Jump to content

Why do men regress to being boys and how do I help DH in this situation.


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Ally'smum

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:43 AM

.

Edited by loggedin, 12 December 2012 - 09:26 AM.


#2 *LucyE*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:43 PM

Why do men regress to being boys?
Not all of them do.

Has anyone else had these issues?
No and I don't think that's normal or acceptable

Should he go back to thecounsellor?
Probably.

What do we do from here?
I don't know. That something for you two to work out.

#3 ellebelle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:49 PM

He obviously kept it largely under control in front of you prior to getting married, I guess to impress you, since the rest of his family say he has always done it, so he is capable of control when not taking you for granted. I'd be sending him back to counselling with a threat about taking a break. There's no way I would want my children to witness those outbursts - it would be very scary for them.

Edited by ellebelle, 11 December 2012 - 03:49 PM.


#4 MintyBiscuit

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:53 PM

He needs more counselling, specifically focussing on managing his anger and dealing with it appropriately. It could also be helpful for you to go together, not because you're the problem but because it could help you to learn how to help him. My DH had sessions to help anxiety earlier this year, and as I've gone through similar for myself I can gently remind him of what he needs to do if things are getting on top of him.

The extreme anger is not ok, especially in front of your child, amd I'd be telling him this and that counselling is a must

#5 niggles

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

None of that is okay and you should make that very clear to him. It doesn't actually help him for you to tread on eggshells and may in fact enable his bad behaviour in the long run IMO by giving him a false sense of what is acceptable within a relationship. He needs real help and the best thing you can do for him is to encourage him simply and firmly to get it.

OP you might not be aware that there is a relationships forum on EB that is a little more private than WDYT, which is open to everyone including guest readers to view. Just thought I'd mention it in case you get any unhelpful replies and so you can go and read and see that while this isn't normal and healthy, you are certainly not alone.

All the best in getting the support you all need.

#6 WinterIsComing

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

Abusive anger has nothing to do with regressing into boyhood. People abuse because it has benefits to them. In your example, you have become cautious around your H (I would not use the term DH for now), because your requests are met with angry outbursts. Swearing at you, punching walls is himself simply turning to abuse as a tool of control. So that you won't ask much.

I suggest reading "Why Does He Do It? Inside the mind of angry men."

Stop calling it tantrums, this is abuse.

#7 rainycat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:43 PM

I dont think there is anything little boyish about abusing you and punching walls in front of your child ohmy.gif
I think him going back to the counsellor is the least he can do.  If that behaviour was ongoing, for me, it would be a deal breaker.

Good luck!

#8 Fenrir

Posted 11 December 2012 - 05:16 PM

So he screams at you over minor things such as "Can you please pick up your socks?", punches the wall in front of your child and then comes back five minutes later all sorry and lovey dovey?

Two words - Domestic Violence.

You walk on eggshells around him waiting for his next outburst.

QUOTE
What steps do we take now?

You leave and take your child. Do you want your child to be around this and learn that this is seemingly normal behaviour?

He can go to counselling all he likes. Until he recognises that he has a problem and going on this
QUOTE
doesn't have anyself control when he gets angry. He doesn't know how or want to stop himself,he can't see anything from anyone else's perspective. He yells at me, swears atme and punches the wall, all in front of our child.

he doesn't see this as a problem.

Why are you staying exactly?

And Tamm - much as I disagree with you over many a topic I'll ask you this - since when do you need to sacrifice your happiness and justify it with
QUOTE
I really am not in THAT bad a situation.

Why are YOU staying as well?

Edited by Beautiful Warlock, 11 December 2012 - 05:20 PM.


#9 gatheringpieces

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (It'sallgood @ 11/12/2012, 09:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Beats me!! I wish I could answer that...I really do. It's complicated. It really is NOT as simple as EBers make it out to be.


Sorry OP for going off topic too, but I'm a bit stuck in a similar situation. I know our relationship is a mess and I have tried to convince him to go to counselling but he has zero interest.
Not entirely sure why I'm still here either? I think it's because I'm not great at changes. Makes it a bit hard.

Sorry I can't be any help to you sad.gif

#10 gatheringpieces

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:36 PM

Actually I do have one bit of advice after all. May or may not help you but it has helped me.
I have been going to counselling regularly myself (even though he is not interested) and I have found a bit more of a sense of self, as in I have a better idea of who I am and what I should and should not be accepting in my life. I may still be in this relationship but honestly I do feel like I have made progress.
Might be worth considering anyway.. Best of luck

#11 Ally'smum

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:25 AM

Thank you everyone for the replies, I realised to a large extent I am kidding myself so we are going to see someone together.
I didn't realise it was so public so am deleting the opening post.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

What you need to know about pregnancy and health insurance

It's not just waiting periods that couples need to consider - there are other factors to consider when thinking about health insurance.

Yummy mummy

Nicole Trunfio breastfeeds baby on Elle magazine cover

Australian model Nicole Trunfio has taken the concept of multitasking to a fashionable new level for Elle Australia.

Warnings after baby girl died while sleeping in bouncer

Parents have been warned about the dangers of letting babies sleep in bouncers and swings following the death of a three-month-old girl.

Coping with fatigue as a parent

Sleep deprivation is a real hazard of caring for a baby. But there are ways to manage the challenges of fatigue better.

A very 21st century issue: parents, parks and smart phones

It's not all the parents, and it's not all the time, but there is often at least one doing it. And sometimes, that 'one' is me.

Appliances

Faulty washing machines linked to house fires

More than 80,000 faulty Samsung washing machines pose a fire threat in homes throughout Australia despite a nationwide recall of the machines.

'I had a lotus birth and I loved it'

Lotus birthing is not all that common, but for a number of women it feels like the most natural thing to do.

7 things you might not know about postnatal depression

Despite its widespread nature, there is still a great amount of mystery surrounding PND - and it's important to try unravelling as much of that as we can.

Is your family's car part of the world's biggest safety recall?

More than 50 million vehicles recalled for potentially lethal airbag fault - is your car affected?

Why drinking water can be deadly for babies

H2O is one of the necessities of life, but for babies a seemingly harmless amount of water can be fatal.

Mother-in-law faceplants during proposal

He had it all planned: a romantic proposal on a windswept beach. The whole family would be there so they'd all be able to celebrate the joyous moment together.

A preschooler suddenly goes mute - and it's not just shyness

When our son stopped talking, our sense of loss was painful and acute.

The mums who ask for a 'wife bonus'

They run their homes like domestic CEOs and work tirelessly to improve their family's social standing. And now, according to a new book, they want an annual perk from their husbands.

Woman shares photo of dimple on breast to warn others of cancer risk

A widely-shared Facebook photograph of a British woman's breast has raised awareness of a more subtle breast cancer symptom.

Starting a family despite a low sperm count

"I'd never really failed a test - how could I fail this particularly manly test?"

It's official: we must better protect our kids from toxic lead exposure

New guidelines have been released, aimed at reducing children's harmful exposure to lead. But they still don't go far enough.

Trouble-shooting toddler social skills

Chances are your toddler's behaviour is all completely normal - but here's how to tackle some common social problems.

Helping your first-born welcome a sibling

We did sigh with joy at the arrival of a royal princess - but, mostly, we sighed with pity at the sight of Prince George being taken to meet her.

Farewell, daytime nap

I've been in denial and I'm not too proud to beg, but it appears I must accept the fact that you have gone. I need to let you go.

The identical triplets who are one in 50 million

The father of identical triplets born in a Texas hospital says his three daughters, including conjoined twins, are "a miracle" sent by God.

Seven questions you should be asking about your health cover

If the last time you assessed your health cover was five years ago, there?s a chance it may no longer suit your needs. To ensure it?s still right for your family, click here for seven questions to ask.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

How to use gas effectively in labour

Many women in labour don't use gas effectively and suffer more side effects than benefits. Here's how to get the most out of this pain relief option.

'He has gastro but that's okay, right?': sick kid etiquette

We cannot place all children who are sick in a bubble till they recover, but we can give other parents a choice about exposing their kids to them.

Ada Nicodemou: 'I can never be completely happy again'

Home and Away actress Ada Nicodemou has opened up about the loss of her stillborn baby.

10 things to consider when you're thinking about trying for a baby

Before you start tracking your menstrual cycle and reading up on the best positions to get pregnant, there are a few other things you may want to consider.

How special surgery and IVF can create a post-vasectomy baby

Cricket legend Glenn McGrath and his second wife Sara are expecting their first child together, thanks to IVF and a delicate surgical sperm retrieval process that helped the couple to conceive.

Belle Gibson's mother 'disgusted and embarrassed'

The mother of disgraced wellness blogger Belle Gibson has accused her daughter of lying about her childhood in an attempt to garner public sympathy.

Doctor's mobile phone 'left inside c-section mum'

A new mum claims a doctor left his mobile phone inside her after delivering her baby via caesarean section.

I'm a mum and I'm following my dreams

I want my kids to know that no matter what happens in life, you can still be who it is that you've always wanted to be.

Those first daycare days

I had this innate 'mum' moment the other day.

'If one person had listened, my life would have been so different'

Katherine's father will die in prison for the horrifying sexual abuse of his daughter. Yet she is the one with the true life sentence.

This new plan undermines breastfeeding and baby health at everyone's expense

Mothers, babies, the health system and the wider society are going to pay the price of this new budget.

Couple to celebrate terminally ill baby's birthday in unique way

Baby Jai Bishop has lived at Starship Hospital for the past seven months, with his parents flying back and forth from Hokitika, 1100km away, to be by his side.

Life On Mars

It's men who need 'retraining', not women

We are all responsible for our own behaviour. Telling victims to harden up is wrong.

Baby Gammy's dad tries to claim charity money

The biological father of baby Gammy has reportedly tried to access charity money raised for the little boy's medical costs.

Where are the childcare places?

It?s all very well to encourage women to work if they choose to, but how can the measures lead to increased workforce participation when women are once again left holding the baby?

The pain of not having babies and not knowing why

After seven years of wishing, hoping, crying, punching pillows and shouting "why me?!", the end result is more than I ever thought possible.

Getting your family finances in order

Whether you're after a new car for a growing family, a bigger house, or are just fixing up your finances, here are the basics on borrowing.

Mum shares graphic selfie to warn against tanning

A mum has shared a graphic photo of her skin cancer treatment as a warning to others.

Does parenthood make us happier?

We can certainly gain higher levels of happiness when we become parents, but the trick is to not get overwhelmed by the pressures of raising our kids.

No, having a dog is not like having a human child

It's obvious these people dote on their pets, but they're barking up the wrong tree.

 

Top baby names

Baby Names

The numbers are in and we can now bring you the 2014 top baby name list for Australia.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.