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Screaming for hours
Any sanity saving tips?


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#1 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:59 AM

DD is 19wks (10wks corrected). We are are having those creaming sessions that last for sooo long. Yesterday's was approx 6 hours from 3.30 to 9.30pm. There was even a feed in there which will usually settle her down. Nothing worked!!!
How do you make it through those times? What do you do to save your sanity?
Any ideas will be greatly appreciated!

#2 JustBeige

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:07 AM

Earplugs.
and a sling

I used to shove earplugs in, stick her in the sling and do some housework / prepare dinner.

I found the earplugs minimised the screaming and the sling and me being active helped with the rocking motion to get her to calm down.



#3 Jenferal

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:16 AM

more feeds?
Does she have reflux? 6 hours seems excessive to me. I would expect maybe 2 or 3.


#4 bluecardigans

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:27 AM

Totally agree with the sling and earplugs. You can still see that they are crying, but you are able to remain much calmer which in turn calms the baby.

It is all about trial and error though, so just a couple if options that worked for us was the automatic cradle/swing and also having a bath together.

#5 elmo_mum

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:29 AM

with ds i fina bath helps as well

could be wind or hungry



#6 ~~HappyMummy~~

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:33 AM

You could also try a walk in the pram (fresh air and a change of scenery will help you both) or a warm bath.

Agree with the sling suggestions too.  Baby will be happier closer to mum.

#7 Sweet like a lemon

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:46 AM

That's a long time to cry. Poor bub and poor you! Cuddle her as much as she needs it, check for all obvious causes of distress and if she doesn't settle see your GP asap.


#8 SnazzyFeral

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:55 AM

I went to the shops from after lunch until DP got home then I handed him over for a few hours. If I couldn’t get out I sat in our rocking chair and sang which calmed both of us. The singing forced me to breathe slowly and reduced my tension and that in turned helped DS to calm down. I also put the TV on a silly sit com that made me laugh and that helped us both calm down too. When it all got too much I put DS on his mat by the window and sat in the kitchen for a bit where I couldn’t hear him. At the time it made me feel guilty but it honestly saved his life on some occasions. If you go out and feel like everyone is staring and judging, know that they aren’t. Most people are remembering when they were there themselves and are actually looking at you with compassion.

#9 Phascogale

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:00 AM

There's probably more going on than just an unsettled baby.

Has she got good weight gains and lots of wet nappies - if lots of wet nappies (at least 5 a day) then it's not the amount of milk she's getting?  Is she breastfed or formula fed?  If formula fed is she getting a tummy ache to the type of formula you are using?  If breastfed is it a reaction to a protein you are eating ie cow's milk (also very relevant to formula as most people use cow's milk based ones)?  Weight gains can be poor with this (ie damage to the gut so not absorbing nutrients) but number of wet nappies is generally okay if the amount of milk going in is fine.  Are there any other symptoms ie mucous in poos or blood?

Could it be reflux?  This can also be related to something like a cow's milk protein intolerance as babies with 'simple' reflux are usually happy chuckers.  Medications can help but if reflux is caused by something else it's only treating symptoms and not the cause.  But this is something to discuss with a doctor.

One of my kids would start the day off okay but progressively get worse during the day.  This was food related.  The theory was that the more she ate during the day the worse her tummy got and when she slept at night (and didn't feed) her tummy would settle and it was a viscous cycle.

I'd start by speaking to your MCHN or GP.  You need someone that will listen to you if you do feel there is something not right and keep asking till you get someone to help you.

#10 No-pants Agnodice

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:13 AM

http://www.purplecrying.info/

Check out the link OP. as awful as it is, it CAN be normal.

DO get your baby fully checked out by a GP or paed (or both!) to make sure there is nothing reversible. But some people go mad trying to find a 'cause' when in fact none exists.

If there is no obvious cause, it means your bub will get better with time. My best mothers group friend went through this and it was really awful. Her bub got better by about 4-5 months, but until then, would cry from 4 pm until 10 pm, non-stop. She has lovely friends and great parents, who would come on a rotating roster and just cuddle her baby for 3-4 hours each night. Her daughter is an utterly delightful 3 year old now, one of my favourite kids on earth. This will pass.

Get a full work up first, but also don't obsess about finding a cause if there isn't an obvious one, rather just put strategies in place to de with the crying if you can.

The best news is that babies this age don't appear to register 'distress' in their brains when they cry like this ( like we do when we are upset and cry). Try an stay calm; despite the horrendous noise, YOU are far far more distressed than your baby. Just cuddle her in a sling so she knows you're near, an get on with life as best as you can.

#11 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:42 AM

Thanks for replies. Bubs is FF and on 4 hourly feeds (though s hotter/longer when she needs). GP, paed and nurse at tresillian don't think there's reflux - what should I be looking out for for reflux?

Usually the swing will work for awhile but she didn't want a bar of it.

One of the things I've read is that if a baby has enough sleep they wake up happy - does anyone's bub wake up happy???

Thx for your words MsN. I checked out that link (I think you had posted in another forum). Hubby gets home from work and then we just handball her every half hour.

Doesnt help that she's just started crying 'real' tears now too!

Edited by Frogga78, 11 December 2012 - 08:49 AM.


#12 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:46 AM

QUOTE (Phascogale @ 11/12/2012, 08:00 AM)
15148688[/url]']
There's probably more going on than just an unsettled baby.

Has she got good weight gains and lots of wet nappies - if lots of wet nappies (at least 5 a day) then it's not the amount of milk she's getting?  Is she breastfed or formula fed?  If formula fed is she getting a tummy ache to the type of formula you are using?  If breastfed is it a reaction to a protein you are eating ie cow's milk (also very relevant to formula as most people use cow's milk based ones)?  Weight gains can be poor with this (ie damage to the gut so not absorbing nutrients) but number of wet nappies is generally okay if the amount of milk going in is fine.  Are there any other symptoms ie mucous in poos or blood?

Could it be reflux?  This can also be related to something like a cow's milk protein intolerance as babies with 'simple' reflux are usually happy chuckers.  Medications can help but if reflux is caused by something else it's only treating symptoms and not the cause.  But this is something to discuss with a doctor.

One of my kids would start the day off okay but progressively get worse during the day.  This was food related.  The theory was that the more she ate during the day the worse her tummy got and when she slept at night (and didn't feed) her tummy would settle and it was a viscous cycle.

I'd start by speaking to your MCHN or GP.  You need someone that will listen to you if you do feel there is something not right and keep asking till you get someone to help you.



She is gaining weight - was born at 1.2kgs and now just over 4kgs - she's always been a steady gainer from the time she lost the initial weight when born.
Also wet nappies and not constipated, though she just get pretty farty at times. But poos seem normal consistency with no blood or mucous.



#13 mandala

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:52 AM

Our DS would be like that, and there was no reflux or anything to explain it. In our case, there was a lot of overtiredness, but that's a bit hard to do much about.

I used to put earphones in and listen to music while cuddling. It helped block out the noise and cheer me up a bit.

As horrific as it was, it did pass. For us, it got better around 3 months, and then better again around 6 months. 8-11 weeks was the worst.

#14 PigNewton

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:58 AM

Could there be some overstimulation? DS used to cry for a few hours every evening at that age, and the only thing that seemed to work was swaddling him tightly, putting a dummy in, holding him close to my chest and sitting down in a dimly lit quiet room, rocking back and forth and patting the bottom quite firmly.
Seems restrictive but it was what worked....the pram, hug a bub, ergo and bath just made him worse, he'd scream and claw at the air. Interestingly, it's now become clear that he has problems processing auditory stimuli.

#15 *LucyE*

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:02 AM

QUOTE
One of the things I've read is that if a baby has enough sleep they wake up happy - does anyone's bub wake up happy???

Yes.

If mine didn't get enough sleep, they woke up grumpy.  Sometimes I would just work through it with a grumpy baby and hope they would sleep better the next cycle if they woke due to a dirty nappy, hunger etc.  If they got woken up by the dog barking or whatever, I would keep stimulation to a minimum and try and get them back to sleep.  

Sometimes my babies would only sleep while on me which limited what else I could do.  It's only a phase and they do grow out of it.  I found it was better that they got their sleep and be content than have an unsettled baby and a clean house.

I breastfed and found I had to really watch what I ate.  My children were sensitive to dairy.  Maybe a change in formula may help?  It won't hurt.  DS had silent reflux and our pead brushed it aside as being 'minor'.  It was minor compared to some of the cases he treated but to us, it was still a big deal.  Our GP and CHN offered some useful suggestions.  

Could your baby be extremely overtired?  I read somewhere about 'sleep begets sleep' in babies and it has always held true for us.  The more they slept, the easier they were to get to sleep and the better they slept.  We didn't have any 'witching hour' issues with DS1 because his sleep needs were always well met.  It's something we've had with #3 because he gets woken a lot to do the school run.

Can you get any help so that you can get some rest, eat properly etc so that you are in a better frame of mind to take care of your baby?  My parents were always great with this and I think they really helped to save my sanity.  I became such a zombie with DS1, that one day he was crying and upset, I was walking him around and DH came home. I was upset because I didn't know how to 'fix' him and listed all the things I had tried.  DH asked if I had checked his nappy.  Duh!  I was so flustered that I didn't do such a basic thing.  DH changed his nappy and all was good again.

As MsN said, it could be nothing.  Take care of yourself and it is much easier to see clearly and deal with things in perspective.

#16 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:05 AM

When it gets bad we put her in her love to dream bag (helps stop the sharp nail clawing!) and I sit in the rocking chair. But she just gets more and more worked up.


*sigh* think this might be a phase.

#17 mandala

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:14 AM

Another thought is maybe your DD is wanting to settle herself. We tried cuddling DS to sleep, patting, feeding to sleep, but he actually responded better to being put down for a sleep in his cot in the dark by himself. He would cry a bit to wind down, but I wouldn't leave him longer than 60-120 seconds.  We started that at around 12 weeks.

I think he found being around us to be too stimulating, even if it was while swaddled in a dark room.

#18 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:21 AM

She screams the house down if we leave her to settle herself! Oh I am jealous of that!!!

#19 mandala

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:29 AM

Trust me, there was plenty of screaming in the weeks leading up to that point - from both of us! It happened all of a sudden that he changed. It's worth a try once, if she's screaming anyway, but I wouldn't persist at that age.

#20 vitaechel

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:53 AM

DS would not self settle (still doesn't at 3 - I have to sing and hold his hand). He would cry and be unsettled a lot and it was basically tiredness. He was part BF/ part FF due to issues of supply on my behalf and sheer lazy feeding from him (he still doesn't care much about food and is a snacker). The good news is that at about 4-5months he started sleeping a bit easier and was less likely to scream the house down. I really empathize as I had many a night of exhausted crying (me crying, him screaming, DH trying everything to help). He didn't have reflux, wasn't hungry - he was just over tired. The problem was that the more tired he got, the harder it was to put him to sleep. Rocking, walking, baths, feeding to sleep, cuddles etc etc
The amount of times people said "let him cry himself to sleep" PFFT! He was stubborn from birth and it just never happened. He would cry and cry. We ended up co-sleeping and that helped him sleep, but was hard on DH and I. DS is super active and needs a lot of stimulation during day now. But at night he needs darkness and a quiet house. He just can't wind down easily.

DD on the other hand is starting to sleep through most nights from about 10pm to 6am and is a completely different baby. She sleeps in her own bed most of the nights now AND has self settled quite a few times. She smiles all the time and wakes happy most of the time. SO yes - some babies wake happy. I never would have believed it either after DS!

Every baby is different and you need to find what works for you and the baby. I really hope you guys find the "happy" place soon.

#21 Frogga78

Posted 11 December 2012 - 09:57 AM

Weird DP thing an hour later?!? Or maybe just my malfunctioning head original.gif

Edited by Frogga78, 11 December 2012 - 09:58 AM.


#22 Lolpigs

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:03 AM

QUOTE (Frogga78 @ 11/12/2012, 09:46 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Also wet nappies and not constipated, though she just get pretty farty at times. But poos seem normal consistency with no blood or mucous.


Gas pain? My DD still now has terrible gas pain if she eats things that seem to set her off. Is she burping enough? My DD was supplimented with formula and until we switched to goats (only thing she could tolerate due to severe reflux). Our DD reflux was silent. With reflux they tend to get it immediately after a feed or if you ly them down. DD had heaps of gas. It is quite painful. Have you tried massaging her tummy and cycling her legs? You can also try 20ml of warm water to see if it will settle her tummy.

If any of these things help it is gas. We tried gripe water but it make the gas bubbles bigger and more painful :\

#23 *lightning

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:06 AM

I would be speaking with your health nurse or gp. I couldn't imagine baby crying for hours, it must be very hard on all of you especially if you can't settle her.

It seems like such a long time to cry. Silent reflux?

#24 Feralmummacat

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:32 AM

QUOTE (Lolpigs @ 11/12/2012, 10:33 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Gas pain? My DD still now has terrible gas pain if she eats things that seem to set her off. Is she burping enough? My DD was supplimented with formula and until we switched to goats (only thing she could tolerate due to severe reflux). Our DD reflux was silent. With reflux they tend to get it immediately after a feed or if you ly them down. DD had heaps of gas. It is quite painful. Have you tried massaging her tummy and cycling her legs? You can also try 20ml of warm water to see if it will settle her tummy.

If any of these things help it is gas. We tried gripe water but it make the gas bubbles bigger and more painful :\


+1

DS2 was 8 weeks early as well and had the same problem. It ended up being very bad gas. The pead got us to use Infacol and I went on a really restrictive diet (BF). He was burping fine during feeding but he was just really gassy (runs in the family, both DH and DS1 are too). The cycling of the legs or just bring the legs up to the tummy a couple of times really helps as it helps them pass the wind. DS2 did grow out of it.

#25 erindiv

Posted 11 December 2012 - 10:42 AM

I'd be having a chat with your MCHN and GP, and if they are unable to find a cause, resign to the fact you have an extra screamy baby and buy shares in a company that manufactures earplugs.

I hope your household is peaceful soon.




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