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What would you do if you were me?

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13 replies to this topic

#1 mylife

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:32 AM

Briefly, (I hope I'm in the right forum) my X and I have a poor co-parenting relationship due to a number of issues.  He is due to start having the kids week-about for the school holidays, commencing this Friday.  His DP would normally collect the kids from school and have them until the following Friday, and so on...  X has recently moved house and he won't tell me where.  He is childish and has pulled some silly stuff over recent months (like refusing to return the kids to me even when lawyers became involved!  I eventually got them back the next day but not nice stuff...) sad.gif

Would you be ok sending your kids to him for a week, without knowing where they were exactly?  The kids haven't been to his new house yet, but they think it's somewhere local.  rolleyes.gif

Too expensive to get my lawyer involved again and I've tried calling and smsing but he won't respond.  To send the kids (who want to go) or not?????

TIA  ohmy.gif

#2 pumpkinpie04

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:38 AM

No I wouldn't be OK sending them and not knowing where they were - even without the history.

#3 Feral timtam

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:47 AM

Nope, wouldn't be sending them.
I have to have the address and phone number involved before I let ANYONE take my kids. Mainly because I know for a fact that when I was a child my father planned to do a runner with us on one of his access visits.

#4 *lightning

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:49 AM

I would think that both parents must know where their children are staying. If my DH and I were separated and he refused to give me important information regarding our children, I would not send them.

#5 Guest_Sunnycat_*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:58 AM

No I wouldn't be happy sensing my kids to him if I didn't know where he lived and he has not given the children back in the past.

#6 mylife

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:17 AM

Thanks Ibea.  Yes, Court Orders are in place and recent amendments state the kids alternate homes from 4pm Friday to 4pm Friday....  He thinks because he will be the one to return them to my house after the 1 week with him, then I don't need to know where he lives, yet....  Can you elaborate on the "residence orders" please?  I'm about to start self-representing with family law matters (yikes!) and need all the help I can get...

Such a contradiction - he's going for Dad of the Year with the kids but refuses to communicate with me over something so basic!  I loathe this pettiness!

#7 Aquarium

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:40 AM

Do the court orders state that you have to supply each other with addresses? If not then you have to follow them or amend them.

In the mean time I would stick to the arrangements, firstly because it provides stability for your children and secondly because it won't look good for you if you're back in court for withholding access.

Whilst I agree the pettiness is frustrating, If you did have the address what practical difference would it make to you?  I understand emotionally its nice to know where your kids are sleeping at night. But harsh reality of split arrangements are such that you rarely ever know the reality of the other side.

It may help to remember that just as you are not accountable to your ex, nor is he  accountable to you in regard to your children.

#8 ubermum

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:55 AM

Have your kids got an ipod touch? Install find my ipod and GPS them biggrin.gif

#9 peach*face

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:56 AM

It may help to remember that just as you are not accountable to your ex, nor is he accountable to you in regard to your children.

Not telling the address of where the children are staying is unnecessarily nasty to the other parent. Providing an address and contact details is not about displaying a sense of accountability to the ex as a person, but it is about respect for her as their mother.

I have been in this situation OP and I refused to send them. He hasn't bothered calling or trying to see them in two years now. Best thing that ever happened.

I would think there are deeper reasons for this pettiness. Does he really want to be a parent to them?

Edited by peach*face, 11 December 2012 - 11:01 AM.

#10 casime

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:59 AM

Do you have a friend that he doesn't know the car of who could play spy for you and follow him home to get the address?   ph34r.gif

#11 JillyJellyBean

Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:00 AM

Can you try legal aid or is there a community service which can help you out with advice?

#12 Feral*Spikey*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:03 AM

There are reasons parents may be given orders that protect the parties by witholding address details. In these cases, the drop-off point is an agreed, neutral place or with relatives that can be trusted to respect privacy and maintain relationships.

In this case, I wouldn't know what to think as you don't know why he thinks you shouldn't have his address. I would suggest that different parenting orders are required, if that is the case and you should be speaking with the family court, rather than EB.

#13 froggy1

Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:10 AM

QUOTE (ubermum @ 11/12/2012, 10:55 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Have your kids got an ipod touch? Install find my ipod and GPS them biggrin.gif

This is an excellent idea. cool.gif

#14 Rainbow*Seeking

Posted 11 December 2012 - 11:24 AM

Tricky :/

In our court orders I had them put in that each parent must inform the other of address. Must also supply new address within 7 days of moving house.

If child leaves the state, such parent must inform other parent and supply contact details of where child is.  

I mostly wanted this because ex lives in other state to us.

Op, because you have court orders I would be sending them.... But I tell you what I would be following them.

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