Jump to content

The real reason why girls play hard to get.


  • Please log in to reply
20 replies to this topic

#1 Hayleymumof3

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:20 PM

QUOTE
FOR generations, suitors have suspected that playing hard to get is a feminine wile dreamt up solely to try their patience.
It seems, however, that there are sound evolutionary reasons why treating a man mean is the best way to keep him keen.
According to psychologists who examined a host of much-used strategies, women blow hot and cold with a possible partner to test his commitment and quality.
Researchers analysed 58 infuriating strategies used by women playing hard to get.
They ranged from flirting with others and being "snooty" to letting a suitor's call divert to voicemail.
The study, reported in the European Journal of Personality, asked more than 1,500 men and women which tactics worked best.
The most successful feminine wiles included appearing highly self-confident, talking to other people, withholding sex, sarcasm, sounding busy, teasing, flirting with others and turning down the first few dates.
Overall, women were more likely than men to play hard to get, the researchers from the University of Western Sydney and Singapore Management University discovered.
The researchers suggested that was because women are trying to ensure a potential mate will stand by them once they have a child.



Read more: http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/relations...8#ixzz2Ei4VEQ1q

Could it be that we aren't actually playing "hard to get" and could be because we just aren't interested?

Apparently not it's all got to do with babies it seems.

#2 FeralFerretOfDoom

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:25 PM

Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...



#3 seayork2002

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:38 PM

And the point is? (of the research not the thread!) don't they have diseases they could be working on, maybe because we are choosy? original.gif

#4 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:45 PM

QUOTE
Makes me wonder about the gender make-up of the research team...


I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...

#5 Cat Burglar

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:49 PM

QUOTE (Georgie01 @ 11/12/2012, 02:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I can't get hold of the whole paper right now but the abstract and article don't line up exactly so I can't tell if they've got the conclusions accurately represented.

The authors are Peter K Jonason and Norman P Li... Google tells me that the first author is single...


obviously because hes playing hard to get!  biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif

#6 Feral_Pooks

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:52 PM

So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.

#7 Georgie01

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE
obviously because hes playing hard to get! biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif


No, that's not what he says

#8 purplekitty

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:55 PM

Here's some more of their research.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Richardson, J. (2010). Positioning the booty-call on the spectrum of relationships: Sexual but more emotional than one-night stands. Journal of Sex Research, 47, 1-10.

Jonason, P.K., Li, N.P., & Cason, M.J. (2009). The "booty call": A compromise between men and women’s ideal mating strategies. Journal of Sex Research, 46, 1-11.

The European Journal of Personality is ranked 8th. in social psychology according to Wiki if that tells you something.

#9 Guest_- Poppy -_*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:03 PM

I dont think there is anything wrong with being hard to get.

I want to get to know someone and really really really like them alot before I sleep with them.

Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. Just because you go on a date with someone doesnt mean you have to sleep with them, what if you find at the end of the date you dont really like them?




#10 julzely

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:04 PM

I think the authors need to have a read of this article



#11 kadoodle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:12 PM

QUOTE (- Poppy - @ 11/12/2012, 03:03 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Im not playing hard to get, I am hard to get. J


Exactly.  I'm fussy about my shoes, FFS, and they just go on my feet.

The term "playing" sh*ts me to tears, actually.  The assumption that anything with a vagina is automatically playing games and cockteasing the poor, innocent menz.


#12 BetteBoop

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:20 PM

So women are just "more likely to play hard to get" according to the research. Presumably that means men play hard to get too just slightly less than women.

Funny that the headline doesn't say that.

#13 BadCat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:28 PM

What blisteringly exciting research.  rolleyes.gif

You know why I played hard to get?  Oh wait, I didn't.  I don't play games with people's emotions.  If I wasn't interested I said so.  If I was, I said so.   Game playing in relationships sh*ts me.

#14 archygrouseferal

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:31 PM

I had a quick look at the article.  The authors use a few possible explantions, but largely draw on evolutionary psychologay, which is, IMO, a crock.   They admit themselves that they 'may have been too reliant on an overly simplified concept of human sexual relationships'

Human beings are biological creatures and I would agree that we do have urges that affect what we do and think.  To extend that to say, in effect, that these urges are the only reasons for behaviour, or that they are so strong that they dominate human behaviour, regardless of other influences, is simplistic and reductionist.  How often do you see the 'men cheat because they are programmed to spread their seed' or 'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?

It is an argument that is dangerously tied to an' is=ought' argument (i.e we do these things because it is inherent in humans - therefore it is natural, and therefore it is both unchangeable and morally right.)  It's been used by conservatives to oppose change in gender roles for a long, long time.

#15 Tigerdog

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:36 PM

QUOTE
'women seek a mate who will be a good provider' argument?


I agree, this argument just doesn't wash these days - in fact, the fact that women don't actually need a provider to look after them could be the reason why women can afford to be so fussy!

#16 désir d'amour

Posted 11 December 2012 - 02:40 PM

I'm easy to get, but it helps that I don't frequent places you'd find the usual variety of rubbish men.  Puts me several steps ahead of the game righ there.

#17 Jane F. Jetson

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE (Pooks_ @ 11/12/2012, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
So for it to be a genetic "thing" wouldn't it have to be true cross culturally? And across eras? Coz it's not.


Who has time to worry about such mere details when there's an essentialist bandwagon to push?

#18 CallMeFeral

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

It's not rocket science. People tend to appreciate what they have to earn. People rarely find desperation attractive.
Why they try to gender bias it, I cannot imagine.

#19 Feral like a Lemon

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:41 PM

QUOTE (julzely @ 11/12/2012, 03:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the authors need to have a read of this article


I was just going to link that.


#20 Cat People

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:16 PM

QUOTE (julzely @ 11/12/2012, 02:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I think the authors need to have a read of this article


That was fantastic.  They need to print that out and send it to every man on this planet.

The type of 'research' quoted in the OP, when taken to the extreme, just plays into the rapist/stalkers' hands.  I've had guys in the past that I have been very clear with, and yet they've still persisted.  In hindsight I realize they probably thought I was "playing hard to get" when I just wanted them to bugger off.  


#21 Liv_FERAL_sh

Posted 12 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

oh. my. god. How, in the name of all that is holy, did this sh*t a) get funding and b) get published!!!!???






1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

'Tired' mum dies of undiagnosed diabetes

New mum Nicky Rigby thought her exhaustion was due to the demands of looking after her baby. But the 26-year-old was seriously ill with diabetes, and died due to her condition not being diagnosed.

20 signs of a great relationship

The secret to a perfect relationship is admitting you are wrong after an argument, five kisses a day and sex twice a week, a new survey suggests.

Video: emotional 60-second Robin Williams tribute

Take a minute to remember some of the greatest films of your childhood ... and have a few tissues close at hand.

The realities of escaping domestic violence

?Why doesn?t she just leave?? is the common question people ask when trying to understand domestic violence. For many, leaving the relationship is far from straightforward.

Home truths: the DIY dos and don'ts

A professional renovator gives advice on which jobs you should do yourself, and which you should outsource.

Parenting lessons I?ve yet to learn

Instead of writing about the stuff I do know since becoming a mum, I thought I'd share some of the things I don't. These are the lessons that motherhood hasn't taught me.

Will I be wrecked 'down there' after birth?

Did you worry about how you would look "down there" after giving birth? This mum-to-be found plenty of women willing to share their knowledge.

The new weekend playgroup for working mums

Playgroups are great for kids and parents alike - but the downside is that they often meet during the week, leaving working mums out of the loop.

Letting your toddler be the boss at bedtime

Sick of spending hours trying to get your toddler to sleep? These experts say giving your child more of a say at bedtime might be the answer.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

Consulting 'Dr Google' when you're pregnant

We're all guilty of turning to the internet for a quick answer when we need medical advice, but Dr Google should be approached with caution - especially when you're pregnant.

16 ways to tie a scarf

Scarfs are the perfect winter accessory. Whether you're freezing at soccer training or wanting to add a splash of colour to a monochrome top, the right scarf will sort you out in no time. Just ask Nina Proudman.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

The simple way to support other parents

We may be raising children of different ages and sexes, with different personalities, but we, as parents, aren't that different - we all have similar struggles, fears, doubts, responsibilities.

Seeing the big picture when it comes to parenting

Sometimes it feels like hundreds of tiny cracks are spreading across the surface of our lives, creeping slowly into the foundations and threatening to make them crumble. How do we hold it all together?

How to spot a lactaboobiephobia sufferer

Lactation consultant Meg Nagle refused to stay silent when Facebook removed two photos of her breastfeeding. Instead, she coined a term to describe those who don't recognise breastfeeding for the natural and non-sexual act that it is.

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Win back some precious time and get FREE coupons

Membership to eBay's Bubs? Corner is free and includes a $10 coupon to spend on nappies each month - a win for multitasking mums!

Do you suffer from Precious Firstborn Syndrome?

Testing ?no more tears? shampoo in your own eyes, warming cucumber sticks so they're not cold straight from the fridge, waking a sleeping baby to check they?re still breathing: these are all symptoms of Precious Firstborn Syndrome.

Ezra's tragic death not in vain, mum says

Little Ezra was a "Harry Houdini" who loved trying to escape the family home. Now, after his tragic death, his parents are doing what they can to help others.

7 mistakes old hands make with new babies

As I sat across the table from my friend ? me, a seasoned mother of three; her, a brand new mum ? I thought of all the mistakes an old-hand parent can make when visiting a newborn baby.

Video: When adults act like children

Ever wondered what would happen if adults were allowed to act like children? This dad's hilarious video clip will give you an idea of what life would be like.

Mums hit hardest as flu cases skyrocket

The number of confirmed cases of influenza in Australia has doubled the number for the same time last year - and women are 25 per cent more likely to get it.

The mum who had four babies in nine months

Feeling exhausted due to the demands of caring for a baby? Imagine the life of this mum, who gave birth to three boys and one girl in just nine months.

Everything baby at Big W

Lowest prices on everything baby, only at Big W. Sale starts August 4 and ends August 20 2014.

Smiggle is painting the town red!

We have 3 Red Smiggle prize packs to give away! Enter by posting a photo of something red to your Instagram.

Mum gives birth at school

Most kids have their own personal brand of oddity. Others, like these 10 weird habits, crop up again and again.

Personalised baby gifts

We've scoured the internet to find gorgeous personalised keepsakes and nursery decor to record baby name and dates. They make great gifts for christenings, name days and birthdays! (All prices in AU.)

 

Mind, body, beauty, life

Making time for me

We look at your wellbeing, covering health, relationships, beauty and fashion, mind and body.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.