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would you let your child go on a long drive with someone else driving?


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#1 imamumto3

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:10 PM

ds has been invited to a birthday party which is being held at a fun park about 3 hours drive away.

i know the mother well but have never met the father.  the mother had said that they will drive ds to the party.  the problem is the father will be driving.  I know he has been caught for speeding several times and now drives a sports car.

I told dh that I don't feel comfortable with ds driving with the father and would rather drive him ourselves, especially because it is such a long way.   dh thinks I'm crazy and should just let them drive him.  WDYT, I'm I being over protective?

#2 R2B2

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:13 PM

If you don't feel comfortable with the situation, don't send your DS.
if I felt unsure, i'd politely decline and take him myself, or offer to take their child along instead wink.gif

Edited by R2B2, 12 December 2012 - 01:13 PM.


#3 ThatsNotMyName

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:14 PM

I would be very uneasy about that. It may be perfectly fine but without knowing the individual I wouldn't be able to be comfortable about it & would find a way to take him myself.

#4 seayork2002

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:15 PM

Whats is the difference between a long and short drive? the child is still in a car in a car seat

#5 Bel Rowley

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:17 PM

I can think of all sorts of people I would trust to drive my kids, but if you don't trust this guy, that's enough reason to say no.

#6 bearmum

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

I have a very VERY limited group of people I would allow to drive my children. It is nice of that family to offer your child a lift but I would politely decline somehow and drive him myself. There is zero chance I would let my son go in someone else's car in that circumstance.

But my DH and his family think me and my family are uptight original.gif

#7 zingy

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:26 PM

I wouldn't be OK with this.

Always listen to your gut.

#8 Feral Grey Mare

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:30 PM

The deciding factor for me would be to trust your instincts. If you do not feel comfortable then, as others have said,politely decline and drive him yourself.

#9 jill1972

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:42 PM

No I'd be freaking out all day till he got safely home.  Some people are quite ok about this sort of stuff, but I'm not one of them.


_____________

#10 HurryUpAlready

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:49 PM

Trust your gut and drive him yourself.

Years ago, a mother my family knows trusted her gut and chose not to let her child travel in the car of a friend when both families were holidaying together. That decision most likely saved her child's life. The family of 4 in the other car died in a horrific car accident.

It was so sad, but there could have been 5 dead that day if it wasn't for that mum listening to her gut.

I'm listening to my gut at the moment on another issue. A new friend of my husband has had us over to his home (with his wife) a couple of times for a meal. He is a very nice man and his Thai wife (who couldn't have children of her own) just loves our 10 month old to bits.

They have repeatedly offered to mind DD (they know we have no family to help), but there is just *something* about the guy that has my mummy instincts on high alert and consequently, I'll never leave DD with them. I have absolutely no basis to think anything negative about this man, he does seem very nice & generous. Maybe he seems to like DD a but too much for a 50
year old man and that just seemed a bit "off" to me (I'd never let him know I think this way - he might be a genuinely nice guy who loves kids).

I don't know, but it's just another example of a gut instinct that sometimes we can't explain, but I think we should listen to.



#11 Jembo

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:58 PM

Family no problems, someone I did not know well - no.

#12 seayork2002

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

Why are your families driving better/safer than other people's?


QUOTE (Jembo @ 12/12/2012, 02:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Family no problems, someone I did not know well - no.



#13 SeaPrincess

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:06 PM

QUOTE (Bel Rowley @ 12/12/2012, 11:17 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can think of all sorts of people I would trust to drive my kids, but if you don't trust this guy, that's enough reason to say no.

This. It doesn't matter if the drive is short/long, the person is family/not - if I trust them to drive with my children, fine. If I don't trust them, then they don't drive my children.

#14 jill1972

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:08 PM

QUOTE (Jembo @ 12/12/2012, 01:58 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Family no problems, someone I did not know well - no.



This made me giggle to myself as there isn't one family member of mine who's driving makes me feel safe!


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#15 Ireckon

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:09 PM

My brother had a fair few driving related fines when he was younger. He is now 31, and I have let him take my DS on a 7 hr drive. I think he got all the stupid out of the way early on, and is very responsible now.

Having said that, if I thought he was still driving like he used to, I would say thanks but no thanks. If you are not comfortable with this man driving your child, then perhaps tie the trip in with a lovely day trip you and DH have been waiting for AGES to take.




#16 roses99

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:13 PM

No, I wouldn't do it.

Trust your instincts.

Aside from anything else, driving a bunch of excitable kids can be pretty distracting.

#17 zande

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:19 PM

QUOTE
Why are your families driving better/safer than other people's?

They may not be necessarily, but at least I know my family's driving abilities. This is one area I am uptight about. My DD2 has never been in a car not driven by myself or my DH except for my mum, and then it's only short distances.

DD1 (9yo) I am slowly getting used to her being in other people's cars but it's generally only locally and short distances, and I still don't like it.

I know other people don't take car safety anywhere near as seriously as me, so I don't like other people driving my girls.

#18 Starrydawn

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

I would. I use to get driven by lots of people. An accident can happen when your backing out your own driveway.

Many people have speeding fines at some stage. If ou don't want too drive him yourself. But hey you could have an accident and this guy makes it safely.




#19 Hattie

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:21 PM

No, I wouldn't. My DS has only ever been in a car driven by me, DH, my brother and my best mate. And that will remain the case for the forseeable future, mainly because I am the neurotic mother of a very precious only child and I have issues with the way lots of people drive, including family members snd friends.

Cheers,
Julie

#20 FeralLIfeHacker

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:24 PM

Wouldn't be worth the stress to me, if knew were going to worry for the whole day. Why don't you take him?

#21 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:27 PM

QUOTE (imamumto3 @ 12/12/2012, 01:10 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
ds has been invited to a birthday party which is being held at a fun park about 3 hours drive away.

i know the mother well but have never met the father.  the mother had said that they will drive ds to the party.  the problem is the father will be driving. I know he has been caught for speeding several times and now drives a sports car.

I told dh that I don't feel comfortable with ds driving with the father and would rather drive him ourselves, especially because it is such a long way.   dh thinks I'm crazy and should just let them drive him.  WDYT, I'm I being over protective?

the sports car thing wouldn't register with me, but the speeding fines would probably raise a flag.  If I knew this, I'd probably volunteer to drive my own child.  A day out for everyone.  But that is a long drive for a kids birthday party!

HOWEVER, chances that most people know the exact driving histories for the parents of their children's friends is probably low.  If I didn't know otherwise and for all intents and purposes the parents had always displayed safe and responsible actions around their own children and mine and my child felt safe and comfortable with them, then I'd probably say yes without thinking much about it. I assume we're talking older kids here?

#22 steppy

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:31 PM

Yes I would, but then, the kid's own mother was such a terrible driver that it was hard to imagine anyone being more dangerous.

#23 imamumto3

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (YodaTheWrinkledOne @ 12/12/2012, 03:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
the sports car thing wouldn't register with me, but the speeding fines would probably raise a flag.  If I knew this, I'd probably volunteer to drive my own child.  A day out for everyone.  But that is a long drive for a kids birthday party!

HOWEVER, chances that most people know the exact driving histories for the parents of their children's friends is probably low.  If I didn't know otherwise and for all intents and purposes the parents had always displayed safe and responsible actions around their own children and mine and my child felt safe and comfortable with them, then I'd probably say yes without thinking much about it. I assume we're talking older kids here?

ds is 7

#24 Agnodice the Feral

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:33 PM

QUOTE (HurryUpAlready @ 12/12/2012, 02:49 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Trust your gut and drive him yourself.

Years ago, a mother my family knows trusted her gut and chose not to let her child travel in the car of a friend when both families were holidaying together. That decision most likely saved her child's life. The family of 4 in the other car died in a horrific car accident.

It was so sad, but there could have been 5 dead that day if it wasn't for that mum listening to her gut.

I'm listening to my gut at the moment on another issue. A new friend of my husband has had us over to his home (with his wife) a couple of times for a meal. He is a very nice man and his Thai wife (who couldn't have children of her own) just loves our 10 month old to bits.

They have repeatedly offered to mind DD (they know we have no family to help), but there is just *something* about the guy that has my mummy instincts on high alert and consequently, I'll never leave DD with them. I have absolutely no basis to think anything negative about this man, he does seem very nice & generous. Maybe he seems to like DD a but too much for a 50
year old man and that just seemed a bit "off" to me (I'd never let him know I think this way - he might be a genuinely nice guy who loves kids).

I don't know, but it's just another example of a gut instinct that sometimes we can't explain, but I think we should listen to.


Now here is a load of offensive baloney.

Lets be clear that freak accidents can happen to anyone. And not many men are paedophiles.

QUOTE (Chedasha @ 12/12/2012, 03:20 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would. I use to get driven by lots of people. An accident can happen when your backing out your own driveway.

Many people have speeding fines at some stage. If ou don't want too drive him yourself. But hey you could have an accident and this guy makes it safely.


This.


OP, how old is your son? I'd be more concerned about how this family will manage a large group at a theme park than the drive.

Everyone gets speeding fines. I have gotten four, all for doing 64 in a 60 zone. i'm not excusing my behaviour, and i do think 'wipe off five' is important, but there's a big difference between being 4 over the linit and 50 over the limit.

And sports cars are an indicator of wealth, not driving ability.

Lets be clear that this issue is about what YOU are comfortable with, not necessarily the objective safety of the situation.

#25 YodaTheWrinkledOne

Posted 12 December 2012 - 02:37 PM

QUOTE (MsN @ 12/12/2012, 02:33 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'd be more concerned about how this family will manage a large group at a theme park than the drive.

I agree that I'd be thinking more about that than the transport options.  For that reason alone, I'd ask the parents if they wanted an extra set of hands on the day, particularly with a bunch of excited 7yo boys.

Still think that is a long way for birthday party for a 7 yo.




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