Jump to content

Changing kids school


  • Please log in to reply
13 replies to this topic

#1 *Ker*

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:19 PM

I'm not at all happy with the kids school. I want to move them and am going up to another school tomorrow to basically beg them to take my kids.

However, I just asked the kids whether they'd be happy to move to another school and DS just LOST it. He started bawling and saying he would miss his friend Abby. DD doesn't care either way.

I hate his school. Really hate it. How can I make him see it would be good to move, and make him not hate me for it? He's almost 8 and going into year 3. I've always been against changing schools and taking them away from their friends, but I don't reallly see much choice.



#2 DylJayBen's Mum

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:34 PM

I'm changing my nearly 7yo DS to a different school next year, I don't like his school either.  I gave him the choice and we both went and visited the new school and I pointed out all of the positives to him. I then decided that I had to be a good parent and do what is right for his education and his future and told him that "he is changing schools and that is that, it broke my heart but I needed to what is right for him in the long run. He had orientation there yesterday and seemed to be pleased with it. They will make new friends very quickly at that age.  It was a really hard choice to have to make, my DS is very sensitive and doesn't like change at all. I figure that this change may be a good experiance for him as I'm hoping that it will show him that change can be a good thing.

Good luck with it, stay strong and I wouldn't be giving him a choice if you think that it's the right thing to do.

#3 mumto3princesses

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:42 PM

Can he still catch up with Abby at other times? Or do the same after school activity as Abby?

A friend of my girls changed schools and her mum reassured her that she could still see my girls during school holidays and she also joined their after school activity.

She went with her mum to look at the new school and was ok with it after that. Maybe explain what the new school has that the current one doesn't.

#4 roses99

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:43 PM

I think in that case you just have to trust that - as the parent who has their best interests at heart - you know best.

I realise that his SNs make it more complicated, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't eventually adjust. I'd just be really cautious to make sure that this new school is going to be a keeper.

My brother and I attended seven schools growing up, as we moved around with my parents' work. I loved it and was always keen to move and start a new school. My brother hated it. But - in every instance - he adjusted pretty quickly, made friends and settled in really well. My mum, in particular, was very proactive in smoothing the way for him. I remember, when he was starting year nine, she spoke to the year level coordinator and had a quiet word about helping to set my brother up with like-minded friends. So his friendship group was pretty much 'engineered', but it meant he found his feet really quickly with kids who he got on with really well.

#5 Therese

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:45 PM

I think that sometimes we need to make decisions because we think they are right even when our kids don't agree.

It sounds like a change would be a good thing so I hope the move isn't too bad.

#6 JustBeige

Posted 12 December 2012 - 07:57 PM

When we changed our school it was hugely hard.  We told the kids that it was OK to be upset, anxious etc but there was no point in arguing as we couldnt / wouldnt change our minds.

We started with showing them the school website and looking at all the different extra curicular things that they could do through the school and we also let them finally pick an extra curicular activity out of school.

When they started, we used to get them to tell us 3 good things that happened today. even if it was a small as 'xyz said hello and sat with me at lunch'.    In my DS's case his mostly consisted of  'no one picked on me today'

Ker, I have read your updates.  Yes your DS WILL lose it, simply because of who he is.   I think letting him start having outside playdates with Abby is the first best step in helping him adjust.

Its such a shame that there is no way to keep his SSO in his life ongoing.

#7 Carmen02

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:01 PM

QUOTE (Therese @ 12/12/2012, 06:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think that sometimes we need to make decisions because we think they are right even when our kids don't agree.

It sounds like a change would be a good thing so I hope the move isn't too bad.


I agree, we moved DD's school when she was 7 I really hated her other school it was holding her back big time. She cried protested the works, but in the end she has excelled at this school shes been here for 3 almost 4yrs now and she loves it.

#8 Feral Madam Mim

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:11 PM

Because he has ASD I have no idea, usually I would just explain why we were doing it and that it is what I thought was best for them so it is what was going to happen like it or not. but I remember you saying he does not cope well with change, all I can think of is merging him in slowly, but no idea how this would work with the school, if you could figure out who would be in his class at the new school I would suggest trying to make play dates with some of the kids so that he didn't feel so alone on the first day, would the school allow you to stay in the class for the first couple of weeks to help him?

#9 Freddie'sMum

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:26 PM

Hi OP

Here's my story - when DD#1 was about to start school, I tied myself up in knots over it.  There were basically 3 schools she could go to - Catholic (which I was desperate for her to get into), really large public school (really nice school but I felt she would be 'lost' because it was too big) and a much smaller public school (which I didn't get a good feeling about).

Anyhoo, she got accepted into the Catholic school and I was so relieved - and she was so happy and had a lovely teacher and a wonderful first year of school.

During that year, I cracked it - DH & I and the 2 x girls (and the cat) were living in a 2 bedroom unit which had no space whatsoever.  I was losing the plot - there was no more storage 'tricks' I could try - we were bursting at the seams and DH & I decided to sell the unit and buy something bigger.

So, we sold the unit and bought a 3 bedroom townhouse - in a completely different suburb - miles out from our old suburb (because that's where we could afford to buy).  

And we did this in the middle of the year - so by term 3 she was living in a new house but going to the same school - and me being the idiot that I am - thought - "no problems" - we can just commute in and out 5 days a week.

Did I mention that I was an idiot ??  Commuting with small children during Sydney traffic is a truly stupid idea - so we lasted to the end of her first year of Kindy and then started her (this year) at the local Catholic school in our suburb.  I can literally walk to school - such a huge difference from sitting in the car for anywhere between 1 to 2 hours (each way).

She has adjusted fine - she has made new friends - she has anxiety / shyness issues and the current school (and her amazing teacher) have really brought her out of her shell.  So my very long-winded post is sometimes you (as the parent) do have to make decisions that our kids don't like but we know that it is for the best.  If you think the current school is not up to scratch - then I believe education is so damn important for kids - then making the move now is the best decision.  

Remind your kids that they will still see their special friends - arrange playdates / meetings - keep the contact there.  

Best wishes (sorry for the epic post).



#10 Expelliarmus

Posted 12 December 2012 - 08:33 PM

If it's because he's getting a new SSO, that's not going to change if you shift schools though. Is there more to it? I hope so, or you might be disappointed in the new school as well.

The Mainstream Special Ed Co ordinator at work always says that some decisions are 'mummy and daddy decisions' or 'grown up decisions'. These include where you live, who you live with, if you take medication and where you go to school. She explains it like that to students with disabilities - and NT ones as well. Sometimes she talks about how some school decisions are grown up decisions as well.

The plain language seems to help. Good luck.

#11 *Ker*

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:10 PM

QUOTE (howdo @ 12/12/2012, 09:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If it's because he's getting a new SSO, that's not going to change if you shift schools though. Is there more to it? I hope so, or you might be disappointed in the new school as well.


Her leaving is just the last straw. The school has been getting progressively worse over the last 2 years and todays news was just the icing on the cake. DD's teacher leaving threw me and I was furious, but I thought "A is still there and DS needs her". He said to me as recently as yesterday that he loved her and she was his favourite. I'm not fond of his teacher - he likes her, so I tolerate her. But she's seriously weird. (She said to me "oh I don't make them do handwriting in school. It's not important, because they're the computer generation"  blink.gif I replied "well I bloody well DO think handwriting is important and I want my kids learning it!") I said to A as recently as yesterday "You are the only reason the kids are still enrolled here". DD has been put into a class with a teacher I do not like. The teacher is very good with advanced kids, but terrible with the average and struggling kids. DS didn't advance at ALL in the whole year he had her.

The school does not have a strong leadership team. Everything is up in the air. The principal said to me just a month ago "oh yes, A is staying", when I questioned her. And I know that A does want to stay. I don't know how they can let her go, when she got FOUR nominations for SSO of the year! They are just stupid! She is the best they've got. The rest are ok. Cooper won't work with them though.

The school I am going to go and beg is my nephews school and I have spent a lot of time there recently - I do talks about animal rescue and I did one there a month ago. It's a really good school, but I am not in their zone, hence me having to beg.

He does see Abby out of school - he adores her. I'm hoping her mum lets that continue, but she really likes Cooper, so I'm sure it won't be a problem. She's a lovely child and the school are sh*tty with her too. EVERY year she gets moved to a new class and away from her friends, which isn't fair for her. She's been put in the other 2-3 class, without ANY friends. And with the horrible teacher. her mum isn't happy either.

The reports and class allocations went out today, and the principal LOCKED her office doors and refused to see anyone and the office had to run interference!



#12 *Ker*

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:17 PM

I've got such a headache over this. I've been thinking about it all day. I spent the afternoon googling schools. Then I talked to DS and he went nuts. He knows the school, since his cousin went there, but he still wants to stay at school, because of Abby.

#13 Expelliarmus

Posted 13 December 2012 - 12:33 AM

QUOTE
I don't know how they can let her go, when she got FOUR nominations for SSO of the year!

Because most SSOs who are not administrative staff are casual workers and their contracts finish at the end of each year. It's pretty standard. The reason for this is that funding for student support is very fluid. It moves with the child, so the SSOs cannot be permanent to a school as the child might move so the funding goes with them. When students transition to high school is another factor.

Also sometimes an SSO is put on when a student is diagnosed because the funding becomes available but at the end of the year, the hours disappear even if the child is staying because the hours have to be allocated to permanent SSOs first. There are a few permanents who work with children. SO if Bobby was diagnosed with ASD in April and receives 3 hours a week support, the school engages an SSO because all of theirs are 'booked up' with the children already there. While Bobby is still there next year, Lucy is leaving for High School, so Bobby's SSO has no hours in the new year because the hours for Bobby will go to Lucy's 'old' SSO who is permanent.

If the school has a number of students with disabilities going to high school, accepting placements in special classes or simply moving schools, it is not unusual for SSOs working with other children to not have their hours renewed.

In many ways it's not the school deliberately being crap - it's a system out of their hands.

#14 *Ker*

Posted 13 December 2012 - 10:28 PM

I went and saw the other school. And the principal is sure he can accomodate me. He just needs to check with the teachers as to who are in the classes - to see where Coop would fit in best. Immy is not a problem - he has a place for her straight away. He's going to call me back once he has chatted to the teachers.

The kids and I talked. I can't just say to Coop "you're moving and that's it". He has done so well socially at school, and has come so far that I'm terrified of putting him back to where he was. I've been talking up the school, but have said that we will talk about it before I make the definite decision to transfer. I need to give him some power and some choice in this. However, if the kids really don't want to move, they get one more year at their current school. If things don't improve, then we're out.





1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Special Ticket Offer, Save $8!

The Essential Baby & Toddler Show is back this April! Save $8 off the door price for a limited time only!

Why I breastfed my son until he was three

The fact that I not only breastfed my son, but breastfed him for three and a half years, seems pretty incredible in retrospect.

Do babies and young children see ghosts?

Do babies and young children see ghosts? If you’ve pondered the question, you’re not alone.

15 years with Essential Baby: meet Therese

"Life has a funny way of giving you what you need when you need it the most."

Mum causes a stir by taking a stand against leggings

A mum has found herself the subject of debate after claiming tight bottoms cause lustful thoughts in men.

Don't set a parenting goal for 2015 - do this instead

The problem with goal setting as a parent is the measure. How do we really know if we’re succeeding?

5 pregnancy myths that just won't go away

When you're expecting, it often seems like everyone is keen to offer advice about what you should and shouldn't do in the interests of your health and wellbeing.

RPA hospital contacting mums after discovering vaccine storage fault

Sydney's Royal Prince Alfred Hospital (RPA) is trying to contact women who had babies at the facility after discovering a fault in a refrigerator containing vaccines.

'Nutella' not a baby name, French court says

A French court has blocked parents from naming their baby girl after the hazelnut spread Nutella, arguing it would make her the target of mockery.

Why I'm never calling myself 'just a mum' again

I’ve grown three human beings. I feed them, dress them, teach them, care for them and love them 24 hours a day. Yet for eight years, when I meet new people and they’ve asked me what I do, I tell them: “I’m just a mum”.

Rosie Batty named 2015 Australian of the Year

One year ago, Rosie Batty could not have imagined she'd be where she is. Tonight the grieving mum who put domestic violence on the national agenda was named Australian of the Year.

Five reasons to hug more

Hugging – some of us thrive on it, even depend on it – and then there are those who don't care for it really. So, are they missing out?

Help - my three-year-old has started throwing tantrums

My daughter never went through the "terrible twos" but began throwing wild tantrums shortly after her third birthday.

That's commitment

First peek at Sonia Kruger's daughter Maggie

"She smells so good, I could eat her," Kruger tells co-host David Campbell.

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.