Jump to content

Transitioning from lying next to child


  • Please log in to reply
10 replies to this topic

#1 JessMcA

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:35 PM

I'm after some advice on a difficult sleeper. My little boy is almost 2, and he has never been a good sleeper (has probably slept through the night a dozen times in his life). Until about a month ago he was in his cot, but it took up to an hour to get him to sleep each night, and he always woke up by about 2am. Most of the time we couldn't get him back to sleep in his cot again once he woke, and he'd end up in our bed (he would sleep perfectly in our bed).

A few months ago he started having day sleeps in his big boy bed, and it went really well, so we decided to try transitioning him to that bed at night too, since we were getting nowhere with the cot anyway.

In some ways life is better, because at least when he wakes up, he can either walk himself to our bed if we're too tired to object, or one of us can resettle him in his bed and it's warm and comfortable rather than sitting next to a cot in the dark.

But the problem is, I'm having so much trouble trying to transition out of lying in the bed next to him. The sleep books tend to just say start with lying next to them, then move to sitting, then start moving the chair further from the bed, etc etc, but I can't seem to crack the first stage. He will go to sleep beautifully if you're in bed with him but the second you sit up he becomes alert again, and asks you to lie down, and if you don't he cries and grows more and more upset the more you insist.

I'm not comfortable leaving him to cry with the door shut to his room. But I don't know what to do to ease him through this stage. I'm happy for it to be gradual but I just don't know how to get from horizontal to vertical!

Anyone had a similar problem, and any suggestions for a solution?

Thanks so much.

#2 caitiri

Posted 10 December 2012 - 08:54 PM

Are you starting out lying down and then sitting up when he looks sleepy?  If you are then maybe just try sitting up and not lying down at all,  that way your not moving away from him.

If he likes contact you could try sitting in a way so that he can use your leg as a pillow.  

Could he handle you leaving the room for a couple of seconds,  'I just need to go to the toilet or get a drink' .

Could you drop his day nap so he is really tired?

#3 tick

Posted 10 December 2012 - 09:41 PM

My DD1 is almost 3.5, has been in a big bed since 15 months and I've been laying beside her to get her to sleep since 2 when I stopped feeding her to sleep.  Nowadays she's getting better at falling asleep alone, but it's been a long time coming.  To be honest I didn't push it to happen to quickly though, is there any reason why you don't want to lay beside him to get him to sleep?  It won't go on forever, I promise, and it's quite relaxing I find! It sounds like he's not ready to go it alone yet anyway..... perhaps just give it some time.

Since my DD1 turned 3 or so I found it got a lot easier to lay with her for say 10 minutes then make up excuses to leave the room and come back - toilet, get a drink, just checking on the baby etc, then increasing the time I'm out of the room.  Some nights she stays in bed and falls asleep alone, others she just keeps getting up etc until I give in and stay with her until she's asleep.  If she does fall asleep alone, I always make sure to mention in the morning that I came back from the toilet/drink/baby/etc and found her asleep so that she knows I did indeed come back to check on her.

#4 ausmumof2

Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:04 AM

Mine were a little older when I did it and my DS was a pretty woeful sleeper, but I did the "I just need to go do xyz then I'll be back"  and gradually increased the timeframe.  DD it was fairly easy but DS was more difficult so we ended up putting some music in there for him to listen to while he was falling asleep too.  As long as he had the music playing it was fine but if it wasn't working for some reason he'd get really anxious.

#5 Manicmum

Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:14 AM

If mine goes to sleep on her own tonight it will be 5 nights in a row and she gets a lollipop.  She's 4.5yo.She openly says she can't sleep without someone and I believe her.

#6 bees-knees

Posted 11 December 2012 - 06:21 AM

I will be watching this thread with interest, as I also have to lie down next to my 3 1/2 year old for her to go to sleep. It usually takes literally about 2-3 minutes, so it's not a big deal time-wise, but I just feel like the longer I let it go on, the harder it's going to be to stop doing it.

I also tried the "gradually move further away" thing, but the problem is that she plays with my hair, that's how she relaxes herself to go to sleep. So as soon as I'm not lying down, she can't reach my hair.

We got her a doll with lots of long woolen hair, hoping that would be an acceptable substitute, and while she does sleep with this doll, she still wants MY hair to get her to sleep.

The additional layer of difficulty here is that my girl has Down syndrome, so the intellectual disability means I can't just tell her I have to go get a drink of whatever - she just doesn't understand.

Any suggestions gratefully considered!

Edited by bees-knees, 11 December 2012 - 06:23 AM.


#7 JessMcA

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:28 AM

I guess the reason I'm keen to stop doing it is because while he can't go to sleep without one of us next to him, he's never going to learn to self settle, and we'll be getting up 1-4 times a night for all eternity! (hehe, well, it feels that way). And we have another baby on the way, so it's not going to be a feasible plan for both of us to be up half the night every night...

Re the sitting/lying, I've tried both starting at sitting and moving to sitting part way through - if I start sitting he won't even lie down, and if i move to sitting he sits up with me.

I have had to leave the room (genuinely to go to the loo or whatever) but he just follows and if the door is shut he stands at it and cries...

#8 flowermama

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:44 AM

With DD1, eventually she was ok with me sitting on the drawers beside her bed holding her hand rather than laying with her. When she was nearly 3 I introduced a 'sleep fairy' - I told her when she decided she was ready to go to sleep on her own a sleep fairy would come in the night for 3 nights with a present. It worked like a charm, she decided immediately she was ready to go to sleep by herself. I think because she made the decision herself there were no problems and she has gone to sleep by herself ever since (sometimes she'll call out if she wants another hug!). I had to try and get her past needing me there as we'd had DD2 by then and DH is away a bit overnight with work so I couldn't spend ages sitting beside the bed every night.

Edited by flowermama, 11 December 2012 - 01:55 PM.


#9 lady lady

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:46 AM

OP this is similar to us and I was worried about new bub arriving.

New bub (6 weeks) has actually helped!!  DH works shift so is not at home sometimes and I need to feed DD#2 and put DD#1 to bed.  To do this I feed on a stool next to DD#1 bed.... when she asks "mummy lie down", I gently explain that Mummy feeding DD#2 and I will lie down when she finishes .... usually DD#1 has fallen asleep by this time.  

So it's helped me get from lying down to sitting next to her ....  I read "Toddler Tactics" before DD#2 and it suggested that the going to sleep by themselves is more likely to happen around age 3'sh ....

I have also started making up "reasons" to pop out of the room for a few minutes at a time ...."Mummy need to go to toilet, be back in a minute etc".....  She started off by standing at the door calling out to me until I came back but now just sits on her bed playing with her bear until I get back (still can only do a few minutes at a time but still an improvement!!)....

My theory with the getting up during the night .... at this stage the covers fall off so she wakes up ...... fair enough she's too little to understand how to pull them back up ....

Once she is old enough to know how to pull the covers up it will be toilet training and she will wake to go to the toilet ... again fair enough ....

So in my head I have pre-pared for no "sleeping through" for another 4-5 years as now I have DD#2 to repeat the process ....Arghhhhh.....

ETA - also when I was in 3rd Trimester I would often say "Mummy tummy to big to lie down" and I would sit at the end of her bed.... Getting up off a single bed all squished next to a toddler and a pregnant tummy was difficult adn uncomfortable!!

Edited by lady lady, 11 December 2012 - 07:50 AM.


#10 Tessied

Posted 11 December 2012 - 07:56 AM

Mine is the same.  I intend to wait till he's a little older so he understands more instead of just crying.  It's not worth all the pain at the moment!

#11 Chelara

Posted 11 December 2012 - 08:13 AM

My dd was 3 when we stopped lying next to her until she fell asleep but before that she was cosleeping. It just happened one day as I had had DS (newborn) and DH wasn't home and I just told her she needed to go to sleep herself as I had to put DS to bed. She was fine, that was it. We never had to lay next to her after her story again.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users

 

Mum assists in own caesarean surgery

A mum who partly delivered her own twins during a caesarean has encouraged other women to take control of their birthing experience.

How to handle common childhood regressions

Regression can be a natural and common part of development prompted by a variety of factors, but that doesn't make it less frustrating.

Disgruntled dad's pram ad goes viral

When buying a second hand pram, there are lots of things to take into consideration. 

Man discovers he's a dad after finding 55-year-old letter

Discovering you are about to father a baby is startling enough - never mind finding out you have a 61-year-old son.

15 thoughts mums have during a tantrum

Ranging from mild to feral and triggered by events both minor and major, tantrums certainly keep life interesting.

Natural pain relief in the early stages of labour

While managing labour pains on your own can be daunting, there are a number of natural pain relief options to help you cope until you are admitted to hospital.

Forgotten Baby Syndrome claims the life of toddler

One baby dies every eight days in the back of a car in the US, victims of 'forgotten baby syndrome'.

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel

For a brief time, I was touched by an angel. You stole my heart, and changed me into the women I am today.

Chrissie Swan has reached her "sex quota"

Chrissie Swan says she and her partner have sex once a year due to her fear of falling pregnant.

Chinese woman gives birth to quintuplets

After six years of trying for a baby, a couple’s dreams have come true many times over after the mum gave birth to quintuplets this week.

Five-year-old shoots nine-month-old brother dead

A nine-month-old baby boy died on Monday after he was shot in the head by his five-year-old brother in their grandfather's home.

'Is that baby yours?'

She is my daughter. I gave birth to her. I nurse her. But she doesn't have any of my genes.

Episiotomy in childbirth: not just 'a little snip'

Episiotomies have a place in maternity care – and can occasionally save lives – but should not be performed routinely.

Toddler aggression not caused by language delays after all: study

The logic was that children who don’t have the language to fully express themselves will lash out when they’re misunderstood. Not anymore.

Why we chose to adopt a child with Down sydrome

Everyone in foster care (and really in life) has something that makes them more vulnerable. We just know what our son's is.

Object of desire

Curvy mums make clever babies

Scientists appear to have discovered why women have evolved to have more curves than men – shapely thighs and bottoms lead to healthier babies.

'We'll make sure they know how much she loved them'

A first-time mum will never get to hold her four newborns, dying shortly after giving birth to the quadruplets.

The baby names NZ knocked back in 2014

A New Zealander has tried to name their baby Senior Constable but didn't get away with it - and numbering children is also a no-no.

How can you go into labour without knowing you're pregnant?

For most of us, the idea that a woman could carry a child to full-term without knowing she is pregnant is mind-boggling.

Will you get to the hospital in time?

Worrying your baby will be delivered by the roadside is a common concern for many mothers-to-be. So how likely are you to be caught short?

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Download now: Essential Kids Activity Finder app

Got bored kids? Quickly find the best activities for kids wherever you are in Australia with the Essential Kids app.

 
Advertisement
 
Advertisement
 
 
 

What's hot on EB

Stars help save choking babies

It's an important lesson to learn, but one that busy new mums and dads might overlook until it's too late.

New Girl star Zooey Deschanel pregnant

Actress Zooey Deschanel is expecting her first child with her producer boyfriend Jacob Pechenik.

16 times 'dad reflexes' saved the day

Of course, in some cases they may be the ones who actually got their child into a precarious position in the first place, but we'll ignore that for now.

Couple's 'non-traditional' pregnancy announcement goes viral

Knowing you are not the father of your pregnant wife's baby would usually indicate a rocky relationship ahead for traditional parents.

The trials and tribulations of identical triplet newborns

Pip Donnelly is still playing spot the difference with her newborn identical triplets, Isabelle, Georgina and Frankie.

Win an Octonauts prize pack

To celebrate the launch of Octonauts Live! Operation Reef Shield, a spectacular underwater adventure live on stage, we are giving away an amazing Octonauts prize pack to one lucky fan.

Earthquake baby thriving five years on

Jenny Alexis is lucky to be alive after spending four days buried in the rubble of the 2010 Haitian earthquake, but now she's a thriving five year old.

Please don't say I'm lucky because I was adopted

On the one hand I was having a regular life with friends and sports and sleepovers and school. But I was also always wondering: Did my mother love me? What was wrong with me?

An open letter to non-parents who offer advice on child-rearing

Kitty, when you’re the parent of my child you’re welcome to wade in with an opinion – but until then, I’d prefer you to have a supportive ear and a glass of wine ready.

Couple arrested over baby gun video

A US couple faces charges after investigators say they found mobile phone videos showing the woman's 12-month-old daughter putting a handgun in her mouth.

NSW Health dumps 10-year limit on frozen embryos

A 10-year time limit on storing frozen embryos that were created with donor sperm has been dropped by the NSW government.

How my happy-go-lucky husband became a monster

Sharan Nicholson-Rogers watched her husband change from a happy-go-lucky police officer into an unpredictable man prone to violent and emotional outbursts.

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes, too

Dads-to-be experience hormonal changes in line with their pregnant partners, a new study shows.

'They were just doing their job': mum of toddler killed in police chase gone wrong

"They were just doing their job. I feel so sorry for them. It is all just too sad."

Miscarriages to be formally recognised by NSW government

Women who miscarry will be able to obtain an optional "recognition of loss" certificate as a formal recognition of their often heartbreaking loss.

Cafe cubby house 'too noisy' for neighbours

Teenage parties, domestic disputes, or raucous late night pubs are the things that usually come to mind when you think neighbourhood noise complaints.

Dad films baby playing with snake

Most parents would not consider a snake an appropriate playmate for their baby, but a US dad who filmed his daughter playing with a python has defended himself against criticism.

Clever breastfeeding products

Check out this range of products designed to help make your breastfeeding journey more enjoyable, manageable and convenient.

 

Back to School Offer

Findababysitter.com.au

We've got you covered for this school year. Use www.findababysitter.com.au to meet local nannies now.

 
Advertisement
 
 
Essential Baby and Essential Kids is the place to find parenting information and parenting support relating to conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids, maternity, family budgeting, family travel, nutrition and wellbeing, family entertainment, kids entertainment, tips for the family home, child-friendly recipes and parenting. Try our pregnancy due date calculator to determine your due date, or our ovulation calculator to predict ovulation and your fertile period. Our pregnancy week by week guide shows your baby's stages of development. Access our very active mum's discussion groups in the Essential Baby forums or the Essential Kids forums to talk to mums about conception, pregnancy, birth, babies, toddlers, kids and parenting lifestyle. Essential Baby also offers a baby names database of more than 22,000 baby names, popular baby names, boys' names, girls' names and baby names advice in our baby names forum. Essential Kids features a range of free printable worksheets for kids from preschool years through to primary school years. For the latest baby clothes, maternity clothes, maternity accessories, toddler products, kids toys and kids clothing, breastfeeding and other parenting resources, check out Essential Baby and Essential Kids.