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I want to buy my 5 and 4 year old a cell phone

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#1 blackbird

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:30 PM

My two boys will be with their dad for 2 weeks over xmas and I am very worried about this as they have never been away from me for so long so I am thinking of getting them a cheap phone that they can call me on if they want to as I know their dad wont offer this and rarely has ever let me talk to them through his phone.

Do you think this is a good idea?

Do you know what phone might be suitable?

#2 Monroe

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

My first reaction was no way! But after reading your story, yes I would get them a cheap phone for them to use.
I personally would go to Optus and see their prepaid mobiles, they have Nokias with a keypad for around $70. Get them $30 credit which has a lot of calls included & they should be set.
I'm almost 100% sure you'd be able to put credit on it online if you needed to.

#3 *Lib*

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:36 PM

$29 prepaid at bigw.

#4 wildflowers

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:43 PM

You can get cheap prepaid phones.  I think you would need to try and set some rules thatnthey can ring you each night.  My brother gave my niece a phone cause he is separated and she rings him at any time during the day or night which I think is crazy cause I know she would miss him but it isnt an emergency to ring at 11pm.

#5 bakesgirls

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:51 PM

Can I ask what you are worried about? I know 2 weeks is a long time if you haven't had to do it before, but what do you think is going to happen? Could you discuss calling them with your ex before they go?

I just think 4 and 5 is very young, and can imagine the phone getting lost or broken which means you would be unable to call them on it anyway.

Edited by bakesgirls, 12 December 2012 - 08:52 PM.

#6 libbylu

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:54 PM

Why can't you tell your ex that you will call at say 7pm each night and expect to be able to talk to them then.
That's what my friend does when his son is at his ex's place.
I don't think that's unreasonable.
Who knows what a five year old would do with a mobile. accidentally call a random number while in his pocket and run the credit down in one go, probably.  I think it's too young to use it responsibly.

#7 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:03 PM

I wouldn't bother, if he wont let them call you with his phone he will probably just take the mobile off them. I would just tell him that you will be calling at x time each day to say goodnight.

#8 blackbird

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:47 PM

QUOTE (Cadie @ 12/12/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think if I was your ex i'd feel offended. I think its rude and disrespectful. tbh. Its the kids dad. Let him have the kids in peace without them having to be checked in on every day.

Thats coming from someone who doesnt know your personal situation though.

I think a better approach may be to organise to have them call you or vice versa every 3 or so days. Otherwise it may come across as you trying to pry the kids for information on your ex and what everyone has been up to. Its sounds intrusive.

Again this is coming from someone who has seen what its like on the other side. My scenario may have nothing to do with the situation you are in.


Personally I don't give a rats what he is doing or anyone else he knows for that matter, what I care about is the kids not feeling I have abandoned them, I have had a big struggle just getting them to happily go to his house for the two nights every fortnight that he has them, this arrangement is only recent of the last few month, directly before that he did not see them or talk to them for about 6-8 weeks (I have it written some where). I am actually a little happier that I suspect his female friend is more serious than he has said, she is a nurse and by having another person around he might be more tolerant of them and they might have more fun, but this last weekend was the 1st that my youngest didn't have an argument about not wanting to go, my oldest is autistic and his dad has very little respect or patience for his 'quirks'. I'm just worried as this is a man who pinned up a 3 year old against a wall and bellowed at him because his little brother cried and daddy assumed it was because of the oldest, hitting said 3 year old so hard I had to comfort screaming child with an ice pack and the neighbor called because she could hear it all and was worried, he wasn't purposefully abusive, he just was too rough and didn't think 1st, I'm pretty confident he isn't quite that bad now but smack 1st is still his policy for everything. Sorry, that wasn't meant to be a vent. I just thought it might make the kids feel more secure if they know they can call, their dad liked the idea when I suggest he call the kids on their own phone but nothing ever come of it.

#9 mumofsky

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:50 PM

Stay strong OP. And if a phone makes you feel safer, get them one. It's hard being a separated parent when your ex is a crap parent.

#10 watching the clock

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:01 PM

Have a look if you can get them a Firefly phone it's specially made for kids


Edited by sweetcookies, 12 December 2012 - 10:17 PM.

#11 *LucyE*

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:02 PM

If I were to do it, I'd look for a phone that I could 'lock' which would limit the amount of dial-able numbers. I'd set all my contact numbers and maybe one other person. Put them on an easy speed dial and just teach the kids to do that rather than memorizing numbers or functions. It also eliminates accidental dialing of random numbers.

#12 libbylu

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:04 PM

QUOTE (Cadie @ 12/12/2012, 10:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think if I was your ex i'd feel offended. I think its rude and disrespectful. tbh. Its the kids dad. Let him have the kids in peace without them having to be checked in on every day.

What's wrong with speaking to your kids every day?
We are not separated, but when I went to Bali for 10 days last year I called DH each evening briefly and spoke to DS when he felt like it otherwise I sent him kisses thru daddy - he was 5, and I think it's nice when your kids are that young to be in touch daily.
My friend separated from his wife 6 months ago and he calls his 2 year old son every night during the week at the exact same time - he sees him each weekend.  
Probably not necessary as they get older, but when they are little I imagine it would be comforting for the child.

#13 belbelchic

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:04 PM

is this violence occuring on a regular basis, i would be reporting him.

you cant do that to a child seriously thats terrible, first its a slip up, then whats the next excuse,?

#14 laridae

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:10 PM

I've seen (in the past) mobile phones for kids that only let them dial 4 preset numbers.  That might be an option OP.  And then just get a prepaid sim.

#15 HarperLeeAndMe

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:22 PM

I really feel unless you are a separated parent you really don't get it!  I would definately get the phone.  

#16 blackbird

Posted 12 December 2012 - 10:24 PM

Thanks for that info, I will look into more tomorrow but it bed time for me now original.gif

And as for the aggressive behavior, since the separation any time 'he' spends with the boys he does seem to make more of an effort to control himself, that and his mother only see's them when he has them so they spend at least one of the two days supervised as such and I think that has helped too, he isn't around them having to deal with them 24/7 so its doesn't seem so bad for him now I guess, I think they will be ok but 2 weeks sounds like such a long time, I will miss them and I have mixed feelings, is it good thing s a bad thing that he wants them this long.. ah having a mummy moment

#17 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 13 December 2012 - 03:42 AM

QUOTE (mad madam mim @ 12/12/2012, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I wouldn't bother, if he wont let them call you with his phone he will probably just take the mobile off them. I would just tell him that you will be calling at x time each day to say goodnight.

I had the same thought.  Are the kids old enough to keep track of their mobile phone itself?  If not, your ex will be the one with phone responsibility.  And if he's not into spontaneous "let's call Mummy and keep her sane" now, then I suspect that won't change.  Maybe I'm a cynic.

QUOTE (*LucyE* @ 12/12/2012, 10:02 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If I were to do it, I'd look for a phone that I could 'lock' which would limit the amount of dial-able numbers. I'd set all my contact numbers and maybe one other person. Put them on an easy speed dial and just teach the kids to do that rather than memorizing numbers or functions. It also eliminates accidental dialing of random numbers.

If you are going to do it, this sounds great.  No way would I give my 5yo an unlimited unlocked mobile phone.  Her "exploration" might cost me a fortune!

OP, given your story, I can definitely see your reasoning behind doing this and I'd probably do the same. And I think this would work well if your kids were older (say 9 and 7). But there is no way a 3yo is going to keep track of their mobile so that they can simply call you whenever they want.  For that matterm I have doubts about a 5yo as well.  You'd have to rely on your ex to keep on top of this, make sure they do ring regularly and ensure the phone(s) aren't lost.  If you think he would do this, go for it.  If you have doubts, I'd be trying to think of other strategies that are less onerous.

#18 epl0822

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:28 AM

It sounds like you're set on buying a cellphone. Why are you looking for affirmation from other people on this?

#19 babychacha

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:45 AM

QUOTE (epl0822 @ 13/12/2012, 08:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
It sounds like you're set on buying a cellphone. Why are you looking for affirmation from other people on this?

SERIOUSLY? What is the point of your post?  To be nasty?  Congrats.

OP - hopefully you can get to the stage with our ex, where he will have no problem with your boys calling and vice versa.

For the recored, my XH skypes almost every night and when he takes my DS, I ring every day.

#20 I'msoMerry

Posted 13 December 2012 - 07:47 AM

I just wanted to give you a bit of support from another mum that hates being separated from my kids.
There are all types of parents and some wont understand how you feel.
I couldnt imagine being away from my kids for that length of time at that age.
My youngest that still goes every 2nd weekend is 15 and has been going for over ten years. The eldest doesnt go any more. I still miss him terribly when he goes.
Some parents enjoy the break from their kids but I never have.
Do what you have to do. It is going to be very hard for you and them.

#21 FeralRebelWClaws

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:10 AM

If you feel that they can look after it and use it without help then you should do it.

I think it's sad their Dad wouldn't let them ring you or you ring them sad.gif

We call DSDs are least twice a week when they are at their Mums, it's always certain days around the same time. Their Mum will text DF to let him know if they happen to be out and we arrange a new time. When we have DSDs they will call their Mum a couple of times a week.

#22 mumto3princesses

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:12 AM

I would just do a cheap prepaid phone. Something really basic so it wont matter if it gets lost and prepaid so there is no chance of them going on the internet or anything and costing a fortune or draining the credit. Try and teach them to go into the phonebook and ring that way rather than ring your number. I would see what prepaid options there are with whoever you are with because sometimes you can get free calls or something.

We don't have a home phone and just have a spare mobile that we leave at home just in case. Sometimes my DD#2 & DD#3 sneak the phone to ring daddy to find out when he will be home or ring me if they are home with daddy. But because they don't actually know anyones phone number they can only ring the numbers in the phonebook.

#23 Lightning_bug

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:30 AM

OP, I don't think what you're wanting is too unreasonable however I don't know that a 5 and 4 year old would be capable of maintaining a phone.

Calling and using, sure.  But remembering to charge and maintain probably not.

Just tell your ex you'll call at a certain time to talk to the kids.  Do try an perhaps make it not EVERY night. Say every night the first three days, then every second or so on.  To build the kid's confidence.

If he gives you guff... send the cops around to do a safety check.

Edited by Lightning_bug, 13 December 2012 - 08:35 AM.

#24 MadamDivine

Posted 13 December 2012 - 08:36 AM

My kids have a mobile phone for when they go to their dads.

He complains he is always broke and his phone bill is too high to ring me so I brought the phone. Problem solved. I pay for all credit and they can ring me when ever they please. I dont ring them when they are only there for two nights but I will ring them when they are there for a week.

Something his mother gets all picky and tells them they can not use the phone to ring me in her time, this will be addressed at mediation and with my lawyers. I would never ever restrict the kids from having contact with them so I expect the same in return. My kids are young and the phone lets them know they are free to contact either parent at any time. They rarely use it.. LOL more so the first weekend they had it as it was a novelty but its there.

#25 WaitForIt

Posted 13 December 2012 - 09:43 AM

I can't believe anyone has issues with a parent wanting to speak to their kids every day... Or, for that matter, kids wanting to speak to their parents.

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