifts I buy after they take them home (its the thought that counts)...just dont give it back to me on another occasion.


#4 Allie_D

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:26 AM

I'd leave it.  It's not a majorly expensive gift anyway.  If she was about to waste hundreds of dollars on a gift he didn't like/want then I'd say something.

DH's family are shocking gift givers.  DH gets sunscreen, jocks and woolworths 4c fuel vouchers from his family.  He doesn't really want any of it but just smiles and says thanks.  He knows they don't really 'get' him but it doesn't bother him that much original.gif

Edited by Allie_D, 13 December 2012 - 08:26 AM.


#5 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:27 AM

I think you need to stay out of it.

Its stupid crap between a brother and sister and if you say something you will be seen as the interferring inlaw.

The only other avenue I would consider is their mum.  I have had to do this to my SIL once when she just would not listen to me about a gift for the kids (she was doubling up on something we had already gotten and expected us to take ours back)

If their mum isnt the type of person to have influence or get involved then I would just leave it.

I would probably get him an extra JB voucher so he can go spoil himself though.    If the book is completely unsuitable and only a dust collector,  I would sell the book on ebay or FB and he can use that money too.

#6 TopsyTurvy

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:29 AM

Would it be rude to ask for the receipt? ph34r.gif

#7 Oriental lily

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:31 AM

No I would not.
Thoughtful or thoughtless ultimately Christmas tradition of gift giving should not be an 'order'.

What's the point of the whole exercise if people get to choose what they receive.? Op your sil would have asked if she wanted guidance.

For whatever reason your sil thinks your DH will enjoy this book. Maybe he will?

Edited by Oriental lily, 13 December 2012 - 08:33 AM.


#8 monkeys mum

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:32 AM

If you know where she got it from just return it after Christmas.

I hate giving vouchers too, but know dps brothers are hard to buy for so they get vouchers.

#9 rabbit hyde

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:32 AM

It's a gift, you accept them graciously and go on with your day.

If she'd asked for your input previously then sure - suggest away.  But at the end of the day if your DH wants albums from JB HIFI then you or him can go buy them yourselves.

Maybe focus less on what you will be receiving, and concentrate more on what you will be giving.

#10 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:34 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 13/12/2012, 09:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would it be rude to ask for the receipt? ph34r.gif

lol, depends on the family.  Etiquette wise. yes it would.

In my family we often give the receipt in another envelope in case something breaks or is the wrong size - mum goes so far as to just leaves the tags on and takes off the cost.

If you know where she brought it from, then you should be able to return it without a receipt but you would end up with a store credit.



#11 Soontobegran

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:34 AM

Has he actually said to her I do not read rather than saying I'd prefer a voucher? I would never buy a book for someone who has told me they never read and would presume that others would be the same unless she was intentionally trying to be difficult?

It is a tricky situation and hard to know why she's doing this without knowing the dynamics of their relationship and whether she is actually quite clear on his hate for books.

Perhaps accept the book, sell it on Gumtree and then sit down and have a family discussion before next Christmas because if there is no malice intended then it may just make what could be a special time uncomfortable.

#12 ALittleBitter

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:36 AM

She's told you she doesn't want to give him a voucher, so stay out of it. If she was giving something really inappropriate or expensive I might try and change her mind, but its just a book!

#13 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:38 AM

QUOTE (20%Cooler @ 13/12/2012, 08:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Say nothing. Accept with thanks.
Sell the book on ebay. (or return back to store where bought, if known)
Buy the voucher yourself.
If SIL asks if he liked the book, say "no, he I sold it on ebay to buy a music shop voucher...you know he doesn't I don't read much and much prefers music".
Hopefully then it may sink in.

agree with this.  But if it's that big a deal to your DH, let him do the legwork.  It's not your call.  If he would prefer to sell the book and use the money towards buying music, let him arrange to do that.  And he should be the one to tell his sister, not you.

You've told her what he would like.  It's not your responsibility to "fix" this.

#14 niggles goes feral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:43 AM

If someone offered to rebuy the present I'd bought for someone I'd be a little put out. Leave it alone. He can always regift the book if he wants to.

#15 Rainbow*Seeking

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:45 AM

My sister in law does this.....

She gave me a cheapo bath body pack last year and huge cupcake mould. I just smiled and said thanks. I later regifted them, but it hurt a bit because I really put a lot of time into we got her and I knew it was something that she wanted.


This year???

We aren't buying anyone anything apart from our little family. It's nothing personal but I just don't want the crap that comes with Christmas.

#16 Therese

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:49 AM

Just leave it. Smile and accept the gift when it is given.

#17 Soontobegran

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:54 AM

QUOTE (ParadiseAlly @ 13/12/2012, 09:45 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
My sister in law does this.....

She gave me a cheapo bath body pack last year and huge cupcake mould. I just smiled and said thanks. I later regifted them, but it hurt a bit because I really put a lot of time into we got her and I knew it was something that she wanted.


This is funny, you regifted a cheapo bath pack and cupcake mould to someone else. I wonder if they in turn have also regifted it.
It could be the gift that keeps on giving. original.gif

#18 50ftqueenie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:59 AM

If his sister buys him books year after year and he never reads them, it's up to him to decide what he would like to do. I don't see how this is even remotely your problem.  



#19 Cat People

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:00 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 13/12/2012, 08:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
she gets him something that to him makes him feel that she doesn't care about him.


Does you husband really feel like that, or is that your feelings?  I don't know many men who think too deeply about gifts received.  It's usually only women who managed to twist  gift giving into "you don't care/know about me".

None of your business OP.


#20 dogsneaker

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:03 AM

She's told you she's not into giving vouchers and has decided to buy him a book. Her decision to make, after all it is her gift to give.

What business is it of yours to interfere? I would see you as the meddling in-law.

Edited by dogsneaker, 13 December 2012 - 10:30 AM.


#21 Riotproof

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:08 AM

QUOTE (TopsyTurvy @ 13/12/2012, 09:29 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Would it be rude to ask for the receipt? ph34r.gif

Yes. Why do you care so much anyway?
I could understand if she was being malicious, but it doesn't sound like that.

#22 lizzzard

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:13 AM

QUOTE (50ftqueenie @ 13/12/2012, 08:59 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't see how this is even remotely your problem.

This!!

#23 Bluenomi

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:15 AM

Just regift it back to her. If she bought it, she must like it right?  biggrin.gif

#24 MrsNorris

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:38 AM

Deleted

Edited by Willoughby Chase, 30 December 2012 - 10:18 PM.


#25 *LucyE*

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:48 AM

My SIL liked to buy us books as gifts.  It wasn't books she thought we'd enjoy, but rather to 'educate' us (being the uneducated bogans we are).  We just accepted it graciously and it got added to the bookshelf of other unread books she's gifted us.

We stopped doing present exchanges between adults so the books have stopped.  I stayed out of it because it really is between the siblings.




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