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I feel like one of us has been rude
But not sure which one


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#1 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:57 AM

My cousins girlfriend messaged me a few days ago to say she was organizing a party for my cousin, gave me the name of the restaurant and said we were welcome to stop by for dinner and/ or drinks. I said we'd stop by.

She then messaged me this morning to say the location had been moved and stopping by for just drinks would no longer be an option. It's a set menu 2 course dinner for $45.00 per person and she's looking forward to seeing us there.

I'm a bit pee'd off that she changed the party so dramatically in terms if time and financial commitment but still expected tgat everyone would show up. I've now texted her back to say we won't be able to make it as with the baby we weren't sure we could stay for 2 courses. I didn't mention that we don't really want to spend $90 plus drinks (even if we don't drink alcohol it will be at least a $100 night).

Now I feel really rude for bailing, but also feel that she was rude/ unreasonable in her expectations.

So I guess my question is; should I suck it up and go (his 27th, so not a 'big' birthday) or should I stick to my guns and not go?

TIA

#2 strawberrycakes

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:01 AM

I think it is rude for someone to change plans on short notice & expect people to still show up.

#3 ekbaby

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:03 AM

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

#4 Faradaye

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:05 AM

I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

#5 leisamd

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:06 AM

I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!

#6 hayzee fantayzee

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


This.
You could arrange to have a few drinks with them the following weekend instead.

#7 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think it's a bit rich to assume you'll be happy with the change but not really a big deal.  I don't think either of you have been rude, just that the girlfriend has been a little presumptuous.

Edited by BadCat, 13 December 2012 - 08:08 AM.


#8 B.3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think there has been some miscommunication on your part OP. I doubt she EXPECTED/DEMANDED you be there but rather the tone in which you read the text/message. Change of venues do happen. If either of you had just picked up the phone and TALKED to one another, I'm sure this thread wouldn't exist.

She probably thinks you are rude too. If you'd spoken to each other one on one, you could have just said something like 'it's a little too much for you this close to Christmas, but please pass on our best wishes.' No hard feelings either side but now it's awkward. You've used your baby as an excuse instead of being honest. You've been rude by doing that IMO.

Again, people need to just pick up the phone to avoid misunderstandings.

efs

Edited by Bek+3, 13 December 2012 - 08:11 AM.


#9 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

Yea, I think you're right. Thanks everyone.

#10 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:10 AM

Bek+3- both reasons are true, I just didn't mention the cost.

#11 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

You - not rude for declining

GF - Not rude, just a bit thoughtless.  

If she carries on like a pork chop about everyone bailing then that would be rude.

#12 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:20 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 08:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

agree with this.

#13 zackcat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

Plans change, no big deal. Neither of you are being rude, it's just something that sometimes happens!

Edited by zackcat, 13 December 2012 - 08:23 AM.


#14 Great Dame

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:04 AM

Neither.

#15 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 06:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

Exactly this. Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story? Surely that's not how everyone's day to day lives are. Sometimes sh*t happens, it doesn't mean someone was being rude, it's just different circumstances suit people differently.

#16 Funwith3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

It's a hard job trying to organise functions when so many people are involved. I imagine she's probably copping it from the restaurant, and has now had to be more firm with numbers and money. She's probably had to make a commitment to the restaurant, hence the exact amount owing.

She's not rude.

Neither are you for not going.

#17 Lyn29

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I'll be different - I think it's rude of her to assume that your agreeing to "stopping in for drinks" has now been changed to a sit down two course meal. If her message was something along the lines of "drinks are no longer an option, do I put you down for the meal instead?" then that's fine. But "it's nothing like what you agreed to but I still expect you to come" is rude.

Not rude enough to get upset over, but poor form.

#18 CallMeProtart

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:51 PM

I don't think she's rude for changing plans - things happen, and if it had been a set menu from the start you'd be in the same position as now.

I don't think it's rude to bail either, on a change of plans.

I do think it's rude to think she's rude just for changing plans. Organising big groups is a damned headache, people always bail, show up late, don't RSVP, etc etc, and you don't know what might have gone wrong to make her change plans. She's putting in an effort for someone else's party. You're huffing and puffing just about having to show up or not, which is nowhere near the sort of effort as organising the thing in the first place. You have been INVITED somewhere, be gracious about that whether you can make it or not. She's not changing plans to specifically disrupt your life.

Go, don't go, whatever suits you is fine and dandy, and not rude. But don't start trying to pin it on her.

#19 CallMeProtart

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (Gegemite @ 13/12/2012, 10:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story?


Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

#20 mum201

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (leisamd @ 13/12/2012, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!


This

#21 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 13/12/2012, 11:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

Be my guest  wink.gif

#22 Lady Garden

Posted 13 December 2012 - 06:32 PM

You should have just said you weren't up for a $100 dinner this close to Christmas. There's no shame in it and at least she knows for next time.

#23 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


Exactly.




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