Jump to content

I feel like one of us has been rude
But not sure which one


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:57 AM

My cousins girlfriend messaged me a few days ago to say she was organizing a party for my cousin, gave me the name of the restaurant and said we were welcome to stop by for dinner and/ or drinks. I said we'd stop by.

She then messaged me this morning to say the location had been moved and stopping by for just drinks would no longer be an option. It's a set menu 2 course dinner for $45.00 per person and she's looking forward to seeing us there.

I'm a bit pee'd off that she changed the party so dramatically in terms if time and financial commitment but still expected tgat everyone would show up. I've now texted her back to say we won't be able to make it as with the baby we weren't sure we could stay for 2 courses. I didn't mention that we don't really want to spend $90 plus drinks (even if we don't drink alcohol it will be at least a $100 night).

Now I feel really rude for bailing, but also feel that she was rude/ unreasonable in her expectations.

So I guess my question is; should I suck it up and go (his 27th, so not a 'big' birthday) or should I stick to my guns and not go?

TIA

#2 strawberrycakes

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:01 AM

I think it is rude for someone to change plans on short notice & expect people to still show up.

#3 ekbaby

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:03 AM

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

#4 Faradaye

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:05 AM

I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

#5 leisamd

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:06 AM

I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!

#6 Funky Cold Ribena

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


This.
You could arrange to have a few drinks with them the following weekend instead.

#7 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think it's a bit rich to assume you'll be happy with the change but not really a big deal.  I don't think either of you have been rude, just that the girlfriend has been a little presumptuous.

Edited by BadCat, 13 December 2012 - 08:08 AM.


#8 B.feral3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think there has been some miscommunication on your part OP. I doubt she EXPECTED/DEMANDED you be there but rather the tone in which you read the text/message. Change of venues do happen. If either of you had just picked up the phone and TALKED to one another, I'm sure this thread wouldn't exist.

She probably thinks you are rude too. If you'd spoken to each other one on one, you could have just said something like 'it's a little too much for you this close to Christmas, but please pass on our best wishes.' No hard feelings either side but now it's awkward. You've used your baby as an excuse instead of being honest. You've been rude by doing that IMO.

Again, people need to just pick up the phone to avoid misunderstandings.

efs

Edited by Bek+3, 13 December 2012 - 08:11 AM.


#9 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

Yea, I think you're right. Thanks everyone.

#10 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:10 AM

Bek+3- both reasons are true, I just didn't mention the cost.

#11 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

You - not rude for declining

GF - Not rude, just a bit thoughtless.  

If she carries on like a pork chop about everyone bailing then that would be rude.

#12 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:20 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 08:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

agree with this.

#13 zackcat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

Plans change, no big deal. Neither of you are being rude, it's just something that sometimes happens!

Edited by zackcat, 13 December 2012 - 08:23 AM.


#14 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 06:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

Exactly this. Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story? Surely that's not how everyone's day to day lives are. Sometimes sh*t happens, it doesn't mean someone was being rude, it's just different circumstances suit people differently.

#15 Funwith3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

It's a hard job trying to organise functions when so many people are involved. I imagine she's probably copping it from the restaurant, and has now had to be more firm with numbers and money. She's probably had to make a commitment to the restaurant, hence the exact amount owing.

She's not rude.

Neither are you for not going.

#16 Lyn29

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I'll be different - I think it's rude of her to assume that your agreeing to "stopping in for drinks" has now been changed to a sit down two course meal. If her message was something along the lines of "drinks are no longer an option, do I put you down for the meal instead?" then that's fine. But "it's nothing like what you agreed to but I still expect you to come" is rude.

Not rude enough to get upset over, but poor form.

#17 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:51 PM

I don't think she's rude for changing plans - things happen, and if it had been a set menu from the start you'd be in the same position as now.

I don't think it's rude to bail either, on a change of plans.

I do think it's rude to think she's rude just for changing plans. Organising big groups is a damned headache, people always bail, show up late, don't RSVP, etc etc, and you don't know what might have gone wrong to make her change plans. She's putting in an effort for someone else's party. You're huffing and puffing just about having to show up or not, which is nowhere near the sort of effort as organising the thing in the first place. You have been INVITED somewhere, be gracious about that whether you can make it or not. She's not changing plans to specifically disrupt your life.

Go, don't go, whatever suits you is fine and dandy, and not rude. But don't start trying to pin it on her.

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (Gegemite @ 13/12/2012, 10:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story?


Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

#19 mum201

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (leisamd @ 13/12/2012, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!


This

#20 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 13/12/2012, 11:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

Be my guest  wink.gif

#21 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


Exactly.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Finding baby name inspiration in unusual places

Sometimes the greatest baby name ideas come from the most unexpected places, as these EB members show.

The case for inducing at 37 weeks

While we often think of pregnancy as a 40 week affair, experts agree that 37 weeks is actually “full term". So is there an argument for inducing all births at 37 weeks?

Does controlled crying really work?

Controlled-crying techniques may help some babies sleep through the night, but for many exhausted new parents, it's just a recipe for more tears all round.

How I taught my infant to use a toilet

As people become more aware of these benefits, I hope more parents will practice this method, so we can cut down on nappies and improve baby bonding.

'I thought it was impossible': Emily Symons pregnant at 45

Aussie actress Emily Symons has announced she is pregnant with her first baby.

Shallow water blackout kills fit, healthy dad

A little girl will grow up without her father after the fit and healthy 34-year-old passed away while doing something he had practised his whole life.

Afternoon naps may be bad for toddlers' sleep

You could be doing yourself a disservice by encouraging your toddler to have an afternoon nap, according to new research.

Best gifts for newborns, new mums and christenings

We've compiled a guide to some of the most popular presents for newborns and new mums, and for christenings and naming days.

Jaime King to be a mum again

Actress Jaime King is pregnant with her second child, giving 16-month-old James a sibling.

Nannies should receive government funding

The Abbott government should extend funding to nannies, and direct childcare payments to low and middle income families, a landmark study on childcare has found. 

Common skin irritations in newborns (and how to treat them)

As many as one in two newborn babies suffer from skin irritations in their first few weeks. So what are the most common rashes and irritations to look out for?

10 wall decals for the nursery or playroom

Wall decals are the answer to creating a beautiful nursery or children's space without lifting a paint brush, a spirit level or even a hammer.

Preschooler walks 2.4km home alone

Three-year-old Cain Trainor headed off home after his first day at a new preschool without telling anyone.

Video: Why mums get nothing done

In spite of being in an almost constant state of motion while looking after the kids and trying to keep things together at home, it can seem as though parents have managed to get nothing on the to-do list done by the end of the day.

The middle name game

The middle name is no longer an afterthought, and parents' inspiration comes from many places.

Have a baby or your money back - but there's a catch

A new IVF scheme offers couples the chance to fall pregnant and give birth - or get their money back. But there's more to it than you might think.

A rare glimpse inside the womb

A baby born still inside the amniotic sac gave US doctors a rare glimpse at life inside the womb.

Battered mum forced to write to her attacker ex in jail

Three years ago Jason Hughes viciously attacked his ex-partner. Now she has to write to him three times a year.

Woman pleads not guilty to ultrasound scam

A West Australian woman will fight allegations that she scammed expectant mums by selling them fake ultrasound pictures of babies.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Brain damaged mum receives compensation

A Sydney mother who suffered brain damage when she was hit by a car while pushing her newborn baby in a pram has reached a confidential out-of-court settlement with the driver's insurance company.

Indigenous midwives break down the barriers

A culturally sensitive midwifery service has gained the trust and respect of Aboriginal women.

The Katering Show's next big delivery

Most mums-to-be plan to take things easy and perhaps have a little break from work as the birth of their baby draws near. Not Kate McCartney.

53 creative pregnancy announcements

Announcing that you're expecting can be a time to express your creativity, sense of humour and imagination. Check out how other parents and parents-to-be have broken the news to friends and family.

Why I have mixed feelings about Cindy Crawford's leaked photo

Last week an un-retouched photo of model Cindy Crawford surfaced, showing the 48-year-old mother-of -two posing in underwear.

How to create a Peppa Pig pancake

Thought your toddler could not love pancakes any more than they already do? How about if the breakfast treat came in the shape of every two-year-old's favourite cartoon character?

'It's a little life, not a little loss': pregnancy after miscarriage

I thought I was never going to be able to have a successful pregnancy. I decided that I wasn't going to form an emotional attachment with this baby.

Bonds Baby Search 2015: what you need to know

February 18 marks the start of one of the most prolific annual baby competitions in Australia: the Bonds Baby Search. And this year is going to be more special than ever.

Who will manage your Facebook account when you're gone?

This is not something that people like to talk about, but Facebook has announced that it will grant users more control over what happens to their pages after they die.

Struggling mum of four wins $188 million

Mother of four Marie Holmes was financially struggling after quitting her jobs at Walmart and McDonald's in order to care for her children.

Pregnant obese women a 'relatively new problem', coroner hears

A first-time mother whose daughter died hours after her frightening birth insists she was never told of the risks of being obese and pregnant.

'I'm angry as hell': the story behind mum's passionate vaccination plea

She has labelled parents who do not vaccinate their children "misinformed imbeciles" - and for that, she makes no apologies.

IKEA hacks for the nursery and kids' rooms

Are you one of those that know the whole IKEA catalogue by heart? Love their stuff but want to personalise it? Here's some inspiration to help you realise the potential of IKEA furniture and fittings.

8 different kinds of tantrums

I never thought I’d say this, but for a brief moment last week, Kim Kardashian and I had something in common: both our kids had public tantrums.

Polycystic ovary syndrome: symptoms, treatment and your fertility

Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is the most common female hormonal condition, affecting roughly one in 12 Australian women.

What's the best position for giving birth?

If doing it on your back is out, what's the best position for labour and birth?

Wife forgives snake catcher husband for car surprise

With Valentine's Day coming up, Nat Gilbert could be forgiven for thinking her husband might be planning a surprise for her.

Kids who meet milestones at their own pace

We usually only hear the success stories: tales of the two-year-old who’s talking, running and completely toilet trained. But other stories need to be told too.

Ruby shines as Bonds Baby

Sarah Kiss has a word of advice for proud mums and dads who are keen to enter their babies in this year's Bonds Baby Search Competition - just have fun.

Why dads should go to sleep school

If your family needs to go to sleep school, go with them. You are part of that family and you are part of the solution.

36 baby names inspired by food and drinks

A French court may have ruled out Nutella as a baby name, but that doesn't have to stop you from taking inspiration from the supermarket (or bottle shop). See what parents in the US have chosen for their delicious little ones.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Win a KitchenAid Mixer

Let's celebrate 300,000 fans on Facebook

To celebrate, and to thank our amazing fans, we?re giving away a KitchenAid Artisan Tilt-Head Stand Mixer.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.