Jump to content

I feel like one of us has been rude
But not sure which one


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:57 AM

My cousins girlfriend messaged me a few days ago to say she was organizing a party for my cousin, gave me the name of the restaurant and said we were welcome to stop by for dinner and/ or drinks. I said we'd stop by.

She then messaged me this morning to say the location had been moved and stopping by for just drinks would no longer be an option. It's a set menu 2 course dinner for $45.00 per person and she's looking forward to seeing us there.

I'm a bit pee'd off that she changed the party so dramatically in terms if time and financial commitment but still expected tgat everyone would show up. I've now texted her back to say we won't be able to make it as with the baby we weren't sure we could stay for 2 courses. I didn't mention that we don't really want to spend $90 plus drinks (even if we don't drink alcohol it will be at least a $100 night).

Now I feel really rude for bailing, but also feel that she was rude/ unreasonable in her expectations.

So I guess my question is; should I suck it up and go (his 27th, so not a 'big' birthday) or should I stick to my guns and not go?

TIA

#2 strawberrycakes

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:01 AM

I think it is rude for someone to change plans on short notice & expect people to still show up.

#3 ekbaby

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:03 AM

If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.

#4 Faradaye

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:05 AM

I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

#5 leisamd

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:06 AM

I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!

#6 Funky Cold Ribena

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


This.
You could arrange to have a few drinks with them the following weekend instead.

#7 BadCat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think it's a bit rich to assume you'll be happy with the change but not really a big deal.  I don't think either of you have been rude, just that the girlfriend has been a little presumptuous.

Edited by BadCat, 13 December 2012 - 08:08 AM.


#8 B.feral3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

I think there has been some miscommunication on your part OP. I doubt she EXPECTED/DEMANDED you be there but rather the tone in which you read the text/message. Change of venues do happen. If either of you had just picked up the phone and TALKED to one another, I'm sure this thread wouldn't exist.

She probably thinks you are rude too. If you'd spoken to each other one on one, you could have just said something like 'it's a little too much for you this close to Christmas, but please pass on our best wishes.' No hard feelings either side but now it's awkward. You've used your baby as an excuse instead of being honest. You've been rude by doing that IMO.

Again, people need to just pick up the phone to avoid misunderstandings.

efs

Edited by Bek+3, 13 December 2012 - 08:11 AM.


#9 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:07 AM

Yea, I think you're right. Thanks everyone.

#10 Broxie

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:10 AM

Bek+3- both reasons are true, I just didn't mention the cost.

#11 JustBeige

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:16 AM

You - not rude for declining

GF - Not rude, just a bit thoughtless.  

If she carries on like a pork chop about everyone bailing then that would be rude.

#12 Queen Yoda

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:20 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 08:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

agree with this.

#13 zackcat

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:22 AM

Plans change, no big deal. Neither of you are being rude, it's just something that sometimes happens!

Edited by zackcat, 13 December 2012 - 08:23 AM.


#14 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Faradaye @ 13/12/2012, 06:05 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't think you are rude for declining the invitation, if it doesn't suit, you have every right to decide not to go.

I also don't think she was rude - obviously there was a change of plans, she let you know, and also let you know you were welcome and she was looking forward to seeing you there.  What's rude about that?

Not everything has to be turned into a 'rude-off'.

Exactly this. Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story? Surely that's not how everyone's day to day lives are. Sometimes sh*t happens, it doesn't mean someone was being rude, it's just different circumstances suit people differently.

#15 Funwith3

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:02 AM

It's a hard job trying to organise functions when so many people are involved. I imagine she's probably copping it from the restaurant, and has now had to be more firm with numbers and money. She's probably had to make a commitment to the restaurant, hence the exact amount owing.

She's not rude.

Neither are you for not going.

#16 Lyn29

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

I'll be different - I think it's rude of her to assume that your agreeing to "stopping in for drinks" has now been changed to a sit down two course meal. If her message was something along the lines of "drinks are no longer an option, do I put you down for the meal instead?" then that's fine. But "it's nothing like what you agreed to but I still expect you to come" is rude.

Not rude enough to get upset over, but poor form.

#17 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:51 PM

I don't think she's rude for changing plans - things happen, and if it had been a set menu from the start you'd be in the same position as now.

I don't think it's rude to bail either, on a change of plans.

I do think it's rude to think she's rude just for changing plans. Organising big groups is a damned headache, people always bail, show up late, don't RSVP, etc etc, and you don't know what might have gone wrong to make her change plans. She's putting in an effort for someone else's party. You're huffing and puffing just about having to show up or not, which is nowhere near the sort of effort as organising the thing in the first place. You have been INVITED somewhere, be gracious about that whether you can make it or not. She's not changing plans to specifically disrupt your life.

Go, don't go, whatever suits you is fine and dandy, and not rude. But don't start trying to pin it on her.

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE (Gegemite @ 13/12/2012, 10:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Why does EB always have to have a goodie and a baddie in every story?


Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

#19 mum201

Posted 13 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

QUOTE (leisamd @ 13/12/2012, 09:06 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I don't really see rudeness.  Rude would be if she was p*ssy that you couldn't make it.  It's annoying yes, poor organization/communication, yes.  But not rude yet.  It sounds like a last-minute thing and if she's reasonable she's probably not worried if people can't make it.

Likewise you were not rude in declining if it no longer suits.  It would be rude if you blasted her for changing the details, it would be rude to go and act like a matyr.  Go if you want to and if you can afford it.  Otherwise, meh, don't worry about it!


This

#20 Gegemite

Posted 13 December 2012 - 02:15 PM

QUOTE (CallMeAliG @ 13/12/2012, 11:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Love this. Can I use it as a sig if I still love it tomorrow? laughing2.gif

Be my guest  wink.gif

#21 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:42 PM

QUOTE (ekbaby @ 13/12/2012, 09:03 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If you can't afford it, and were just planning to have a drink with him, I wouldn't go, but  I wouldn't be cranky with the person organising it. I don't think either of you have been rude.


Exactly.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

The day my daughter almost drowned

We had six adults standing there, so I felt like I could relax a bit. After all, what could go wrong with so much supervision?

Sydney siege survivor names baby after victim Katrina Dawson

A Sydney barrister who survived the Lindt cafe siege has named her newborn daughter after her best friend who died in the tragedy.

Banishing bloat

How to avoid a bloated tummy

Here are some foods to eat in order to escape feeling ghastly and gassy.

The great new picture book for anxious kids

My son is a worrier by nature. I learnt long ago that it was completely pointless to say to him "Don't worry about it!".

Budget stripped more than $15b from families

The combined impact of the two budgets for low and middle income people was "devastating", new analysis by the Australian Council of Social Service shows.

Pregnant women urged to get flu shots

As the winter chill starts to arrive, NSW Health is urging pregnant women to get their flu shots.

65-year-old gives birth to quadruplets

A 65-year-old German woman, who already has 13 children, has given birth to quadruplets.

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.