Jump to content

Why do men regress to being boys and how do I help DH in this situation.

  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 Ally'smum

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:43 AM


Edited by loggedin, 12 December 2012 - 09:26 AM.

#2 *LucyE*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:43 PM

Why do men regress to being boys?
Not all of them do.

Has anyone else had these issues?
No and I don't think that's normal or acceptable

Should he go back to thecounsellor?

What do we do from here?
I don't know. That something for you two to work out.

#3 ellebelle

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:49 PM

He obviously kept it largely under control in front of you prior to getting married, I guess to impress you, since the rest of his family say he has always done it, so he is capable of control when not taking you for granted. I'd be sending him back to counselling with a threat about taking a break. There's no way I would want my children to witness those outbursts - it would be very scary for them.

Edited by ellebelle, 11 December 2012 - 03:49 PM.

#4 MintyBiscuit

Posted 11 December 2012 - 03:53 PM

He needs more counselling, specifically focussing on managing his anger and dealing with it appropriately. It could also be helpful for you to go together, not because you're the problem but because it could help you to learn how to help him. My DH had sessions to help anxiety earlier this year, and as I've gone through similar for myself I can gently remind him of what he needs to do if things are getting on top of him.

The extreme anger is not ok, especially in front of your child, amd I'd be telling him this and that counselling is a must

#5 niggles

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:14 PM

None of that is okay and you should make that very clear to him. It doesn't actually help him for you to tread on eggshells and may in fact enable his bad behaviour in the long run IMO by giving him a false sense of what is acceptable within a relationship. He needs real help and the best thing you can do for him is to encourage him simply and firmly to get it.

OP you might not be aware that there is a relationships forum on EB that is a little more private than WDYT, which is open to everyone including guest readers to view. Just thought I'd mention it in case you get any unhelpful replies and so you can go and read and see that while this isn't normal and healthy, you are certainly not alone.

All the best in getting the support you all need.

#6 WinterIsComing

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:29 PM

Abusive anger has nothing to do with regressing into boyhood. People abuse because it has benefits to them. In your example, you have become cautious around your H (I would not use the term DH for now), because your requests are met with angry outbursts. Swearing at you, punching walls is himself simply turning to abuse as a tool of control. So that you won't ask much.

I suggest reading "Why Does He Do It? Inside the mind of angry men."

Stop calling it tantrums, this is abuse.

#7 rainycat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 04:43 PM

I dont think there is anything little boyish about abusing you and punching walls in front of your child ohmy.gif
I think him going back to the counsellor is the least he can do.  If that behaviour was ongoing, for me, it would be a deal breaker.

Good luck!

#8 Fenrir

Posted 11 December 2012 - 05:16 PM

So he screams at you over minor things such as "Can you please pick up your socks?", punches the wall in front of your child and then comes back five minutes later all sorry and lovey dovey?

Two words - Domestic Violence.

You walk on eggshells around him waiting for his next outburst.

What steps do we take now?

You leave and take your child. Do you want your child to be around this and learn that this is seemingly normal behaviour?

He can go to counselling all he likes. Until he recognises that he has a problem and going on this
doesn't have anyself control when he gets angry. He doesn't know how or want to stop himself,he can't see anything from anyone else's perspective. He yells at me, swears atme and punches the wall, all in front of our child.

he doesn't see this as a problem.

Why are you staying exactly?

And Tamm - much as I disagree with you over many a topic I'll ask you this - since when do you need to sacrifice your happiness and justify it with
I really am not in THAT bad a situation.

Why are YOU staying as well?

Edited by Beautiful Warlock, 11 December 2012 - 05:20 PM.

#9 gatheringpieces

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:24 PM

QUOTE (It'sallgood @ 11/12/2012, 09:04 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Beats me!! I wish I could answer that...I really do. It's complicated. It really is NOT as simple as EBers make it out to be.

Sorry OP for going off topic too, but I'm a bit stuck in a similar situation. I know our relationship is a mess and I have tried to convince him to go to counselling but he has zero interest.
Not entirely sure why I'm still here either? I think it's because I'm not great at changes. Makes it a bit hard.

Sorry I can't be any help to you sad.gif

#10 gatheringpieces

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:36 PM

Actually I do have one bit of advice after all. May or may not help you but it has helped me.
I have been going to counselling regularly myself (even though he is not interested) and I have found a bit more of a sense of self, as in I have a better idea of who I am and what I should and should not be accepting in my life. I may still be in this relationship but honestly I do feel like I have made progress.
Might be worth considering anyway.. Best of luck

#11 Ally'smum

Posted 12 December 2012 - 09:25 AM

Thank you everyone for the replies, I realised to a large extent I am kidding myself so we are going to see someone together.
I didn't realise it was so public so am deleting the opening post.

1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users


Kourtney Kardashian goes nude for art

We've all done some pretty radical things after a big break-up, but Kourtney Kardashian has gone one better.

Video shows babies 'singing' to music in the womb

A new study has shown that babies may actually be able to hear from as early as 16 weeks – 10 weeks earlier than was commonly thought.

Prevent pelvic pain with pre-pregnancy exercise: study

Women who want to stave off aches and pains in pregnancy should exercise regularly before they conceive, experts say.

Dad's hilarious blog about life with twins

A stand-up comedian in the UK has plenty of new material since becoming a dad to twin boys.

Dinosaur products for babies and toddlers

Dinosaurs are one of those classic childhood crazes. We've put together a host of products for dinosaur-mad parents, babies and toddlers.

Restaurant manager sticks up for noisy baby

A mum was left upset by a note from neighbouring diners saying her screaming baby had ruined their dinner.

His name is Cayden: Mum and social media hit back after racist Facebook attack

When a man posted a selfie with a co-worker's son to Facebook, it became a magnet for racist comments.

Join the Real Mums Test Drive Team

Five new mums will join the Essential Baby Test Drive Team and discover great new baby toys from Fisher-Price & write a review to be published on Essential Baby.

The Chinese tradition for new mums that can now cost $37,000 a month

Opulent rest time is becoming the gold standard in postpartum recovery, inspired by a Chinese confinement custom known as "sitting the month".

How the media can shape our decisions when it comes to labour

We all like to think that we make our choices in fair, reasoned and well-thought out ways. Not many of us would admit that we allowed the media to influence us in our life choices.

Mum told to express in pet relief area at airport

A woman who flew from Boston to Washington says staff with United Airlines at Washington's Dulles Airport suggested she pump her breast milk in the pet-relief area.

Heartbreak as mum dies and her baby chokes to death

An Australian woman living in the US collapsed and died while feeding her baby, who then choked to death on his food. 

The hidden mental health illness of anxiety

Anxiety took over Robyn Read's life to such an extent she could not even buy the groceries and felt suicidal.

Two children fall from second storey window

Two young boys have been rushed to hospital after falling out a second-storey window of a home in Eastwood.

Mum gives birth to India's heaviest baby

An Indian woman has given birth to a baby boy weighing a whopping 5.97kg, setting a new record for the country's heaviest baby.

Grandma surprised with brand new granddaughter

Finding out you’re going to be a grandmother can be a very emotional moment. Finding out that you’re a grandmother and the baby is already here is just out of this world.

Saltwater Sandals for babies and toddlers

Many mamas are wearing Saltwater Sandals - why not buy them for your babies and toddlers too?

How to spring clean your body and mind

Whether you're pregnant, already a mum, or are just trying to be a bit more healthy, there are ways to use the rejuvenating season to give yourself a boost.


What's hot on EB

Stella McCartney honours mum with lacy bra

Fashion designer Stella McCartney has honoured her late mum, Linda McCartney, by designing a special bra for post-mastectomy patients.

Don't panic: A granddad midwife's guide for dads-to-be

Mark Harris has helped deliver 500 babies. And he's now telling fathers what to expect.

How to be a calm parent when you're feeling anything but

Being a calm parent takes a lot of work, sometimes more than is obvious to those around us.

The joy and isolation of being a stay-at-home dad

It's cool, kind of like a second childhood. I love him to bits and think, on average, I'm an okay dad. But I also want to talk about the other stuff.

How baby Teddy's short life is helping save thousands of lives

He may have only lived for 100 minutes, but that didn't stop baby Teddy from saving the lives of others.

A heartbreaking trail of missed chances in death of baby forgotten in car

A haunting reminder to stay mindful about babies in cars, especially as we approach summer.

What to do if your baby has tongue-tie

Tongue-tie can cause feeding problems. However once it is diagnosed, the condition can be easily treated.

How to move house without losing your mind

Some people move frequently, while others like to stay put. But everyone finds it stressful.

'She had nowhere to go': how new mum's life began to unravel

The birth of her first child should have been happiest of times for Campsie mother Phuong Cao, but friends say it marked the beginning of when her life began to unravel. 

Women giving birth to a son keep some of his Y chromosomes

It was an experiment doomed to failure - they were looking for male cells in female bodies. And their search was stunningly successful.

Photos: How babies fit in the womb

A gorgeous photo series shows babies in the first hours after their birth - as they were positioned in the womb.

Baby tries to persuade stubborn bulldog to walk, fails

We don't know what he's saying, but this baby has a very clear message for his bulldog pal: let's walk - NOW.

The best toddler gift ever? Nine gender-neutral play kitchen picks

Without a doubt, one of the best gifts for a toddler turning two or three is a play kitchen.

9 easy steps to improve your baby photography

With a few simple tips you can take your images from random happy snaps to lovely clean images that create beautiful lasting memories.



Can't decide?

Check out the Essential Baby Names section for some inspiration

Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.