Jump to content

I feel like one of us has been rude
But not sure which one


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:57 AM

My cousins girlfriend messaged me a few days ago to say she was organizing a party for my cousin, gave me the name of the restaurant and said we were welcome to stop by for dinner and/ or drinks. I said we'd stop by.

She then messaged me this morning to say the location had been moved and stopping by for just drinks would no longer be an option. It's a set menu 2 course dinner for $45.00 per person and she's looking forward to seeing us there.

I'm a bit pee'd off that she changed the party so dramatically in terms if time and financial commitment but still expected tgat everyone would show up. I've now texted her back to say we won't be able to make it as with the baby we weren't sure we could stay for 2 courses. I didn't mention that we don't really want to spend $90 plus drinks (even if we don't drink alcohol it will be at least a $100 night).

Now I feel really rude for bailing, but also feel that she was rude/ unreasonable in her expectations.

So I guess my question is; should I suck it up and go (his 27th, so not a 'big' birthday) or should I stick to my guns and not go?

TIA

#2 strawberrycakes

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:01 AM

I think it is rude for someone to change plans on short notice & expect people to still show up.

#3 ekbaby

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:03 AM

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

#4 Faradaye

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:05 AM

I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

#5 leisamd

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:06 AM

I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!

#6 PattiODoors

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


This.
You could arrange to have a few drinks with them the following weekend instead.

#7 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think it's a bit rich to assume you'll be happy with the change but not really a big deal.  I don't think either of you have been rude, just that the girlfriend has been a little presumptuous.

Edited by BadCat, 13 December 2012 - 08:08 AM.


#8 B.feral3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think there has been some miscommunication on your part OP. I doubt she EXPECTED/DEMANDED you be there but rather the tone in which you read the text/message. Change of venues do happen. If either of you had just picked up the phone and TALKED to one another, I'm sure this thread wouldn't exist.

She probably thinks you are rude too. If you'd spoken to each other one on one, you could have just said something like 'it's a little too much for you this close to Christmas, but please pass on our best wishes.' No hard feelings either side but now it's awkward. You've used your baby as an excuse instead of being honest. You've been rude by doing that IMO.

Again, people need to just pick up the phone to avoid misunderstandings.

efs

Edited by Bek+3, 13 December 2012 - 08:11 AM.


#9 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

Yea, I think you're right. Thanks everyone.

#10 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:10 AM

Bek+3- both reasons are true, I just didn't mention the cost.

#11 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

You - not rude for declining

GF - Not rude, just a bit thoughtless.  

If she carries on like a pork chop about everyone bailing then that would be rude.

#12 Queen Yoda

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:20 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 08:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

agree with this.

#13 zackcat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

Plans change, no big deal. Neither of you are being rude, it's just something that sometimes happens!

Edited by zackcat, 13 December 2012 - 08:23 AM.


#14 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 06:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

Exactly this. Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story? Surely that's not how everyone's day to day lives are. Sometimes sh*t happens, it doesn't mean someone was being rude, it's just different circumstances suit people differently.

#15 Funwith3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

It's a hard job trying to organise functions when so many people are involved. I imagine she's probably copping it from the restaurant, and has now had to be more firm with numbers and money. She's probably had to make a commitment to the restaurant, hence the exact amount owing.

She's not rude.

Neither are you for not going.

#16 Lyn29

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I'll be different - I think it's rude of her to assume that your agreeing to "stopping in for drinks" has now been changed to a sit down two course meal. If her message was something along the lines of "drinks are no longer an option, do I put you down for the meal instead?" then that's fine. But "it's nothing like what you agreed to but I still expect you to come" is rude.

Not rude enough to get upset over, but poor form.

#17 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:51 PM

I don't think she's rude for changing plans - things happen, and if it had been a set menu from the start you'd be in the same position as now.

I don't think it's rude to bail either, on a change of plans.

I do think it's rude to think she's rude just for changing plans. Organising big groups is a damned headache, people always bail, show up late, don't RSVP, etc etc, and you don't know what might have gone wrong to make her change plans. She's putting in an effort for someone else's party. You're huffing and puffing just about having to show up or not, which is nowhere near the sort of effort as organising the thing in the first place. You have been INVITED somewhere, be gracious about that whether you can make it or not. She's not changing plans to specifically disrupt your life.

Go, don't go, whatever suits you is fine and dandy, and not rude. But don't start trying to pin it on her.

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (Gegemite @ 13/12/2012, 10:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story?


Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

#19 mum201

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (leisamd @ 13/12/2012, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!


This

#20 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 13/12/2012, 11:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

Be my guest  wink.gif

#21 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


Exactly.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Get your FREE Baby & Toddler Show ticket!

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

A solo birth, a wasp swarm and a forest fire: mum and baby's amazing story of survival

Desperate, out of petrol and low on food, a new mother lit a fire in the hope of attracting attention.

Boy found on swing died of hypothermia and dehydration, autopsy finds

The story was chilling and heartbreaking: a three-year-old boy was found dead in a Southern Maryland park, his mother pushing him on the swing.

Child's play and laughter help battle fatigue

Feeling fatigued? Uh-huh, thought as much. Join the queue.

Dad shares entertaining 'how to hold a baby' clip

For many new dads, their own child is the first baby they have ever held. So one dad has posted an instructive YouTube video titled "How to Hold a Baby".

The Australian baby with 100,000 Facebook fans

She may be only eight months old, but Egypt has already amassed more than 100,000 fans and received a letter from royalty - Hollywood royalty that is.

Public welcome outside church for Princess Charlotte's christening

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have invited well-wishers to see Princess Charlotte outside church in Sandringham on day of her baptism.

Tongue tie: what you need to know

Tongue and lip tie can lead to many problems for babies - and their parents. Here are the signs of tongue tie and how it's treated.

My daughter is small but that doesn't matter

My daughter may be small, but it's my job as her parent to refocus back where it belongs - on who she is as a person

Wet wipes linked to rise in allergic reactions

The government has issued a health warning after a rise in allergic skin reactions has been linked to a preservative found in some wet wipes.

Gay couple in their 80s first to wed in Dallas after Supreme Court ruling

Love may have won, but it came with quite the wait.

William Tyrrell's family marks birthday with cake and renewed appeal

The family of missing boy William Tyrrell will mark his fourth birthday on Friday making a cake to share with friends and family as NSW police renewed their public appeal for information on his disappearance.

What all parents should know about safe babywearing

A picture of Ryan Reynolds always gets the girls talking, and a recently shared photo has done exactly that - but this time, it's for all the wrong reasons.

Baby's head shape reveals potentially fatal condition

Thinking her baby just had an unusually shaped head, a mother was shocked to discover it was instead linked to a dangerous condition.

'Help - my toddler hits me!'

My toddler has started hitting when he gets frustrated, is feeling ignored, or just thinks it might be fun.

Why IVF success rates may not be what you think

Transparency, accountability and responsibilityare essential measures to protect IVF vulnerable patients.

On the 10th anniversary of my son's death

This day marks a significant day. Today marks 10 years since I lost my son Kai.

Mother-in-law 'from hell' inspires survival guide

The happily ever after Nicola Milan had imagined wasn't to be – and she blames her mother-in-law.

Name your baby Quinoa, win a $10K gift card

Choosing a name for your little bundle of joy is always a major decision. It can be something traditional, trendy, creative … or inspired by the menu of your favourite chain restaurant.

Owning a pair of nail scissors does not make me a hairdresser

It's been a whole year since sleeping in until 10am. A whole year since having a peaceful shower.

The 83 children who were tragically let down in the last decade

Over a 10-year period, 83 children died from domestic violence abuse in NSW, with three quarters of the victims aged five years or under, the NSW Ombudsman has revealed.

Expert Q&A: Gross motor skill development in toddlers and preschoolers

Dr Katie Heathershaw answers questions about jumping, toe walking, riding a bike and being pigeon toed.

Is it reasonable to expect your partner to give up drinking in pregnancy?

From the moment that I fell pregnant with my son, I realised just how much my life had already started to change.

Stroke victim joins class action against makers of popular contraceptive pill

"I was terrified I would always be this way. The pill needs to come with a much higher warning."

Sexy time

Why you should get excited about scheduling sex

Unfortunately, the belief that sex should always be spontaneous is a myth. It just isn't.

When newborn photoshoots get messy

When it comes to newborn photoshoots, it is all about the timing.

Orphaned baby daughter Ayla wakes from coma

Former All Black Jerry Collins' critically injured orphaned daughter has awoken from her coma and is able to bottle-feed.

Dad takes miraculous catch while feeding baby

One American father has taken multitasking to a new level at a Cubs-Dodgers baseball game at Wrigley Field.

'Samuel is our firstborn, and he will never be forgotten'

Having lost their firstborn at one day old, the Carrolls were overjoyed to welcome their daughter Isobel into the world a year later.

Channel 10's Sarah Harris expecting first child

The Studio host Sarah Harris doesn't mind if her first baby is a boy or girl, but she does hope it is born with one thing in particular.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

27 funny ultrasound pictures

Ultrasounds give you a look at your growing baby ... and sometimes what appears to their womb-buddy, or your bub in an amusing position.

The top 6 misleading parenting terms

From 'morning sickness' to 'the terrible twos', there are many parenting terms that are misleading.

When 'good' nannies go bad

While most nannies take pride in their work, there can be some who have a hidden side.

Woman hospitalised for skinny jeans injury

Beware: skinny jeans might be bad for your health.

Gauze seeding: the bacteria-breeding birth trend

A number of women having caesarean deliveries are now taking steps to give their baby a better 'microbiome' start in life.

Jimmy Fallon writes new children's book for dads

Jimmy Fallon, host of NBC's The Tonight Show, recently wrote a children's book about every father's secret wish for their baby's first word to be "dada" - not "mama".

28 names for babies born in winter

Looking for some baby name inspiration for a bub born during the colder months? Here are 28 options from around the world to consider.

The horrible act that sparked a brawl at child's birthday party

The uncle of the seven-year-old girl at the centre of the brawl at child's birthday party in Sydney's west has described the events leading up to the alarming show of violence.

Babies 'benefit from iPads at a young age': study

More often than not, you'll read that screen time for children should be kept to a minimum - but some scientists are now challenging this way of thinking.

Do mums really just obsessively talk about their children?

Natalie Reilly describes three main types of conversations mothers have. And, surprise, they're not all about kids.

Why some dogs might attack babies or young kids

A baby's smell, the noises it makes and even its gaze can contribute to the potential for a dog attack.

Mum demands refund for 'beargina' christening cake

It was meant to be a tasteful cake to help celebrate a three-year-old's christening.

5 things no one warns you about after giving birth

How many times have you been warned about all the sleepless nights you have to 'look forward to' when you become a parent?

Police officer sang nursery rhyme as heartbreaking photo was taken

A police officer arrived at a devastating scene on Thursday: a car crash resulting in all passengers being thrown from the vehicle.

Don't worry, working mums: Just leave Dad in charge at home

Want to open the boardroom doors for women? Encourage - heck, praise - dads who stay home with their children.

Hilaria Baldwin shares post-baby selfie

Just two days after giving birth, actor Alec Balwin's wife posted a post-baby picture on social media.

'Help - my child won't ever do what I ask!'

Compliance is part of the parent-child relationship, but so is resistance. It's all natural.

Postnatal depression support gets $23 million boost in NSW

The Baird government will include $22.8 million in Tuesday's NSW budget to expand a program designed to help parents at risk of postnatal depression (PND).

'I'm just as tired, scared and stressed as you': stay-at-home dad's plea

I'm really lucky to have two great kids, but I found it really tough with so much being aimed at the mothers and not the fathers.

 

FREE TICKET

Get your FREE ticket to the Baby & Toddler Show

Get your free ticket to the Sydney Essential Baby & Toddler Show for September 25-27 - register online now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.