Jump to content

The real reason why girls play hard to get.


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Hayleymumof3

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

QUOTE
FOR generations, suitors have suspected that playing hard to get is a feminine wile dreamt up solely to try their patience.
It seems, however, that there are sound evolutionary reasons why treating a man mean is the best way to keep him keen.
According to psychologists who examined a host of much-used strategies, women blow hot and cold with a possible partner to test his commitment and quality.
Researchers analysed 58 infuriating strategies used by women playing hard to get.
They ranged from flirting with others and being "snooty" to letting a suitor's call divert to voicemail.
The study, reported in the European Journal of Personality, asked more than 1,500 men and women which tactics worked best.
The most successful feminine wiles included appearing highly self-confident, talking to other people, withholding sex, sarcasm, sounding busy, teasing, flirting with others and turning down the first few dates.
Overall, women were more likely than men to play hard to get, the researchers from the University of Western Sydney and Singapore Management University discovered.
The researchers suggested that was because women are trying to ensure a potential mate will stand by them once they have a child.



Read more: http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relations...8#ixzz2Ei4VEQ1q

Could it be that we aren't actually playing "hard to get" and could be because we just aren't interested?

Apparently not it's all got to do with babies it seems.

#2 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...



#3 seayork2002

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:38 PM

And the point is? (of the research not the thread!) don't they have diseases they could be working on, maybe because we are choosy? original.gif

#4 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:45 PM

QUOTE
Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...


I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...

#5 Cat Burglar

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 11/12/2012, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...


obviously because hes playing hard to get!  biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif

#6 Feral_Pooks

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:52 PM

So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.

#7 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE
obviously because hes playing hard to get! biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif


No, that's not what he says

#8 purplekitty

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

Here's some more of their research.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Richardson, J. (2010). Positioning the booty-call on the spectrum of relationships: Sexual but more emotional than one-night stands. Journal of Sex Research, 47, 1-10.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Cason, M.J. (2009). The "booty call": A compromise between men and women’s ideal mating strategies. Journal of Sex Research, 46, 1-11.

The European Journal of Personality is ranked 8th. in social psychology according to Wiki if that tells you something.

#9 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

I dont think there is anything wrong with being hard to get.

I want to get to know someone and really really really like them alot before I sleep with them.

Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. Just because you go on a date with someone doesnt mean you have to sleep with them, what if you find at the end of the date you dont really like them?




#10 julzely

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:04 PM

I think the authors need to have a read of this article



#11 kadoodle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

QUOTE (- Poppy - @ 11/12/2012, 03:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. J


Exactly.  I'm fussy about my shoes, FFS, and they just go on my feet.

The term "playing" sh*ts me to tears, actually.  The assumption that anything with a vagina is automatically playing games and cockteasing the poor, innocent menz.


#12 BetteBoop

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

So women are just "more likely to play hard to get" according to the research. Presumably that means men play hard to get too just slightly less than women.

Funny that the headline doesn't say that.

#13 BadCat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:28 PM

What blisteringly exciting research.  rolleyes.gif

You know why I played hard to get?  Oh wait, I didn't.  I don't play games with people's emotions.  If I wasn't interested I said so.  If I was, I said so.   Game playing in relationships sh*ts me.

#14 archygrouseferal

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:31 PM

I had a quick look at the article.  The authors use a few possible explantions, but largely draw on evolutionary psychologay, which is, IMO, a crock.   They admit themselves that they 'may have been too reliant on an overly simplified concept of human sexual relationships'

Human beings are biological creatures and I would agree that we do have urges that affect what we do and think.  To extend that to say, in effect, that these urges are the only reasons for behaviour, or that they are so strong that they dominate human behaviour, regardless of other influences, is simplistic and reductionist.  How often do you see the 'men cheat because they are programmed to spread their seed' or 'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?

It is an argument that is dangerously tied to an' is=ought' argument (i.e we do these things because it is inherent in humans - therefore it is natural, and therefore it is both unchangeable and morally right.)  It's been used by conservatives to oppose change in gender roles for a long, long time.

#15 Tigerdog

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE
'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?


I agree, this argument just doesn't wash these days - in fact, the fact that women don't actually need a provider to look after them could be the reason why women can afford to be so fussy!

#16 désir d'amour

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:40 PM

I'm easy to get, but it helps that I don't frequent places you'd find the usual variety of rubbish men.  Puts me several steps ahead of the game righ there.

#17 Jane F. Jetson

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 11/12/2012, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.


Who has time to worry about such mere details when there's an essentialist bandwagon to push?

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

It's not rocket science. People tend to appreciate what they have to earn. People rarely find desperation attractive.
Why they try to gender bias it, I cannot imagine.

#19 Feral like a Lemon

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (julzely @ 11/12/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the authors need to have a read of this article


I was just going to link that.


#20 Cat People

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:16 PM

QUOTE (julzely @ 11/12/2012, 02:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the authors need to have a read of this article


That was fantastic.  They need to print that out and send it to every man on this planet.

The type of 'research' quoted in the OP, when taken to the extreme, just plays into the rapist/stalkers' hands.  I've had guys in the past that I have been very clear with, and yet they've still persisted.  In hindsight I realize they probably thought I was "playing hard to get" when I just wanted them to bugger off.  


#21 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

oh. my. god. How, in the name of all that is holy, did this sh*t a) get funding and b) get published!!!!???






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

Misery loves Facebook

Facebook users are often criticised for only showing the positive, fun parts of their lives. But what about when it swings the other way, when someone uses it for the purposes of ranting about their children all the time, never posting anything positive?

Toddler's adorable impersonation of pregnant mum

Little Ellis has noticed his mum is walking differently lately, and his impersonation of her is hilarious.

'Forgotten baby syndrome' can happen to any one of us

When my third child was two months old, I strapped her into her car seat, then promptly forgot all about her. But she survived, unharmed, because it was winter, and I was lucky.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

Ten things I've learned about motherhood

Never take a good night's sleep for granted. There is no logic like toddler logic. Standing on Lego hurts every time. These are the truths of parenthood.

Parenting past the toddler years: what's next?

Your baby has grown into a toddler, and now your toddler is fast approaching the preschooler stage. What can you expect as a parent?

Tips on what to pack in your hospital bag

Before giving birth I read countless lists, ended up overpacking just a little, and now know what I'll actually want to pack next time.

New app keeps tabs on your kids at childcare

Popular new technology lets parents know what their children are up to at childcare - but not everyone is a fan.

21 things I love about newborns

There?s an irresistible magic about newborns. Of course they're not all smiles and rainbows, but they are undeniably cute and remarkable in so, so many ways.

Kid-friendly hairdressers: who says haircuts can?t be fun?

I?ve found some salons who boast setups ideal for children ? you name it, they?ve thought of it. All are designed to make haircuts fun rather than stressful.

Labour pain relief may reduce risk of postnatal depression: study

Postnatal depression is a complex condition, but researchers say pain relief during labour may help some women.

Why we need better support for men after miscarriage

In a recent study, 85 per cent of men admitted feeling sadness after their partner miscarried, but almost half said they didn't share their feelings at all. What can be done to help them?

Mum in business: Kristy Chong

Kristy Chong is the managing director of Australian-made Modibodi underwear and a mum to Lucas, 6, Jason, 4, and Isaac, 6 months. She shares her advice for other mums thinking about starting their own businesses.

From toddler to preschooler: a developmental roadmap

So your toddler is growing up and will soon be entering the preschooler years. Here are a few ways to frame their development that will help you understand what?s going in those beautiful, funny, clever little heads of theirs.

Mum sacrifices an eye for her unborn baby

Motherhood is full of sacrifices, but this woman has made a life-altering one - and her baby hasn't even been born.

A grandparent by any other name

A growing number of grandparents are shunning tradition and going against conventional names - but a grandparent by any other name still gives the same awesome cuddles and kisses.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

When labour just doesn't happen

After three healthy kids, I can?t help feeling I?ve been a little ripped off. I missed out on something I had always wanted to experience, and now I?ll never get the chance.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Share the little things that make you smile

We're giving away a Mountain Buggy nano, the ultimate travel stroller - and here are some of the great entries so far.

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win a Mountain Buggy nano

We?re giving away the new Mountain Buggy Nano - the lightweight travel buggy! So show us the little things that make you smile for your chance to win.

Be careful what you say, your baby is listening

The importance of speaking to your baby even if they are not old enough to answer back has been highlighted by new research.

Win $1000 with Sea-Bands!

Three lucky fans can win a Sea-Band prize pack valued at over $1000 each, which includes two Sea-Bands plus a $1000 Eftpos gift card!

The beautiful moment a baby was born at the side of a road

It's not where she expected to give birth, but mum Corrine Cinatl is delighted that her daughter's roadside arrival was captured in a series of beautiful photos.

Doctor sings first Happy Birthday to newborns

His job is to deliver babies, but this US obstetrician also has a unique way of celebrating the miracle of life.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five mums or mums-to-be will join the EB Test Drive Team and discover great items at an exclusive Big W event. (Sydney only.)

The Nappy Collective starts new drive

It's that time of year when the dedicated volunteers at The Nappy Collective do their bit to help out mums and children in need - and they need your help.

Baby shower cake wrecks

From misshapen cake babies to questionable text, from odd colour choices to internal organ recreation, these are the baby shower cakes that taste forgot.

Photographer captures the beauty of adoption

The love of a family is usually tough to capture on camera. This is an exception.

Pregnancy progression photo ideas

Want to record your pregnancy as your belly grows? Here are some creative, fun ideas for photo shoots along the way.

The myths and facts about "normal" breastfeeding

When it comes to successful breastfeeding, there is a wide variety to what is "normal", according to new research.

Tin can craft and DIY ideas

Got a few old formula, Milo or coffee cans around the house? Use these fantastic upcycling ideas to create items for around the house and yard.

Dads meet their newborn for the first time

Emotional photos of two fathers meeting their newborn son have resonated with viewers worldwide, attracting thousands of Facebook likes and shares.

Skin safety isn't just a summer worry

Lax about the slip slop slap with your kids as weather turns cooler? Here's a reminder as to why we have to remain vigilant for our children?s future health.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

Creative sleeping baby photoshoots

See how some parents and photographers have captured sleeping babies in unusual positions and using different props.

DIY kitchen and food hacks

DIY your way to a better kitchen and make cooking easier with our clever hacks. (Some content reproduced with permission from mashable.com.)

Winter warmers for babies and toddlers

Your baby or toddler will be nice and snug in these beautiful and fun winter pieces. Most are hand-made or knitted, and they're all designed to keep your little one toastie - and adorable!

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.