Jump to content

The real reason why girls play hard to get.

  • Please log in to reply
19 replies to this topic

#1 Hayleymumof3

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

FOR generations, suitors have suspected that playing hard to get is a feminine wile dreamt up solely to try their patience.
It seems, however, that there are sound evolutionary reasons why treating a man mean is the best way to keep him keen.
According to psychologists who examined a host of much-used strategies, women blow hot and cold with a possible partner to test his commitment and quality.
Researchers analysed 58 infuriating strategies used by women playing hard to get.
They ranged from flirting with others and being "snooty" to letting a suitor's call divert to voicemail.
The study, reported in the European Journal of Personality, asked more than 1,500 men and women which tactics worked best.
The most successful feminine wiles included appearing highly self-confident, talking to other people, withholding sex, sarcasm, sounding busy, teasing, flirting with others and turning down the first few dates.
Overall, women were more likely than men to play hard to get, the researchers from the University of Western Sydney and Singapore Management University discovered.
The researchers suggested that was because women are trying to ensure a potential mate will stand by them once they have a child.

Read more: http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relations...8#ixzz2Ei4VEQ1q

Could it be that we aren't actually playing "hard to get" and could be because we just aren't interested?

Apparently not it's all got to do with babies it seems.

#2 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...

#3 seayork2002

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:38 PM

And the point is? (of the research not the thread!) don't they have diseases they could be working on, maybe because we are choosy? original.gif

#4 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:45 PM

Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...

I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...

#5 Cat Burglar

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 11/12/2012, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...

obviously because hes playing hard to get!  biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif

#6 Feral_Pooks

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:52 PM

So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.

#7 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

obviously because hes playing hard to get! biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif

No, that's not what he says

#8 purplekitty

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

Here's some more of their research.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Richardson, J. (2010). Positioning the booty-call on the spectrum of relationships: Sexual but more emotional than one-night stands. Journal of Sex Research, 47, 1-10.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Cason, M.J. (2009). The "booty call": A compromise between men and women’s ideal mating strategies. Journal of Sex Research, 46, 1-11.

The European Journal of Personality is ranked 8th. in social psychology according to Wiki if that tells you something.

#9 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

I dont think there is anything wrong with being hard to get.

I want to get to know someone and really really really like them alot before I sleep with them.

Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. Just because you go on a date with someone doesnt mean you have to sleep with them, what if you find at the end of the date you dont really like them?

#10 julzely

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:04 PM

I think the authors need to have a read of this article

#11 kadoodle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

QUOTE (- Poppy - @ 11/12/2012, 03:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. J

Exactly.  I'm fussy about my shoes, FFS, and they just go on my feet.

The term "playing" sh*ts me to tears, actually.  The assumption that anything with a vagina is automatically playing games and cockteasing the poor, innocent menz.

#12 BetteBoop

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

So women are just "more likely to play hard to get" according to the research. Presumably that means men play hard to get too just slightly less than women.

Funny that the headline doesn't say that.

#13 BadCat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:28 PM

What blisteringly exciting research.  rolleyes.gif

You know why I played hard to get?  Oh wait, I didn't.  I don't play games with people's emotions.  If I wasn't interested I said so.  If I was, I said so.   Game playing in relationships sh*ts me.

#14 archythepeasant

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:31 PM

I had a quick look at the article.  The authors use a few possible explantions, but largely draw on evolutionary psychologay, which is, IMO, a crock.   They admit themselves that they 'may have been too reliant on an overly simplified concept of human sexual relationships'

Human beings are biological creatures and I would agree that we do have urges that affect what we do and think.  To extend that to say, in effect, that these urges are the only reasons for behaviour, or that they are so strong that they dominate human behaviour, regardless of other influences, is simplistic and reductionist.  How often do you see the 'men cheat because they are programmed to spread their seed' or 'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?

It is an argument that is dangerously tied to an' is=ought' argument (i.e we do these things because it is inherent in humans - therefore it is natural, and therefore it is both unchangeable and morally right.)  It's been used by conservatives to oppose change in gender roles for a long, long time.

#15 Tigerdog

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?

I agree, this argument just doesn't wash these days - in fact, the fact that women don't actually need a provider to look after them could be the reason why women can afford to be so fussy!

#16 Beanbag Warrior

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:40 PM

I'm easy to get, but it helps that I don't frequent places you'd find the usual variety of rubbish men.  Puts me several steps ahead of the game righ there.

#17 Jane Jetson

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 11/12/2012, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.

Who has time to worry about such mere details when there's an essentialist bandwagon to push?

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

It's not rocket science. People tend to appreciate what they have to earn. People rarely find desperation attractive.
Why they try to gender bias it, I cannot imagine.

#19 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (julzely @ 11/12/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the authors need to have a read of this article

I was just going to link that.

#20 Liv_DrSperm_sh

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

oh. my. god. How, in the name of all that is holy, did this sh*t a) get funding and b) get published!!!!???

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five new mums will join the Essential Baby Test Drive Team and discover great new baby toys from Fisher-Price & write a review to be published on Essential Baby.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Victorian Labor to introduce same-sex adoption laws

Thousands of same-sex couples with children will have the right to be jointly recognised as parents by Victorian law.

Sneak peek: Maxomorra bee dress, t-shirt and romper for babies

Cutest snap find on the planet - bee rompers, tees and dresses for babies.

Toddler found two days after going missing

A two-year-old girl who disappeared on Friday night from her great-grandparents' home in rural Ohio was found alive Sunday evening in a nearby field.

Dad builds the ultimate bed for his toddler son

The transition from cot to big kid bed might be a little easier if every toddler had a bed like this one.

Is Woolworths now cheaper than Coles?

Woolworths appears to have taken the upper hand in its price battle with Coles after investing millions of dollars lowering the cost of groceries, according to new figures.

Aussie babies and parents stranded in Nepal after surrogacy ban

Parents say Australian babies are being "kept captive" and cannot come home after a ban on commercial surrogacy in Nepal.

Wannabe dads left behind in IVF debate

If virgin women can become mothers through IVF, maybe we're ready for another miracle - genuine equality for men in the parenting debate.

The health and fitness lessons I've learned

What I once assumed about health and fitness is wrong.

Our angel baby story: Hunter James

I have two children: one living, the next an angel baby.

Newlyweds send bill to no-show guests

Planning a wedding can be stressful – and, as most newlyweds can attest, it can be very costly, too.

Your choice or theirs: the tug-of-war over baby names

They had just decided on a name they both agreed on, but then the grandparents threw in an offer of $10,000 in exchange for choosing something else.

Dad-to-be's tearful reaction to pregnancy news goes viral

After 17 years of trying, this man had given up hope of having a family.

Claire Danes: acting out postnatal depression was difficult

Actress Claire Danes found it difficult pretending to have postnatal depression in Homeland, as she had just become a new mother herself.

The moment a 92-year-old meets her great grandaughter

It's a heart-warming photo this family will treasure forever.

How to prepare for breastfeeding when you're still pregnant

While every woman's breastfeeding journey is different, many hurdles are shared. Knowing what to expect will enable you to make informed decisions if - or when - you meet challenges along the way.

Sneak peek: new Love Mae bamboo dinnerware designs

We do love ourselves some brand new designs in tried and true products. The renowned bamboo dinnerware from Love Mae has just had several more members join the family, in addition to a brand new website.

Mum who killed paedophile gets reduced sentence

A mother-of-five who killed a paedophile has had her jail sentence reduced by a judge who described her case as a "truly exceptional" one.

Sneak peek: Geleeo self-cooling pram & high chair liners

We just spotted Geleeo, a brand new self-cooling pram liner you can buy in time for summer.

Toddler's silent debate with mum about naptime

He might not utter a single word - but this toddler is having a great debate with his mother about nap time.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.