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How to make it up to my child
After losing it this morning

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#1 scjoh

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:30 PM

Hi everyone

I am finding the end of year really stressful emotionally and financially. I have barely been getting any sleep and am feeling on edge. This morning my child broke something very important and I lost the plot. I screamed so loudly and said some very horrible things. I feel so terrible. Once I calmed down I apologised and gave my LO a big hug and cuddle.  I still feel so bad that I did that and I want to know how I can put things right


#2 Libster

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:34 PM

I think the fact that you apologised and gave her a hug would be enough, we all lose our cool sometimes.

#3 Therese

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:35 PM

I think that acknowledging that you were wrong to yell like that and that you are sorry is the most important way of making it right.

Be gentle to yourself too, this time of year is really tough on lots of people.

#4 rainycat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:36 PM

Don't hang it on yourself.  
You are human, i think many of us have cracked and had a yell at least once.
You apologised so move forward and try not to let the guilt take over.

#5 babatjie

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:37 PM

I would just say sorry, explain sometimes adults are really worried about other things and then they get upset easily. Say sorry and that you love them. Just let them be until they feel happy to come back to you. Don't force your affection on them. Kids forgive and forget.

#6 boopyscreet

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:41 PM

I saw a counsellor earlier in the year (diagnosed with PND) after yelling at DD1 a lot. The counsellor told me that the important thing when you lose the plot with kids is the repair. So as long as you spend more time on the kisses and cuddles and tell them you are sorry then the yelling is not the thing that they will remember.

Hope that helps. xx

#7 premmie

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:42 PM

I could have written your post today. Ds ripped up my 30th birthday card from Dh, hand made with photos of the family inside. I told him three times to be gentle....and then totally lost the plot. We have apologies and big kisses and cuddles. Not much more we cand o really, still I feel terrible because heis in daycare today and really it should have been put in a place he could reach...

#8 tle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 12:46 PM

I agree with others. It's important for kids to see adults make mistakes too so that they can learn how to react themselves when they do the same thing. They need to know it's OK not to be perfect and you'll love them anyway - just like they will still love you even though you made a mistake.

#9 crankybee

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:31 PM

I always say sorry when it's my fault. And I acknowledge what I'm sorry for - I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm sorry I was so angry. I really think it is so important and that's all they want, a cuddle and an apology.

#10 JJ

Posted 11 December 2012 - 01:54 PM

QUOTE (boopyscreet @ 11/12/2012, 11:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I saw a counsellor earlier in the year (diagnosed with PND) after yelling at DD1 a lot. The counsellor told me that the important thing when you lose the plot with kids is the repair. So as long as you spend more time on the kisses and cuddles and tell them you are sorry then the yelling is not the thing that they will remember.

This - and also, once apologies have been made, move on. Tomorrow is a new day - don't keep talking about it. I'm not suggesting that you would, but I've found with my kids that it's important not to keep reminding them of the incident, even though you may still feel guilty for a while.

#11 d&s

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:32 PM

I lost it last week and apologised with a hug but Miss 5 said she would have been put in the naughty spot so why wasn't I. I took it as a very fair point that we all follow the same rules in the house and (gratefully) went and sat in the naughty spot. Unfortunately not the same rules apply and I didn't get 30+ minutes of peace and quiet...

#12 peking homunculus

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:36 PM

Not sure how old your child is but the book Harriet Harris by Mem Fox is perfect for this situation.

#13 epl0822

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:00 PM

My dad lost his temper in a bad way a few times when I was growing up. It was not a frequent occurrence but it did hurt me a lot when it happened. But as I grew older and understood why (incredibly stressful job, scars from his own childhood etc) I came to forgive and empathise. My dad is not a perfect man but this is one flaw and he has so many wonderful qualities about him that make him a brilliant father. As an adult I can honestly say his losing his temper a few times during my childhood has no bearing on my relationship with him. I hope you are kind to yourself and realise you will make mistakes - but thankfully children are resilient and tend to bounce back from the occasional error, even grave ones, of a loving parent. You apologised and that's a wonderful example to your child of how you can admit and take ownership of your mistake. That is what your kids will remember of you later on.

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